The main commons of Parkway Central High is the area where the gang known only as "The Student Body", comprising of some 1300 members, goes to eat lunch, organize cell systems based on rank and ethnicity, and plot the overthrow of the rival gang known as "Faculty and Staff".


The commons was the only room when the school was founded during the late Cretaceous period, and housed a railgun and two slingshots for defense against angry cavemen and dinosaurs, respectively. After the rest of the school was built following the nuking of Thermopylae by the Spartans in 480 BC, the railgun was moved to the physics department in order to back-engineer the late-Cretaceous level technology found in it, and the slingshots were sold to the US government for a sum of unknown proportions. This operation was codenamed "proposition R" and was hidden under a bill that was passed by the people to increase tax rates by 37 cents per 100 dollars. The commons is also the site of the numerous executions of members of The Student Body by the members of The Faculty and Staff and other parties. Reasons range from insurgency to tardiness to boredom on the part of the executioners. It is also the site of all Homecoming deaths since the late Middle Ages, and the site of the hanging without trial of the 5 leaders of the Central-based micronation Egypt.


The commons houses numerous pillars that seem to be support pillars but instead are transport tubes to the other side of the world where The Student Body recieves its supplies of pointy pencils, pencil sharpeners, arsenic-ink pens, highly decorated cardboard-bound paperstack bludgeoning weapons codenamed "honors class textbooks", and sharp-edged sheets of paper for cutting things, as well as certain terrible weapons of mass destruction including scissors, bunsen burners, and what are codenamed as "ESL students".

Intruder alert

The commons is the area where The Student Body goes in the event of an intruder alert, since the room is 15 square miles in area and easy to hide in.

October 9th 2007

The most notable such alert occured on October 9th, 2007, when the US Military, disguised as recruiters, stormed the school to capture the 5 leaders of Egypt, resulting in a 5 hour cat-and-mouse game in the commons between the US forces and the Egyptian councilmen, with the school Principal, Tim Gannon, yelling meaningless bits of information through the intercom the whole time. Eventually, all five were caught and hanged without trial, and the bodies never made it to the morgue as the morticians carrying the stretchers got lost within the vast depths of the room.

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