- Pa Gorg as Sam the Eagle
- Flange and Wingnut Doozer as Wayne and Wanda
(Main stage. Pa Gorg stands on the proscenium.)
Pa Gorg: With a few exceptions, the characters on this program are weird and peculiar, and not to be trusted. One of those exceptions, aside from myself, of course, is the wonnnnnnderful singing team of Flange and Wingut Doozer. They've really rehearsed this one, so they're sure to get it right. Here they are, Wayne and Wanda, with "Row, Row, Row."
(Open on Flange and Wingnut Doozer in a rowboat.)
Wingnut Doozer: Young Johnny Jones, he had a cute little boat.
Flange Doozer: And all the girlies I would take for a float.
Wingnut Doozer: He had girlies on the shore.
Flange Doozer: Sweet little peaches by the score.
Flange and Wingnut Doozer: But Johnnie was a wisenheimer, you know.
Flange Doozer: A steady girl was Flo.
Flange and Wingnut Doozer: And every Sunday afternoon,
Wingnut Doozer: She'd jump in his boat and they would spoon.
Flange and Wingnut Doozer: And then he'd row, row, row …
(Glub, glub, glub … the boat sinks.)