Anger:[hands Pinky Malinky his tray of food] Here you go, sir. A King-Size Ultra Blobby Supreme with the works, double batter fried [puts a stick into the food] on a stick.
Pinky Malinky: Thanks! [walks off]
Anger: Barnaclehead. [Pinky Malinky comes back]
Pinky Malinky: Pardon me?
Anger:[holds up a mayonnaise bottle] You forgot your mayonnaise. [sets it on Pinky's tray]
Pinky Malinky: Thanks. [walks off and sits at his table]
Anger: Look at them eating that garbage. [Pinky bites into his food and squirts mayonnaise into his mouth] It's disgusting. They're sickening. I hate Blobby Patties.
Lincoln:[laughing from the kitchen window] Good one, Anger.
Anger: Good what?
Lincoln: Like you don't know. [hits Anger on the back of the head] Saying, [imitates Anger] "I hate Blobby Patties." [normal voice] That's hilarious! Everyone loves Blobby Patties.
Anger: Yeah, well, not me.
Lincoln:[silence, chuckles] You're good at that. [jumps on top of the window] Hey everyone! Anger says he doesn't like Blobby Patties. Ha! [everyone laughs]
Anger: Don't encourage them! They'll never leave.
Lincoln:[starts to grill more patties] Sorry, Anger, it's just so funny. You know what we say. [all the customers appear in the kitchen]
All: The only people who don't like a Blobby Patty, have never tasted one! [they all disappear]
Anger: That's me. Never had one, never will. [Lincoln flips a Blobby Patty through the ceiling of the Blobby Blob after hearing this]
Lincoln:[cleans out his ears] What? What did you say?
Anger: I've never had a Blobby Patty and never will.
Lincoln: I'm sorry... I don't...
Anger: I've never had a Blobby Patty. [Lincoln puts his glasses on and takes out a dictionary]
Lincoln: Those words. Is it possible to use them in a sentence together like that?
Anger: I've never had a Blobby Patty! I've never had a Blobby Patty! I've never had a Blobby Patty!
Lincoln:[takes off his glasses and throws away the dictionary] Never had a Blobby Patty?! Well, you've got to have one right now! [runs out of the kitchen holding a Blobby Patty] No wonder you're always so miserable! Here, try this.
Anger:[slaps the patty out of Lincoln's hand] Get that garbage outta my face! [Lincoln runs off and brings it back]
Lincoln: If you try it, you'll love it!
Anger: Try one of those radioactive sludge-balls you call food? Next, I suppose you'll want me to go square-dancing with Clyde. [pan over to Clyde dressed as a cowboy, standing next to Lincoln]
Lincoln:[to Clyde, whispering] Sorry, Clyde. [Clyde sighs and walks off sadly. Lincoln tries to give Anger the patty again] Come on, you're gonna—
Anger:[pushes the patty away] No.
Lincoln: Open up the tunnel, here comes the train. Choo-choo... [Anger slaps it away]
Lincoln:[reaches behind Anger's ear] Whoop! What's that in your ear? [pulls out a patty]
Anger: Quit it.
Lincoln: Come on, open wide!
Anger: Lincoln, if I were trapped at the bottom of a well, for three years, with nothing to eat but that Blobby Patty, I'd eat my own legs first... [walks out from behind the counter] and not just the extra ones. [walks off as Lincoln follows]
Lincoln: But it's good for you!
Anger:[turns around] G—good for you?! That thing is a heart attack on a bun!
Lincoln: No, Anger, I meant... good for your soul. [background turns to a heaven-like sky and Lincoln wearing wings and a halo and doves are seen flying in the background and a choir is heard]
Anger: Oh, puh-lease! I have no soul! [background turns to fire, and flying bats and evil laughter is heard. Anger walks off]
Lincoln: Okay, just half.
Lincoln: A quarter?
Lincoln: One bite?
Anger: No. [Anger enters the bathroom. When he opens a stall door, Lincoln shows him the patty]
Lincoln: Just smell it.
Anger: If I didn't want it out there, what makes you think I'd find it more appealing in here?! [slams the door. Cut to Anger washing dishes. Lincoln rises up, made with pink bubble in the sink, holding the Blobby Patty in his hand]
Lincoln: Come on, Anger.
Anger: No. [all the bubbles pop, including the Blobby Patty. Cut to Anger putting money in the register. Lincoln pops out of the register with coins on his head and eyes]
Lincoln: One bite.
Anger: No... [cash drawer shuts. Cut to Anger taking out the trash. Lincoln pops up from inside the trashcan, made with fruit and trash]
Lincoln: You won't be sorry.
Anger:[throws the garbage bag in the trash can]No! [turns around and sees Lincoln]
Lincoln: It's delicious...
Anger: Listen, Lincoln, how long are you prepared to keep this up? [Lincoln handcuffs himself to Anger. Anger takes the patty] Give me that! When I die...you stay away from my funeral. [looks at the patty, patty juice falls out] Ohh... do I really...
Lincoln: Ahhhhh... [Anger stretches his mouth] Eeeeee.... Oooooh-oooooh-oooh... [Anger takes a tiny bite of the Blobby Patty and smiles. Lincoln's eyes turn into hearts]
Anger: Why... this Blobby Patty may be the most... [suddenly angry] Horrible! Putrid! Poorly prepared! Vile! [Lincoln's eyes turn into atomic explosions] Unappetizing! Disgusting excuse for a sandwich, that has ever been my displeasure to have slither down my throat!
Anger:[throws the patty on the ground and stomps on it] And I curse this Blobby Patty, and all who enjoy them, to an early and well-deserved grave! [puts a tombstone on top of the patty with 'R.I.P.' and a picture of a patty on it] Get it?
Lincoln: But, it doesn't make any sense. The Blobby Patty is an absolute good. Nobody is immune to its tasty charms.
Anger: Nobody but me.
Lincoln: Are you sure?
Anger: Does this look unsure to you? [close-up of Anger's face]
Anger: Good! Now go spread the word!
Anger:[Lincoln's eyes well up with tears as he walks back into the Blobby Blob. When he shuts the door, Anger gasps and digs for the Blobby Patty] Come on! Come on! Come on! [holds up the Blobby Patty covered in sand] Ah... still alive! [shoves the whole thing in his mouth] Oh, soooo delicious! [cries] Oh...! All the wasted years...! [licks the ground] I gotta have more. I gotta have more! [runs to the back of the Blobby Blob and is about to open the door but doesn't] But wait! [stands by the window. His eyes float over to the side of his face looking at Lincoln grilling] After that performance, he'd never let me live it down! I gotta sneak one. Just one, then... I'm off the stuff for good!
Lincoln: I didn't think it was possible, but, I guess some people just don't like Blobby Patties. [flips one in the air. Anger peaks through the window]
Anger: Uhh, Lincoln?
Lincoln: Yes, Anger?
Anger: I need a Triple Blobby Supreme on a kelp bun, [gets more excited] with— with extra pickles and, and burn it to a crisp, okay?
Lincoln: Coming right up! [flips the patties again] Listen, Anger. I want to apologize for before. I was only trying to make you happy. [Anger moans and groans. His pupils flip as the patty does] But I guess deep down inside, I was trying to make myself happy, but now I've learned there's room for all kinds of people in this crazy old [indistinct. Anger licks his lips] ...and they all don't have to like the same things. [the steam from the patties forms a figure and it kisses Anger's nose then disappears]
Anger: Don't go...
Lincoln: ...And while I strongly disagree with your decision, I accept it. [Lincoln holds up the Blobby Patty. Anger tries to take a bite but Lincoln takes it away and Anger's face goes into the grill] You know, it's not often I get to make one like this. I want to see the look on their face when they take that first bite. [walks off. Anger looks up with a burnt face. Lincoln walks out of the kitchen] Triple Blobby Supreme! Triple Blobby Supreme! Did somebody order a Triple Blobby Supreme? Huh, they must've left.
Anger: Well, why don't you just, uh, leave it out here, in case they come back.
Lincoln: Noooope, a patty this special should be eaten fresh, and... well... I haven't had one of these babies in over twenty minutes, so... [eats the whole patty in one bite. Anger gasps] Well, whoever they were, they had great taste! [Anger groans and chatters then starts to cry] Ahh, they don't know what they're missing. Well, back to work! [walks back into the kitchen]
Anger: What do I have to do? Eat one out of the garbage? [Griffin with a big belly walks up to the trash can with a partially eaten Blobby Patty]
Griffin: I wish I could eat this, but I'm so darn full. Oh well. [drops the patty in the garbage]
Anger: I had to say garbage... but, okay! [runs to the garbage can. Inhales deeply and eats everything in the garbage can. When he lifts up his head, the Blobby Patty is the only thing left in the garbage. He spits out what's in his mouth and grabs the Blobby Patty. Lincoln runs over and grabs it out of his hand]
Lincoln: Oh no, what's this doing here?! This patty should be cremated! [runs to the furnace and throws it in and cries. Anger walks up] I know you didn't like him, but... it means so much that you came. [runs off as Anger starts crying. Cut to nighttime where Anger is sitting in his chair, still crying, when there is a knock on the door. Anger answers it and it's a giant Blobby Patty. Anger kisses it and sighs. Cut to Anger having dinner with the patty, marrying the patty [where Pizza Steve talks inaudibly], having a child with the patty, and growing old with it. Dream sequence ends]
Anger: Hmm, honey... [wakes up] What? Oh... I have got to get my hands on a Blobby Patty! And no one's gonna stop me! [runs out of his house, panting, but tiptoes past Lincoln's house, then pants some more to the Blobby Blob, putting his face up against the door] There it is! [Zooms into the Patty Vault through the Blobby Blob kitchen window. Cut to scene where he walks up to the Patty Vault, wide-eyed, and opens the door to reveal hundreds and hundreds of Blobby Patties.]
Anger: Holy shrimp! I don't know where to start. [picks up a patty] All that matters is that it's just you... and me... and nobody...
Lincoln: Anger? [Anger's face drops] Is that you?
Anger:[turns around] Lincoln? Uh, uh, uh... what are you doing here? [points at Lincoln. While pointing at him, he notices he's showing the patty in his hand and puts it behind his back again]
Lincoln: I always come to work at 3am. This is when I count the sesame seeds. [takes off his green hat]What are you doing here?
Anger: Uhh, I forgot my...
Lincoln: And why is the patty vault open?
Anger: Oh, I thought that...
Lincoln: And why are you holding a patty behind your back?
Anger: I... I... I... no, I didn't do...
Lincoln: And why are you acting so nervous? And why are you sweating so much? And why do you look so hungry? And... [grins]
Anger: No, no, wait... it's not what you think. Th-this is a big misunderstanding. You've got to believe me, I... Listen, I am telling you... [jumps up and down] You better listen to me, Lincoln!
Lincoln: You like Blobby Patties, don't you, Anger? [Anger begins to sweat then slams the door on Lincoln]
Anger: Yes! Yes! I admit it, Lincoln! I love Blobby Patties! [eats two patties]
Lincoln: I knew it all along, Anger. No one can resist a Blobby Patty! [Anger eats a bunch of Blobby Patties in all sorts of ways, even a dozen at a time] Anger! How many are you eating? Anger! [Anger keeps eating all the Blobby Patties in the vault, Pac-Man style] Anger, you can't eat all those patties at one time! Anger! [As soon as he ate dozens of Blobby Patties]
Anger: What's gonna happen? Am I gonna blow up?
Lincoln: No, worse, it'll go right to your body!
Anger: My body? [pan down showing Anger's enlarged body, Anger looks at body]
Lincoln: ...and then you'll blow up! [Blobby Blob explodes. Anger's head is sitting on the ambulance's bench while his body is in a bucket]
Bigweld:[laughs] Yeah, I remember my first Blobby Patty.
Lincoln Loud as SpongeBob
Anger as Squidward
Bigweld as Joe
Pinky Malinky as Harold
Griffin as Frank
Clyde as Patrick (Cameo)
Pizza Steve as Nat (Cameo)
Fear,Joy,Sadness,Remy,Fender,Emile,Robot Jones,Adam Flayman, Wonderbot,and Red as the other Customers (Cameo)
Blobby Anger (Made-up Character) as Krabby Tentacles
Ooglyeye (Me) as Lincoln,Griffin,Pinky Malinky,Red,Emile,Robot Jones,and Fear
Lucas Bradley as Anger,Clyde,Remy,and Adam Flayman