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'Beaver Tail and Beak' is a 'Phineas and Ferb/Stripes (The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh)' episode of the parody animated series, 'The New Adventures of Phineas Flynn'.
Cast of Characters
Phineas Flynn as Winnie the Pooh
Ferb Fletcher as Piglet
Perry the Platypus as Tigger
Candace Flynn as Rabbit
Baljeet as Eeyore
Buford as Gopher
Isabella as Kanga
Pinky as Roo
Starnose Moles as Bugs
Norm-Bots as Bees
Perry is running, rolling, jumping and tumbling in mud puddles in the Flynn-Fletcher house backyard with glee. He is covered in mud.
Perry: [Laughing and Guffaws] Say, that's a good one! [Chattering]
In one of the bushes, Candace peaks out from behind it and watches Perry; she speaks into a walkie-talkie.
Candace: You ready, boys?
Phineas and Ferb peak out from behind the tree and speak into their walkie-talkies.
Phineas and Ferb: Ready!
Candace: Ok, on the count of three. One... Two... Now!
They all leap at Perry and grab his arms and legs.
Perry: Hey! Hey! Unhandle me, you guys!
They sway Perry about.
Candace: One... Two... Three!
And they throw him through the bathroom window. In the bathroom, a bath has been drawn and Perry falls towards it, but he holds onto the sides, preventing him from falling in.
Perry: No! This green platypus is not touching those bubbles!
Phineas, Ferb and Candace burst in with three scrub brushes, and Candace tries to push Perry into the bathtub as Perry tries to stop himself from going in.
Candace: [Straining] If you're going to roll around in mud puddles... then you're going to take...
Candace finally triumphs over Perry and pushes him into the bathtub with a big splash.
Phineas, Ferb and Candace rub and scrub Perry with their scrub brushes as Perry's head rises out of the bubbles and water. He is covered in soap and bubbles.
Perry: [Spits out water] No, wait! Please! No, no, ow, no! [Spits out more water]
As they stop giving Perry his bath, Perry starts to get out of the bathtub, but Candace drenches him with a bucket of water.
Candace: There! [Laughing] (Throws bucket off screen) Done!
Perry finally gets out of the bathtub and shakes himself dry, but, shockingly, his beak and beaver tail has disappeared. Phineas, Ferb and Candace look shocked as well.
Phineas, Ferb and Candace: [Gasps]
Perry: What's the matter? To clean for you?
Ferb: Oh no, very clean indeed, but... um...
Phineas, Ferb and Candace look confused.
Ferb: ...What are you?
Perry: I'm a platypus! What else could I be, for goodness sake?
Candace: But you can't possibly be a platypus! Platypuses has a beaver tail! And, also, a beak!
Perry looks in the mirror and sees that his beak is gone.
Perry: No! No! No! No! No!
He looks at his behind and sees that his beaver tail is gone too! Cut to exterior of Flynn-Fletcher house.
Perry: [Long high-pitched scream]
Buford, Isabella and Pinky turn to the scream with shock. Back in the Flynn-Fletcher bathroom, Perry is still screaming, and Phineas, Ferb and Candace cover their ears from the painful sound of Perry's screaming. He finally stops screaming.
Perry: My beaver tail! My beak!
He searches for them around the bathroom.
Perry: Where did they go?
Perry dunks his head in the bathtub, and Phineas looks over it.
Phineas: Perry, are you hiding in there?
Perry lifts his head out of the bathtub and Phineas sees him.
Phineas: Oh, hello. I'm Phineas. Have we met?
Perry: Buddy Boy, it's me!
Phineas: Of course you are. But 'Me' what?
Perry: Hmm... good question.
Phineas looks in the bathtub again.
Phineas: Perry! Perry! Hm, he must have went to bed.
Perry dries himself with a small towl.
Perry: I'm not a platypus? Then what am I?
Ferb: Well, you do have lots of hair, hands and feet. Perhaps you're... uh... a teenaged-girl?
Candace frowns at Ferb, while Perry examines her.
Perry: Hey, yeah! He doesn't have a beaver tail or a beak either! [Laughs] Maybe I am a teenaged-girl!
Phineas: Well, I'm glad that's settled.
Perry: But, wait, I don't know how to be a teenaged-girl! What do I do?
Phineas: Candace, you've been a teenaged-girl longer than ayone I know of. Could you teach him?
Perry pleads in front of Candace.
Perry: Yeah, Candace. Will you teach me everything you know about teenaged girls? Would ya? Please? Huh, please?
Candace doesn't look so thrilled.
Candace: [Sighs] Well, I guess. If I have to.
Later in Candace's room, Perry is sitting at her dressing table, while Candace is standing behind him. They both look at each other in the mirror.
Candace: Now, one of the most important things to a teenaged-girl, is her looks.
Perry: Right, fellow teenaged-girl! So, what do I do?
Candace: Oh, nothing. Just sit there and close you eyes.
Perry: All right, if you insist.
Perry closes his eyes, and Candace picks up some perfume from the dressing table.
Candace sprays Perry with the perfume.
Perry: [Coughs] What is that?
Candace paints Perry's naiils.
Candace: Hold still!
Soon, Candace combs Perry's fur, paints his eye lashes in deep black, puts on his head, a shoulder-length bright red-orange wig that curls upward at the end and dresses him up in a deep red sleeveless shirt with a dark red collar, white skirt, dark red belt, red socks and white dress shoes.
Candace: Finished! Ah, perfection!
Perry opens his eyes and looks in the mirror, and he is the spitting image of Candace, except with green fur. He is absolutely shocked!
Perry: [High-pitched screaming]
He is so shocked that he falls off the seat.
Candace: Aren't you beautiful?
Perry stands back up and looks back in the mirror embarressed.
Perry: I abso-double-lutely am, fellow teenaged-girl. [Nervous Chuckles] In fact, I look exactly like... you.
Candace: I know, and this is only the beginning!
Perry: What's next then?
Candace leads Perry to her garden in the backyard.
Candace: The next important thing to a teenaged-girl, likewise me, is her garden.
Perry: So what do I have to do?
Candace puts her flower-decorated bonnet on Perry's head and her gardening gloves on Perry's hands.
She gives Perry her Mole Killer Spray Gun.
Candace: Your first lesson in being a teenaged-girl, is to protect my prize-winning tomatoes.
Candace points at the tomatoes, and Perry looks at them.
Candace: Don't let any moles near them!
Perry: Why, I'll guard your tomatoes, as if they were my very own vegetables!
Candace: See that you do!
She walks inside, while Perry marches around Candace's garden.
Perry: Hup, two, three, four! Hup, two, three, four! Hup, two, three, four!
A Starnose Mole pops out of the soil; Perry sees it and points his Mole Killer Spray Gun at it.
Perry: Halt! Who digs there?
The Mole stares at Perry with puppy-dog eyes, points at its stomach and rubs it.
Starnose Mole: [Whimpering]
Perry suddenly looks sorry for the Mole.
Perry: Aw, you're hungry, huh, Moley Boy?
The Mole nods, and Perry looks around to see if anyone is looking.
Perry: Well, I guess one tomato won't hurt.
He picks out one of the tomatoes and gives it to the mole.
Perry: Try not to tell the other teenaged-girl, okay?
The Mole eats the tomato in one mouthful and swallows. Suddenly, Candace runs outdoors and into the garden.
Candace: Oh, no! You didn't!
She sees the Mole and takes the Mole Killer Spray Gun out of Perry's hands.
Candace: You did!
Candace tries to spray the Mole, but Perry stands in front of her as the Mole digs into the soil.
Perry: Oh, fellow teenaged-girl! It's just one harmless, defenceless little mole!
Candace: But you don't understand! He'll tell his friends where there's food, and...
[Munching] They both look at Candace's tomatoes.
The tomatoes have been devoured! The Moles lie around with fat stomachs.
Candace: My prize-winning tomatoes!
Starnose Mole: [Belch]
Candace: My beautiful garden! Gone!
Perry takes off the bonnet and gloves, and tries to tip-toe away. But Candace turns around and chases Perry out while spraying him with the Mole Killer Spray Gun.
Candace: Get out! Get out of here you... you pest!
Perry stops when he reaches Danville Park.
Perry: [Sighs] Guess I'm not a teenaged-girl, after all.
He removes the make-up, the clothes and the wig.
Perry sees Phineas trying to catch a butterfly, cheerfully. And he rubs his chin.
Perry: Hey! I wonder if I'm a boy!
Later in Danville City, Phineas puts a Norm-Bot mask on his head.
Perry: I can't see a thing in this mask!
Phineas: Oh, don't worry. That's just to confuse the Norm-Bots.
Phineas walks along the sidewalk, and Perry tries to follow him, despite not seeing anything. Phineas walks past Baljeet, and Perry bumps into him. They both fall to the floor.
Baljeet: Oh, hello. Wasn't expecting anyone to bump into me today.
Perry: Sorry, Baljeet, I've got no visibility as a boy.
Baljeet stands up.
Baljeet: Perfectly understandable, Perry.
He walks across the road, and Perry catches up with Phineas, who is outside Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.
Perry: Hey, Phineas, Baljeet just called me Perry!
Phineas: But you're a boy, remember?
Perry: Oh, yeah, yeah.
Phineas: Now, this building is Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated. You need to creep in there undetected, and come out with some tools or blueprints. Got it?
Perry: Sure, sure. Now, in I go.
He opens the door and walks into the building. While inside, Phineas watches from the window.
Perry: Well, this doesn't seem so bad.
Perry bumps into the back of a Norm-Bot, and falls down. The Norm-Bot mask shatters.
Perry: Ouch! What was that?
The Norm-Bot turns around and looks at Perry, who makes a kung-fu pose.
Perry: Come on then! Fight me! I'm not afraid of you!
Norm-Bot: Intruder alert! Intruder Alert!
The Norm-Bot is joined by other Norm-Bots.
Norm-Bots: Intruder alert!
Perry looks less brave and runs for the exit while being chased by the Norm-Bots and nearly hit by lasers.
He jumps out of the doors, and lands face down in the pavement. Perry stands back up and rubs his head.
Perry: I don't think I'd want to be a boy. It gives me a headache.
Phineas pats his head.
Perry: Don't worry, we'll find out what you are.
That evening, back at the Flynn-Fletcher House, Phineas and Ferb are putting presents around Perry, who is dressed up in christmas lights and a christmas star on his head.
Perry: I look like a Christmas Tree!
Ferb: Yes, but you have already attempted to be a boy, and after all you look very pretty. Oh, I just love the holidays.
Baljeet peaks out of the front door gloomily, just like always.
Baljeet: A yuletide celebration, a Perry Tree and everything. How festive. I wish I was something special.
He closes the door. Perry isn't very happy about being a Christmas Tree.
Perry: This is ridiculous! I don't want to be pine tree!
Phineas: Oh, I do wish Perry was here. He'd think of something.
Perry: Hey, maybe I am a platypus!
Phineas: No, I'm afraid he's the only one, and has a beaver tail and a beak.
Ferb: Uh, couldn't we make a beaver tail and a beak?
Phineas smiles. Later that night, Ferb comes out of the living room with a painted plastic mask moulded into a beak with both ends of the string tied to it, and a painted piece of wood with both ends of a string attached to the side width of the wood. Ferb ties the fake beak onto Perry's mouth, and Phineas ties the piece of wood onto Perry's bottom. Phineas and Ferb stand back and look at Perry.
Perry: How do I look?
Phineas: You know, I think you could be a platypus!
Perry: You think I could be a platypus?
Perry smiles and runs around excited.
Perry: I'm a platypus! [Laughs] I'm a platypus! I'm a platypus! [Chattering]
He jumps out of the front door. [Lightning] Rain pours from the sky, and Perry walks back in depressed, as the paint from the fake beak and the wood wash away.
Perry: I'm not a platypus.
Phineas and Ferb look sorry for Perry as he removes the wood and the fake beak from him and walks outside upset. He walks through Danville in the night, looking very depressed. [Sad Music] A few minutes later, he sits on the pavement and looks at himself in a puddle on the road.
Perry: I'm not a platypus! I'm not a teenaged-girl! I'm not a boy! And I'm sure not a Christmas Tree! I'm not an anything! [Singing] What is a guy when he's a nothing? I'm nothing but fur, and haven't even got a name!
He examines himself with sadness.
Perry: [Singing] I know I've changed on the outside, but on the inside, I feel the same.
Perry stands up.
Perry: Maybe someday, I'll know what I am. But for right now...
He wipes a tear from his left eye.
Perry: [Sniffling] ...Somehow, I don't have a name.
He walks away.The dark sky turns light blue as night turns into day; Baljeet walks by Perry.
Baljeet: Morning, Perry.
Perry stands up and turns to Baljeet.
Perry: You know, that's the third time you called me Perry!
Baljeet: Well, aren't you?
Perry: Of course not! Perry is platypus! And platypuses have a beaver tail and beak, and I haven't got a beaver tail or a beak!
Baljeet: Oh, it doesn't matter, you're still a platypus on the inside.
Perry: I didn't know science nerds had x-ray vision.
Baljeet starts to walk away.
Baljeet: Don't need it. You will always be a platypus, it's all about what's inside you.
Perry: You mean, I'm a platypus, no matter what?
Baljeet: Well, of course.
Perry becomes excited and does cartwheels, tumbles and turns, rolls over, runs and jumps around Baljeet.
Perry: Ya hoo!
Baljeet: Nothing to get hysterical about!
Perry trips over, and his beak grows back on his mouth.
Perry: Well, what do you know? A beak! [Laughs] My beak! I've got a beak!
He runs away, cheering.
Meanwhile, Phineas and Ferb are walking down the street.
Perry: [Cheering] Woo-hoo!
Phineas and Ferb trn their attention to the noise.
Ferb: Phineas, can you hear that?
Perry runs on screen and bumps into Phineas.
They both fall onto the ground with Perry at the top.
Perry: Morning, Buddy Boy!
Phineas: Oh! [Chuckles] Morning, Perry!
Perry: [Laughing] He called me Perry! [Chattering] Well, Phinee Boy, I've got my beak back!
He looks at his bottom.
Perry: Uh, except my beaver tail.
Perry looks off screen, then looks at the camera and raises his eyebrows up and down.
He runs off screen and leaps onto Candace.
Perry's beaver tail grows back.
Perry: Thanks, Buddy Girl! Now, I'm a platypus on the outside, and a platypus on the inside too! Well, I've got a lot of athletic stuff I have to catch up on!
Perry runs away cheerfully. Phineas walks on screen and waves goodbye at Perry.
Phineas: Goodbye, Perry!
Perry reaches Danville Park and runs into a mud puddle. He suddenly stops.
Perry: Say, wait a minute!
He jumps harder in the mud puddle, creating a big splash and gets covered in mud.
Perry: Ah, that's more like a platypus!
He cartwheels away while going through some mud puddles.
Perry: [Chattering] T-T-F-N! Ta Ta For Now! [Chattering]