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EVEN STRICTER TARDY POLICY IN EFFECT

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EVEN STRICTER TARDY POLICY IN EFFECT

9-29-07

Pressing the snooze button too many times or missing the bus puts you in deep shit, says the new tardy policy that went into effect as of yesterday, September 29.

The new policy went into effect after a school board decision made in light of the ineffective one previously enforced. Superintendent <fill-in-the-blank> said that this new tardy policy should be strict enough for people to actually CARE about school.

The policy, which requires a student to be in class ten minutes before the bell, (the seven minute passing time will not be effected) offers students all sorts of punishments from failure of the class on the first offense, In School Suspension on the second offense, all the way up to decapitation on the seventh offense.

"This is like, unfair," said Sophmore President Joy He, who narrowly avoided decapitation because of speaking out, "because its impossible for us to ever get to class on time. And why do we need to get to class ten minutes before class starts?"

Several students have already been decapitated under this new policy.

Decapitated:

  • Senior Tony Zuo
  • Freshman Henry Cao (who will never die)
  • Freshman Gina Garbo
  • Sophomore Chris Zhang (who later respawned behind blue base)
  • Freshman Zach Bible

Further decapitation notices as they occur.

Spoof of: Tardy Policy Enforced, by Hye-min Shin, Colts Corral, September 27, 2007

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