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Merlyn's Study on Dave Palacios

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David Palacios

To the untrained eye, David Palacios may seem like an odd, mysterious unique person. But to a seasoned professional, David is nothing more than the result of strict religious upbringings. The answers to all of Dave's subtlety's are simple. He's Amish!

Chapter I

Given Dave's choice for celibacy, abstinence, and a drug and alcohol free life leads this scientist to believe he's mostly Amish. When the Amish turn 18, they are prompted to choose between their former lifestyle, or leave the community and start new elsewhere. Dave's choice will greatly affect his life. Given his Amish past, he may experience Culture Shock to our real world. Because the Amish teacher's don't even teach their student's how to spell words like "sex", "semen" or "hooker", the Amish and Dave are not even involved, or know what Testosterone Side Economics are. The morality and friendships of the Amish are way to high, we normal people haven't even came up with a number for it. A simple response of "he's amish" generally works best for description. Anything not fitting into strict guidelines of the Amish lifestyle, and is exhibited by Dave is purely Dave getting ready to switch to our world. For example, his exceptance of computers of the internet is best to be kept secret from his Amish family, as they would tie him down and stone him to death. Such primal acts are common place in Amish farms.

Chapter II

Dave's highly sensitivity to pain is caused from gracious Mexi-Amish upbringings. But Dave can also work incredibly hard. Even while floating in a tire to come to America, he was busy churning butter for "Papa", a word Dave uses to call his father figure. The fact that Dave has so openly put himself in our world, it leads me to believe he is planning on abandoning his Amish culture, and going headfirst into the Mexicano culture of lowriders, shaved heads, and whitebeaters.


Chapter III

Given Dave's Amish past, it's impossible to rate his position on the PPC Charts, to discuss his lifestyle at home, and even to discuss behavior since. David's humor, much like the Amish, varies greatly day to day. This is because of the nuclear fission exposure the Amish recieved while leaving the Planet VolkFunk. Few things lend themselves greatly to Dave's interests. The Black Eyed Peas seem to excite Dave, but this may be due to their on-stage bedwetting incidents, which Dave can relate to offstage. The Philadelphia Eagles also excite Dave, and it may be because of the colors. In Amish Culture, everything is brown. Green arouses Dave in a way no other color can, similar to Tyler's fondness for blue. Another characteristic that is noteworthy is Dave's dislikeness for any one physically larger than Dave. This is shown through his contempt for Mrs.Pison, Rosie O' Donnel, and other generally large dinosaurs.

Chapter IV

Dave finds subcultures appealing but does not understand them due to little exposure, but he is intrigued. He wants to be an emo kid which goes well with his drive to be a scene kid, however, his potential afro interferes. He wants also to be a Goth kid, but his preference for singing "Gold Digger" causes disruption in the Goth community. Among first look, Dave may appear to be mildly taken care of, due to his disgruntled face, large frame, sloppy afro, stubbly facial hair, and conversating in grunts. But upon recieving shiny objects or hearing a good joke, Dave will light up like a Christmas Tree. A large, censored, Mexican Christmas Tree.


Chapter V

In final conclusion, Dave may be preparing for Real World adulthood devoid of Amish customs, but it may be too late. The spaceship to Volkfunk is expected to leave soon, and all Amish and former Amish descendants will be lifted up into the land of butter and bread.

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