book of wisdom

chapter 1 verse 1

I ted am the vine I am the alpha and the omega I ted live and never cease to live I am the tree of Tedmas a bearer of life

chapter 1 verse 2

I Ted gave they the Jim bean that though might annoit thyselves with it for it is life and good and of heaven

chapter 1 verse 3

I died so that you may live

chapter 1 verse 4

My father killed me not thee so accept me

chapter 1 verse 5

If you do not accept me you shall die just as I died

chapter 1 verse 6

Thus said Ted You must be drunk to pray, if you are under age eat too much candy

chapter 1 verse 7

Thus said Ted You must blow the shit out things with fireworks when you have them

chapter 1 verse 8

Thus said Ted You must love Coke not Pepsi

chapter 1 verse 9

Thus said Ted You must get laid if you can find a willing participant, safety is to be considered

chapter 1 verse 10

Thus said Ted You must love puppies and kittens but arbitrary hate baby squid and possums

chapter 1 verse 11

Thus said Ted You must play board games, but know this you can't play them well

chapter 1 verse 12

Thus said Ted You may watch thy neighbor, secretly with binoculars.

chapter 1 verse 13

Thus said Ted Jim bean is the source of puppies and dinosaurs

chapter 1 verse 14

Thus said Ted You must hate all soft drinks including Pepsi

chapter 1 verse 15

Thus says Ted vacuum cleaners are evil

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