from: Captain Pennsylvania Goes West

Pants, Pants, Pants

When my housemates proposed that I join them for a trip into the city to see a band called Pants, Pants, Pants, my only expectations of the evening were that I would see a bit of the city and enjoy some liquid refreshment. It is fair to say that my expectations were exceeded.

Let me tell you about this band. They have three people: a female lead singer, a guy on bass, and another guy on drums. They all dress in the color gold, apparently at every show. When the music started, my excitement was increased: I generally assign a higher point value to bands fronted by women. The first song was just funky, with a little bit of a hard edge, and Lauren Lauren’s vocals were smooth and kind of jazzy.

At some point during the first number, a man in a tuxedo and a top hat—whose name, I would learn later, is Brian the Aristocrat—took a seat onstage in a giant inflatable leopard-print armchair. For the rest of the song, he just sat there sipping a Heineken. Also, during this song, Lauren started playing some instrument that is like a miniature keyboard with a tube that you blow into. My curiosity was definitely piqued.

So when, in the next song, (”Squeeze It”), a man wearing a giant sea otter puppet as a mask climbed on stage, I will say that I was at that point I was in the thrall of the events unfolding before me. The otter man and the aristrocrat proceeded to play Jenga as the drummer began tinkering with a laptop and a keyboard, softly reciting risque lyrics involving the cast of Full House:

I squeezed it like John Stamos because he was on TV /
He squeezed with Kimmy Gibbler (just between you and me) /
We squeezed like Danny Tanner, of this there is no doubt /
We squeezed with Uncle Joey, but he said ‘cut-it-out.’

Naturally, the requisite hand gestures were made during that last line. This is San Francisco, after all. This show is deeply ingrained in the city’s cultural lexicon.

The band is on hiatus now for a few months whilst the drummer, who goes by the name SysOp, marries one of the back-up singers (well, she just kind of jumped on stage and started singing) with the unlikely name of Rock n’ Roll Christmas Store. But rest assured I will seek them out again at the appropriate hour.

Until then, we can all entertain ourselves by visiting their website, and viewing their hilarious music video, which is a shot-for-shot remake of the opening sequence from Full House. Actually, both sequences (they changed it in the later seasons to include fan-fave Kimmy Gibbler in the opening). You can also listen to “Squeeze It” on the site, and make your own music with their nifty interface.

P.S.: The other bands on display last eve were Young People, who failed to impress despite the female lead’s vocal similarity to Bjork (I think she lost part of the audience when she described San Francisco as “a landscape of pain”), and the entertaining Danielson, who I would describe as The Presidents of the United States of America meets The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (think matching nautical uniforms).

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