• Rudy Vallee Doozer as Joel Grey
  • Wembley Fraggle as Gonzo
  • Red Fraggle as Miss Piggy
  • Lanford as Animal
  • Cantus the Minstrel as Zoot
  • Mokey Fraggle as Janice
  • Feenie Fraggle as Floyd Pepper
  • Marlon Fraggle as Crazy Harry
  • Brio the Minstrel as Trumpet Girl
  • Gillis Fraggle as Nigel the Conductor
  • Fragglettes as Pigs
  • Yeaster Doozer and Modem Doozer as Whatnots
  • Gobo Fraggle as Kermit the Frog


(Main stage. Gobo enters.)

Gobo Fraggle: Tonight, the great Wembley has dug deep into his limitless repertoire to bring us an act never before seen on any stage anywhere in the world. And with his luck, it never will be seen again. Ladies and gentlemen, the greatest of all Wembleys!

Wembley Fraggle: Tonight, dear patrons of the arts, I will, with this sledgehammer, demolish this vintage automobile to the music of the "Anvil Chorus" … after which I will eat the crankcase a cappella.

(He begins his act, and is immediately booed by the audience.)

Wembley Fraggle: Yokels! Rubes! What do you know about great art? Aw, that does it, I'm giving up performing!

(The audience cheers. Rudy Vallee Doozer approaches Wembley.)

Rudy Vallee Doozer: Hey, Wembley.

Wembley Fraggle: Oh, you can call me "Great."

Rudy Vallee Doozer: Listen, uh, Great, I was just watching your act, you know, from uh, from offstage, and a couple of things occurred to me, as one artist to another.

Wembley Fraggle: Do you think I should wear a top hat?

Rudy Vallee Doozer: It's more than a top hat, Wemble. I think it's the basic act, actually. I think what you need is some pizazz. You know what that means? Let me show you.

(He sings an elaborate rendition of "Razzle Dazzle", accompanied by other Fraggle Rock characters.)

Rudy Vallee Doozer: Just give 'em the old razzle dazzle
Razzle dazzle 'em
Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it
And the reaction will be passionate
Give 'em the old hocus-pocus
Bead and feather 'em
How can they see with sequins in their eyes?
What if your hinges all are rusting?
What if, in fact, you're just disgusting?
Razzle dazzle 'em
And they'll never catch wise

Everyone: Give 'em the old razzle dazzle
Razzle dazzle 'em

Rudy Vallee Doozer: Back since the days of old Methuselah

Everyone: Everyone loves

Rudy Vallee Doozer: The big bamboozler

Everyone: Give 'em the old three-ring circus
Stun and stagger 'em

Rudy Vallee Doozer: When you're in trouble go into your dance

Everyone: Though you are stiffer than a girder
They let you get away with murder

Rudy Vallee Doozer: Razzle dazzle 'em and you got a romance
Give 'em the old razzle dazzle
Razzle dazzle 'em
Give 'em an act that's unassailable
They'll wait a year till you're available
Give 'em the old double whammy
Daze and dizzy 'em
Show 'em the first-rate sorcerer you are

Everyone: Long as you keep 'em way off balance
How can they spot

Rudy Vallee Doozer: You got no talents?
Razzle dazzle 'em

Everyone: Razzle dazzle 'em
Razzle dazzle 'em
And they'll make you a star

Wembley Fraggle: Well, with an act like that, anybody can get applause.

(Rudy Vallee Doozer stuffs his hat on Wembley's head.)

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