I Now Pronounce You Ed and Wife is a mini-crossover based on (in some parts) the Everybody Loves Raymond episode, "Robert's Wedding". This mini-special focuses on Edd and Jackie getting married and takes place after Thomas And The Magic Railroad (Fantasy Crossover Edition)". It also features two Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends stories, and 4 songs.
- Thomas Stories told by Tara Strong
- Happy Ever After
- Lady Hatt's Birthday Party
- Nacqui All'Affanno.... Non Piu Mesta (by Jackie Evancho)
- Bienvenido Nuestro Amor" ["Welcome Our Love"] (by Il Volo)
- "Grande Amore" ["Big Love"] (by Il Volo)
- Put One Foot In Front Of The Other (by Thomas, Gordon, and the other engines)
- (Mini-special opens inside a hotel in England with Bart struggling to put on his suit)
- Bart: *grunts and groans* Stupid suit! Why can't formal gatherings let me wear something cool?! *laugh track*
- Lisa: *opens the door and arrives with Timmy & Bubbles' kids (younger)*
- Lisa: Okay, Bart, you ready--? *gasps* Bart?! *laugh track*
- Bart (annoyed): What?! *laugh track in unison*
- Lisa: Mom said you were supposed to be ready by 7:00 AM dressed and ready--, (to Tommy and Tammy) sorry kids, it's okay, you can go down, Lisa's yelling at her brother *laugh track*, (to Bart) they were waiting for you for a pretty long time, it's a 2-hour drive to the Island Of Sodor from here (where the wedding was going to take place), Eddward is a dreadful nervous wreck, and already Mom is yelling at Dad for dropping a bacon, egg & cheese breakfast sandwich on his tux! *laugh track*
- Bart: Edd and Jackie should just buy a legal document that makes them officially married. No wedding required! *laugh track*
- Lisa (sarcastically): Oh, if you really think that, why don't you tell that to the newlywed himself (referring to Edd)?!
- Bart (sarcastically): Oh, I'm so scared, Lisa! What is Edd gonna do, put my face in his wedding cake?! *laugh track*
- Lisa: *unenuthiastically stares at Bart, annoyed groan* I have no time for this. *leaves the room and heads downstairs and out to the car with Timmy's kids*
- Bart: *scoffs* Tree hugger. *laugh track* (scene fades into the Cathedral bathroom where Edd was a dreadful nervous wreck with Rudy dressing him in his groom outfit)
- Homer (frustrated): *opens and enters the bathroom door* Watch out, I got bacon, egg & cheese sandwich on my nuts! *laugh track* *Homer goes to the sink and started washing his hands* (in unison to washing his hands / grumpily) What's YOUR issue?! *laugh track*
- Edd (nervously): Uh nothing Homer, umm... what's seems to be troubling you if you are troubled?
- Homer (just finished washing his hands): I AM troubled because I found out it's gonna be a stupid cash bar! *laugh track* And the worst part is they don't serve Krusty Burgers and rib-wiches. *laugh track* So, no offense, Double-boy but the wedding reception party's gonna reek. *laugh track*
- Edd: I don't understand why you're grumbling about later's wedding reception but you must understand that it was nice of Jackie's kind parents, the Evanchos to help me and my parents pay for the wedding.
- Homer: D'oh! Don't tell me I had to chip in! *laugh track*
- Edd: No, Homer it's just it's common generosity.
- Homer (sarcastically): Really? And if their "generosity" paid off, there would be a full bar, free of charge, and all the Duff Beer you can drink! *laugh track*
- Edd: *unenuthiastically stares at Homer / laugh track*
- Homer: What?! *laugh track*
- Edd (calmly): Not to be rude but can I please have my space of fitting, thank you?
- Homer: All right, sheesh! I'm going to the pews. *shuts the door* (voice only) To vomit. *laugh track*
- Edd: *nervous sigh and groan*
- Timmy: *enters the door* Morning, Double-Dude. You ready for later?
- Edd: (nervously): Ummm... probably.
- Timmy: What's the matter, Edd? You seem to be shaking like a leaf.
- Edd: Oh, I'm such a nervous wreck, Timmy. Last night, I had a nightmare about getting Marie Kanker flashbacks and me getting "married" to her, having me reluctantly setting Jackie up, causing her to cry and me waking up this morning in tears, and Homer just said that my wedding party is going to reek! *shakes and tears up out of nerves* I just don't hope my dream becomes a reality.*softly cries*
- Timmy: Eh, don't listen to "Mr. S-M-R-T". *laugh track* And plus, the Kankers were arrested in Ustinkistan (as in the "Fairly Odd Parents / in Asia) for stealing somebody's lost wallet saying "Edd" on it, and it wasn't yours! *laugh track* Luckily they're in solitary confinement for life... and possibly marrying their own cell-mates on the solitary confinement prison wall. *laugh track* And trust me, Eddward, they are cuffed to the wall (as the way seen on Shrek 2, despite it wasn't a medieval Bastille), (in unison, takes out his phone from his tux pocket) just take a look at my LIVE prison check app on my phone.
- Marie (on Timmy's phone): This stinks!
- May (on Timmy's phone): It wasn't my fault I picked up the wrong wallet and got us "glued" to the wall! *laugh track*
- Lee (on Timmy's phone): Everything's your fault May--. *Timmy exits app / laugh track*
- Edd: *huge sigh of relief* Now Marie can't wreck the wedding.
- Timmy: And trust me, law enforcement is SEVERELY strict and tight with those seducers.
- Edd: Oh, bless you so so much, Timmy. Anyway, I still feel dreadfully nervous inside.
- Timmy: Hey, don't worry, Edd. Try coping with a positive attitude. Like Percy would. Doesn't today remind you of him?
- Edd: I'm afraid I can't follow you on that, Timmy, as I can't see Percy a nervous wreck. *laugh track*
- Timmy: Come on, Edd, you remember that wedding on Sodor, don't ya? Plus, you and your engine, Percy (who Edd works with) know that I am wedding experienced. Especially from our time stopping Dorky and that no-good baddie on wheels! (in reference to when he married Bubbles in Thomas & the Magic Railroad (Fantasy Crossover Edition)) *laugh track*
- Edd (nervously): No wonder why Percy asked me why were you shaking that day!
- Timmy: Ah, Don't worry Edd. I spoke to Jackie not too long ago and she was dreadfully nervous as well, but she did say that she loves you so much like the brother you always were to her.
- Edd: I'm refurbished to know she said that!
- Timmy: Good! Now here's my advice to you. *reaches into his tuxedo pocket, pulls out his whistle, blows whistle and "Happy Ever After" begins*
- (Jackie in the women's restroom)
- Jackie: I'm definitely not ready for this.
- (Then Bubbles came in)
- Bubbles: Hi, Jackie!
- Jackie (nervously): Oh, h-h-hi, Bubbles.
- Bubbles: You sound sick, Jackie. Are you ok? Being sick wouldn't be much good for a wedding.
- Jackie: Well...I guess am sick, Bubbles. Sick with fright. I looked forward to this day for so long, but now that it's here, I don't know about going through with marriage.
- Bubbles: (soft gasp) Jackie. Edd would be so disappointed. He loves you very much!
- Jackie: I love him too, Bubbles. We're like the brother and sister we never were.
- Bubbles: But if you don't let your wedding day go the way they're meant to be, you'll never be the happily married couple you were meant to be! I would be so sad!!
- Jackie: You don't have to be sad for me, Bubbles. You got married to Timmy and have two beautiful and nice kids.
- Bubbles: But, Jackie, I wouldn't feel right knowing I wouldn't care. I care deeply about you and all my friends!
- Jackie: That's a really beautiful thing to say, Bubbles. I'm glad we're friends.
- (The two hug sweetly)
- Bubbles: And by the way, Jackie. I know someone else who's as committed to his life partner as Edd is to you.
- Jackie: Who?
- Bubbles: Sir Topham Hatt! Remember, he ran through some nasty obstacles just to reach his wife, Lady Hatt!?
- Jackie: I loved that story. If I heard it right now, I think it would make me feel better and help me through my anxiety.
- Bubbles: Well, Jackie, this is your lucky day. Aside from marrying the man you love, I have something that'll help us out at this moment. Ta-da! (in unison, she pulled a silver whistle out from behind her)
- Jackie: Now YOU have a whistle?! How many of our friends have a story whistle?!
- Bubbles: Exactly, twelve. Anyway, my Timmy Bear gave me this as a present to welcome me to my new job in Shining Time! I was so happy that now I would get to tell stories about Thomas and all his friends! It was such an honor!!!
- Jackie: I'm happy for you, Bubbles.
- Bubbles: And you were telling me I didn't have to care for you? But, all that aside, enjoy! (blows whistle and "Lady Hatt's Birthday Party" begins)
- Homer (in a groaning way): *groans* Come on, Marge! *laugh track*
- Marge (while pulling Homer's arm with Homer's plate from the buffett in Homer's other hand): C'mon Homie! Your food on your plate is getting cold!
- Homer: *groans* C'mon you know I don't like that table! They stuck us in the corner by the kitchen!
- Marge (while sitting down at Table 24 of 25 tables): I don't know what's gotten into a grumpypuss like you? *laugh track*
- Homer: Marge. don't you see this table placement is a dumb insult?! We're at 24 out of 25 tables! And we have to share a table with a bunch of embarrassing family idiots--!
- Marge: *covers Homer's mouth* Homie?!
- Ned Flanders: What was that, Homer?
- Homer: Nothing! I'm just gonna eat my food! *mutters underneath his breath* *scene cuts to Jackie and Edd at their table*
- Edd: You know, the wedding didn't turn out to be a nightmare after all. The wedding was complete success!
- Jackie: I thought the same but everything turned out to be just fine. *she and Edd kiss on the lips* *scene cuts to the DJ, DJ Ryland*
- D.J Ryland: And now, please welcome 3 of our special performers this evening, 3 of Edd and Jackie's dear friends, Gianluca, Piero, and Ignazio, Il Volo as they perform "Bienvenido Nuestro Amor" ("Welcome Our Love") and "Grande Amore" ("Big Love"). *people applaud and intro for "Bienvenido Nuestro Amor"*
- Piero: We know this-a-you favorite song you 2.
- Gianluca: So we dedicate-a-this song to you, our newlyweds. *Il Volo begins singng "Bienvenido Nuestro Amor"*
- (in Jackie & Edd's bedroom)
- Edd (as he was finishing silently reading his book, "Biology For The Astute"): Ready for bed, Hon?
- Jackie (in the bathroom): I'll be out in a sec, Dubs!
- Edd: I'll prepare for bed in the meantime. *shuts his book, and puts in his alphabetized shelf, as he walks to the bed, Jackie opens the door and see's Jackie in her pajamas* Hi, Jackie--. Wow y-y-you look really... fascinating in those pajamas.
- Jackie: I THOUGHT they suited me. *giggles, and Edd giggles along with her, then Jackie comes into bed and settles in with Edd*
- Jackie: So um... what would you like to talk about?
- Edd: I suppose there's...problems we could speak of.
- Jackie: Problems? Why, dear?
- Edd: You see, Hon, talking about problems with another individual IS the key to healing mental wounds i.e hurt feelings.
- Jackie: Oh, I can truly understand, dear. Especially if some things are hard to move away from.
- Edd: Quite so, Turtle dove. Not to mention the pain caused by those unrelenting Kanker sisters!
- Jackie: Those were the ones that claimed I "wasn't real", and seduced you right in front of me! (in reference to the "Mr. Conductor & Timmy Turner's Thomas Tales With Friends" episode, "You Hurt My Eds!") *sighs* I'm glad that I tugged you in the house to safety, and knocked the what Timmy would say, crud out of them to save you after they eavesdropped on us from your upstairs window.
- Edd: Bless you, Jackie. They used to make so much melee for me and Ed! And of course, a certain other so-called friend whom I will get to shortly. Marie would always seduce me! Sometimes, even all three of them despite their respective feelings. Of course, there was the time I unwittingly dropped a large book on Lee's foot (referring to "A Fistful of Ed"), but I abhor violence nonetheless!
- Jackie: I still can't believe you did such a thing! I know you didn't mean to, it's just shocking to hear you brought physical pain onto someone.
- Edd: Thankfully, Eddy stood up for me to them. Oh, and that is just one of many rare times Eddy had my back! The one other time I can name is when he assisted me to assert myself when my lack of strength was the laugh of the lane! (referring to "Tag Yer Ed") And true, he owned up on our big journey from our biggest scam gone wrong. (referring to "Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy's Big Picture Show") But even after that, he unbelievably reverted back to his greedy, insensitive ways! You were right about him, dear! (sobs on Jackie's shoulder)
- Jackie: *puts hand on Edd's head, and shushes calmly* Awww.... please calm down, dear. Until you met Eddy's brother and saw him for the monster he is, Ed and Eddy were your only friends. But the rest of the cul-de-sac kids had a change of heart about you 3, but then suddenly turned on Eddy when he thought only of himself again. After the time Eddy hospitalized you (in reference to the "Mr. Conductor and Timmy Turner's Thomas Tales With Friends" episode, "Safe And Ed"), you began to know the real Eddy and how much of a manipulative bully he was all along to you, after I told you his true evil side. It's a good thing you told Eddy off and officially ended your friendship with that manipulative evildoer.
- Edd: Thank you, Jackie. Why, I still haven't forgotten the times he abandoned me in the blizzard and you had to come to my rescue and save my life (in reference to the "Mr. Conductor & Timmy Turner's Thomas Tales With Friends" episode, "Walking In The Ed"). He refused me the use of his shower THRICE and to add insult to injury, he snapped photos of my filth-covered states the first two times unlike you who allowed me the use of YOUR shower the third time it happened healing me of the first two embarrassing memories. (referring to "Cleanliness is Next to Edness" [Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy], "Wash Behind your Ed" [Mr. Conductor's Thomas Tales of Peach Creek] and "Ed 'N' Dirty" [Mr. Conductor & Timmy Turner's Thomas Tales with Friends]) He showed no care or concern for when I fell off my bike and he merely ignored me caring more about tormenting Kevin and led Ed to follow HIM instead! (referring to the MC&TTTTWF episode, "My Ed Won't Start!") I also NEVER forgot about the INFAMOUS lies he told me saying you were planning to set me up on our date when it was your birthday, (referring to the MC&TTTTWF episode, "Kahun-Ed") OR with his Uncle Vinnie's help (Vinnie Raton from the Chalkzone episode, "Hole in the Wall') attempted to strand you after your concert (referring to the MC&TTTTWF episode, "Picking Up is Hard to Do") AND with help from Mojo Jojo and the Rowdyruff Boys, imprisoned me in a prison for good civilians to keep me from seeing you the day you moved to, what's no longer, our cul-de-sac. All because he ALWAYS hated you! Those actions showed how much of a remorseless, cold-hearted rapscallion he is. But, on the positive side, we made many new friends along the way such as you, Timmy, Bubbles, Rudy, Lisa and many others! People who NEVER abandon me, leave me in danger, attempt to strand you and NOTHING compared to Eddy.
- Jackie: That's right. I already knew Timmy and some of the others when he worked at Shining Time Station and we all helped you to bust out of the long-gone good guy jail AND we helped him to beat Eddy and Diesel 10!
- Edd: Why, who on earth could forget THAT?! When one must team up with a diesel engine who possesses a claw, they are truly the monsters deep down! If Eddy had been a true friend, he would never have teamed up with the mechanical, maniacal beast and call us "traitors"!
- Jackie: And Diesel 10 is twice as horrible as Eddy. He made Lady crash, terrorized the engines and tried to destroy them!
- Edd: Not only that, Eddy would have used Diesel 10 to destroy us, Ignazio, Ed and Timmy! But Timmy never gave up! We didn't either!
- Jackie: But that's all behind us now, Hon.
- Edd: That's right. Now that we're married, it's time to focus on the aspects of a married life. That means no more cul-de-sac shenanigans. But I'm also soon to begin my career as a NASCAR superstar, now that me and our friends have been recruited and hired by Mr. Fassler. (Foreshadowing the NASCAR wikis)
- Jackie: Oh yeah it would be great if you were working in NHL as the youngest coach of all time. (Foreshadowing the NHL wikis)
- Edd: I truly look forward to our future, my dear. While we will see our friends and make new ones along the way, I promise to make time for us alongside our work schedule!
- Jackie: Knowing you, Edd, you WILL wear the pants in our relationship. And no matter how bad Team REXCOR badmouths us--.
- Edd: *suddenly shakes in fear*
- Jackie: W-W-What's wrong, hon?
- Edd (calmly): Sorry, Jackie. I-I-It's just that I've became a nervous wreck again.
- Jackie (feeling very sorry for Edd): Dear, what's wrong?!
- Edd (calmly): It's just...while my esteem was up, I have thought...
- Jackie (calmly / kindly): What, Edd? You can tell me.
- Edd (calmly): Well, Jackie. Have you ever felt confident about going through with something that's a long time away and then as it gets closer, it becomes...intimidating...?! What if I'm not ready for the married life?!
- Jackie (calmly / kindly): Oh, Edd. I have. When I get nervous close to showtime, I do my special method...my penguin waddles. It always makes me feel better.
- Edd (calmly): Tell me, dear. Do you suppose if I tried that method, I would feel better?
- Jackie: (calmly / kindly) I wouldn't lie to you, Hon.
- Edd (calmly): I suppose it could be worth a try...
- Jackie (calmly / kindly): You can do it when you're alone or around me or anyone on Team FASTEX and almost nobody would laugh at you.
- Edd (calmly): Ok, darling. I believe you.
- Jackie (calmly / kindly): And in these times, I think Thomas and the other engines would give you this much therapeutic advice too.
- Edd: Well... I'm afraid I don't follow you on that, hon. I can't see the steam locomotives giving married couples marriage advice, but I would like to know if they can give marriage advice.
- Jackie (calmly / kindly): You really want to, Hon? *smiles*
- Edd (calmly / happily): Yes please, Turtledove.
- Jackie: Okay, hon. Just give me a little sec. *reaches into her bra and pulls out a silver whistle*
- Edd: Why, Jackie! You too now own a silver whistle!
- Jackie: *giggles* Of course. it was given to me by Bubbles as a good luck gift. I'm sure it'll help you tonight. *giggles* Anyway, come along, Dubs. *blows whistle and the scene transitions into the Island Of Sodor*
- Gordon: How can we teach wedding advice to Edd, little Thomas?! Would you think it would be hard and difficult for the now-married lad to learn how to handle a relationship and mature?
- Thomas: Difficult to mature, Gordon?! *laughs and spins his eyes* (while recovering from laughing and spinning his eyes) Edd will do it because, beginning and handling a married relationship is as easy as *intro to "Put One Foot In Front Of The Other" plays* taking your first step! *song begins, and Thomas begins to sing*
- (after song)
- Edd: That WAS therapeutic, dear. I'm feeling much more confident now that Thomas The Tank Engine, Gordon, and the other steam locomotives have assisted me. And by the way, I didn't know the steam locomotives could sing. How did they learn that?
- Jackie: (in a joking way) They probably had learned from their experiences while Christmas caroling over the years at Christmastime. *giggles*
- Edd: *chuckles* Jackie, dear, this has been a most glorious day for the both of us!
- Jackie: Despite the hardships you've spoken over?
- Edd: Even despite all that.
- Jackie: Let me settle ourselves in. *tucks both of them in*
- Edd (as he was hugging Jackie): Goodnight, my dear Jacqueline Queen, I love you.
- Jackie (as she was hugging Edd): Goodnight, Double-Dear...I love you with all my heart.
- [they both hug and kiss in bed and the episode ends]
- This is Bubbles' second and last time telling a Thomas Story.
- This mini-special will have a laugh track.
- This also concludes the Shining Time Station-related crossover wiki pages before everyone moved on to sports/music in their relationships.
- In the song, "Put One Foot In Front Of The Other", Thomas and Gordon's "singing voices" are voiced by Mickey Rooney (Thomas), and Keenan Wynn (Gordon).
- This is the music video used for "Put One Foot In Front Of The Other" (but with certain lyrics/dialogue changed; Credit goes to YouTube user, TrainTownProduction)