Horrid Pig is the second episode of the fifth season of RS Mr. Conductor the Conductor and Friends, and the one hundred and sixth episode overall. It is a parody of the Thomas and Friends episode, Horrid Lorry.
- RS Mr. Conductor (from Shining Time Station) as Thomas
- Homer (from The Simpsons) as Henry
- Schemer (from Shining Time Station) as James
- Bart (from The Simpsons) as Percy
- Grandpa Dave (from Arthur) as Toby
- Gort, Wart and Mort (from Garfield/US Acres) as The Horrid Lorries
- Big Mickey (from TUGS) as Cranky
- Mater (from Cars) as Butch (does not speak)
- Edd (from Ed, Edd n Eddy) as Edward (cameo)
- Garfield (from Garfield and Friends) as Gordon (cameo)
- Spike (from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic) as Duck (cameo)
- Mario (from Mario) as Donald (cameo)
- Patty and Selma (from The Simpsons) as Annie and Clarabel (cameo)
- Mayor Adam West (from Family Guy) as Sir Topham Hatt (cameo)
- Lazy Luke (from Wacky Races) as Jem Cole (cameo)
- Everyone else as Themselves
Narrator: "It was a busy time at the docks. All the TV Characters were working hard, pushing and pulling goombas about.
One morning, Bart was late. Big Mickey the Crane was quick to criticize."
Big Mickey: "These ships can't be kept waiting, they have important cargo. If they miss the tides, they will be delayed in the docks. You should look up to ships, and show more respect. You are after all, only little."
Bart: "We've got too much work."
Narrator: "Huffed Bart."
Big Mickey: "Then perhaps a pig should do your job."
Narrator: "Bart was shocked.
He told the other TV Characters what Big Mickey had said."
Schemer: "Stuff and nonsense!"
Narrator: "Snorted Schemer."
Homer: "We TV Characters run this land."
Narrator: "Said Homer."
Bart: "What if a pig does arrive?"
Narrator: "I'm afraid it did, along with 2 more.
Big Mickey was delighted."
Big Mickey: "Hey you down there! Your job's done now. These pigs are taking over. One of them wants to talk to you."
Narrator: "The pig was very rude."
Wart: "What's that steaming lump of Scrap Iron doing here? Be off with you!"
Bart: "Scrap Iron? Steaming Scrap Iron? Pah!"
Narrator: "A little later, Bart met up with RS Mr. Conductor and Schemer. Another pig was being rude to them, then he saw Bart."
Gort: "Oh look, it's a little red Goblin on 2 feet. You'll be scrapped. Just you wait and see!"
RS Mr. Conductor: "Well bust my hands, what a horrid pig!"
Narrator: "Exclaimed RS Mr. Conductor."
Narrator: "Agreed Schemer.
The next character to meet a pig was Grandpa Dave."
Wart: "Well, well, well! No wonder this land's in a mess. You belong in a museum, not working in a quarry."
Grandpa Dave: "I might look old, but I'm very useful!"
Wart: "Useful? Pah!"
Narrator: "Replied the pig."
Wart: "Just you toodle off!"
Grandpa Dave: "TOODLE?!"
Narrator: "Spluttered Grandpa Dave."
Grandpa Dave's Driver: "Come along, Grandpa Dave!"
Narrator: "Interrupted his Driver."
Grandpa Dave's Driver: "Don't bother arguing with him! We'll go to the Flour Mill instead."
Narrator: "But when they arrived, Grandpa Dave was shocked to see yet another pig."
Grandpa Dave: "What are you doing here?"
Mort: "We 3 are doing your work now. You're too slow."
Narrator: "The Foreman spoke to Grandpa Dave's driver."
Foreman: "I'm sorry. Times are changing I'm afraid."
Grandpa Dave's Driver: "Grandpa Dave might be old."
Narrator: "Replied his driver"
Grandpa Dave's Driver: "But he's reliable!
Come on Grandpa Dave, we'll go to the farms. They'll still use us."
Narrator: "Grandpa Dave trundled sadly away.
His roadway ran through a narrow gorge. But vehicles had to tackle a steep and dangerous road.
When Grandpa Dave arrived, he saw the pig from the Quarry again. He was loaded with rocks."
Grandpa Dave: "That pig's in trouble!"
Narrator: "Thought Grandpa Dave. And he was."
Narrator: "The driver was thrown clear."
Wart's Driver: "Rotten roads!"
Narrator: "He muttered. The wrecked pig was taking to the docks.
Bart looked at the pig."
Bart: "What's this lump of Steaming Scrap Iron?"
Narrator: "He teased."
Wart: "I'll be back!"
Narrator: "Replied the pig."
Wart: "So you can wipe that silly smile off your face."
Narrator: "Said Bart, and wheeshed him loudly.
Then Mater the Tow Truck arrived. He was towing the pig from the Flour Mill."
Grandpa Dave's Driver: "What happened?"
Narrator: "Asked Grandpa Dave's driver."
Workman: "He was over-loaded with flour."
Narrator: "Came the reply."
Workman: "And he got hurt!"
Grandpa Dave: "Not very useful now, are you?"
Narrator: "Said Grandpa Dave."
Wart and Mort: "GRRRRR!"
Narrator: "Replied the pigs.
Then Schemer whistled excitedly."
Schemer: "They're bringing the 3rd pig on a barge! What happened to that one?"
Narrator: "Schemer asked."
Tow Truck Man: "Stupid pig was reversing and fell straight into the sea."
Narrator: "Said the Tow Truck Man.
Later, RS Mr. Conductor arrived. He looked at the 3 pigs, and laughed."
RS Mr. Conductor: "Well, well, well! The Brother's Grimm! Smashed, Broken and Sunk!"
Narrator: "The pigs didn't return! And the TV Characters now worked even harder to make sure they never will."