If I Only Had a Brian is the ninteenth episode of Digimon Adventure 2.

The English Version is written by Akiyoshi Hongo and Eric Goldberg.



(OPENING SCENE: The Jolly Roger. Dr. Frankenstein has got a bad cold from being thrown to the lake by Flamedramon.)

Dr. Frankenstein: (Sniffing) That cursed Flamedramon. Those Mangy DigiDestineds. Making a Fool out of me. (Begins to Sneeze loudly.) AAATTCCHOOOOO!!!!!!! (Splashes his head on a tub of water.) Oh, my head.

(Igor is hammering a note on the door in which we read "Quiet. Do not disturb". Mr. Starkey brought a kettle of Hot Water.)

Mr. Starkey: Oh, a Pirate's life is a wonderful life. A rolling over the Sea. Here's your Hot Water, Igor.

Igor: Shhhhh! Please. The poor Master has a splitting headache. We musn't annoy him.

(Unknown to Igor, Dr. Frankenstein got very irritated with all the noise Igor was causing. He peeks out when he opens the door and goes to grab Igor. Without noticing Dr. Frankenstein's presense, Igor starts hammering again and... finds Dr. Frankenstein's head instead off the door. Dr. Frankenstein felt dizzy and spins around and then finally sits on the chair while his eyes are rotating in different directions. Igor enters the room and almost trips over. He soon tip toes and takes a closer look to Dr. Frankenstein who seems to smile in a very weird way.)

Igor: Well Master, it's nice to see you smiling again. (Puts a Thenometer on Dr. Frankenstein's mouth.) Brings back the good ole' days when we were leaving a very healthy, normal life. Bringing a dead person back to life again and wanting to cheat death to the struggle. Oh Master, Master, Master, why don't we put to sea again? (Pours Hot Water on the Tub.) You know, there's trouble brewing on the Island. Women Trouble. I wouldn't want this to go any farther but, the First Mate told me that Mr. Starkey told him, that he heard, that they saw no sign of two DigiDestined and their Digimon. Also, he told me that two Genies are missing as well. Between you and me, Master, (Whispering) Davis and Yolei are separated from the group.

(As he talked, the Thenometer rose higher and higher until it pops like a bubble. With that, it causes Dr. Frankenstein to scream and spring into the air until he bumped his head on the ceiling. He also knocked out Igor into the air and onto the ground. He then grabs Igor by the shirt.)

Dr. Frankenstein: WHY YOU CLUMSY NINCOMPOOP! YOU SLOBBISH SNAKE! I....Did you say Davis and Yolei are separated from the group?

Igor: Ye..yes Master, i did.

Dr. Frankenstein: But why?

Igor: Well on a count of Dokugumon's Poison Thread, Master, Hawkmon saved Yolei's life, but unfortunately he got poisoned. So Davis decided to stay behind.

Dr. Frankenstein: Well, well, well.

Igor: That's why we ought to leave, Master. This ain't no place for a respectable Scientist like you.

Dr. Frankenstein: That's it, Igor! That's it!

Igor: I'm glad you agree with that, Master.

Dr. Frankenstein: Quick, me Clothes, me best Dressed Clothes.

Igor: Yes Master. The sooner we leave, the better.

Dr. Frankenstein: Ah yes, two seperate Members and their partners can be tricked into anything. My Case of Monocles!

Igor: Yes Master. Here you are, Master. Your Sunday Set, Master.

Dr. Frankenstein: If we impress Hawkmon and Veemon, convince them we're eager to help them, then they may chart our course to a certain hiding place for Davis and Yolei.

Igor: Our best hiding place is the Atlantic Ocean, Master. I'll pipe up the Crew and.... Ouch!

Dr. Frankenstein: Und just where do you think you are going, Igor?

Igor: To tell the boys that we sail to the tides of the Atlantic Ocean, Master.

Dr. Frankenstein: No, Igor, that's not what i had in mind.

Igor: So what's your idea, Master?

Dr. Frankenstein: You will go ashore, pick up Hawkmon und Veemon with a sack and bring them to me. (Loudly) UNDERSTAND??!!!!

Igor: Yes Master.

Mr Smee: Aye Aye sir.

Igor and Mr Smee: Let's go!

(Mr. Smee and Igor row off as fast as they could to capture Hawkmon and Veemon. Meanwhile, while the sun was rising, the remaining group is still on the Magic Carpet, searching for the Jolly Roger. Everybody was sleepng except for Zeppo, who was steering the Magic Carpet.)

Zeppo: I'd gotta do something to give them some rest.

(Zeppo takes out his telescope from his coat and looks around. He sees a cliff.)

Zeppo: Perfecto! Garurumon's Cliff! Just the perfect place for us to rest. (To Magic Carpet) Carpet, take us down to Garurumon's Cliff immediately.

(The Magic Carpet lands inside the cave of the cliff. Zeppo uses a torch to provide light in the darkness of the cave. Then he sits beside Cody, who is still sleeping, then starts to sleep.)

Zeppo: (Sighing) I hope Yolei and Davis are alright. They mean alot to us. (Then starts sleeping.)

(Back in the forest, Groucho and Chico were sleeping, while Veemon and Hawkmon are awake. Hawkmon is sitting on a branch of a tree while Veemon is doing his energetic exercize.)

Veemon: That's strange.

Hawkmon: What's strange?

Veemon: That Davis and Yolei look like they're in love. What is it that they're doing?

Hawkmon: (Laughing) Well, don't you know? They're Twitterpated.

Veemon: (Puzzled) Twitterpated?

Hawkmon: Yes. Nearly everybody gets Twitterpated by accident or on purpose. (Looks around and then floats down to the ground on a tree stump.) For example; (Clears throat) You're walking along, minding your own business. You're looking neither to the left, nor to the right. When all of a sudden, you runsmack into a pretty face. YIKES!!

(Veemon jumps and hides behind a bush.)

Hawkmon: You begin to get week in the knees, your head's in a whirl! And then you feel light as a feather and before you know it, you're walking on air. And then you know what?

Veemon: What?

Hawkmon: You're knocked out for a loop! And you completely lose your head!

(Hawkmon's head zips into his body, becoming headless.)

Hawkmon: See?

Veemon: Gosh that's awful.

Hawkmon: (His head pops out.) It is! And that ain't all. It can happen to anybody, so you'd better be careful. It can happen to you if you don't have a Brain.

Veemon: I do so have a Brain.

Hawkmon: Easy for you to say.

Veemon: Why with my Brain, i could do anything that i want.

Hawkmon: Like what, for example?

Veemon: For example? Well, for example...

(Song: If I Only Had a Brain from The Wizard of Oz)

Hawkmon: Well, in that case, looks like you can do anything with a Brain. I'm surprised that you don't get enough of the things that are considered useful just yet.

Veemon: I don't think so. For your information, i happen to be the smartest Digimon there is.

Hawkmon: Well, for your information, you are one blazing fiddlestick full of mud.

Veemon: Oh no i'm not! I am as plain as the nose on my face.

Hawkmon: Then so am i! And you are just a bunch of rotten junk about to be turned into a pile of dirt!

Veeemon: Then you are a pile of bricks about to be crushed by a stone crusher.

(Song: At the Grand Hotel/Table with a View from Grand Hotel)

Igor and Mr. Smee: Gotcha!!

Veemon: Hey, let us out!

Hawkmon: This is treason!

Mr. Smee: Begging your pardon, boys.

Igor: Sorry to grab you with our bag, but Dr. Frankenstein would like a word with you.

(At the Jolly Roger, Dr. Frankenstein plays Toccata and Fugue in D Minor by Johann Sebastian Bach, while Igor painting. Hawkmon and Veemon are sitting side by side.)

Veemon: So, have you accepted defeat, Frankenstein?

Hawkmon: Do you give?

Dr. Frankenstein: Ja, my boys. Dr. Victor Frankenstein admits defeat in the name of the Digimon Emperor. For tomorrow, the Jolly Roger will depart and leave the Digital World, never to return.

Igor: One Hundred Percent, for sure. I'll tell the crew and we'll get out of here.

(Dr. Frankenstein trips Igor over.)

Dr. Frankenstein: I didn't mean it, Igor.

Igor: Sorry, Master. I'll tell them later.

Hawkmon: Pardon me, but it is getting a little hot down here.

Veemon: Would you consider Air Conditioning?

Dr. Frankenstein: I could, but it seems that i'm practically busy playing my Organ.

Hawkmon and Veemon: (Covering their ears) We see!

Dr. Frankenstein: And that's why i asked you over, my dears, to tell Yolei and Davis, i bear them no ill will.

Veemon: Are you quite certain?

Dr. Frankenstein: Oh, but they have their own faults to be sure. Bringing you out of your Beauty sleep to wake you up. Even the Digimon Emperor got here for instance, dangerous business that.

Hawkmon: Yes, it was his fault!

Dr. Frankenstein: Why, rumor has it that already, they have come between you and the Digimon.

Hawkmon: You don't know what it's like to be loved.

Dr. Frankenstein: But what's this, a scar? Then it is true. (Tearfully) Oh, Igor, the way of a Man with a Woman. Finding two Digimon from mythical times. Taking the best of their lives, but then, casted all aside, (Whispering) like an old Glove.

Igor: Ain't it a blooming shame for two poor Digimons. But still, there's a chance.

Dr. Frankenstein: But we mustn't judge Davis and Yolei too harshly, my dears. It's that Dokugumon who's to blame.

Hawkmon: That's right, she poisoned me while i was saving Yolei from certain death.

Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, we must save the Digimon from themselves, but how?

Igor: No clue, Master. I haven't got a clue.

Dr. Frankenstein: Don't you know, Igor? We've so little time and so much to do. We Sail in the morning. Wait a minute, Sail! That's it, Igor!

Igor: Oomph!!

(Dr. Frankenstein knocked Igor to the ground who grabs a Bottle and puts it back.)

Igor: What's it, Master?

Dr. Frankenstein: We'll shanghai the DigiDestined!

Igor: Shanghai the DigiDestined, Master?

Dr. Frankenstein: Ja, we'll take them to Sea with us. With them gone, the Digital World and the Digimon will soon forget this so called "Mad Infatuation." First we get rid of the Control Spires, then we cut off the Electricity and finally we'll blow our cover.

Hawkmon: I don't like the sound of this.

Veemon: Me neither. Fortunately, i have a plan to stop this.

Dr. Frankenstein: Come Igor, we must leave immediately, we'll surround them in a giant circle!

Igor: But Master, what about Yolei and Davis? We haven't found them yet. After all, Hawkmon and Veemon are their Partners. We don't know where they are.

Dr. Frankenstein: Gotten Himmel, you're right Igor!

Veemon: Excuse us, Dr, but we can help you with that.

Dr. Frankenstein: What's that, my dears?

Hawkmon: We'll lead you on this map to show you where Davis and Yolei are.

Dr. Frankenstein: You could show us the way? Why, i never thought of that. Take this Igor.

Igor: Take this down, Igor. Yes Master. (Clears throat)

Dr. Frankenstein: Start at Kazemon's Creek.

Igor: Start at Kazemon's Creek.

Dr. Frankenstein: Forty paces west to Birdramon's Bluff.

Igor: Birdramon's Bluff.

Dr. Frankenstein: Yes, yes, continue. (Gulps) Hop, Skip and Jump across Gullermon's Peek. Then North by Northeast pass Gatermon's Nile, One, Two, Three...(Harshly) WELL, GET ON WITH IT!...(Sweetly) Continue my boys.

Veemon: Now, wait a minute, Dr. Frankenstein, you tried to get rid of us and you are one of them to blame!

Hawkmon: And what about the Control Spires? You had something to do with them!

Dr. Frankenstein: Are you saying that my Control Spires are destroying your world? Gotten Himmel! It's all just a big joke, i don't really like them at all. So i've decided to destroy the Control Spires and turn them into something like more complexing inventions. Weapons of Glory, Justice and Hope against the Darkness of Evil. But they will be more helpful and less dangerous! And as for the Dark Rings, i will burn them at the stake.

Veemon: And if you do find them, you won't harm Davis or Yolei, right!?!

Hawkmon: You must also swear not to harm the DigiDestined!

Dr. Frankenstein: I musn't harm the DigiDestined? Hawkmon, Veemon, my boys. You've cut me to the quick, very deep. Dr. Frankenstein gives his word, not to lay a Finger...

Hawkmon and Veemon: Or a Hook?

Dr. Frankenstein: Or a Hook on the DigiDestined. Not even a Weapon or Invention, cross the heart and hope to die.

Hawkmon and Veemon: Fine. (Marks x on the cliff.) There they are.

Dr. Frankenstein: Ah, Garurumon's Cliff. So that's the entrance to its hiding place for our two Turtle Doves.

(They grab Veemon and Hawkmon and threw them into the Dungeons.)

Dr. Frankenstein: Thank you me dears, you've been most helpful. (Laughs evily) Come Igor, pipe up the crew. We've got Romeo and Juliet to find.

Hawkmon: We've been bamboozled.

Veemon: Let's just hope Davis and Yolei will be okay.

(That night, the Digimon Emperor follows the Company through the jungles.)

Mr. Smee: Are you sure that Hawkmon and Veemon said that Davis and Yolei are at Garurumon's Cliff?

Igor: Positive, they showed us where they are on the map. All we have to do is follow their directions exactly as they said.

Dr. Frankenstein: Eureka! Garurumon's Cliff! Just the place we needed to find!

(At Garurumon's Cliff, the Company arrive at the entrance.)

Dr. Frankenstein: Now Yolei and Davis must be hiding somewhere, so we must scatter and look for them.

Captain Hook: Right you are, Frankenstein. They must be found. Scatter and look for them!

Pirates: Aye Aye Captain!

Dr. Frankenstein: And now, Igor, to take care of those mangy DigiDestined.

Igor: But Master, wouldn't it be more humane like to cut off their throats?

Dr. Frankenstein: Ja, that will work, Igor. But unfortunately, it's not gonna happen. Because, i already given my word of advice to Hawkmon and Veemon. "Not to lay a Finger or a Hook on the DigiDestined." (Chuckles) Und Dr. Victor Frankenstein never breaks a promise.

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