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(The boy is playing a pretend game that is his performance of a story. He starts hidden under the table. The set is just a table with a tablecloth over it that goes all the way to the floor.)
Narrator: (The Narrator is the boy wearing Groucho Marx glasses) You've all heard the legend of the Leftover boy, how he stormed the castle of St. Malo, how he conquered the whole kingdom of Scotland in a week and how, when fleeing from the evil Prince Erik the Red, he learned to fly and saved the whole cloud nation from dissolving and seduced the beautiful twin princesses of the sky.
Yes, you all know that story by heart, as well as you know your own sock drawers. But you've never heard it like this - (TAKES OFF GLASSES AND RUNS TO THE TABLE)
LB: (POKES HEAD OUT FROM UNDER TABLE)Aha! Today I invade. Duke, bring forth my minions. To Arms! To Arms! We must take Scotland before the dragons return! Charge!
Narrator: A glorious battle ensued. Knocks over little toy soldier? There were many casualties. Our hero's side was devastated. But he took one solder's sword and slew like a billion enemies (TAKES OFF GLASSES AND SLAYS LIKE A BILLION ENEMIES)
LB: Take That! and that, and that! Ha ha! You're all sissies! Anyone else? Bring it on! You're not men, you're mice! Is there even anybody left to fight? You! (POINTS TO SOMEBODY IN THE AUDIENCE) Are you with them ? Ha! That's right, claim ignorance. Last refuge of the vanquished. I claim this land in the name of King Boy! From sea to sea I shall rule as I please here. There is not a dessert in the land that shall be untasted by me. I invoke Primus Dessertus.
Narrator: And thus was Scotland beholden to a new king.