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Dethwater

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Summary

Dethklok, in search of the heaviest guitar sounds, decide to record their new album in the Mariana trench.


Transcript

{Thunderhorse music video}

Skwisgaar: Here we go again.

Pickles: Okay wait. Before we do anything drastic let's put this all into perspective Nathan. Okay? Look.

{Cut to TV screen}

Anchorman #1: Dethklok has spent a reported 500 million in the recording studio so far.

Male Voice: Fan suicide rate is up due to the album's late release.

Reporter: Sources have corroborated that the band has recorded 16 individual albums, all deleted.

Anchorman #2: Sources say that the Dow Jones decline is directly related to DethKlok frontman Nathan Explosion's constant deleting of potential new albums.


{Nathan reaches for delete key while band members yell "No"}


Computer: Session deleted.

Pickles: Mother douchebags! Did it again.

Toki: Dudes. What's wrong with that one?

Pickles: Let me guess. Not heavy enough, not tuned low enough, not brutal enough.

Skwisgaar: Dudes we cannot tune down any lower.

Murderface: Well maybe it'll be better if I just kill myself. Huh? Why don't you record that? Huh? Would that be brutal enough for you? Me being dead.

Skwisgaar: Somebody should tell murderface that it's not allways about him

Pickles: So now we're back to square F-in' one?

Nathan: Yeah, that's right. But here's what we're going to do. We're going to re-re-re-record it right there. Right there.


{Theme Song Plays}

Label person: Okay, so you want to re-re-re-re-record it, in the ocean. In. I see, no problem.

Nathan: No not in the ocean, inside the ocean.

Label person: Okay.

Nathan: In the heaviest deepest most brutal part.

Label person: Alright.

Nathan: The Mariana Trench.

Label person: Well, let me make some calls.

{Later}

Label person: Well the good news is they're going to give you some more money to record this album. The bad news is they're going to send a producer down to work with you so I hope that's not a...

Nathan: Whaaaaaaaaaa?


{Cut to war room}


Speaker: Dethklok is recording an album underwater, and they're using a submarine.

General: A nuclear submarine.

Speaker: Yeesss... This could prove to be a most dangerous combination.

General: I may have a solution. We're now in touch with the underwater record label producer that Dethklok will use underwater. His name is name is Dick "Magic ears" Knubbler, and he's a real piece of work. tax evasion, disfigured a co-worker at an office party, (Melted her face in acid), Soliciting prostitution, drugs, he's looking at a 25 year sentence, he'll do anything we want.

Speaker: Excellent, then he'll be our man on the inside. We'll contact him once the underwater record is complete, and get a full report.

General: A report? Now's the time to take out Dethklok once and for all! They're just sitting there underwater. We'll make it look like an underwater accident.

Old guy: No, it is too soon. We must watch them.


{DethKlok jam for 5 months}


Nathan: It's getting nice and heavy.

{It becomes apparent that Toki's guitar is picking up whales}

Nathan: Your guitar's picking up strange sounds.

Toki: Well, dude, I didn't know that these pickups were that strong. It picks up the whales saying hello.

Skwisgaar: It looks like we's going to have to re-record it.

Toki: That's brutal.

Pickles: Maybe we can isolate Toki.

Nathan: What about that?


Toki: What is this lights mean?

Engineer: He will die without safety brief.

Skwisgaar: Hey I'll take it from here. Okay, buddy?

Toki: Skwisgaar, i think i need that safety briefings.

Skwisgaar: Oh, really quickly. The reason I came in here is we're all going to order some food do you want something.

Toki: I can't think about it now. What are all these buttons flashing?

Skwisgaar: Start thinking about what you want because honestly i'm starting to get hungry.

Toki: Anything it's like milk here or something(???). It keeps filling up.

Skwisgaar: Oh, and by the way, don't screw this one up.

Toki: What is this button I think I need it.

Skwisgaar: Well I've got to get going see you later.

{Cut to rest of band jamming}

Murderface: Hey guys, nuclear submarine power's out.

Skwisgaar: Hey Pickle, have you fixed the problem down there?

Pickles: Dude... stupid nuclear... I don't know what the heck's going on.. Who gives a F*** Ain't my sub.


Sub personnel: Unidentified vessel outside requesting permission to board.

Skwisgaar: Oh, great. Probably some dicknose record producer comes to try and tell us how to make metal. Don't knows snakes from dildos about that. Ppht. Get in line.

Pickles: Okay calm down. Remember, we've got to be professional. Okay? Unless he pushes us. In which case I swear to god I will F-in' knife him in the...

Murderface: Yeah! Slice his face off!

Nathan: Maybe take it easy on those beans, Murderface.

Pickles: Yeah, I know mean, I mean, have a little decency. We're stuck together in a friggin submarine for crying out loud.

Murderface: Fine. How about I starve to death? How's that?

{Murderface farts}

Murderface: Well excuse me.

Ugh. These boots are covering my feet.


{The stench of murderfaces boots flow up as he cuts another fart}

Murderface: These feet stink...

{Murderface throws up on himself}


{Cut to Producer entering the Sub}

Producer: Hey guys. So let's... let's hear this album.

Murderface: I got those same shoes.

Producer: Heh, bear with me dudes. I think i made the trip a little too fast me body's having a little trouble adjusting to the oceanic pressure down here. I'm sure i'll feel a little better once i have some pop-rocks and coke.

Nathan: Now shut up and listen to this, dick. This is metal, for fish.

Skwisgaar: Fish don't gots no good metal to listen to

Murderface: Yeah, it's true.

Producer: Fish, huh?

Nathan: This one's called Mermaid-er.

Murderface: It's about Mermaid murder.


{Mermaid-er plays and fades out} {Toki plays Underwater Friends}


Producer: Stop the track! This is amazing! I mean there must be billions of fish out there. It's a totally untapped market. And so many hits too.

Nathan: Electric Eel Chair.

Producer: Yeah!

Skwisgaar: ?? and gutted and undercooked?

Producer: Yeah!

Murderface: Scuba tank filled with farts.

Producer: Yeah! You boys knocked it completely out of the park. I am back on top. I'm going straight to the label.

Pickles: You know something knubbler. Y'ain't that much of a dildo after all.

Toki Not safe! Not safe! There's monsters.

Producer: Like I said boys, when the label hears this they're literally going to s**t fish. Literally. {Maniacal laughter}


General: Okay, let's. Dear god, knubbler, your face. What have they done to you?

Producer: It's called metal. general.

General: Well we need to know exactly what they've been up to.

Producer: What they've been up to? They've been up to kicking ass and taking names!

General: knubbler

Producer: Put down your report general ????

General: What the hell is going on down there?

Producer: DethKlok is amazing! The album is gonna rock so hard. The Drums rock! The bass rocks! and the guitar rocks! Check it out! CHECK IT OUT! wha- whoa! Whoooa! Now what's happening? Dear god no! No! Dear god no!

(Very long scream)


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