Book of peyote smoke
Chapter 1 verse 1
And what of ye disbelievers in Ted?
Know this, AND KNOW IT EXTRA WELL!
Ted shall ride on wings of fire and smite thee down with a plague of syphilis and genital warts.
And then though shall trulee be in some serious pain.
And know this SCUM of World Earth, only excessive consumption of Jim Beam,
OR any other delicious whisky beverage can save you.
That and producing offspring with your sister.