• Fozzie Bear as Basil
  • Rizzo the Rat as Elmo
  • Scooter as Tailor
  • Lips as Trumpeter
  • Statler and Waldorf as Two-Headed Monster
  • Penguins as Honkers
  • Whatnots as Anything Muppets
  • Super Sheep, Norman and Baab the Sheep as Sheep
  • Gaffer and Catgut as Chip and Dip
  • Frackles as AM Monsters
  • The Big Bad Wolf (from Muppet Classic Theater) as The Wolf
  • Alfonso D'Bruzzo, Eric the Parrot and The Robin as Birds
  • Muppy as Dog
  • Billy the Bear as Bear
  • Link Hogthrob, Dr. Julius Strangepork and Annie Sue Pig as Pigs
  • Paul Revere as Fred the Wonder Horse
  • Dorothy Bovine as Cow
  • The Turtle (from Billy Bunny's Animal Songs) as Turtle


Rizzo the Rat: Wait, wait. Yoo-hoo. Pardon me. Yoo-hoo. Yoo-hoo. Excuse me. Will everybody be quiet? King Rizzo hears a noise.

Kai-Lee: Well, thank goodness, it's only a little shepherd.

Rizzo the Rat: Oh, shepherd not very scary. Hey, hey, hey. Shepherd even look brave.

Fozzie Bear: Wait. But excuse me, but where are we and who are you?

Rizzo the Rat: Ahem. We are the creatures of the forest.

Scooter: Yeah, and are we ever glad to see you.

Fozzie Bear: You are?

Lew Zealand: Strange things have been happening.

Kai-Lee: Yes, someone keeps playing tricks on us.

Fozzie Bear: Tricks? What kind of tricks?

Kai-Lee: Hey, Rizzo. You just tell him what happened.

Rizzo the Rat: Okay. Ahem.
Oh, Rizzo's my name and Rizzo the King
and the kingdom should be a magnificent thing
Rizzo has splendid gown and a mace
I'll fill it with elegance, style and grace
But also today, Rizzo wearing a frown
as King Rizzo slept,
Last night someone crept
into Rizzo's chambers and sat on the crown.

Everyone: As King Rizzo left, last night someone crept, into Rizzo's chambers and sat on the crown.

Scooter: Good day.
I'm the tailor
and I make the clothes.
And not long ago,
I've got some trousers arose.
Oh, I've been making trousers
for all the townsfolk.
When somebody sew up the legs for a joke.
But it isn't funny.
It makes me see red.
For to my dismay,
they just fit one way.
And how would you like to wear pants on your head?

Everyone: For to his dismay, they just fit one way, and how would you like to wear pants on your head?

Lips: Oh, I'm Lips the trumpeter.
Music's my thing.
I'll blow this and people make way for the king.
It's a very good job if you're musically fit being King Rizzo's accompaniment.
But now what I do makes me sad and forlorn because just yesterday when I was away.
Somebody did something bad to my horn.

Everyone: Because just yesterday when he was away, somebody did something bad to his horn.

Rizzo the Rat: Oh, there used to be laughter and happiness here.
But now it's the kingdom, our specialties' fears.
It's just that we never know what to expect.

Gaffer and Catgut: If you call us scaredy cats, you'll be correct.

Rizzo the Rat: If you think we like this, you're as wrong as can be,
Things very tough,
And if that's not enough,
This morning, this paper was pinned to that tree.

Everyone: Things very tough, and if that's not enough, this morning, this paper was pinned to that tree.

Kai-Lee: Some helpful tips for planning your move.

Scooter: And on top of all this, our bravest knight, Sir Baskerville, is nowhere to be found.

Fozzie Bear: But that isn't very nice of someone to play tricks on you. What are you going to do?

Rizzo the Rat: Well, Hilda the Riddler can you answer you any question. Hilda can tell us who's playing tricks. Oh, someone has to go to the Fountain of Riddles.

Fozzie Bear: But who?

Rizzo the Rat: Oh yeah. That's right.

(everyone laughing)

Fozzie Bear: Oh, now just a minute. I'm just a good-hearted little shepherd, not a brave-hearted little shepherd. Sorry.

Rizzo the Rat: Oh, no. Here we go again.

Scooter: Hey. I know. I can give you a disguise. Yes. I can disguise you as a wandering minstrel, a musician. Yeah, here. There. Now that will keep you safe.

Fozzie Bear: But why would that keep me safe?

Scooter: Well, the only other outfit I have is for a rat catcher.

Fozzie Bear: Oh, well, I sure don't wanna be a rat catcher.

Rizzo the Rat: Oh, well, good luck then.

Everyone: Goodbye, good luck, goodbye. Goodbye.

Rizzo the Rat: Good luck finding the Fountain of Riddles.

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