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Cabbage Mythology

Mythology is a part of any cult. The Order of Cabbage has their own Mythology section, found in the Green Book of Knowledge.

A Short History of Gleinor as told by the OoC, By Ionzeal

In the beginning, there was only He. He desired more than what he had, which was nothing- so he created. On his finger he spun an orb which hung before him. With his hands he created the string of time on which the orb might travel. Time.

More. He wanted more, so he gave life to his orb. Colors vast an wide ranging sprung, liquid a deep blue covered his orb, and a lush green land rose from the seas. He saw it fit that he might create other orbs but the one we are interested in in this tale is the one he named Gleinor. Gleinor was fair, and like the other orbs, lesser beings than He were created for it. On Gleinor, they were Saradonim, Guthix, Zamorack, Cralashankas, Avlic, and Zaros. The did walk the earth, gifting it with life were they went. Gleinor was forested, and well equipped with many fauna. But Saradonim, as He, yearned still. He created complex minds and designed a suitable body. Strong, well able to manipulate with numerous digits, and intelligent- Saradonim commanded them to BE. And they were.

Humanity was born. Saradonim was well pleased with his creation, and they were pleased with him. Avlic once came to Saradonim and saw these humans. “ Who are these, more kin to us Saradonim?” asked Avlic. Saradonim was surprised, but not to much so. His brother Avlic was not the most swift of his family. “Nay, dear brother”, said Saradonim with mirth in his voice “these are my children whom I call man. They are mortals like the animals we have made, but sentient as we.” Avlic saw the virtue in the thought of a race to call his own that he could speak with. Avlic went away and created slowly the second race- Dwarvenkind. Hardy were they, stout and powerful. Avlic’s love was Gleinor, the rocks and jewels and innards of the planet and it was difficult to conceive of a living race. But Avlic commanded the Dwarves to BE. And they were.

Zaros created the Giantkin in turn after meeting with Saradonim, a race of immense strength. When Zaros suggested to Cralashankas to create her own race, the goddess of life was taken aback. “Do you not see the races all about you? The oak, the daisy, the vine?” asked she. Zaros replied “Sister, do these things speak? Can you direct them to your will? Do they converse with you, revere you?” Cralashankas saw that they could not, but why must they? thought she. Cralashankas had no race, though the most beloved of her children were the cabbage.

Guthix created the Gnomes, but they forsook him for their own minds, which Guthix has erroneously overpowered. In grief, he secluded himself for eons. Zamorack, jealous of the things his brothers had made, dedicated himself to outdoing Saradonim. His creatures were foul and full of hatred that fueled their creation. Demonkin, Dragonkin, Firekin. Vile seeds were planted in pure Gleinor. Zamorack’s injured pride doomed the planet.

All the while He watched bemusedly.

Zamorack cultivated his sick spawn. The infection grew. A demon Lord came to him one dark day. “We need more land sire. Destroy the other mortals that your children might rule Gleinor.” the demon Lord said. “My son”, said Zamorack, visage twisted by the evil he grew “How can I smite my brothers? They are powerful as I.” “Surely thou art stronger, Lord upon Lords, strike when they are unprepared. I fear civil war as land becomes more and more scarce.”

Demon King Azrea sowed disaster.

Avlic was in the great cavern of his people, lavish in gold and jewels that his people found pleasing. It was sudden. Unexpected. Idyllic bliss was shattered like so many mirrors as Zamorack and his Damned poured into the mighty subterranean city. Amidst the strife and slaughter of the Dwarvenkind, Zamorack met Avlic. “Are you mad?” roared Avlic. “My peoples worth is proven in battle. They deserve this land.” Zamorack steelily replied, and smote his brother. Pillars shattered. Walls fissured. Building crumbled. Dwarves and Demons were deafened. A God was slain.

The greatest city of the Dwarves was demolished. A race was disconnected from its God, a feeling of immeasurable loss that is still today felt. From the ruins rose Zamorack, exalted in his victory. His conversion was complete. A mad God.

The first God wars were started The remaining dwarves fled to the north to the human lands, seeking refuge. There they told had the idea of metal casings to protect Man. Armour was made. Weapons were forged.

Zaros threw his lot in with Zamorack, and mustered his Giantkin to join the Damned horde. Guthix withdrew even further. Cralashankas was furious, and though she had no people of he own to pledge, she let horses be tamed to serve as mounts for men. She set herself against the fires that destroyed the life she looked after.

Humanity met with the Damned and their Giants. Zaros and Zamorack went to the field against Saradonim and Cralashankas. Cralashankas, it is said, took the form of a fair woman with hair green as the leaf, with four arms, in a gleaming casing of armour. She cleared great wafts of the Damned. Giants fell before her, dragons wings ripped from their bodies, flaming beasts destroyed. She cleaved at the Horde with all of he might, and she met Zaros in battle.

Zaros struck at he with a black blade, and she parried with a green sword. The reverberations of this conflict rent both blades in twain. They carried on into melee. Cralashankas was smote. She flared with a green aura that struck fear into Zaros’ heart, and she threw all her might against him. “NAY!” Screamed he, obliterated. The giants in the battle fell with their God. Cralashankas reeled and thousands died from the simple release of Zaros’ essence. The cry he uttered swept the world and echoed upon itself again and again, a tide of a God’s final words washing over the battle, over Gleinor.

Men died. Damned died. Days of combat unfolded, and days more seemed unavoidable as Zamorack and Saradonim met. They battled. And struggled. Cataclysmic was their attack on each other. The very land moaned under the intensity of the melee. Zamorack fashioned a red blade in thin air. Saradonim did the same and produced a sword of pure white. Deftly, they wielded the enormous great swords with one hand and the sound of the clash of essence on essence. Zamorack created another blade to wield in his other hand. Saradonim followed suit. There was a radius that no beast could enter lest he be destroyed by their very presence. But all around this radius, the battle raged. Zamorack grew two more arms, each equipped with another great sword of darkness, as did Saradonim, with swords of light. Flailing blades and bodies, white on black, four times was the strength of the sound that addled men’s brains within their heads. Craters appeared beneath the warring Gods feet. Suddenly, Cralashankas breached the radius of the God struggle. Just as suddenly, Guthix appeared and stopped her from entering the fray. “ Gleinor cannot bare anymore. Entering the battle would rend the world.” His sudden rebuke sent Cralashankas away from the battle, into herself and away from the world, and Guthix left the scene.

The battle raged for weeks still. And then as it drew at a close, and the last demon was slain, Zamorack took his eyes off the deadly eight bladed dance for the first time, to see his last follower crumble to the ground before a motley group of humans and inexplicably, gnomes, and with his attention drawn to the loss of his forces, Saradonim prevailed. At once, Zamorack’s four arms were severed, his black blades withering away. Shock barely registered on his mangled face. As Saradonim moved to strike the final blow, a gust of wind swept them, a resonance of the Nay Zaros uttered, and Zamorack’s armless body was blown into a billion fragments and thrown to the world.

He continued to watch.

The 1st God wars were finished. Avlic and Zaros erased. The topography of Gleinor ruined, plates shifted, the familiar forms of the continents took their shapes due to the final conflict. Zamorack was thrown back in seclusion, left in the shadow to nurse his wounds. Guthix took the Dwarves as his own, but they never recovered to their original splendor. The gnomes grew more powerful, but not as much as the humans. Their empires spanned continents. The original battleground left so many souls and so much blood in the soil and was so suffused with the dark gods touch that it spawned the undead hordes that have claimed and created Morytania.

Cralashankas has found her people- a strange cult built around her favored plant. She has discovered that they kick ass, and she is pleased.

History of the Green Menace, By SoutenNoBalmung

Now, some of you may be asking, Who the hell is the Blue Menace? You see, kiddies, it all started back at Cabbagepalooza #1

Yours truly, the former Trimmed Man, was attending for the hell of it. Then, as you may or may not know, the dreaded Cabbage Fiend struck(See the History of Cabbage Fiend topic for more info). It was my duty to protect the simple-minded people at the event, so I lashed out into battle. I was stopped by a strange looking creature. He was almost human-like in appearance, but his face resembled a blue demon. We quarreled a while before deciding to team up and defeat the Cabbage Fiend together. During the fight, I dubbed my sidekick, the Blue Menace. He seemed to like it. Anyway, that is the Blue Menace, if you didn't know him. One of the saviors of Cabbagepalooza #1.

Now, for the good part, The History of the Blue Menace:

*screen fades to black*

Our tale brings us back in time, against the laws of all we know to be true

Back in the day, before the Order of Cabbage was even founded, the gods blessed the land with their mighty presence. Life fluttered all over the land. From the majestic seas, the never-ending plains, the world was truly great. However, in life, there are always two sides to the coin. The god of destruction and evil, Zamorak, "blessed" the world with corruption and demons. I guess you could say we got out just desserts, for nothing can be too good, or too bad, just a balance. But on one of these days, very strong monsters appeared from strange portals, that sprouted like weeds across the world. These monsters seemed normal, but there was something strange about them. For example, from a distance, you would probably say a red monster with horns was a Lesser Demon, however, when you got closer, it had strange markings on its body. It was strange, almost like some sort of writing covered these monsters, that emitted an eerie, green glow. These monsters, which we'll refer to as fiends from now on, wreaked havoc all over the place. From Varrock, to Falador, nothing was safe.

It was decided that Zamorak was behind this. Almost unbeatable fiends prowled the lands, causing pain, fear, and destruction to where ever they went. Saradomin and the greatest dwarven blacksmith of all time, banded together. They saw the corruption, and seeked to bring it to an end. Saradomin used his godly powers, and the Dwarven blacksmith used all aspects of metalworking known to him, to bring forth powerful masks.

These masks resembled the faces of demons (So it would be easier to deceive the fiends, and get close to them), and were even colored like some of them. The purpose of them was to have a very strong fighter wear the mask, then he or she would then be given unbelievable power. The downside was, that so the masks would not fall into the wrong hands, it would make the wielder a fiend themselves(In time). Many of the masks were made, and many people wore them. The fiends soon receded to the portals from whence they came. After time, the saviors of the world, did become fiends, and they had the urge to destroy. Then, a very brave man came forth. No one knows his name, or what he looks like(He is rumored to be some sort of a powerful mage or priest), but he helped the saviors of the world. One by one, he used a special skill, which forcibly liberated mask and wielder. He then destroyed the masks, so no one could ever use them again.

After liberating one particular mask, the man smashed it up into many pieces (As he always did). But something strange happened,the pieces...Reassembled to form the mask again! It levitated up into the air and spoke:

It is good of you to stop the newly created fiends. However, the world needs to be balanced. It can not be all good, or all bad. This is where I must intervene.

The mask then propelled itself onto the man's face!! Then slowly, but surely, blue robes covered the man's body. Next, an amulet appeared, and it threw itself onto the man's chest. He screamed in pain, but nothing could help assuage the pain. Finally, a very powerful staff appeared (named Ludicrous), and the man instinctively grabbed it.

From that point onward, he was a fiend-human hybrid. A creation used to balance the world. His power was immense, and he put it to use. It is said that he decimated an entire town in the far eastern corner of the world.

Saradomin, noting that the man(Not yet known as the Blue Menace) had grown too strong (The masks were to balance the evil and good against the fiends, but now the man himself had become too strong of a fiend, probably an error made by the Dwarven blacksmith). Saradomin sent a being to stop the man. However, the same error wouldn't be made, this new being would die after his purpose was fulfilled.

The new being bore the resemblance of a human. He had slicked back brown hair, and his body was covered in a green and blue war paint. He also carried a large sword with him. The new being battled the cursed man, but it was even all the way through. The being then destroyed himself. If the man saw self sacrifice, something he had never seen before, it was possible that it would wake up the human part of him. The being succeeded, and the man had regained his mind again, but, his body was no longer what it was. He had the face of a demon, and his body was covered in an endless sea of blue. This was the new way that the mask would balance the world. The man would had regained his mind, but when people saw him, it created fear, racism, hate, and segregation in their hearts.

The man's purpose became clear. He was to be hated and feared for the rest of his life(So people would have a taste of both worlds). Knowing this, the man wandered for many years on end. But, through his travels, the man met people who did not fear him (They did not care about physical appearances, only what was inside of him). He thought that maybe he could get on everyone's good side again. The man did good deeds, sometimes he was thanked, other times he was chased away. Either way, the man did what he could to better the world. He did this for a few years, until that fateful day, when he sensed the Cabbage Fiend's presence at Cabbagepalooza. If many people saw him save innocent people from the Cabbage Fiend, it was possible that the man did not have to hide anymore! It was possible he did not have to wander anymore. It was possible he could return to his normal life.

The History of the Cabbage Fiend, By SoutenNoBalmung

Hello, boys and girls. You can see that my name is Souten no Balmung, but if you attended Cabbagepalooza #1, you may know of the Trimmed Man, and his faithful sidekick, The Blue Menace. It's time you people knew. *Puts on a Rune Large(t)* Yes, I am Trimmed Man. And you know Blue Menace to be *dun dun dun* Aqua/Iron Gorilla(I can't remember which one it was) Anyway, we are experts in the field, when it comes to the Cabbage Fiend.

As you may, or may not know, the Cabbage Fiend is a vile creature. He is covered in dark, emerald scales, all over his torso and legs. However, (A mutation probably) his arms and wings are made from a much smoother substance. We are not sure what, after researching him for 20 years. Now, we move to the head of Cabbage Fiend. It is truly a gut-wrenching site. Most people have gone blind by even looking at him, while some have died, just by smelling him. CF (Cabbage Fiend) has two, pearl colored, monstrous horns on the left, and right side of his head. He has pitch black eyes, and chalk, colored fangs. They are rumored to carry a Cabbage infecting virus.

Truly a menace to society. It was a mere 20 years ago, that CF appeared. It was a sunny day, in the Cabbage field south of Falador. The farmer attending those fields had just jumped the stile, to harvest his green gold. He managed to pick all the cabbage except for one. Well, being a good natured farmer, he took a pitch fork, and stabbed it. What happened next, surprised him. The supposed head of cabbage rose out the ground. Next, it morphed into the monster you see above. Frightened, the farmer ran for the White Knights. Tis a shame he didn't make it. I was an eye-witness. I tried to help the farmer, but Cabbage Fiend overpowered me. To this day, I still own the scars from that fateful encounter.

Some wonder, why did the cabbage head, change into CF? We do not know. But Blue Menace hypothesizes that it was a failed attempt by a noob wizard, to summon the undead. We can only go by this for now. For a while, Blackbane has been picking many cabbages. This excited the CF. I was there to make sure no one got hurt(At Cabbagepalooza #1, and a little at #2). It was there I met Blue Menace. He made a costume similar to CF, to attract him, so we could slay him once and for all. It was the day we have been waiting for. CF appeared and started to ransack the defenseless cabbage. I, Trimmed Man, and Blue Menace rushed to stop him. He was a fast one...he eventually overpowered us. But, Blue Menace was bitten by CF. He was infected with a virus that clouded his thoughts, and he failed to follow my orders. I luckily hit him over the head with a cabbage, and he came back to normal. *sigh* CF evaded us another time. But, I started eating Cabbage during a fight, and it seemed to weaken the monster.

I have retired for RuneScape, and the Blue Menace has given up his title. Tis a new day and age. Another Trimmed Man and Blue Menace needs to rise again. We may be gone, but we will be there in spirit. Its the beginning of a legend for someone out there. Protect Cabbagepalooza #3, and slay that Cabbage Fiend for me...

The uniform of the Trimmed Man: Full rune (t) and kite (t). Grey boots, gold gloves, diamond amulet of power, and a Blue cape. Also, a Rune battle axe.

The uniform of the Blue Menace: Blue mask, Blue Wizard's robe, and Blue skirt. A sapphire amulet of magic, and a staff (Help me out Blue Menace, I forgot what you wore).

Blackbane is our future for cabbage picking. Protect him at all costs. CF took a liking to Blackbane, because of all the cabbage he smelled on him. With that in mind, stop the Cabbage Fiend. End his attack on people and cabbage alike.

The Seekers of the Stile

The Adventures of Blackbane

From the Journals of Ignite, Acolyte of the OoC, End of the First Age.

Cabbage picking Blacky Bane was walking down the road,

Collecting all his cabbages, large loads after load.

His head held up a chef's hat,

Though he would not cook,

All the little cabbages from the patch he took.


He’d always pass Diango,

As well an Imp you’d find!

He’d insult them always;

And kick ‘em all the time.


“Well not this day,” he said.

For he was in a hurry.

“An order I shall start,

And pick cabs so I must scurry!”


So off he set out quickly,

Without any a care,

For he knew he’d find insanity,

Waiting for him there.


He soon found Drag of Air,

Jfp two-two-one,

Woad and Boot and Mummi,

who was sitting on his bum.


Blackbane sat himself

Down up on the stile.

Told them of his dream,

Which of course took quite a while.


“We’ll Go!” They all cried out,

as they jumped up off their seats.

So delighted they were, yes,

that Boot came off of feets.


They continued on their way,

Further down Cab field,

Were they found new members,

To Blackbane they appealed.


Soon he found some more friends,

Too many to name them all,

They set HQ at Cab field,

And there they’d have a ball.


They picked and picked and picked,

And when their goal was reached...

Cabbagepalooza was its name,

But something near had screeched.


Out from out of nowhere,

With scales all em’rald green,

Two horns he had upon his head,

For he was Cabbage Fiend.


Terrorizing cabbages

And charging t’wards Blackbane,

For cabbage was what he wanted;

And that was Blackbane’s game.


All seemed lost till bright light shone,

And down from up the heavens

Trimmed Man came crashing down,

And Cabbage Fiend was gone.


“He’ll be back,” the Trimmed Man said,

(Souten if you must know)

“For cabbage fiend is not yet dead,

And he’s a mighty foe.”


He left them now in peaceful peace,

And Blue Menace too,

But still he lies in shadows,

For the Fiend they had not slew.


More time had passed since then,

OOC still would grow,

Events they held and had,

And Cab bombs they would blow.


They picked them one by one,

For pleasure and for fun.

The cabbage had united.

That, Blackbane had done.

Falters and Fellowships

From the Journals of Ignite, Acolyte of the Ooc, End of the First Age.

Our cabbage picking company continued on our quest,

Gathering the kah-bah-gee; doing what was best.

All kingdoms’ land was covered, with vast numbers of green gold.

We’d see our numbers escalate and watch our fate unfold.


Darkness overcame us.

New members came too fast.

None of them were devoted,

Like members in the past.


Winter came upon us, as Cabbage fell asleep.

Coldness went over us and duties we cold not keep.

Our bodies froze in ice, but our souls set out to wander,

For what reason did we dream of other worlds I ponder.


Warmth came about, our icy cage thawed out.

We looked around in horror and we gave a frightened shout.

We’d slept for far too long; Our Kingdom almost gone.

No one seen was happy, no dancing and no song.


We went to Blackbane’s chamber, filled with much despair.

Only to find out, that our leader wasn’t there.

We rushed out of the building, for no head wore the crown

But he who once was king, was nowhere to be found.


Our realm began to crumble; some began to falter,

The great Sacred Stile, no longer their altar.

Some members left, the fellowships broken.

Some of them left without ‘farewell’ spoken.


All seemed lost, all hope was gone.

But a shout was heard as it neared dawn.

Acolytes raised heads, looked ‘twards the light.

“We shall not loose, for we shall fight.”


With Mummi, Blah and others

Along with g k 8

We gather sisters, brothers

For we’d improve our fate.


Together we took council

Shared ideas and our thoughts

Decided what to do;

The cans from the cannots.


Soon the land we lived on

Was gradually rebuilt

Our trust pulled us together

Blade returned to hilt.


But where was Blackbane you might ask?

Well he is far from dead.

We found a letter on his desk

And this is what it said...


“Kah Bah Gee to everyone. I’ll see you in next Age.

I leave for you all to write the cult’s next page.

Feel free to organize the cult, as how you would desire,

Choose your own fellows to lead this Cab Empire.


I fear I must stay low,

For places I must go.

I’m sorry I cannot lead

For now I must recede.


You may wait for my return

Then maybe luck will turn.

Though things won’t be the same,

Good bye friends from Blackbane”


...So once again we started

To pick cabs where we were

Picking up the cabbages,

Helping land prosper.


Though right now he cannot lead us

His spirit is still with us

Cause cabbage is his thing.

We wait for our great King


With the cult reformed

We’ll contunue on our quest,

Gathering the kah-bah-gee,

Doing what is best.

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