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Once a classmate was really noisy. Prof: “Mr. Co, alam mo, para kang sperm!” Mr. Co: “Sir bakit po?” Prof: “Ang sarap mong palabasin!”
In high school, during a quiz, our teacher threatened us:”If I catch any of you cheating…minus 1!”
The professor didn’t like the way the students kept looking at the clock. So he wrote this sign beneath it: “Time will pass. But will you?” During history class, our teacher asked a classmate: “Do you know Rizal?” Our smart aleck classmate answered, “Ma’am, not personally.” “Ang pag-aaral ay parang biyahe…masarap tulugan.”
“Ang pag-aaral ang pinto ng tagumpay, pero ang pangongopya ang susi.” Our proctor said during an exam: “You can look up for inspiration, you can look down in desperation, but you cannot look sideways for information.” Our teacher on our first day said, our lesson for today is algebra. Then she asked me: “Alec, what is algebra?” I answered: “Uhm…our lesson for today?” When I was in Grade 1, my teacher told me to write down what I wanted to be when I grow up. I wrote down “happy.” She told me:”I don’t think you understand the assignment.” I told her” “I don’t think you understand life.”
Work Ed teacher goes: “Class, our project for this week is an ‘eazy dizzy reyjo’ (AC/DC radio).” Also: “Next week, we will make a ‘paper massay giraffy’ (papier mache giraffe).”
An English prof was explaining that like in math, words affect whether the statement is positive or negative. He went on to say that while double negative words make the sentence positive, like in, “That’s not wrong”, the opposite is not true with double positive words, which will always be positive. A classmate said sarcastically, “Yeah, right.”
Teacher: “Class, kung ang ama ang haligi ng tahanan, ano naman ang papel ng ina?” Student: “Ma’am, ang ina po ang nagpapatigas ng haligi ng tahanan.” “The brain of stupid people have two sides: The LEFT side, where nothing is right, and the RIGHT side where nothing is left.”
Professor in an exclusive all-female school: “May rice shortage ngayon. Kailangang magtipid. Di niyo ba alam na ang bawat butil ng bigas na kinakain ninyo ay dugo at pawis ng mga magsasaka?” Class: “Eeeeww!!” In high school, a student dance group called “Body Machines” performed. One teacher commented: “Ang galing ng ‘body masins’, para na silang ’street children’!” Translation: “Ang galing ng Body Machines, para na silang Street Boys!” Art Teacher: “Ok class, I want you to bring a Vogyu (Vogue) magazine tomorrow.” Me: “Ma’am, it’s Vogue, not Vogyu.” Teacher: “Okay, okay, there’s no need to arg!”
(student approaches teacher after class) Student: “Titser, ang galing ng nanay ko!” Teacher: “Bakit?” Student: “Tinuturuan niya kami ng kagandahang asal!” Teacher: “Eh di marunong ka gumamit ng PO at OPO?” Student: “Siyempre, tanga ka ba?” My high school English teacher, on a topic about idioms, pronounced “tough luck” as “tow luck” and “rough hug” as “row hug”. My friend’s gay nephew was asked by his teacher: “Bigyan mo ako ng kulay na nagsisimula sa letrang “M”, except maroon.” The nephew answered: “Maitim, maputi, medyo berde, mamula-mula, mamink-mink.” Teacher: “Gago.” Our Chem prof one time said that the chemical we were studying had a “frothy” odor. We wondered what a “frothy” smell was. Yun pala, yung amoy “frotas” daw. Titser: “Who can give an example of a tag question?” Pupil: “My teacher is beautiful, isn’t she?” Titser: “Very gud! Okey, i-tagalog mo naman!” Pupil: “Si ma’am ay maganda, hindi naman, diba?” During our swimming class, somebody shouted: “Tulooong! Di ako marunong lumangoy!” Then a bitchy classmate said: “Eh ano naman ngayon? Ako nga di marunong mag-violin, sinisigaw ko ba?” Our biology teacher said in one of our discussions: “The HUMAN BRAIN is the most amazing organ. It functions 24 hours, 365 days. It functions right from the time we were born, and only stops when we…take EXAMS!”
(to a student sleeping in class) Teacher: “Alam mo naman sigurong you cannot sleep in my class, right?” Student: Alam mo pala eh, kaya bawas-bawasan ninyo ang ingay niyo!” Math Teacher: “Juan, kung may 2 anak ako sa unang asawa, 3 sa pangalawang asawa, at 4 sa pangatlo, meron akong…ano?” Juan: “Kalandian, ma’am! Ang landi niyo ma’am!” Our teacher barged into the classroom and stated angrily: “Class, walang pasok! Basa ang chalk!” I read it in a billboard back in high school & it went: “If you fail to prepare, then prepare to fail.” Our HS class adviser was telling us the importance of having a class picture when my classmate said: “Oo nga, Ma’am, para masasabi natin kunwari, ‘Uy, tamo ‘tong si Andrew ngayon engineer na! Or, ‘Si Lily, ngayon teacher na!’ Or ‘Si George, ngayon piloto na!’” Sabay sabat ng isa pang kaklase: “Or, uy, tignan mo noon si Ma’am o! Ngayon…patay na!” In the canteen. ME: “Miss bakit naman ang tagal ng order ko? Ilan ba cook niyo dito?” MISS: “Ayyy ser. Wala pu kaming cuk dito…Pipse lang po! Pipse!”
My prof always said: “I only have 2 rules. One, the professor is always right. Two, if the professor is wrong, go back to rule # 1.” During one exam, my teacher said: “Cover your papers, or your classmates will copy your wrong answers.” GURO: “Jun, bakit mo laging nilalawayan ang ulo mo tuwing may klase tayo?” JUN: “Kasi po, narinig ko pong sinabi ni inay kay itay, basain daw ng laway ang ulo pag ayaw pumasok!” My math teacher said that we needed a 5×8 index card, and my classmate asked what color should it be. He said: “Any color, basta white!” The class was so noisy so our teacher shouted with so much anger: “ANG MGA BUNGANGA! BRRRATATATATAT NG BRRRATATATATAT! PARA KAYONG MASHING GUN!” This is my original quote/poem for my ethics class which earned me an UNO: “‘Good is good’ is not good. ‘Bad is not bad’ is not bad. Good is bad, bad is gud. This is good…it ain’t bad. Teacher talking to student: “What do you think is the biggest problem facing the youth now?” Student: “Drugs po.” Teacher: (impressed) “Okey, bakit mo nasabing drugs?” Student: “Ang mahal, eh!”