This is Mr. Oldman Sketch #8 from Season 2 of The Amanda Show.


  • (Redhead sits on the couch, then picks up the phone and starts dialing)
  • (Mr. Oldman's phone rings)
  • Mr. Oldman: The earth minus children equal happier times. (picks up the phone, then answers and inhales) Hello?!
  • Redhead: Thank you for calling. Your credit card will now be charged.
  • Mr. Oldman: My credit card? But I didn't buy anything. *You* called *me!*
  • Redhead: That'll be $40.00, sir.
  • Mr. Oldman: Forty dollars?! For what?
  • Redhead: For English, press 1. For Japanese, press 2.
  • Mr. Oldman: But I don't speak the Japanese.
  • Redhead: Then press 1!
  • Mr. Oldman: Ohh, I don't wanna press any... all right. (presses the #2 button) There, I pressed the 1 button. #1. Do I do now?
  • Redhead: Oh-
  • Mr. Oldman: Where's the English?
  • Redhead: お誕生日おめでとう。(Otanjōbiomedetō) - (Translation: Happy Birthday.)
  • Mr. Oldman: I tell ya, I don't understand the sounds of Japan! You have the wrong number!
  • Redhead: そのものたけまき。 (sonomonotakemaki) - (Translation: That thing takemaki?)
  • Mr. Oldman: Ohh. (grunts and presses the other buttons) I pressed more buttons. Now will you *please* speak of the English?
  • Redhead: For potato salad, press your nose and say Beep.
  • Mr. Oldman: But... well, I do enjoy the potato salad. (he looks left, then right and touches his nose) Beep! There, I pressed my nose and beeped at ya! Where's my potato salad?
  • Redhead: It's a type of salad, sir. With potatoes.
  • Mr. Oldman: I *know* what potato salad is. I just don't have any fortune to sume.
  • Redhead: What color is the inside of your head?
  • Mr. Oldman: I DON'T KNOW! Uh, It's dark inside my head. Hello?
  • Redhead: Your credit card has been charged another $300.00.
  • Mr. Oldman: But I don't *have* $300.00. I buy cheese and large blocks.
  • Redhead: Goodnight.
  • Mr. Oldman: Goodnight? But I'm scared to go to sleep alone. (Redhead makes funny faces) Hello? You have the wrong number. Hello? Ahh, the number you dialed's inaccurate. Hello? What happened to Hall & Oates?!

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