Myspace 95 Thesis

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  1. when Jesus said "repent ye", he never imagined myspace or the internet[1]
  2. Tom is not your friend
  3. three generations of nested tables are enough[2]
  4. when editing your profile forget about w3c validation, just try not to kill the browser
  5. annual income is a myth exaggerated by men to impress girls often young enough to be their daughters
  6. avoid horizontal scrolling where possible. do not embed multimedia over 300px wide in comments
  7. !important is important
  8. Information wants to be free, but then so does misinformation. Protect your identity by freely applying a layer of misinformation
  9. Misinformation is sexier than mere information. it has the power to make you much more attractive to others than you really are
  10. body { background-image: url(insert url to favorite BMW m3, Avril Lavigne, or Aaron Carter photo here); background-repeat:repeat; }
  11. The only thing lamer than being on myspace is not being on myspace. At least, that was the case before February 2007
  12. Web 2.0 is... 45 different cam hoes asking you to be their friend*
  13. And you thought the Catholic Church had a child sex-abuse problem*
  14. Log off. Walk around the block. Your neighborhood is a social network too.
  15. The only thing worse than a Black Hat Hacker is a Myspace Coder gone senile, psychotic or stupid.
  16. Forty-Five different sites will offer the same cookie cutter layout.
  17. Visiting one of forty-five sites and applying a generic layout provided does nothing for the understanding, originality or intelligence of 45 million unique users.
  18. Every time a bulletin is posted, the chances of its contents being worth reading are approximately 3%.
  19. Tom does not care about your problems. Neither does anyone on myspace, for that matter.
  20. On myspace, the 45 year-old married father-of-two can be a 14 year-old female in a consequence-free environment.
  21. On myspace, the 12 year-old male can be a 55 year-old multi-millionaire in a consequence-free environment.
  22. when editing your profile forget about peer validation. just try not to ruin your career prospects.[3]
  23. When the Myspace Thesis is finished, Myspace will officially be lame. And so will the Myspace Thesis.
  24. Myspace is not just pedo heaven. (That's Second Life.) Like heaven itself, Myspace is heaven for all forms of deviancy. Even your own.
  25. No, that is not the log-in page. Change your password.
  26. Yes, you are bored. Go and do something constructive - it should help. Bulletins will not.
  27. The Revolution will not be televised. But there may be a bulletin about it somewhere on Myspace.
  28. Myspace : the 8th deadly sin.
  29. Nice try, McCain.
  30. Myspace smells like teen spirit. Ummm... teen spirit. Ahhhhh....
  31. best viewed in lynx
95. all myspace profiles are quite useless[4]

  1. "Our Lord and Master Jesus Christ, in saying 'Repent ye,' etc., intended that the whole life of believers should be penitence."* -- Martin Luther
  2. "Three generations of imbeciles are enough." -- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
  3. or end up on this site
  4. All art is quite useless.* -- Oscar Wilde

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