Ars Magnus

December 21, 2006
Jews take over

New York City, CW (Capital of World) In a quick strike which stunned much of the world, earlier today, the Jews took over. Most people were taken aback by the sudden sea change in power and the resulting cultural shock, although certain groups said they "Saw it coming all along" and "Tried to stop this shit but you wouldn't fucking listen, so now you can deal with this mess yourself."

Aleph Train

A picture of a New York City subway car following the Jews taking over earlier today

The coup, the culmination of centuries of secret plotting by mysterious Jewish elders, started with an economic collapse engineered by the Jews through their stanglehold on the Federal Reserve. By raising interest rates to an unprecedented seventeen quintillion percent on loans made to banks run by non-Jews, the nation's coffers were quickly depeleted and placed into Jewish hands. It was then a simple matter for the Jews to simply buy the world online from its prior owner, J.K. Rowling, with the resulting 700 quindecillion dollars.

"Truly this is a great day for our people" said Cohen Gadol and Big Kosher Cheese Howard Goldbergersteinweissschwartzbraungelbermann. "At last we have assumed our rightful place in the world."

While details so far are sketchy, there have been reports of rioting throughout the southern united states and middle east, as well as in Disneyworld, which has reportedly been seized by the United Nations and is in the process of being resettled as "Fleischerworld".

December 21, 2006
Thailand prime minister loses admin status

Thai Restaurant

A composite satellite photograph of Thailand.

BANGKOK, Thailand (AP) -- In a stunning development, Prime Ministe Thaksin Shinawatra (known as 'Dialz') has been stripped of admin status, effectively relieving him of all power, including the ability to banninate n00bz and tilt the media in his favor.

While unclear at this time, it is widely rumored among the remaining +3 level admins that the deopping was motiviated by the fact that Dialz had violated the "don't be a dick" rule.

Sources report that Dialz was also ordered to read HowTo:Get Started on Prime Ministering Thailand, although it is unclear whether this means that Dialz will ever be reopped.

Sources reported that Dialz spent a few minutes complaining about this treatment in #thailand, but his pleas were +ignored by most:

"ZOMG WTF!!!!" Dialz was reported as typing. "Someone +reop me. THis isn't FuCKing funny!!!!!1111one"

After being told multiple times to press Alt+f4 to get reopped, Dialz stormed out of the channel, with a defiant "FUCK YOU AND THIS SHIT"

International reaction was surprisingly unified, with most people not giving a tinkers cuss about who admins Thailand.

Ars Magnus

Published Sporadically

December 21, 2006
Controversy brews over Trollan face-concealment


The mysterious Orko; is his cultural freedom a blessing to Eternian society, or a threat to us all?

(Eternos City, Eternia)- The question of how Trollans dress has become a hugely contentious issue in Eternos. Last week, King Randor raised serious questions as to whether it was prudent to have a masked Trollan man so close to sensitive locations and members of the Royal Family, citing that "With the face hidden, how are we supposed to know whether it's the good Orko, or the evil Gorpo? I appreciate Orko's culture and beliefs, but you'd have to be slower than Ram Man not to see that this represents a huge security problem; potentially even worse than that time Smudge nearly got us all blown up and actually was responsible for the destruction of a brand new hydroelectric power plant. We're still paying for that thing, and it's DOA. I hate being king sometimes."

The King was widely criticized by many of the Masters, with the consensus being that this attack on Orko's unique cultural identity was a thinly veiled attempt to deflect attention from the King's utter failure to bring the Skeletor problem under control. "Randor can't deal with the real issue, Skeletor and his legion of evil, so he attacks poor little Orko" commented an unnamed source. "Typical Randor."

The source than shape shifted into a falcon and flew away.

Naturally, getting Orko's side of the story was important, but unfortunately, it was impossible to talk to Orko about the face concealment issue, as he wouldn't listen to the questions, and kept going on about some sort of "Neato fire spell" which apparently was "almost perfect, honest!!"

After being nearly set on fire three times during the interview, it was decided that it would be safer to discuss this matter with someone else. Unfortunately, the only quote available at press time was "Fool! Can't you see I'm busy preparing my mighty army of rat men for victory over that ninny He-Man and his pathetic friends?"

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