List of characters in Master Chief Sucks at Ordering

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This is a list of characters in Master Chief Sucks at Ordering, a Youtube series by UltraHyperShadow.

Main cast

  • Master Chief (1.1-Present)
  • The Arbiter (1.5-Present)
  • Cortana (2.1-Present, guest starred in M.5)
  • The King (2.1-Present, guest starred in 1.10, all minisodes, and the movie)
  • Hillary Clinton (2.4-Present, guest starred in M.4, M.5, and 2.3)

Former main cast

  • CATS (1.1-1.10, guest stars in the movie and 2.5)

Recurring guests

Note: Episode numbers in bold denote the episode in which the character died.

  • Jack Thompson (1.4, 1.9, M.3, M.4, M.5, Movie, 2.3, 2.5)
  • Tom Cruise (1.9, M.2, M.4, M.5, 2.1, 2.5, 2.6, 2.7, 2.11)
  • The Angry Video Game Nerd (M.1, M.2, M.5, 2.4, 2.6, 2.7, 2.8, 2.9, 2.11)
  • Chris Hansen (M.2, M.3, M.5, 2.4, 2.6, 2.7, 2.8, 2.9, 2.11)
  • Chad Warden (M.1, M.5, 2.4, 2.6, 2.7)
  • Barack Obama (M.3, M.4, 2.3, 2.4, 2.6)
  • L. Ron Hubbard (1.5, 1.7, 1.9, 2.5)
  • Sergeant Johnson (Movie, 2.5, 2.8, 2.11)
  • Joe Biden (2.3, 2.4, 2.6)
  • Anonymous (1.5, Movie)


Master Chief

A rude, idiotic, unhelpful soldier with limited combat abilities. He has only one real friend, the Arbiter, who he is regularly annoying towards. He usually attempts to do the right thing, although in unusual ways and with varying levels of success. In season 2 he is revealed to be the "Chosen One" who is destined to defeat the King. However, this is called into question when it is revealed a time-travelling Master Chief informed Cortana of the prophecy she herself told him about, meaning it is not actually a prophecy but a predestination paradox.

The Arbiter

The more calm and level-headed friend of Master Chief. He is smarter and less obnoxious than Master Chief. He usually attempts to help his friend even though Master Chief is annoying, such as informing him that Scientology is evil or helping him triangulate the King's position. He is captured by Tom Cruise in the season 1 finale. In the following season premiere, he elects to stay behind in the prison when Master Chief escapes, claiming to have his own plan. He later escapes with knowledge of the King's plot.


She appears at the end of the final minisode to tell Master Chief he fulfills a prophecy to save the world. She seems to have future seeing powers to some extent and has a past history of conflict with Hillary Clinton.

Sergeant Johnson

A vulgar military sergeant who was the overseer of the SPARTAN project that produced Master Chief. He first appeared in the movie in flashbacks and is shown in the same time period when Master Chief time travels to his own birth, accidentally giving Johnson the idea for the armor Master Chief wears.


A group of vigilantes wearing Guy Fawkes masks, Anonymous hates Scientology and assists Master Chief in freeing Xenu and defeating the cult temporarily.

Deceased heroes

Barack Obama

The Democratic candidate for president of the US. Appears in the fourth minisode to help Master Chief. He is mentioned in the third minisode as having captured Scientologists, and that his weaknesses are John McCain and Hillary Clinton. He later has a fistfight with John McCain on election day. Although he wins the election, he decides to sacrifice himself by distracting Hillary Clinton and the Network and is killed in a dramatic montage.

Joe Biden

Obama's running mate and Sarah Palin's archenemy. He first appears in "Master Chief Sucks at Voting." He and Obama win the election but end up sacrificing themselves to the Network; Biden is shot by an assassin and Obama is killed by Hillary Clinton. Interestingly, Biden and Anonymous are the only two major characters to share the same voice actor; it is unknown if this is intentional.

Mario, Luigi, Link, and Samus

Four Nintendo characters recruited by Master Chief in the third episode. Samus has a cameo role in "Master Chief Sucks at Online Dating." Mario, Link, and Samus also appear (without Luigi) in the season finale, where they fight CATS and are captured. Their whereabouts are unknown as Master Chief made no effort to rescue them when he escaped from prison. A blog post later revealed that Mario, Link, and Samus were killed in the prison for being "redshirts," or useless minor characters meant to be killed. Luigi "died of a heart attack after eating too much spaghetti."[1]


The archenemy of Scientology, Xenu is freed by the heroes in "Master Chief vs Scientology" and fights L. Ron Hubbard, but is killed.


Main article: The Network

The King

The leader of the group who is first mentioned at the end of "Master Chief Sucks at Making Videos." Finding him is the goal of the season finale, and Master Chief meets him at the end of the episode, where he reveals himself as the mascot of Burger King. He kills CATS, who he claims has outlived his usefulness. He is working on a doomsday device and captured Master Chief after their meeting in the finale. It is revealed he is affiliated with a shadow government called "the Network." The King is revealed in a major plot twist to have been a normal McDonalds employee who was told to leave his job by none other than a time traveling Master Chief.

Hillary Clinton

A former Democratic presidential nominee beaten by Barack Obama. Her face is scarred and she wears makeup like the Joker from The Dark Knight. She is recruited to defeat Obama, but her annoyance at the villains' sexist behaviors make her strike out on her own, unaffiliated with them. She does, however, ally herself with the Network again to kill Obama.

Tom Cruise

Introduced in the season 1 finale, Tom Cruise takes over Scientology after Hubbard's death and captures the Arbiter. In the minisodes, he places child porn on Master Chief's computer to get him arrested. It is later revealed that Cruise only joined Scientology because a time-travelling Master Chief told him to.

The Angry Video Game Nerd

A retro game reviewer whose real name is James Rolfe, the Angry Video Game Nerd, or AVGN, is recruited by the King in the second minisode because he hates the Xbox 360 and because he can help build the King's doomsday device.

Chris Hansen

A personality from Dateline on NBC, Chris Hanson became famous for catching child predators on "To Catch a Predator." He confronts Master Chief in the third minisode after Tom Cruise framed him for child porn ownership. He is only a villain by association, as he has good intentions but is misled by the villains.

Deceased villains


The main villain of season 1, CATS is a cyborg who regularly creates trouble for Master Chief, starting with him delaying Super Smash Bros. Brawl. After a climactic fight in the finale, he is suddenly shot by the King, his leader.

Jack Thompson

An anti-gaming attorney, Jack Thompson attempts to have Halo 3 banned and later attempts to take over Congress by cloning himself. He is the only original villain left alive at the end of season 1, after his clones successfully warded off an attack by Master Chief. However, he ends up having the same fate as CATS: being shot by the King for outliving his usefulness.

Chad Warden

A Playstation 3 fanboy, Chad Warden is recruited by the King in the first minisode because he hates the Xbox 360 and Halo. He ends up being shot to death by the King as a warning to the Angry Video Game Nerd and Chris Hansen to not fail him again after they unsucessfully hold the Arbiter and Cortana captive.

L. Ron Hubbard

The founder and leader of Scientology who supposedly died, but reveals himself to be alive when he attacks and kills Xenu. Master Chief subdues him, and he allies with CATS. Hubbard is killed in a swordfight with the Arbiter, and Tom Cruise takes his place. It is later revealed that Master Chief gave Hubbard the idea to include aliens in the Scientology mythos after he blamed his time travel predicament on aliens.

John McCain

The Republican candidate for president of the US. He is mentioned as being Obama's major weakness. He has a fistfight with Obama on election day. McCain was a pawn of the Network meant to win the election; when he failed, he was executed.[2]

Sarah Palin

McCain's running mate and Joe Biden's archenemy. She first appears in "Master Chief Sucks at Voting." Palin was a pawn of the Network meant to win the election; when she failed, she was executed.[3]

Ganondorf and Ridley

Two villains from the Legend of Zelda and Metroid, respectively. They are recruited by CATS in the third video and killed.

Master Chief Sucks at Ordering
Season 1 - Season 2
Special Episodes
Minisodes - Movie
List of characters - The Network
List of tropes

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