He's alright I guess... but I'm way better
—Rick Nitchick

Yeah, he's cool, but his computer is slow as hell, mines fast as hell... no offense or anything
—EX-General (Ryan) Price

I sharwed my fwitos wit him at lwunch

—Chuck Norris

Except for Electman who was too busy eating a granola bar.
—Robert Keller

Sir Admiral Marshal Doctor Professor "Old" Nick is a non-fictional character and comic book supervillain, originally created by Japanese writer Keitai Denjū Telefang and Italian artist Giovanni Caruso and published by Crew Comics. The comics were created during the great depression as a way of getting out of feeding the creator's families, after being rejected by a number of publishers, the character finally appeared in (Math Class) or Randall Comics #359 (May 1938). With a premise that taps into really lame storylines, and misadventures featuring Nick, and his screwed up clone Randall, The Villain was born Nick in the alien dimension 简体中文版, before finding a grid point to our dimension as a teenager. When he got here, he soon realized he was far too early to do anything. So he just chilled out relaxed, maxed all cool, and shot some B-ball with some raptors outside the school. As time went on, he developed a strong immoral compass and to make matters worse, upon reaching maturity he developed superhuman abilities, faster than a bolt of lighting, more powerful than a tsunami, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. He resolved to use these abilities for the benefit of his wallet. With the success of his adventures, Nick helped to create the supervillain/Idiotic fat clone genre and establish its primacy within the American life. Nick is widely considered to be both one of the most famous and popular comic book and life, supervillains of all time, and an Italian cultural icon.

                                                    Name: Sir Admiral Marshal Doctor Professor Lord "Old" Nick
                                                    Place of Birth: the 3rd Dimension
                                                    Species: 简体中文简体中文版 简体中                        
                                                    Gender: Male
                                                    Height: Around 5' 8"
                                                    Weight: 145 lbs.                               
                                                    Political Party: Communist Party


The Villain or Nick was inspired by all of the gentlemanly villains before his time, such as that of Captain Hook, Artemis Fowl II, That Fat Guy on the David Letterman Show, or even Lex Luthor. This and many more seemingly harmless inspirations led to a lawsuit during the year 1958; or Nick vs. The World. Due to The Villain's gentlemanly nature however, he was able to escape the courtroom without being charged. And no one ever seemed to give a damn after that.

Crew Times

After that Nick just settled down, and waited for the wars to come. Joining in all of them except WWII. The most important one he was in, according to him was Vietnam; where he re-met Randall, now dubbed by himself Randall Savage! They shared the same platoon known as the G-Unit, some questions were raised as to why he was in a platoon if he was on the Vietnamese side, but his retort is always "Prove it". According to Nick's Biography The Good, The Bad, and The Vietcong, he claims that his favorite part of the war was his hat. Which he later found that he could have obtained without fighting. Later he had this to say about it all:


And finishing it with a shudder.


Above, Nick's Vietcong Hat

Nick suddenly returned to his palace in Seattle, Washington; now a restaurant known as the Space Needle. But everything seemed wrong, after all of the action in Vietnam he soon realized that he needed to relax. After a few calls to some business associates, days later he was on a flight to one of his few current homes, a monastery in Siculiana, Tibet.

The Tibet Gazzete

Tibet, once a place of political turbulence, and later a far worse thing, The Villain's Home! A description of what his arrival was like was recorded by many monks from the monastery he stayed in. One by a certain Tenzin Gyatso, or the Current Dalai Lama. It went as follows:

"I think everyone expected to see a man emerge--possibly something a little unlike us terrestrial men, but in all essentials a man. I know I did. But, looking, I presently saw something stirring within the shadow: greyish billowy movements, one above another, and then two luminous multi-coloured disks-- like eyes. Then something resembling a tan anaconda, about the thickness of a tree branch, coiled up out of the writhing middle, and wriggled in the air towards me.

A sudden chill came over me. There was a loud shriek from a woman behind me. I half turned, keeping my eyes fixed upon the plane still, from which another arm was now projecting, and began pushing my way back from the edge of the pit. I saw astonishment giving place to horror on the faces of the people about me. I heard inarticulate exclamations on all sides. There was a general movement backwards. I saw the pilots struggling still on the edge of the runway. I found myself alone, and saw the people on the other side of the runway running off. I looked again at the plane, and ungovernable terror gripped me. I stood petrified and staring.

A big tannish rounded bulk, the size, perhaps, of a bear, was rising slowly and painfully out of the plane. As it bulged up and caught the light, it appeared to be wearing a pinstriped suit.

Two large multi-coloured eyes were regarding me steadfastly. The mass that framed them, the head of the thing, was rounded, and had, a face. There was a nose under the eyes, and lips beneath the nose. The whole creature heaved and pulsated convulsively. Until one of the lank tentacular appendages pulled out a case of pills from it's pocket. It took three of them, and instantly changed back into a human using 90's special effects." -- Quoted from The Dalai Lama's Early Journals

The next few years were as Nick might say "Not pleasant." It may have been due to the fact that he was practicing Catholicism in a Buddhist temple, or that he wore a druid robe instead of the temple's traditional garb, either way things were not going well for him. But all in all according to Nick, it was a fun time, after meeting a young man by the name of Ron Weasley, whom he saved from drowning in a pool. He was later helped by him in the woods, by pulling Dylax's flag, before he could pull Nick's. Nobody was sure as to why they were wearing flags, or trying to pull each other's, being that Ron didn't know Dylan. In the end, they were all riding a four-sided see-saw, and Ron had a crazy-big grin on his face.

Ad blocker interference detected!

Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.