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Doxie Tech is perhaps is the most ambitious of the three major anti-zombie dachshund companies. While its competitors rely on traditional dog breeding techniques, Doxie Tech is striving to use the latest in recombinant DNA techniques to engineer a so called "super wiener". While it's debatable if the final product is in fact superior to those bred traditionally, one cannot discount the fierce brand loyalty exhibited by Doxie Tech customers, who sometimes own four or five dogs.

Corporate History

Doxie Tech entered the anti-zombie dog business remarkably late in the game, as Hell Hounds and Zombie's Choice had already staked out the lion's share of the market. However, thanks to founder and CEO Chad Jermyn's vision, business savvy and remarkable skills in the gene lab, Doxie Tech rocketed to the forefront of anti-zombie dog research and development. Within two months of their IPO, the value of Doxie Tech shares increased nearly 400 percent.

Genetically Modified Dogs

All things considered, what drives the appeal of Doxie Tech dogs is their state of the art status. Years of research and manipulation of the dachshund genome has resulted in dogs that are smarter, faster, stronger and posses more endurance than what either Mother Nature or training can produce. Doxie Tech backs up these claims with reams of data and analysis, however, there is still some debate surrounding the accuracy of these claims.

Critics of the company admit that their dogs do outscore other dogs in laboratory tests, but note that when it comes to real world situations, they appear to fare about the same or poorer than their un-enhanced counterparts. Obviously, Doxie Tech officials as well as its nearly fanatical customer base (so-called Doxie Techies, or DT's for short) dispute these claims of in the field failure.


There has been a long standing rumor that Doxie Tech has been actively researching ways to make dachshunds that are not only effective decoys and countermeasures, but are also capable of taking the fight to the zombie. In other words, the creation of a dachshund that could actively engage zombies in combat. Bolstering these rumors are ex-employees and vigilant bloggers who claim that Doxie Tech has been branching out their research into other genomes, notably specimens from the family Felidae (Lions, Tigers and Leopards); Ursidae (Grizzly, Polar and Black Bears); and Carcharhinidae (Tiger, Bull and Great White sharks).

Repeated requests for official verification of these rumors have been denied by company officials citing corporate, and sometimes governmental, needs for secrecy.

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