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No Joke For James (2001) Transcript is Pikachufreak's idea.

Description

  • Here's the full transcript to No Joke For James, a video released on May 15, 2001. Stories narrated by George Carlin in order: No Joke For James, Home At Last, Rock N Roll, Steam Roller, Diesel Does It Again, A Bad Day For Sir Handel, Bulls Eyes and Toad Stands By.

Characters

  • Thomas
  • Henry
  • Gordon
  • James
  • Percy
  • Duck
  • Douglas
  • Oliver
  • Diesel
  • Skarloey
  • Sir Handel
  • Peter Sam
  • Rusty
  • Duncan
  • George
  • Toad
  • Scruffey
  • Sir Topham Hatt
  • Rheneas (does not speak)
  • Edward (cameo)
  • Duke (cameo)
  • Bertie (cameo)

Opening Previews

  1. Anchor Bay FBI Warning
  2. Anchor Bay Entertainment logo (1999-2004)
  3. Gullane Entertainment logo
  4. Britt Allcroft Presents logo
  5. Thomas and Friends Season 5 intro
  6. First few seconds of No Joke For James

Opening Credits

  • THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE & FRIENDS
  • Based on The Railway Series by The REV.W.AWDRY
  • Adaptation by BRITT ALLCROFT
  • NO JOKE FOR JAMES
  • Told by GEORGE CARLIN
  • Directed by DAVID MITTON

Transcript

  • (We open this video with the Anchor Bay FBI Warning)
  • (We then see the 1999-2004 Anchor Bay Entertainment logo)
  • (We also see the Gullane Entertainment logo)
  • (The Britt Allcroft Presents logo soon follows)
  • (The Thomas Season 5 intro is shown and we begin No Joke For James)
  • George Carlin: James is a mixed traffic engine. He can pull both freight cars and coaches. He's proud of his smart red paint and so is his driver.
  • James' Driver: Everyone says you brighten up your day, James.
  • George Carlin: One morning, James whistled loudly at the other engines.
  • James: Look at me! I'm a smartest most useful engine on the line!
  • Thomas: Rubbish.
  • George Carlin: Replied Thomas.
  • Thomas: We're all useful. Sir Topham Hatt says so and he's headed the whole railway.
  • Percy: You know what, James?
  • George Carlin: Added Percy.
  • James: What?
  • George Carlin: Replied James.
  • Percy: You're getting all puffed out.
  • George Carlin: James huffed away. Later, he was still boasting.
  • James: I'm the pride of the line.
  • Gordon: I saw you're pulling freight cars.
  • George Carlin: You're only a goods engine.
  • James: I've pull coaches too.
  • Gordon: Not as much as I do.
  • James: But Sir Topham Hatt has plans for me.
  • George Carlin: James was making this up but Gordon believe him.
  • Gordon: What plans?
  • James: Uh, wait and see. Oh dear.
  • George Carlin: He thought.
  • James: Now what'll I do?
  • George Carlin: Thomas was shunting shiny new coaches.
  • Thomas: Good morning, James.
  • James: Are those coaches for me?
  • George Carlin: Asked James hopefully.
  • Thomas: No, these are for Gordon's Express. I'll fetch your freight cars next.
  • George Carlin: But James was going to play a trick on the other engines.
  • James: Actually, Thomas, I'm taking the coaches. Sir Topham Hatt ask me to tell you.
  • Thomas: What about the cars?
  • George Carlin: Asked Thomas.
  • James: Uh, give them to Gordon.
  • Thomas' Driver: Come on, Thomas.
  • George Carlin: Said his driver.
  • Thomas' Driver: Orders and orders.
  • George Carlin: So when James' driver returned, James was coupled to the coaches and he puffed away. Thomas returned with the freight cars. And a few minutes later, Gordon arrived.
  • Gordon: Where's the express?
  • George Carlin: Thomas told him about James.
  • Thomas: And so here are your cars.
  • George Carlin: Gordon was very cross and so his driver.
  • Gordon's Driver: Wait'll Sir Topham Hatt heres about this.
  • George Carlin: Meanwhile James was enjoying himself enormously.
  • James: What a clever plan! What a clever plan!
  • George Carlin: He chuffed. Then he saw Sir Topham Hatt.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: Some jokes are funny, but not this one, James. You have caused confusion.
  • James: Yes Sir.
  • George Carlin: Said James.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: You will now stay in your shed until you are wanted.
  • George Carlin: The other engines teased James.
  • Gordon: I wonder who'd be pulling the express today?
  • George Carlin: Said Gordon.
  • Henry: I expect it'll be you.
  • George Carlin: Replied Henry.
  • Henry: James is stuck in the shed for being silly.
  • George Carlin: James felt sad. Next morning, he went back to work.
  • Thomas: Hello.
  • George Carlin: Whistled Thomas.
  • Thomas: Good to see you out and about again.
  • James: I'm sorry I tricked you.
  • George Carlin: Said James.
  • James: Are these my cars?
  • Thomas: Yes.
  • George Carlin: Replied Thomas kindly.
  • Thomas: They're please to have you back.
  • George Carlin: James set off to the harbour with a train of freight cars. He bustled about all day pushing and pulling them into place.
  • James' Driver: Time to go home now, James.
  • George Carlin: Said his driver at last.
  • James' Driver: No cars or passengers. Just we too.
  • George Carlin: But his driver was wrong.
  • Railway Inspector: Excuse me.
  • George Carlin: Said the man.
  • Railway Inspector: I have a meeting with Sir Topham Hatt and I mustn't be late. May I ride back with you?
  • James' Driver: Of course.
  • George Carlin: Replied James' driver. Then he whispered to James.
  • James' Driver: This gentleman is a railway inspector.
  • George Carlin: James was most impressed. He steamed along the line as smoothly and quickly as he could. Sir Topham Hatt was waiting on the platform and the railway inspector greeted him warmly.
  • Railway Inspector: This clever engine gave me a splendid ride. You must be proud of him.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: Yes indeed. Once again, you are a really useful engine.
  • (A nameplate sequence occurs and we begin Home At Last)
  • George Carlin: Skarloey had been to the works to be mended. He felt much better. Rusty the Diesel was helping him off his rail car. Skarloey hadn't met the little diesel before.
  • Skarloey: Rusty seems a kindly sort of engine.
  • George Carlin: He thought to himself.
  • Rusty: I help to mend the line and do odd jobs.
  • George Carlin: Explained Rusty.
  • Rusty: I hear everyone is looking forward to seeing you again. Come on.
  • George Carlin: Peter Sam was feeling depressed. He was still getting over but he wanted to start work again. Sir Topham Hatt wouldn't let him.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: Another day's rest will do you good.
  • George Carlin: He said.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: Besides, I got a surprise for you.
  • Peter Sam: For me, sir, how nice, sir, what is it, sir?
  • Sir Topham Hatt: Wait and see.
  • George Carlin: The surprise was Skarloey.
  • Peter Sam: Oh.
  • George Carlin: Said Peter Sam.
  • Peter Sam: I'm glad you've come home.
  • George Carlin: They lit Skarloey's fire and he sizzled happily.
  • Skarloey: I feel all excited.
  • George Carlin: He said.
  • Skarloey: Just like a young engine. Now tell me all the news.
  • Peter Sam: I see you've met Rusty.
  • George Carlin: Said Peter Sam.
  • Skarloey: Yes. I like that Diesel.
  • Peter Sam: So do I.
  • George Carlin: Replied Peter Sam.
  • Peter Sam: It's a pity Duncan doesn't.
  • Skarloey: Who is Duncan?
  • Peter Sam: He came as a spare engine after my accident.
  • George Carlin: Replied Peter Sam.
  • Skarloey: Is he useful?
  • Peter Sam: He keeps busy and I'm sure he means well. But he's bouncy and rude. He sings and sways and swivles around. His drivers call it Rock N Roll.
  • Skarloey: I understand.
  • George Carlin: Said Skarloey gravely. His driver interrupted.
  • Skarloey's Driver: Duncan has done it again, he's stuck in the tunnel. Come on, old boy, we'll have to get him out.
  • George Carlin: Skarloey was pleased. He wanted to run and look forward to meeting Duncan. They found a caboose and some workmen and hurried up the line.
  • Skarloey: How nice and smooth the rails are.
  • George Carlin: Thought Skarloey.
  • Skarloey: They mended all the old bumps. The little diesel has helped to that. What a difference Rusty's made to the line.
  • George Carlin: Quite soon they found Duncan. He was stuck at the far end of the tunnel and he was very cross.
  • Duncan: I'm a plain blunt engine, I speak as I'm fine. Tunnels should be tunnels and not rabbit holes. This railway is no good at all.
  • Duncan's Driver: Don't be silly!
  • George Carlin: Snapped his Driver.
  • Duncan's Driver: This tunnel is quite big enough for engines who don't Rock N Roll.
  • George Carlin: It took a long time to clear away the rocks and set Duncan free again. At last, Skarloey was able to push Duncan and his coaches safely through.
  • (Skarloey frees Duncan by pushing him and his coaches through)
  • George Carlin: The caboose was left on the siding and the workmen stayed to make sure everything was safe. Duncan grumbled all the way home, but Skarloey payed no attention. Later, Sir Topham Hatt spoke severly to Duncan.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: Listen to me. There is nothing wrong with that tunnel. You stuck in it because you tried to do Rock N Roll. Tunnels are not dance floors and you are not a pop star.
  • George Carlin: Then Sir Topham Hatt gave his full attention to Duncan's funnel.
  • (Sir Topham Hatt then looks at Duncan's funnel)
  • Sir Topham Hatt: If it happens again...
  • George Carlin: He ended ominously.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: I should find ways to cut you down to size. In other words your carreer is um (clears throat) on the line. Need I say more?
  • George Carlin: Duncan thought Sir Topham Hatt had said quite enough and he remained completely silent and still for at least the whole evening.
  • (Another nameplate sequence occurs and we begin Rock N Roll)
  • George Carlin: Skarloey the Little Engine loves all the sights and sounds along his line and knows them very well. One morning, soon after he returned from being mended, he was enjoying his journey more than ever before. Along the way, he met Rusty.
  • Skarloey: You know...
  • George Carlin: He said.
  • Skarloey: If I couldn't see those familiar faces and places, I think I was on a different railway. You've done wonders with these rails.
  • George Carlin: Rusty laughed.
  • Rusty: I'm glad you're pleased. Manager says let's mend the tracks so well that he don't know where he is. And we did, and you didn't if you take my meaning.
  • George Carlin: Skarloey liked this hard working diesel.
  • Rusty: There's still one more bad bit.
  • George Carlin: Warned Rusty just before the first station.
  • Rusty: An engine might come off there particularly Duncan. He will Rock N Roll along the line. Look at him right now. I hope he doesn't hurt his passengers.
  • Duncan: What's that about me? I'm a plain engine and I believe in plain speaking. Speak up!
  • George Carlin: Rusty warned Duncan about the bad bit of rails.
  • Duncan: Huh! I know my way about. I don't need smelly diesels to tell me what to do.
  • George Carlin: Rusty felt hurt. Duncan banged about the yard. Then, he clattered crossly to the station. James was already there waiting for him.
  • James: You're late!
  • George Carlin: He snapped.
  • Duncan: I know.
  • George Carlin: Said Duncan.
  • Duncan: It's that smelly Diesel's fault. Rusty tries to teach me how to stay on the rails and then goes off leaving me to find my own coaches.
  • James: You poor engine.
  • George Carlin: Sympatized James.
  • James: I know all about Diesels. One crepted into our yard and ordered us about. I soon sent him packing.
  • George Carlin: Duncan was filled with admiration. He didn't know that James was boastful and sometimes didn't tell the truth.
  • Duncan: Send Rusty packing, send Rusty packing.
  • George Carlin: Snorted Duncan. He climbed a hill furiously.
  • Duncan's Driver: Well done, boy.
  • George Carlin: Encouraged his driver.
  • Duncan's Driver: Keep it up.
  • George Carlin: Soon they were near the first station. Duncan was pleased.
  • Duncan: Nothing's happened, nothing's happened. Silly old diesel, clever me.
  • George Carlin: And he rocked and rolled along the line.
  • Duncan's Driver: Steady, boy.
  • George Carlin: Checked his driver. But it was too late.
  • (Duncan comes off the rails in the process)
  • Duncan: Sleepers and ballast! I'm off.
  • George Carlin: And he was.
  • Rusty: I warned him.
  • George Carlin: Said Rusty.
  • Rusty: But all he did was call me names.
  • George Carlin: The little diesel refused to move.
  • Skarloey: I'm ashamed of you Rusty.
  • George Carlin: Said Skarloey.
  • Skarloey: Think of the passengers what are they going to do?
  • Rusty: Oh, I've forgotten them. Yes of course, we must help the passengers.
  • George Carlin: And Rusty roared into life. Duncan stood sad and solitary. He couldn't Rock N Roll now.
  • Duncan: Oh, dear.
  • George Carlin: He thought.
  • Duncan: Everyone will know how silly I am.
  • George Carlin: The passengers had to get out and help too. They weren't very pleased about that but worked as hard as they could.
  • (The passengers lift Duncan back on the rails)
  • George Carlin: They carefully leavered Duncan back onto the line. After that, Duncan was extra careful all day. At last, evening came.
  • Duncan: Rusty.
  • George Carlin: He whispered.
  • Duncan: Thank you for helping. I'm sorry I was rude to you.
  • Rusty: That's all right, Duncan.
  • Duncan: I wish all diesels were like you. Let's be friends.
  • Rusty: Suits me.
  • George Carlin: Replied Rusty.
  • Rusty: We'll mend that bad bit of rails first thing tomorrow.
  • (Another nameplate sequence occurs and we begin Steam Roller)
  • George Carlin: Sir Handel is very proud of his big sturdy wheels. They have brought tires and whole wells to the rails. But they are unusual. One day, the other engines wouldn't stop teasing him.
  • Engines: Look at his steamroller wheels.
  • George Carlin: They joked.
  • Sir Handel: Be quiet.
  • George Carlin: Snorted Sir Handel.
  • Sir Handel: You're jealous.
  • Peter Sam: Don't worry.
  • George Carlin: Soothed Peter Sam.
  • Peter Sam: The engines all teased me about my special funnel until they learned how useful it is.
  • Sir Handel: Did you hear that?
  • George Carlin: Huffed Sir Handel.
  • Sir Handel: My wheels are special like Peter Sam's funnel. I can go faster than any of you.
  • George Carlin: Skarloey had a plan to make Sir Handel see sense.
  • Skarloey: With your grand wheels, Sir Handel.
  • George Carlin: Said Skarloey.
  • Skarloey: You're just the engine to tackle George.
  • Sir Handel: Who's George?
  • Skarloey: That steamroller over there.
  • George Carlin: Replied Skarloey.
  • Skarloey: Listen.
  • George Carlin: The steamroller was making rude remarks about the engines.
  • George: Railways are no good. Turn them into roads. Pull them up, turn them into roads. Railways are no good. Turn them into roads. Pull them up, turn them into roads.
  • Sir Handel: Don't worry.
  • George Carlin: Said Sir Handel.
  • Sir Handel: Leave him to me. I'll send him packing. George will soon get a run for his money.
  • George Carlin: Later that morning, George was at the level crossing.
  • George: Huh! You're Sir Handel, I suppose.
  • George Carlin: Sir Handel was standing no nonsense.
  • Sir Handel: And you, I suppose, are George? Yes, I've heard of you.
  • George: And I've heard of you. You swank around with your stearoller wheels, pretending you're as good as me.
  • Sir Handel: Actually, I'm better. Goodbye.
  • George Carlin: George chuffered on, fuming. Later that day, Sir Handel brought a special load down after the last train had gone. When he had reached the road he saw George travelling home. Sir Handel tried to attract his attention.
  • Sir Handel: Peep! Peep! Peep!
  • George Carlin: George took no notice. There was barely room to pass. Sir Handel was cross.
  • Sir Handel: Get out of my way, you great clumsy road hog.
  • George: Huh! I don't move for imitation steamrollers. You don't know the road. Get out of my way.
  • George Carlin: Then there was trouble.
  • (George destroys Sir Handel's train)
  • Sir Handel: Aagh!
  • George Carlin: Cried Sir Handel.
  • Sir Handel: That was your fault.
  • George: No it wasn't it was yours.
  • George Carlin: Everyone was arguing about who was to blame.
  • (We hear the ringing of the bike's bell)
  • Policeman: Hello, hello, hello.
  • George Carlin: Said a policeman ominously.
  • Policeman: And what's going on here?
  • George Carlin: This made everyone stop arguing. They set to work clearing up the mess instead. Next day, the workmen put up a fence between the road and the railway. Then they went away, taking George with him. Sir Handel thought he had made George go away. He talked of nothing but steamrollers.
  • Skarloey: Oh, dear.
  • George Carlin: Whispered Skarloey.
  • Skarloey: He's worse than ever. I'm sorry my plan was no good.
  • Rusty: Never mind.
  • George Carlin: Said Rusty.
  • Rusty: We'll think of something else.
  • George Carlin: But they had no need to do that. Some boys arrived instead. They pointed to the engine and cried...
  • Boy: Look! Here's Sir Handel. He tried to race a steamroller, but the steam roller nearly beat him.
  • George Carlin: Sir Handel never mention steamrollers now.
  • (Another nameplate sequence occurs and we begin Diesel Does It Again)
  • George Carlin: Duck and Percy enjoyed their work in the harbour, pulling and pushing freight cars full of cargo to and from the key. But one morning, the engines were exhausted. The harbour was busier than ever. Sir Topham Hatt promised that another engine would be found to help them.
  • Percy: Huh. It's about time.
  • George Carlin: Said Percy.
  • Duck: I ached so much I can hardly get my wheels to move.
  • George Carlin: Agreed Duck. They waited for the engine to arrive. It came as a shock when he did.
  • Diesel: Good morning.
  • George Carlin: Squirmed Diesel in his oily voice. The two engines had not work with Diesel for a long time.
  • Duck: What are you doing here?
  • George Carlin: Gasped Duck.
  • Diesel: Your worth Top...er, Sir Topham Hatt sent me. I hope you are please to see me again. I have to shunt some dreadful tiresome cars.
  • Percy: Shunt where?
  • George Carlin: Said Percy suspiciously.
  • Diesel: Where? Why from here to there.
  • George Carlin: Purred Diesel.
  • Diesel: And then again from there to here. Easy, isn't it?
  • George Carlin: With that, Diesel as if to make himself clear bumped some cars hard.
  • Cars: Ooh!
  • George Carlin: Screamed the cars.
  • Diesel: Grrr!
  • George Carlin: Growled Diesel. Percy and Duck were horrified. They did not trust Diesel at all. They refuse to work and did not leave their shed. Sir Topham Hatt was enjoying his tea and iced bun when the telephone rang.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: So there's trouble in the harbour yard? I'll be there right away.
  • George Carlin: Diesel was working loudly and alone. Cargo lay on the key. Ships and passengers were delayed. Everyone was complaining about Sir Topham Hatt's Railway. Percy and Duck were sulking in their shed.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: What's all this?
  • George Carlin: Demaded Sir Topham Hatt.
  • Percy: We're on strike, sir.
  • George Carlin: Said Percy nervously.
  • Duck: Yes.
  • George Carlin: Added Duck.
  • Duck: Beg pardon, sir, but we don't work with Diesel, sir. You said you sent him packing, sir.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: I have to give Diesel a second chance.
  • George Carlin: Replied Sir Topham Hatt.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: I'm trying to help by bringing Diesel here. Now you must help me he is the only engine available.
  • George Carlin: Percy and Duck went sadly back to work. Next day, things were no better. Diesel's driver did not put on his brakes on properly and Diesel started to move. He went bump straight into Percy.
  • Diesel: Wake up there, Percy.
  • George Carlin: Scowled Diesel.
  • Diesel: You have work to do.
  • George Carlin: He didn't even say he was sorry to Percy. Later, Diesel bumped the cars so hard that the loads went everywhere.
  • Percy: What would Sir Topham Hatt say?
  • George Carlin: Gasped Percy.
  • Duck: He won't like it.
  • George Carlin: Said Duck.
  • Diesel: So who's going to tell you I wonder? Two goody-goody tattletales like you I suppose?
  • George Carlin: Percy and Duck did not wanna be tattletales, so they said nothing. Diesel thinking he can getting away from his bad behavior was ruder than ever. Next day, he was shunting freight cars full of China Clay. He banged the cars hard into the buffers, but the buffers weren't secure. The silly cars were sunked! Sir Topham Hatt heard the news. The cars were hoisted safely from the sea but the clay was lost. Sir Topham Hatt spoke severly to Diesel.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: The harbour master has tell me anything. Things weren't much better here before you arrived. I shall not be inviting you back. Now Duck and Percy, I hope you don't mind having handle the work by yourselves again.
  • Percy: Oh no, Sir.
  • Duck: Yes please, Sir.
  • George Carlin: Replied the engines. Whistling cheerfully, they puff back to work while Diesel sulk slowly away.
  • (Another nameplate sequence occurs and we begin A Bad Day For Sir Handel)
  • George Carlin: Skarloey and Rheneas worked on the mountain that leads through the leaves lakes, and along mountain sides. Their coaches are full of visitors. The engines are proud to run the line, come rain or shine. The engines will never let their passengers down, but they are old, and they tire more easily. their drivers understood this, and they spoke kindly to them.
  • Drivers: There's more than enough work for both of you on this railway. The manager is sending two more engines to help us run the road.
  • George Carlin: Skarloey and Rheneas were pleased with this news, and promised to give the new engines a big welcome. When Sir Handel and Peter Sam arrived, they found that they had much to learn.
  • Sir Handel: What a small shed!
  • George Carlin: Grunted Sir Handel.
  • Sir Handel: This won't do at all. We're much too good for this old shack.
  • Peter Sam: I think it's nice.
  • George Carlin: Said Peter Sam.
  • Sir Handel: Humph.
  • George Carlin: Replied Sir Handel.
  • Sir Handel: What's that rubbish?
  • Peter Sam: Shhh.
  • George Carlin: Said Peter Sam.
  • Peter Sam: That's Skarloey. He's famous.
  • George Carlin: And then he whispered to Skarloey.
  • Peter Sam: I'm sorry, Skarloey: Sir Handel is upset now, but he's quite nice, really.
  • George Carlin: Skarloey felt sorry for Peter Sam.
  • Fireman: Now, Sir Handel,
  • George Carlin: Said the fireman.
  • Fireman: I will get you ready for work.
  • Sir Handel: I'm tired! Let Peter Sam go he'd love it!
  • Fireman: No, you're first.
  • George Carlin: Sir Handel huffed to fetch his coaches. He didn't like the look of them at all.
  • Sir Handel: What ever next? Those aren't coaches, they're cattle cars!
  • Coaches: Oh!
  • George Carlin: Screamed the coaches.
  • Coaches: What a horrid engine!
  • Sir Handel: It's not what I'm used to.
  • George Carlin: Clanked Sir Handel. He rolled to the platform just as Gordon arrived.
  • Sir Handel: Hello, who are you?
  • Gordon: I'm Gordon, who are you?
  • Sir Handel: I'm Sir Handel. I've heard of you. You're an express engine. So am I, but I'm used to new coaches, not these cattle cars. Do you have new coaches? I see you do. We must have a chat. Sorry, I can't stop. We must keep time you know.
  • George Carlin: Gordon was speechless! Clouds of steam filled the air as Sir Handel huffed and puffed along the line. He was still cross when they reached the top station. Sir Handel was hoping for a rest, but his driver thought otherwise.
  • Driver: We'll leave the coaches now, and fetch some cars from the quarry.
  • Sir Handel: Cars?
  • George Carlin: Snorted Sir Handel.
  • Sir Handel: Cars? I won't, so there!
  • George Carlin: Sir Handel was about to cause a great deal of trouble.
  • (Sir Handel comes off the rails)
  • Sir Handel: Told you!
  • George Carlin: Said Sir Handel. By the time workmen came to rescue him, Sir Handel was feeling rather silly. To make matters worse, there stood Sir Topham Hatt. His message to Sir Handel was brief and blunt.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: I shall talk to you later!
  • George Carlin: Then he and the fireman left with Peter Sam. Sir Handel was feeling sillier still.
  • Driver: Come on.
  • George Carlin: Said his driver.
  • Driver: Let's get you back on the rails.
  • George Carlin: When Sir Handel crawled home, he found Sir Topham Hatt waiting for him.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: You're a very naughty engine! I hope I can trust you to behave when you next come out of this shed.
  • George Carlin: After hearing that, I'm sure Sir Handel will. Aren't you?
  • (Another nameplate sequence occurs and we begin Bulls Eyes)
  • George Carlin: Toby the Tram Engine has cowcatcher and sideplates. They helped to prevent animals from getting hurt if they should stray onto the line. Daisy thought Toby's fenders were silly.
  • Daisy: You're afraid of getting hurt yourself.
  • George Carlin: She flounced.
  • Toby: I'm not.
  • George Carlin: Huffed Toby.
  • Daisy: Yes you are. I don't have stupid cowcatchers but i'm not frightened. I just toot and they all go away.
  • Toby: But they don't.
  • George Carlin: Said Toby.
  • Daisy: They would with me. Animals always run if you toot and look them in the eye.
  • Toby: Even bulls?
  • Daisy: Even bulls.
  • George Carlin: Said Daisy. Daisy had never met a bull but she purred away quite unconcerned. She tooted at a farm crossing and the horse and cart halted while she went by.
  • Daisy: Huh!
  • George Carlin: She said.
  • Daisy: It's easy. I just toot and they all stand aside. Poor little Toby. I'm sorry he's frightened.
  • George Carlin: At the next station, a policeman was waiting.
  • Policeman: There's a bull on the line.
  • George Carlin: He warned.
  • Policeman: Please persuade it to return to the farmer.
  • George Carlin: Daisy was excited.
  • Daisy: Now...
  • George Carlin: She thought.
  • Daisy: ...I'll show Toby how to manage bulls.
  • George Carlin: Champion isn't really a fierce bull, but this morning he was cross. He'd strayed from his field, crashed through a fence, slithered down a slope and now he didn't know where he was. Suddenly, he saw some grass.
  • Champion: Now for my breakfast.
  • George Carlin: He thought.
  • Daisy: Oooh!
  • George Carlin: Tooted Daisy.
  • Daisy: Go on.
  • George Carlin: Champion was too busy chomping to take any notice.
  • Daisy: Ooh!
  • George Carlin: Said Daisy again. Champion kept grazing.
  • Daisy: This is all wrong.
  • George Carlin: Said Daisy.
  • Daisy: How can I look him in the eye if he wont turn around.
  • George Carlin: At last he did.
  • Champion: Moo!
  • George Carlin: Said Champion.
  • Daisy: Oo, oh, uh!
  • George Carlin: Murmured Daisy.
  • Daisy: Why doesn't he run away?
  • Daisy's Driver: Go on, Daisy.
  • George Carlin: Said her driver.
  • Daisy's Driver: He's harmless.
  • Daisy: Yes.
  • George Carlin: Said Daisy unhappily.
  • Daisy: You know he's harmless and I know he's harmless. But does he know. Look at his horns if i bump into him he might hurt, me uh, them. Uh, the farmer wouldn't like that.
  • George Carlin: Champion sniffed at Daisy.
  • (Champion starts sniffing)
  • Daisy: Ugh!
  • George Carlin: Said Daisy and that was that. Daisy did no more. Toby was bemused and amused to see her back in the station so soon.
  • Toby: Bulls always run if you toot and look them in the eye. Eh, Daisy?
  • George Carlin: Daisy stayed silent.
  • Toby: Ah, well.
  • George Carlin: Continued Toby.
  • Toby: We can live and learn. I better chase him away for you I suppose.
  • George Carlin: He clanked away to find Champion. Toby's bell rang and his whistle sounded but Champion took no notice. Then Toby whooshed loudly. That did the trick. Toby whooshed a little more and now breakfast over. Champion chauntered away to join the farmer. Daisy was feeling exhausted. She was glad when her day's work was over. Some boys were on the platform.
  • Boy: Look, Daisy.
  • George Carlin: One teased.
  • Boy: I've got some sweets. They're called Bulls Eyes. I like them do you.
  • Daisy: Ah, keep your old bulls eyes.
  • George Carlin: And Daisy scuttled to her shed.
  • (Another nameplate sequence occurs and we begin Toad Stands By)
  • George Carlin: Oliver had been to the works to be mended. Some troublesome cars tricked him, and the great western engine fell into the turntable well. Now Oliver was as good as new, be he was still worried about cars.
  • Oliver: I rather not used them.
  • George Carlin: He puffed to himself. But the cars sang songs rude and loud. Scruffey, their leader, led the chorus.
  • Cars and Scruffey: Oliver's no use at all, thinks he's very clever, says that he can manage us, that's the best joke ever, when he orders us about, with the greatest folly, we just pushed him down the well, Pop Goes Old Ollie!
  • George Carlin: Thomas, Duck and Percy were shocked.
  • Thomas: Be quiet!
  • George Carlin: They ordered, but they couldn't be anywhere, and everywhere they went, the cars began again.
  • Cars: Oliver's no use at all, thinks he's very clever, says that he can manage us, that's the best joke ever!
  • George Carlin: At last the engines gave up.
  • Thomas: We're sorry, Oliver.
  • George Carlin: They said.
  • Oliver: It's really my fault.
  • George Carlin: Said Oliver sadly.
  • Oliver: I shouldn't fallen into the turntable well.
  • George Carlin: Toad the break van felt sorry for Oliver too. Next morning, he spoke to Douglas.
  • Toad: I'm worried, Mr. Douglas. This disrespect for engines. Where's it going to end?
  • Douglas: Who knows?
  • George Carlin: Sighed Douglas.
  • Toad: I've got a plan, Mr. Douglas. May I stay here tonight and help Mr. Oliver? We're both Great Western, and must stand together.
  • Douglas: Certainly, Toad.
  • George Carlin: Replied Douglas and puffed away. Soon, Toad was explaining his plan.
  • Duck: Goodness gracious, Toad. I don't think you should suggest such a thing to Oliver.
  • George Carlin: But Oliver interrupted.
  • Oliver: No, Duck, Toad's right. It's really my fault. I must put this trouble right.
  • Toad: I meant no disrespect you understand.
  • Oliver: Of course not, Toad. Anywhere, driver says the same and he's arranged with the stationmaster.
  • Duck: Very well, Oliver.
  • George Carlin: Concided Duck.
  • Duck: But I must hurry. My passengers will be waiting. Good luck.
  • Oliver: So long.
  • George Carlin: Smiled Oliver bravely, but he felt dreadfully nervous inside. Oliver marshalled with the worst cars two by two.
  • Toad: That's the way, Mr. Oliver.
  • George Carlin: Whispered Toad.
  • Toad: And if you hadn't leave Scruffey till last, then you'll have him behind you. You can bump him if he starts his nonsense.
  • Scruffey: Hold back, hold back!
  • George Carlin: Whispered Scruffey.
  • Scruffey: And pass the word to the others.
  • George Carlin: The silly cars giggled, but Oliver knew what to do. There was plenty of sand on the rails and his wheels gripped splendidly. He gave a great heave.
  • Scruffey: Ooh!
  • George Carlin: Groaned Scruffey.
  • Scruffey: I don't like this!
  • Duck: Go on!
  • George Carlin: Yelled Duck.
  • Duck: Well done, boy, well done!
  • Scruffey: Oh!
  • George Carlin: Wailed Scruffey.
  • Scruffey: I'm coming apart!
  • (Scruffey breaks himself apart)
  • George Carlin: And he did. Then there was trouble.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: Well, Oliver, so you don't know your own strength, is that it?
  • Oliver: (stuttering) N-N-No, sir.
  • George Carlin: Said-said Oliver nervously. Sir Topham Hatt inspected Scruffey.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: As I thought. Rotten wood rusty frames. Maybe if we put you back together, you'll learn yourself a better name.
  • George Carlin: Nowadays, Oliver only takes freight cars when the other engines were busy. But they always quick to warn each other.
  • Cars: Take care with Mr. Oliver. If you play tricks on him, you'll never be the same car again!
  • George Carlin: Scruffey has learned his lesson and says nothing at all.
  • (Following the last story, we find the end credits with Thomas looking at us)
  • (While they roll, the Thomas end theme plays)
  • (After that, the Gullane Entertainment logo appears)

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