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Mr. Oldman Sketch 4

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This is Mr. Oldman Sketch #4 from Season 1 of The Amanda Show.

Transcript

  • (Redhead sits on the bench, then picks up the phone and starts dialing)
  • (Mr. Oldman's phone rings)
  • Mr. Oldman: Uh, I don't like children playing in my neighborhood! (picks up the phone, but the portrait swings left to right and he answers) Hello?
  • Redhead: Yes, this is the lady of the house.
  • Mr. Oldman: Well, no. There's no lady here. I'm Mr. Oldman.
  • Redhead: How are you, ma'am?
  • Mr. Oldman: Ma'am?! I said I'm *Mr.* Oldman.
  • Redhead: May I speak with *Mr.* Oldman?
  • Mr. Oldman: Uh, uh, speaking.
  • Redhead: This is your cousin, Tabba McNoo-Noo.
  • Mr. Oldman: Oh, well, hello, Tabba McNoo-Noo. It's so ni-- I don't have no cousin named Tabba McNoona-noona-noo.
  • Redhead: What time would you want me to wash your dog?
  • Mr. Oldman: Dog? My dog left me *years* ago. You have the wrong number.
  • Redhead: Your dog needs a bath, sir.
  • Mr. Oldman: A bath?! But I have no dog. How can you bathe what don't exist?
  • Redhead: Please make a noise like a sheep.
  • Mr. Oldman: I don't wanna make a noise like a shee-- Baa! Baa! Baa! Hello? You have the wrong number.
  • Redhead: Sir, be very quiet!
  • Mr. Oldman: I... all right. (keeps quiet)
  • Redhead: (mouthing) Listen closely...
  • Mr. Oldman: I'm listening.
  • Redhead: Boo!
  • Mr. Oldman: Ow! Ohh! (hits against the portrait) Hello? Why did you scare me with your call of boo?! (Redhead makes funny faces) You have the wrong number! Hello? The number you dialed's wrong. Hello? Why did they cancel Bonanza? Hello?

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