- Rudy Vallee Doozer as Joel Grey
- Convincing John as Dr. Teeth
- Poison Cackler as Gloat
- Skenfrith as Droop
- Flange and Wingut Doozer as Wayne and Wanda
- Mokey Fraggle as Janice
- Cantus the Minstrel as Zoot
- Uncle Gobo as Jerry Nelson Muppet
- Wembley Fraggle as Gonzo
- Storyteller Fraggle as Mildred Huxtetter
- The Old Gypsy Lady as Muppet Woman
- Sprocket as Muppy
- Fluffinella as Catgut
- Mudwell the Mudbunny as Baskerville the Hound
- Fragglettes as Pigs
- Gobo Fraggle as Kermit the Frog
- Philo as Statler
- Gunge as Waldorf
(Main stage. Gobo enters in a tuxedo.)
Gobo Fraggle: Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great pride and pleasure that yours truly, Gobo Fraggle, introduces the international star of stage and screen, Rudy Vallee Doozer.
(The curtain opens on a nightclub with various Fraggle Rock characters at tables.)
Rudy Vallee Doozer: Thank you, Kermit. I can't tell you what a pleasure it is for me to be here appearing in the Fraggle cabaret. Never have I entertained in such a place before. So unusual. So bizarre. The most incredible nightclub by far.
(He sings his signature song, "Willkommen", joined by the other Fraggle Rock characters.)
Rudy Vallee Doozer: Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome Fremde
Convincing John: Etranger
Poison Cackler: Stranger
Rudy Vallee Doozer: Glucklich zu sehen
The Old Gypsy Lady: Je suis enchantee
Flange and Wingut Doozer: Happy to see you.
Rudy Vallee Doozer: Bliebe, reste, stay Willkommen
Mokey Fraggle and Cantus the Minstrel: Bienvenue
Wembley Fraggle and Storyteller Fraggle: Welcome.
Rudy Vallee Doozer: Im cabaret
Everyone: Au cabaret
Rudy Vallee Doozer: Meine Damen und Herren.
Convincing John: Mesdames et Messieurs.
Poison Cackler: Ladies and gentlemen.
Rudy Vallee Doozer: Guten Abend.
Convincing John: Bonsoir.
Poison Cackler: Good evening.
Rudy Vallee Doozer: Wie gehts?
Mokey Fraggle: Comment ca va?
Cantus the Minstrel: Do you feel good?
Rudy Vallee Doozer: Ich bin euer Conferencier.
Mokey Fraggle: Je suis votre compere.
Gobo Fraggle: I am your host.
Rudy Vallee Doozer: I am your guest.
Gobo Fraggle: Gotcha.
Everyone: Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome.
Rudy Vallee Doozer: (singing) Im cabaret, au cabaret, to cabaret.
(spoken) Here life is beautiful. The customers are beautiful. Even the orchestra is beautiful. Have you ever seen such a beautiful orchestra? Well, maybe in a zoo. Even the dancers are beautiful, If your standards aren't too high.
Everyone: Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome Im cabaret, au cabaret
(softly) Wir sagen Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome Fremde, etranger
Wembley Fraggle: Stranger!
Rudy Vallee Doozer: Glucklich zu sehen.
Everyone: Je suis enchante
Rudy Vallee Doozer: Happy to see you
Everyone: Bliebe, reste, stay
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
Gunge: Ehh, another star in the tradition of the late, great Boris Klinger.
Philo: Boris Klinger?! (Gunge nods) Why, you old fool, Boris Klinger was the worst music-hall act to ever step onto the stage!
Gunge: In your opinion, maybe, but more than 2,000 people attended his final performance.
Philo: Yes, yes. Half of them brought the tar and the rest brought the feathers. Heh!