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This is Mr. Oldman Sketch #1 from Season 1 of The Amanda Show.

Transcript

  • (Redhead sits on the couch, then picks up the phone and dials)
  • (Mr. Oldman's phone rings)
  • Mr. Oldman: You kids stay out of my yard! (picks up the phone and answers) Hello?
  • Redhead: Yeah, uh, this is Mrs. Lemon-Lemon-Lemon, I'm, uh, with The Cheese Company?
  • Mr. Oldman: The Cheese Company? Who do you wanna talk to, Mrs. Lemony-ominee?
  • Redhead: Uh, sir, what time can I drop some cheese by your house?
  • Mr. Oldman: Cheese? I didn't order any cheese.
  • Redhead: Sir, what color socks are you wearing?
  • Mr. Oldman: Well, they're a lovely blue, but what happened to our discussion of the cheeses?
  • Redhead: Sir, there's a bug on your shoulder!
  • Mr. Oldman: A bu--? (hits his shoulders with the phone thinking there's a bug) Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! All right.
  • Redhead: Sir, what time would you like your cheese delivered?
  • Mr. Oldman: I tell ya, I didn't order any chee-- You have the wrong number!
  • Redhead: Uh, sir, can I borrow your car?
  • Mr. Oldman: Car? What happened to our discussion of the socks, and the cheeses and items?
  • Redhead: Duck!
  • Mr. Oldman: Ahh! (gets down, then stands back up again) All right, I ducked. But what was I trying to avoid?
  • Redhead: May I help you?
  • Mr. Oldman: You called me! You have the wrong number!
  • Redhead: Please hold for 3 hours.
  • Mr. Oldman: Hold for 3 hours?! Uh, all right. (looks at his wrist and holds for 3 hours) You have the wrong number! (Redhead makes funny faces) Hello? You have the wrong number! There's nothing right about it. The dented you've dialed are inaccurate. I can't feel my feet. Hello? I'm damp and cold, and you have the wrong number! The number's wrong!

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