|Publishing Date||February 20th, 2007|
|Main Characters||Fox McCloud, Krystal, Slippy Toad, Falco Lombardi, Peppy Hare, Abbey Rimstead, Wolf O' Donnel, Leon Powalski, Panther Caruso, Katt Monroe|
Story Link: Black Skies
- Story By: User:Sir Raphael
Black Skies is intended to be a trilogy that details the adventures of the Star Fox mercenary team, the famed heroes of the Lylat System. The story takes place after the events of Star Fox 64, Star Fox: Adventures, and Star Fox: Assault. For the sake of the storyline, Star Fox, Star Fox 2, and Star Fox: Command never happened, along with the comics.
The story contains some references to the religions of the universe, though for the sake of neutrality, I have named this deity “The Creator.” I am in no way attempting to favor one god or the other, so do not send me hate mail over this.
I have rated this story ‘T- Teenagers’ due to mild language and suggestive (sexual) themes. If you are not mature enough to read this story without bursting into laughter, then don’t read any further!
Less then a few years after the Aparoid Invasion, Star Fox is once again drifting around the galaxy. They have fared far better then they did in the post-Lylat War years, taking odd jobs to sustain themselves. Fox and Krystal have become popular speakers- likewise, Slippy has become a famous and eagerly-sought technician and speechmaker. Peppy Hare is the curator of the Star Fox museum in his free time, and any diplomat or persona with enough money to do so will hire Falco Lombardi as an escort.
This myriad of jobs keeps the Star Fox team very profitable, but its head still thirsts for some excitement. Reconstruction efforts are under way still in Corneria City, but he yearns for the thrill of combat.
For him, it is not too far off. Combat looms as the ever-growing Grallian System turns its sights upon the Lylat System. War breaks loose, and now Corneria strikes back...
FILLER BECAUSE I CAN'T WRITE THIS
On second thought, GET BACK HERE NOW 'CAUSE WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! Right. The big problem is writing style. The dialogue isn't great; the descriptive writing is worse. It's just too awkward-sounding and detracts hugely from the experience. This could be a lot better than it is. I get the feeling, though, that this was a first draft that got posted. That's not a good idea. Always review your work. If you can get someone else to do it without laughing hysterically at you or calling you a nerd, that's even better.
Score: 6/10 Overall: Line breaks are not your problem. Don't sweat those. -MisterChief
Even though I've just started reading this, Sir Raphael, I can tell that this will be a very good story indeed when I manage to read further into it! :D
Already from the introductory chapter with your scientific notes, you had me looking at this sory with undisguised astonishment. And now that I've read a couple of chapters, I must say that my initial thoughts of the excellence of this story have been confirmed.
Using a very clear, but also quite advanced and excellent vocabulary, you effectively describe in great detail everything that we need to know, be it relations between star systems, technological facts or simply the mannerisms of your protagonists. Your fluent and broad vocabulary makes everyone and everything stand out sharply in your story; something I would definitely not have expected from your first fic... moreover, your first sci-fi and Star Fox-fic, considering that you're "a medieval writer at heart" as you say in your profile.
In "Black Skies" you show a great understanding of depicting situations with the correct facts, scientific details and erudite explanations, which makes it all the more exciting to read your work, since you quite clearly know what you're doing and have an ambition with this project. Again, this is a determination and planning ahead that one would not expect to find in a first-time fic, so extremely great job on that!
And what's more, it seems that for one of the first times in my time here on FanFiction, I've read through a story without noticing any blatant granmmar mistakes or typos, so I must deduce from this that your proofreading has been quite meticulous. This is a great thing, because it keeps your reader captivated in the story without being distracted by small, irritating typos or grammar mistakes. Incredibly nice work with that as well! :-)
All in all, I can tell you that I will most certainly be reading "Black Skies" in small doses over the course of the next few days, and when I've finished it all, I'll leave you another review to sum up the impression of the story that I've gotten after reading the rest of it. For now, I'll just encourage you to keep on writing this excellent piece!
Best of luck to you!
Sincerely, SF Ghost. -SF Ghost
For a writer that's so young (according to your profile), you do a fantastic job with your writing. The plot is easily understood, you take your story very seriously, and your scene work is spot-on.
That said, I really like what I'm reading here. Time permitting, I'll have to poke through this story and see how it progresses. Keep up the excellent work! -Destructor
Starting Date: February 20th, 2007 Ending Date (If Applicable): N/A Main Characters: Fox McCloud, Krystal, Slippy Toad, Falco Lombardi, Peppy Hare, Abbey Rimstead, Wolf O' Donnel, Leon Powalski, Panther Caruso, Katt Monroe Genre: Sci-Fi, Adventure