• Gobo Fraggle as Kermit the Frog
  • Sidebottom as Marvin Suggs
  • Inkspots as Muppaphones


(Main stage. Gobo enters to a fanfare and applause.)

Gobo Fraggle: Right now, friends, I am proud to present a group of performers that I personally discovered in the waiting room of a bus station in Toledo, Ohio. They weren't performing there, they were just waiting. But anyhow, let's bring 'em on with a big hand, Sidebottom and his Inkspots! Yaaay!

Sidebottom: Ole, ole, ole, ole, ole, ole! Thank you, thank you and gracias! Thank you! I am-ah the beloved-ah Sidebottom-ah! And now, presenting-ah, the performing members of-ah, the Inkspots!

(The Inkspots take their positions.)

Inkspots: (random) Move it, move it. Yeah, yeah. Another day, another headache. Mimimimimi …

Sidebottom: Attention! (they all fall silent) … Ahem. Tuning up.

(With his mallet, he whacks them, playing a scale of "OW"s. The "so" is off-key, so Sidebottom shifts it to the far left.)

Sidebottom: Oh, no. Move it, Sidebottom. Move it. move it, Sidebottom. Move it. Move it. Attention! (they all fall silent) … Ahem. Tuning up.

(In the second attempt, the "ti" is too high, so he switches them.)

Sidebottom: Move it, Lucy. Move it. Move it, move it, move it, move it. Attention! (they all fall silent) … Ahem. Tuning up.

(In the third attempt, he plays a perfect scale of "OW"s.)

Sidebottom: Yes, yes. Oh, yes, yes. Sidebottom, you've done it!

Inkspot: (whispering to another) Do you need a vacation? …

Sidebottom: Bernard.

Inkspot: (gets whacked) OWWWWW!

Sidebottom: And now, "Lady of Spain."

Inkspots: Huh?

Sidebottom: The song.

(Music swells up. He plays each note with his mallet, until a giant mallet knocks him out. The Inkspots conclude the song with one final harmonic note, and jump for joy.)

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