Dirty Objects, re-titled Cranky In A Mess for American audience, is the twenty-third episode of Spike the Dragon and Friends. It is a parody of the Thomas and Friends episode, Dirty Objects/James In A Mess.
- Cranky Doodle Donkey as James
- Pipsqueak as Percy
- Braeburn as Toby
- Hoity Toity as Sir Topham Hatt
- The Changelings as The Troublesome Trucks
- Scootaloo as Henrietta (does not speak)
- Big Macintosh as Gordon (mentioned)
- James' Driver as Himself
Narrator: "Braeburn and Scootaloo are enjoying their new job on Ponyville, but they do look old fashioned and need new coats.
Cranky Doodle Donkey was very rude whenever he saw them."
Cranky Doodle Donkey: "Ugh. What dirty objects."
Narrator: "He would say.
At last, Braeburn lost patience."
Narrator: "He asked."
Braeburn: "Why are you brown?"
Cranky Doodle Donkey: "I am a splendid donkey."
Narrator: "Answered Cranky."
Cranky Doodle Donkey: "Ready for anything. You never see me dirty."
Narrator: "Said Braeburn innocently."
Braeburn: "That's why you once needed bootlaces to be ready, I suppose."
Narrator: "Cranky went redder than ever and snorted off. It was such an insult to be reminded of the time a bootlace had been used to mend a hole in his buffaloes.
At the end of the line, Cranky left his buffaloes and got ready for his next train. It was a slow goods, stopping at every station to pick up and set down changelings. Cranky hated slow goods runs."
Cranky Doodle Donkey: "Dirty changelings from dirty sidings.
Narrator: "Starting with only a few, he pickled up more and more changelings at each station, till he had a long line.
At first, the changelings behaved well, but Cranky bumped them so crossly, that they were determined to pay him back.
Presently, they approached the top of Big Macintosh's hill. Heavy goods animals halt here to pin down their brakes. Cranky had had an accident with changelings before, and should have remembered this."
Cranky Doodle Donkey's Driver: "Wait, Cranky, wait!"
Narrator: "Said the driver, but Cranky wouldn't wait. He was too busy thinking what he'd say to Braeburn when they next met.
The changelings' chance had come."
Changelings: "Hurrah! Hurrah!"
Narrator: "They laughed, and banging each other, they pushed him down the hill."
Changelings: "On! On! On!"
Narrator: "Laughed the changelings."
Cranky Doodle Donkey: "I've got to stop! I've got to stop!"
Narrator: "Groaned Cranky.
Through the station they thundered, disaster lay ahead."
"Something sticky splashed all over Cranky. He had run into two tar barrels, and was black from head to toe. He was more dirty than hurt, but the tar barrels and some changelings were all to pieces.
Braeburn and Pipsqueak were sent to help, and came as quickly as they could."
Braeburn: "Look here, Pipsqueak,"
Narrator: "Exclaimed Braeburn."
Braeburn: "Whatever is that dirty object?"
Pipsqueak: "That's Cranky Doodle Donkey, didn't you know?"
Braeburn: "It's Cranky's shape,"
Narrator: "Said Braeburn."
Braeburn: "But Cranky is a splendid donkey, and you never see him dirty."
Narrator: "Cranky pretended he hadn't heard.
Braeburn and Pipsqueak cleared away the unhurt changelings, and helped Cranky home.
Hoity Toity met them."
Hoity Toity: "Well done, Pipsqueak and Braeburn!"
Narrator: "He turned to Cranky."
Hoity Toity: "Fancy letting your changelings run away, I am surprised. You're not fit to be seen, you must be cleaned at once!
Braeburn shall have a new coat."
Braeburn: "Please, sir, can Scootaloo have one, too?"
Narrator: "Said Braeburn."
Hoity Toity: "Certainly, Braeburn."
Braeburn: "Oh, thank you, sir. She will be pleased!"
Narrator: "All Cranky could do was watch Braeburn as he ran off happily with the news."