Parody Cast Members

  • Grover as Sonic
  • Big Bird as Mario
  • Elmo as Tails
  • Announcer as Himself
  • Amy Rose, Cream the Rabbit, Vector, Charmy Bee, Big the Cat, and Rotor the Walrus as Quarantiners
  • Mr. Snuffleupagus as Luigi
  • Bert as Heavy
  • Ernie as Bomb
  • Count Von Count as Monkey Khan
  • Cookie Monster as Shadow


[Mario is walking down the street, holding his stomach and looking pale.]

Mario: Ugh, I feel like I'm gonna blow chunks of food!

[Mario vomits all over the main apartment steps, and then collapses; a second later, Tails appears.]

Tails: Oh, no! Mario has the plumber flu! (Sonic shows up)

Sonic: The word of the day is: "quarantine".

[As the white word Quarantine shows up (and Sonic spells it, changing the letters to yellow), several quarantining people block off the place where Mario vomited and take Tails off-screen to safety.]

Sonic: Q-U-A-R-A-N-T-I-N-E: "quarantine".

[The next shot is of Mario is lying in bed in a quarantining medical room and hooked to a heart rate monitor, and doctors are examining him.]

Mario: Luigi (coughs), is that you?

Doctor: Oh, he must be hallucinating. (they walk away, and Luigi shows up)

Luigi: Hi, Mario. I'm so sorry you're sick.

Mario: I'm scared, Luigi. Thank God you can't get it since you're not real.

[Mario then flatlines, and dies.]

Luigi: Yeah, thank G-

[Luigi chokes, dies, and vanishes in a cloud of dust. We then snap to Monkey Khan giving vaccines to Heavy, Bomb, and Shadow.]

Monkey Khan: One vaccine! (laughs) Two vaccines! (laughs)

[Shadow eats his own vaccine, and we snap to a separate bit with three dancing kids and one dead kid that holds a flower.]

Kids: (singing) One of these kids is not like the others. One of these kids is dead!

[The final shot pans up to the quarantine-taped Angel Island sign.]

Announcer: Today's episode brought to you by the letter CDC.

[We conclude with static as always.]

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