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CartoonTales: The Tale of an Empress (transcript) (VF2000's version)

Cast

  • E.B. (Hop), SpongeBob SquarePants, Dexter (Dexter's Labratory) and Timmy Turner (The Fairly OddParents) as The Friendz in the Sink
  • Flint Lockwood (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs) as Larry the Cucumber as Huckleberry
  • King Candy (Wreck-it Ralph) as Mr. Lunt as Professor Hamlin
  • Jimmy Neutron as Bob the Tomato as Tomato Sawyer
  • Woody (Toy Story) and Flapjack (The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack) as Percy Pea and Archibald Asparagus as Police Officers
  • Sven (Frozen) as Zippy
  • Olaf (Frozen) as Khalil (cameo)
  • Simon Seville (Alvin and the Chipmunks) as Pa Grape as the Captain
  • King Dedede (Kirby) as Mr. Nezzer as Mayor Asiris
  • Libby Folfax (Jimmy Neutron) as Annie as Workgirl 1
  • Margo Gru (Despicable Me) as Ellen as Workgirl 2
  • Smurfette (Smurfs) as Emma Stewart
  • Sam Sparks (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs) as Petunia Rhubarb as the Empress
  • Patrick Star (SpongeBob SquarePants) as Jerry Gourd
  • Eugene H. Krabs (SpongeBob SquarePants) as Scooter
  • Fozzie Bear (Muppets) as Oscar the Polish Caterer
  • Kermit the Frog (Muppets) as Pa Grape
  • Philo and Gunge (Fraggle Rock) as Jean-Claude and Phillipe Pea
  • Sheen Estevez (Jimmy Neutron) as Larry the Cucumber as Jacques (cameo)
  • Cream the Rabbit (Sonic the Hedgehog) as Mabel (cameo)
  • Amy Rose (Sonic the Hedgehog) as Penelope (cameo)
  • Wreck-it Ralph as Mr. Lunt as Pompous Maximus (cameo)

Chapter 1: CartoonTales Theme Song

  • (JimmyandFriends's Entertainment presents logo shows up)
  • (CartoonTales logo shows up)
  • (Created by JimmyandFriends title shows up)
  • Jimmy: If you like to talk to genius...
  • Jimmy, SpongeBob and Patrick: If a squash can make you smile...
  • All:If you like to waltz with animals Up and down the produce aisle...
  • Jimmy: Ahem, excuse me. Have we got a show for you!
  • All: CartoonTales, CartoonTales, CartoonTales, CartoonTales! CartoonTales, CartoonTales, CartoonTales, CartoonTales!
  • Jimmy: 'Elephant, penguin, gotta be...
  • All: CartoonTales There's never ever ever ever ever been a show like CartoonTales! There's never ever ever ever ever been a show like CartoonTales! It's time for CartoonTa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ales!
  • (Crash)
  • Cars: Ya!
  • (Cartoons laughing)

Chapter 2: Countertop Intro with the F.I.T.S.

  • E.B.: Hi kids. Welcome to CartoonTales. I'm E.B.
  • Timmy Turner: I'm Timmy Turner.
  • SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm SpongeBob SquarePants.
  • Dexter: And I'm Dexter.
  • E.B.: And together, we're...
  • Friendz: The Friendz in the Sink!
  • E.B.: Jimmy Neutron's getting the next show ready, and - today, we have a text message from Alex Greenman from New York, New York. They named it twice! It could be the name for a hit song we should sing. This says "Dear, Friendz; I'm depressed. All I wanted to be was to be like my friends, but I have been out of it lately. What should I do? Your friend, Alex."
  • Dexter: I know what he should do.
  • E.B.: Since you're a fan of ours, we have a special story for you.
  • SpongeBob: Is it a short one?
  • Timmy Turner: No, it's regular sized.
  • Dexter: Just like some previous full-length episodes that have no segments except with "Silly Songs" like "E.B. and the Big Wall!" and "The Penniless Princess".
  • SpongeBob: Oh great.
  • E.B.: Agreed.
  • Timmy Turner: If this were a regular show, we tell a story, and then we'd do a Silly Song, and then continue the story. Sometimes, we tell a story, then do a silly song, and then tell another story.
  • Dexter: I couldn't help but notice that in "Gobo: Tuba Warrior", Jimmy Neutron had let Alvin and the Chipmunks put on a show. And that went very well and the success of that was to make a movie starring them.
  • E.B.: We have a special story about a man who gets in trouble with a man and his plot to murder him. He teams up with a woman, and two men and stop him. So, get ready for the Tale of an Empress! Roll film!

Chapter 3: King Candy

  • Flint Lockwood: Dear journal, it's me, Flint. I was a little nervous about defeating the Midianites with horns and flashlights but I trusted God anyway. Well, Buzz Lightyear who helped me didn't tell me that. Or maybe he did. It had all started when the victory parade ended and I moved to Babylon. This is where King Candy, my long-time rival met me since college. He got kicked out of summer camp. He never made his bed. His hair fell off his head. He picks fights with other people - for fun. He makes you go swimming. Right after lunch. Every time he wants you to take a bath.. You'll know what he'll do. He will call in one of his guards and the guard will turn you purple. Once you get in the bath with your new coating, have him put in a video of King Candy's life in a VCR. He treats many people because he is a crook.
  • Philo: Alright this one's full! Take it away.
  • King Candy: Guards, I'm ready. Bring in my plan to kill Flint. Word has come from Persia. I'm leading this.
  • Guard 1: If that inventing clown leaves the safety, we'll be vulnerable.
  • King Candy: If we follow the usual patrol route, we'll reach the world's fair by Friday. Once we get the clearing, we'll kill Flint and Sam Sparks.
  • Guard 2: Here's your suspect.
  • King Candy: Great. Spread the word.
  • Flint: I was real nervous about King Candy. If he follows the usual patrol route, he'll reach there by Friday. Once he gets the clearing, I'll defeat King Candy. When the smoke clears, Persia will be free.
  • Thunk Crood: Hello, world.
  • King Candy: Huh? A stranger in here?
  • Thunk Crood: I'm gonna help Flint save Persia. Just ask Brent McHale.
  • Brent McHale: You got it right. When you and I were young in school, we watched some superhero films.
  • Thunk Crood: My nephew's gonna help Flint save Persia, too.
  • King Candy: Are you standing?
  • Thunk Crood: I'm not standing. Ha! I'm Persian!
  • King Candy: What are you doing? Send him out!

Chapter 4: Flint's Escape

  • James P. Sullivan: Well, hey there Mr. Lockwood.
  • (Thunk Crood and Brent McHale hop in canvas wagon)
  • King Candy: We move out as soon as he leaves Babylon! Ready, men? Good. Let's roll!
  • Eeyore: Where are you taking him?
  • James P. Sullivan: To Persia. Step on it!
  • (Sirens and alarms)
  • (The canvas wagon drops Flint off at the palace. Flint knocks on a door.)
  • Queen Elinor: Who is it?
  • Flint Lockwood: Ahh, your highness; I was wondering if you could help work for King Dedede.
  • Queen Elinor: It's 2:30 in the morning!
  • Flint Lockwood: He says that whatever he says goes.
  • Queen Elinor: Well, Dedede can help himself!
  • Flint Lockwood: Okay. Go to his palace.
  • Queen Elinor: (Angry) THAT'S IT!!!
  • Flint Lockwood: Didn't have to do this but...
  • (Flint holds a torch walking through the hallway of the palace, dragging the woman)
  • Queen Elinor: Get your filthy hands off of me! Didn't I tell you that it's 2:30 in the morning and King Dedede helps himself!
  • (Flint throws woman out)
  • Queen Elinor: YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!!!
  • Flint: Want to bet? (throws a suitcase at her) I can do whatever I want. And don't come back. Jimmy Neutron. You'd never get to see that.
  • Jimmy Neutron: Don't ya think that was a little harsh?
  • Flint: Oh-ho-ho. No way. If she got away with that, no one could listen to neither me or you.
  • Jimmy Neutron: Well, what'cha gonna do now?
  • Flint: Looks like my friends are gonna have to find me a new girlfriend.
  • Jimmy Neutron: Hmmm. Not bad.

Chapter 5: "King Candy's Song"

  • Libby Folfax: What a great time to work overnight.
  • (Car screech)
  • King Candy: Hello, people of Persia. That guy, sent out his contact sights, to me. I've bullied Flint since college.
  • Libby, Margo Gru and Smurfette: Why?
  • (Everything turns dark)
  • King Candy: (Mysteriously) It had all started - when I switched the gummy fish and the gummy bears in his lunches with real fish. And...
  • Margo Gru: I know. Real bears.
  • King Candy: But he didn't find out until after he ate them. But for what is worth, I've planned to kill him forever.
  • Libby: Do you know why you are really stupid? Have you ever been bullied?
  • King Candy: Was there something like that guy wanting to free you all? Now, you're skin is getting clammy. I've done a hundred many plans to get him outta here.
  • Flint: I'm working with Plan A.
  • Jimmy Neutron: Yes, Plan A.
  • (SFX of chainsaw spatting out with "flap, flap, flap" of paper)
  • (Dark music transitions to ragtime)
  • Flint: I think I'll try Plan B.
  • Jimmy Neutron: Trying Plan B. Carry on.
  • King Candy: What are you gonna do?
  • Libby: I'm going to call the police.
  • King Candy: No... you don't need to do anything.
  • Margo and Smurfette: What? Why?
  • King Candy: Because... I've been wanting to... fight him now. I had it like it was. I knew it'd make me happy, I knew it'd be the way, and it was.
  • Libby, Margo and Smurfette: What do you mean that you want to fight him?
  • King Candy: Because I am really mean.
  • Libby, Margo and Smurfette: Yes, it's true.
  • King Candy: Before I think about that, I had to think about this.
  • Libby, Margo and Smurfette: Ooh-ooh-ooh.
  • King Candy: So send my plots out to every person on Earth, that there's no better way to make a really yucky world.
  • Flint: I'm working with Plan B.
  • Jimmy Neutron: Yes, Plan B.
  • (Tries out hedge trimmers)
  • (Bah-dum-dum-dum)
  • Flint: Girls, I think there is a problem.
  • Libby: Yes, what's that?
  • Flint: I don't know how to stop him.
  • Margo: Oh, dear. Give him a little pep talk.
  • Flint: What? Why?
  • Smurfette: There isn't a way to get a cuba in here. I made this tuba locket.
  • Flint: Hello, Hamlin.
  • King Candy: You can call me "sir". Compared to me, you are a guh-nat.
  • Flint: It's "gnat". Silent "g".
  • King Candy: Are you calling me a guh-nat?
  • Flint: What? No! Just trying to correct your pronounciation!
  • King Candy: Are you calling me stupid?!
  • Flint: Ahh.... no?
  • King Candy: You three, get in the wagon. You, bow to me.
  • Flint: No.
  • King Candy: Bow.
  • Flint: No.
  • King Candy: Bow.
  • Flint: I bow to no one except their God and their King.
  • King Candy: Hrrrgh. Get in the wagon.
  • Flint: Don't ease your controlness. I'll be heading back to the palace. Go on.
  • King Candy: I know that it's true.
  • Libby, Margo and Smurfette: (Hopping in wagon) Trueness, ooooh.
  • King Candy: It clearly does, I had it.
  • Margo, Smurfette and Libby: He had it like it was.
  • King Candy: Aw-huh! I knew it'd make me happy.
  • All: He (I) thought it was the way.
  • King Candy: And it was.
  • All: Was, was, was.
  • Libby: Wait a minute.
  • All: Yeah, it was.
  • Libby: It is.
  • All: Was, was, was, was, Yeah it was.
  • King Candy: Why, a tiny little story is all I need to make a big mess! I'm an evil man!

Chapter 6: Flint Meets Sam

  • (The next morning, Flint zooms by the gates. He is in a chipper mood.)
  • Flint Lockwood: Well, hello there. 
  • (The guards say nothing)
  • Flint: I guess there's not much to say, eh guys? Seeing how in 2 days you'll be waking up in the Bif from Bumblyburg's stomach. Ha!
  • (The guards scowl, but remain silent)
  • Flint: I'm real influental. I might need to work something out for Hamlin and the recruits.
  • Guard 1: Seems you've moved away from selling turkey jerky and became a man.
  • Guard 2: It's quite disappointing, for us; but not for you.
  • Flint: Oh yeah. Well, anyways, about Hamlin. He is mean to me.
  • Guard 1; We should make him recite an epic poem. A ballad? A sonnet. Or maybe a limerick.
  • (Several people bow down to stautes of King Dedede)
  • Dedede: Why should a person kill Huck?
  • Flint: (storms in) Howdy, strangers.
  • Dedede: Hello. Why did you leave America?
  • Flint: Buzz Lightyear didn't tell me that.
  • Prospector and Men: We're gonna help repaint your palace.
  • Flint: So they got to work.
  • Dedede: What are you doing? You forgot to buy a new backbone with your skateboard, my boy?
  • Flint: (Rushes over to Sam Sparks and hugs her) I like you a lot. I know that my sidekick, Jimmy Neutron once had a wife who was intelligent and they had a daughter who was slightly less intelligent. When she married me, our families all went to live with you and Jimmy Neutron's wife. One night, while her parents were sleeping, the slighty-less intelligent daughter made a tuba locket. But before we all left, Jimmy Neutron's wife provided for her sister to give her half of the money. A battle started and then she and that daughter were killed. As you know, they were neither intelligent nor slightly less intelligent. My family welcomed me, but not Jimmy Neutron. But I was so compassionate that he sacrified in being my friend and sidekick.
  • Dedede: Ahem. There's a law that says she will marry a suitor!
  • Flint: But... but... (He nearly faints) I didn't keep up with that promise. I was still selfish. I desperately wanted her. But God has a plan for me. He wants me to do what's right. He'll never let me down.
  • (Flint rushes out back into town square)

Chapter 7: "Obscure Christmas Party with Scottish E.B."

  • (Fade to the title card of the never announced silly song from "E.B. the Kindly Viking")
  • Narrator: And now it's time for Silly Songs with Sheen, the part of the show--
  • Dexter: Check it, V.O. Dude. Yo! Me and the F.I.T.S. had an idea about throwing a Christmas party. Right?
  • E.B., SpongeBob and Timmy: Yo!
  • E.B.: I dance on quilts, while he knits stilts. He plays his haggis melts, eats bagpipes.
  • SpongeBob: I am so hungry I could eat CartoonTales.
  • Mr. Krabs: Give me that crumpet!
  • E.B. and Sam Sparks: Oh, where have all the showtunes gone? What happened to our weed?
  • E.B.: A great big squash just sat upon my ants.
  • (Various dumb music plays)
  • Kermit: You'll be taking Silent Night off the list.

Chapter 8: A Beatdown in the Streets

  • Philo and Gunge: Alright, everyone! This is a stickup. Don't anybody move. Now empty that safe! (Person empties safe and money flies out) Ooh-hoo-hoo! Money, money, money!
  • Goofy: Stop it, stop it; you mean old rats!
  • Philo and Gunge: Quiet, Goofy. Or one of the villagers' chickens get run over by one of King Candy's guards' chariots!
  • Chickens: Help! (clucks) Save us!
  • Goofy: Oh no! Not my chickens. Somebody do something!
  • (A silhouette of Flint, Brent and Thunk approach)
  • Philo: Oh, no!
  • Gunge: Flint Lockwood, Brent McHale and Thunk Crood!
  • Flint: We're here to stop you, Philo and Gunge!
  • Philo: How'd you know it was us?
  • Flint: Aren't you gonna come quietly?
  • Gunge: Can't touch us.
  • Flint: Let's give them - a taste of our powers! (Shakes Philo and Gunge)
  • Philo and Gunge: Hey!!!!!! You can't do this to us!
  • Brent: That chariot is coming!
  • Thunk: (Leaps and grabs the chickens before the chariot runs over)
  • Flint: You two are going to jail.
  • Eugene H. Krabs: (listening to killer rock music in his car)
  • Philo and Gunge: Aaah! (crash!)
  • Eugene H. Krabs: It's another space alien!
  • Philo and Gunge: (chuckle nervously)
  • Eugene H. Krabs: Oh, it's Philo and Gunge. I've been looking all over for months. You saved the day again, Minnesota Lockwood!
  • Flint: Don't mention it. So, who's next?
  • Dexter: Watch this. (Pulls out gun)
  • Flint: (Gasp!)
  • Buzz Lightyear: Stop it!  No! (Dexter shoots person)
  • Brent: (faints) Lettuce get outta this suit.
  • Sven: (yelps)
  • Carl Wheezer: I am gonna go steal a slushee. (swipes it away)
  • Thunk: (Faints) Lettuce get outta this suit.
  • Flint: Mr. Wheezer, you shouldn't be stealing. It's wrong to do it. You should pay for that.
  • Carl: Okay.
  • (Tire screech)
  • Flint: Uh-oh.
  • Carl: It's King Candy!
  • King Candy: (Approaches) Don't move!
  • Thunk: (waking up) I thought he was at summer camp!
  • Brent: (also waking up) They, eh, must have kicked him out earlier this year.
  • Eugene H. Krabs: Oh no, not King Candy!
  • Sven: (yelps)
  • Dexter: Oh no! I can't dare to see one of these again.
  • Flint: (looking through binoculars) Oh no, it's his car-wagon.
  • Dexter: Why is that person strapped to some explosive device?
  • Thunk: And why is his car powered by peas?
  • Brent: That's why. Hamlin.
  • Flapjack: He sure is one hairy person.
  • Woody and Flint: What do you mean he is hairy?
  • Brent: His hair fell off his own head!
  • Thunk: He tortures people. Just for fun!
  • Flint: Well then, we'll have to do something about King Candy.
  • Thunk: Flint! What do you think you're doing?
  • Flint: I'm gonna teach that guy a lesson.
  • Brent: Yeah, sure. Go ahead. Melt him with a bucket of boiling water.
  • King Candy: (pulls out a dynamite and lights a Persian)
  • Dexter: He's lighting that guy. He's lighting him! Hit the dirt.
  • (BOOM!)
  • King Candy: Yes! He's gone, he's history. Hahahahahahaha!
  • Flint: I would've stopped him.
  • Thunk: I would love to see you try.
  • Brent: Of course, I would love to see you as a crater. A moon crater.

Chapter 9: Searching for Answers at a Malt Shop

  • Woody: The sooner we leave, the better.
  • Flint: He killed a Persian. Jimmy Neutron?
  • Jimmy Neutron: I have to agree with the conclusions. King Candy simply has to be around here somewhere!
  • Flint: Look. Jimmy Neutron. King Dedede isn't from New Zealand. He's really working for King Candy whose been following me this whole time, and I don't think there really is a rogue signal. They made that whole thing up to trick me. I'm coming home now.
  • Jimmy Neutron: But, the security rests in your own head.
  • Flint: Everyone, let's get out trumpets and flashlights. Brent, Thunk and I will be in the gamma group. In that so we won't split the peas, all of you will go in the middle.
  • Flapjack: Did he just make a "split pea" joke?
  • King Candy: Sit tight. This will all be over soon.
  • (Later that evening, Flint was unlocking the palace gates. Thunk was loading a boat with various luggages, basketball hoop, frozen yogurt machine, picnic stuff, accordion, signal flare and more stuff. A Persian drove in a minivan with Brent in the passenger seat and Sam Sparks and King Dedede in the back.) 
  • Brent: Oh, all this packing makes us very hungry. What do you say to dinner at that little malta shop called "Malta Malts"?
  • Flint: Malt.
  • Brent: Great restaurant.
  • Flint: Uh, it's malt, not malta.
  • Brent: Huh?
  • Flint: Malt is a dessert, Malta is an island.
  • Brent: But with an Italian accent, they're both the same.
  • Thunk: Go wash your hands and we'll get the others ready.
  • Flint: Brent, Thunk and I got a big surprise when we stopped for gas. King Candy was following us! We arrived.
  • Flint: Hello, Professor Utonium.
  • Professor Utonium: I always knew that someday you'd come walking through my door.
  • Flint: And just like that, we got our orders. I'm looking for clues. We're on the trail of King Candy. And after a fine meal, we grabbed Sam Sparks and our orders and left. But before we left, King Candy floods the malt shop with strawberry ice cream, AGAIN!! We left and got on a boat and sailed to America.

Chapter 10: Flint Battles King Candy

  • Simon Seville: So where we going?
  • Flint: Back to America.
  • Simon Seville: Alright, you heard the man!
  • Flint: That you, Neutron?
  • Jimmy Neutron: I've been trying to get ahold of you. You'll never guess!
  • Flint: We've been sailing around all night. We're tired. We're hungry. We gotta go to the bathroom. This suit is very constricting. Now, King Candy can rule the world because he has all the power.
  • Jimmy Neutron: Wow, yeah...
  • Flint: This won't be easy, but I can see what I can do.
  • (They sailed through a storm)
  • (Days passed, as Flint grew a hairy beard)
  • (Three years later..)
  • Flint: We arrived at a world's fair. I was out of that boring costume. It was time to give King Candy and his army - the SHOCK of their LIVES - using our tubas, trumpets and flashlights. So King Candy was sent to justice, and they all lived happily ever after. The end.

Chapter 11: What Have We Learned?

  • Timmy Turner: I loved that.
  • Dexter: Personally, I found this story riveting, full of flawed characters and classic action.
  • E.B.: Thanks, guys.
  • SpongeBob: Having faith is a wonderful thing.
  • Dexter: And our last show we made was a blast. Even Sam Sparks looked perfect with glasses on.
  • Timmy Turner: I hear you.
  • Dexter: We can talk about it in "Behind the Scenes" after the show.
  • E.B.: Okay. We're over here by Qwerty to talk about what we've learned today.
  • Singers: And so what we--
  • (Record scratch)
  • (King Candy's guards take record away)
  • E.B.: They took the "What Have We Learned?" song.
  • Dexter: I know you loved that song.
  • E.B.: I know. Time to talk about the lesson. In our story, Flint Lockwood has learned about having faith and how it's certain of things we couldn't see, even if he knew - it could get him in trouble. Let's see if Qwerty has a verse for us, today.
  • Qwerty: (beeps, puts up verse)
  • E.B.: Ah, Hebrews 11:1 - "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see." That's cool about how the Bible talks about having hope and faith. And if you have that, you will be faithful.
  • Dexter: Speaking of which, now that we've got one story under our heads, we were thinking we should do a compilation of all our songs!
  • Timmy Turner: That looks hard to do.
  • Dexter: Don't we want to be on the big screen? Performing songs?
  • E.B.: Always remember, God made you special... And he made me tasty!
  • Dexter: And he loves you very much!
  • E.B. and Dexter: G'bye!
  • Dexter: I'm going jogging!
  • E.B.: Mother of mercy, I need a bathroom!
  • SpongeBob SquarePants: (faints) Lettuce get out of this suit.
  • Timmy Turner: (smirks at the camera)
  • (fade to black)

Chapter 12: End Credits

  • Directed by JimmyandFriends
  • Written by John A. Davis
  • Produced by John Lasseter, Cory Edwards, Chris Meledandri, and Rumen Petkov
  • Musical Score Composed and Produced by Kurt Heinecke
  • (Jimmyandfriends's Entertainment logo shows up)

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