- Pa Gorg as Sam the Eagle
- Flange and Wingnut Doozer as Wayne and Wanda
(Pa Gorg fixes his crown, then acknowledges the audience.)
Pa Gorg: Oh, ahem. I often get a tear in my eye when I introduce this next act. Oh. (wipes away a tear) Oh! There's one right there, you see? You see, because they represent to me the very best this show has to offer - indeed, the very best this country has to offer. So, here they are now, just as sweet offstage as they are on - Flange and Wingnut Doozer! Oh, I need a hanky. (exits)
(The curtains open on Flange and Wingnut Doozer, in front of a river backdrop with a bottle of champagne chilling on a table next to them. Flange offers Wingnut a glass as she begins to sing. As she sings, she constantly blocks Flange from the audience's view, frustrating him.)
Wingnut Doozer: I get no kick from champagne
Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all
So tell me why should it be true'
That I get a kick - OW!
(Flange kicks Wingnut off the stage and exits as the curtains close. Pa Gorg enters, wiping his eyes with his hanky.
Pa Gorg: Uh, you see wh-oh... (exits, embarrassed)