- Gobo Fraggle as Kermit the Frog
- Blustering Bellowpane Monster as Snake Frackle
- Wander McMooch as Boppity
- Poison Cackler as Gloat
- Lizard as Lenny the Lizard
- The Avalanche Monster as Beautiful Day Monster
- Marlon Fraggle as Crazy Harry
- Genie as Svengali
- Tosh Fraggle as Mary Louise (little girl)
- Sidebottom as Clown
- Beastie as Green Scoff
- Mirkmonster as Gorgon Heap
- Baby Poison Cackler as Miss Kitty
- Skenfrith as Droop
- The Blue Dragon as Blue Scoff
- Ancient Fraggles as Whatnots
- Philo as Statler
- Gunge as Waldorf
(Main stage. Gobo Fraggle enters.)
Gobo Fraggle: Welcome! And what a show we have for you tonight. How would you like to see 4,000 woodpeckers performing an aerial ballet while 87 gorillas and two dozen elephants do the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy? Well, forget it, because instead we've got Rudy Vallee Doozer as a guest star, which, in a way, is like having all the excitement of everything I mentioned without having to clean up afterwards. But right now, let's get things rolling on The Fraggle Show, where we have "Comedy Tonight."
(The curtain opens, and an ensemble of Fraggle Rock characters perform a rather violent version of "Comedy Tonight." Cave Creatures and Cave Fraggles run around threatening each other and capturing Tosh Fraggle (and Sidebottom), and Marlon Fraggle blows things up.)
Blustering Bellowpane Monster: Something familiar.
Beastie: Something peculiar.
Wander McMooch: Something for everyone.
Everyone: A comedy tonight! Aaahhh!
Mirkmonster: Something appealing,
Something for everyone:
A comedy tonight!
The Avalanche Monster: Nothing with kings.
Baby Poison Cackler: Nothing with crowns.
The Blue Dragon, Beastie and Poison Cackler: Bring on the lovers, liars and clowns!
Bigmouth Fraggle: Old situations.
Fishface Fraggle: New complications.
Genie: Nothing portentous or polite.
Bonehead Fraggle, Noodlenose Fraggle, Bigmouth Fraggle and Fishface Fraggle: Tragedy tomorrow,
Marlon Fraggle: (laughing)
Wander McMooch: Aaaaahhh!
Noodlenose Fraggle: Nothing of fate.
Fishface Fraggle: Nothing of state.
Bigmouth Fraggle, Fishface Fraggle and Genie: Weighty affairs will just have to wait!
Tosh Fraggle: Wait!
Fishface Fraggle: Nothing that's formal,
Lizard: Nothing that's normal,
Blustering Bellowpane Monster: No recitations to recite;
Fishface Fraggle: Open up the curtain:
Everyone: Comedy Tonight!
Gunge: Well, the show is speeding along very quickly this evening.
Philo: Oh, yes. Someone must have told 'em it's harder to hit a moving target. Heh heh.