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Cast

  • Scooter as Herbert Birdsfoot
  • Lew Zealand as Tom Tattertall Tuttletut
  • The Queen (from The Muppet Show) as The Queen
  • King Rupert the Second as The King

Lyrics

Scooter: The next letter after "S" is "T".
"The Tale of Lew Zealand."

Once upon a time, there was a queen who hated the letter "T".


The Queen: I've never liked the horrid "tuh-tuh" sound. So I hereby rule that nothing beginning with the letter "T" will ever allowed in my kingdom.

Scooter: So the people of the land tore down the towns and their towers, tossing out their trumpets and toys. And pretty soon, there wasn't anything in the kingdom that began with "T". Or so they thought, for one day, along came...

Lew Zealand: Me. Lew Zealand. And I've got a truckful of turtles, tea, tuna, toads, teddy bears, and trash.

The Queen: What did you say?

Lew Zealand: Hi, your majesty. Do you want to buy a tuba or a ton of tomatoes?

The Queen: Throw this man into the dungeon!

Lew Zealand: But why?

The Queen: Because those are all "T" words. And nothing starting with "T" is allowed in my kingdom.

Lew Zealand: Untrue! There's lots of things beginning with "T" around here.

The Queen: Like what?

Lew Zealand: Well, for one thing, there's the king over there.

The Queen: What about him?

Lew Zealand: He's wearing trousers, and that's a terrific "T" word.

The Queen: Uh, well, he always told me they were pants.

Lew Zealand: And then there's you, your majesty. You keep talkin' and talkin', tellin' me things by usin' your tongue and your teeth. And those are terrific "T" words, too!

The Queen: Gracious! You're right. There's no way of getting away from the letter "T". Lew Zealand, from now on, "T" words are welcome in my kingdom.

Lew Zealand: Terrific!

Scooter: So the letter "T" was restored to the land, and so were the town's towers, the trumpets and the toys, which all goes to prove that you can't get away from the letter "T".

The Queen: Terrific!

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