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No Joke For James / Gordon and The Famous Visitor / Edward, Trevor and The Really Useful Party is a COZI Jr. airing of Thomas & Friends.

Summary

  • James' jokes to the other engines go too far / Gordon grows jealous over a visiting engine / Edward and Trevor attend the Vicar's garden party.

Characters

  • Thomas
  • Edward
  • Henry
  • Gordon
  • James
  • Percy
  • Duck
  • Terence
  • Bertie
  • Trevor
  • Sir Topham Hatt
  • City of Truro (does not speak)
  • Toby (cameo)
  • Donald and Douglas (cameo)
  • Bill and Ben (cameo)
  • Diesel (cameo)

Songs

  1. James The Really Splendid Engine
  2. Don't Judge A Book By Its Cover
  3. Never Never Never Give Up

Trivia

  • Narrated by George Carlin.
  • Release Date: September 13, 2003.

Script

  • (We open this episode with the Britt Allcroft Presents logo)
  • (Then we see the Thomas and Friends Season 6 intro)
  • (After that, we begin the character introduction)
  • Alec Baldwin: Thomas is a really useful engine. Here's Percy. He is a very happy engine. James is a magnificent engine. Gordon is the most fastest engine on the Island of Sodor. Henry is long and fast. Here's Edward always here to help. Toby is a different engine. He's a tram engine.
  • (A passing by sequence occurs and we begin No Joke For James)
  • George Carlin: James is a mixed traffic engine. He can pull both freight cars and coaches. He's proud of his smart red paint and so is his driver.
  • James' Driver: Everyone says you brighten up your day, James.
  • George Carlin: One morning, James whistled loudly at the other engines.
  • James: Look at me! I'm a smartest most useful engine on the line!
  • Thomas: Rubbish.
  • George Carlin: Replied Thomas.
  • Thomas: We're all useful. Sir Topham Hatt says so and he's headed the whole railway.
  • Percy: You know what, James?
  • George Carlin: Added Percy.
  • James: What?
  • George Carlin: Replied James.
  • Percy: You're getting all puffed out.
  • George Carlin: James huffed away. Later, he was still boasting.
  • James: I'm the pride of the line.
  • Gordon: I saw you're pulling freight cars.
  • George Carlin: You're only a goods engine.
  • James: I've pull coaches too.
  • Gordon: Not as much as I do.
  • James: But Sir Topham Hatt has plans for me.
  • George Carlin: James was making this up but Gordon believe him.
  • Gordon: What plans?
  • James: Uh, wait and see. Oh dear.
  • George Carlin: He thought.
  • James: Now what'll I do?
  • George Carlin: Thomas was shunting shiny new coaches.
  • Thomas: Good morning, James.
  • James: Are those coaches for me?
  • George Carlin: Asked James hopefully.
  • Thomas: No, these are for Gordon's Express. I'll fetch your freight cars next.
  • George Carlin: But James was going to play a trick on the other engines.
  • James: Actually, Thomas, I'm taking the coaches. Sir Topham Hatt ask me to tell you.
  • Thomas: What about the cars?
  • George Carlin: Asked Thomas.
  • James: Uh, give them to Gordon.
  • Thomas' Driver: Come on, Thomas.
  • George Carlin: Said his driver.
  • Thomas' Driver: Orders and orders.
  • George Carlin: So when James' driver returned, James was coupled to the coaches and he puffed away. Thomas returned with the freight cars. And a few minutes later, Gordon arrived.
  • Gordon: Where's the express?
  • George Carlin: Thomas told him about James.
  • Thomas: And so here are your cars.
  • George Carlin: Gordon was very cross and so his driver.
  • Gordon's Driver: Wait'll Sir Topham Hatt heres about this.
  • George Carlin: Meanwhile James was enjoying himself enormously.
  • James: What a clever plan! What a clever plan!
  • George Carlin: He chuffed. Then he saw Sir Topham Hatt.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: Some jokes are funny, but not this one, James. You have caused confusion.
  • James: Yes Sir.
  • George Carlin: Said James.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: You will now stay in your shed until you are wanted.
  • George Carlin: The other engines teased James.
  • Gordon: I wonder who'd be pulling the express today?
  • George Carlin: Said Gordon.
  • Henry: I expect it'll be you.
  • George Carlin: Replied Henry.
  • Henry: James is stuck in the shed for being silly.
  • George Carlin: James felt sad. Next morning, he went back to work.
  • Thomas: Hello.
  • George Carlin: Whistled Thomas.
  • Thomas: Good to see you out and about again.
  • James: I'm sorry I tricked you.
  • George Carlin: Said James.
  • James: Are these my cars?
  • Thomas: Yes.
  • George Carlin: Replied Thomas kindly.
  • Thomas: They're please to have you back.
  • George Carlin: James set off to the harbour with a train of freight cars. He bustled about all day pushing and pulling them into place.
  • James' Driver: Time to go home now, James.
  • George Carlin: Said his driver at last.
  • James' Driver: No cars or passengers. Just we too.
  • George Carlin: But his driver was wrong.
  • Railway Inspector: Excuse me.
  • George Carlin: Said the man.
  • Railway Inspector: I have a meeting with Sir Topham Hatt and I mustn't be late. May I ride back with you?
  • James' Driver: Of course.
  • George Carlin: Replied James' driver. Then he whispered to James.
  • James' Driver: This gentleman is a railway inspector.
  • George Carlin: James was most impressed. He steamed along the line as smoothly and quickly as he could. Sir Topham Hatt was waiting on the platform and the railway inspector greeted him warmly.
  • Railway Inspector: This clever engine gave me a splendid ride. You must be proud of him.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: Yes indeed. Once again, you are a really useful engine.
  • (Another passing by sequence occurs and we begin James The Really Splendid Engine)
  • Children: (singing) He's a really splendid engine, everybody knows, But he does go on and on and on, always telling us so! He is a splendid fellow, but he really is quite vain. Who do we mean?
  • Girl: You got it!
  • Children: James!
  • (Conductor's whistle blows)
  • Children: (singing) Take a look who's coming down the track, Make way for James, hooray for James. Shiny shiny paint with the jet-black stack, Make way for James, hooray for James. What it is for certain and we really should note.
  • Girl: It's indisputable, but let's take a vote.
  • Children: (singing) He's the really splendid engine with the bright red coat. James, (ee-oh) He can brag all day - how fast he goes, How good he looks — he's such a pose. But what about the time he got covered in mud, Oh, what a dope, what a dud! But up and down the line you'll hear the others say, "Despite his vanity, he really is okay. Dependable, reliable, and seldom late, We all think James is great!" Speeding down the line like a lightning flash, Make way for James, hooray for James. Hang on to your hat as he whooshes past, Make way for James, hooray for James.
  • Girl: He really knows how to stage a show.
  • Boy: You gotta stand back and watch him go.
  • Children: (singing) He's the really splendid engine with the bright red coat.
  • (Conductor's whistle blows)
  • Children: Whoo! (singing) Look who's swaning it down the track. Make way for James, hooray for James. He never looks up, he never looks back, Make way for James, hooray for James. A tad conceited, and really quite vain, He knows we love him just the same. Take a look who's coming down the track, Make way for James, hooray for James. Shiny shiny paint with the jet-black stack. Make way for James, hooray for James. He's the really splendid engine, shiny, shiny engine. He's the really splendid engine, yep, that's our James.
  • Man: That's James!
  • (Percy's whistle toots)
  • (Thomas' whistle toots)
  • (Another passing by sequence occurs and we begin Gordon and The Famous Visitor)
  • George Carlin: It was an important day in the yard. Everyone was excited, making notes and taking photographs. A special visitor had arrived, and was now the center of attention.
  • Thomas: Who's that?
  • George Carlin: Whispered Thomas to Duck.
  • Duck: That...
  • George Carlin: Said Duck proudly.
  • Duck: ...is a celebrity.
  • Percy: A what?
  • George Carlin: Asked Percy.
  • Duck: A celebrity is a very famous engine.
  • George Carlin: Replied Duck.
  • Duck: Driver says we can talk to him soon.
  • Thomas: Oh.
  • George Carlin: Said Thomas.
  • Thomas: He's probably too famous to even notice us.
  • George Carlin: Just then, Gordon arrived.
  • Gordon: Pah!
  • George Carlin: Said Gordon.
  • Gordon: Who cares? A lot of fuss about nothing, if you ask me.
  • George Carlin: And he steamed away. Later that night, the engines found that the visitor wasn't conceited at all. He enjoyed talking the engines, till' long after the stars came out. He left early next morning. Gordon was still complaining.
  • Gordon: Good riddance.
  • George Carlin: He grumbled.
  • Gordon: Chattering all night. Who is he, anyway?
  • Thomas: Duck told you.
  • George Carlin: Replied Thomas.
  • Thomas: He's famous.
  • Gordon: As famous as me? Nonsense.
  • Thomas: He's famouser than you. He went 100 miles an hour before you were thought of.
  • Gordon: Huh. So he says.
  • George Carlin: Huffed Gordon.
  • Gordon: But I didn't like his looks. He's got no armor. Never trust domeless engines. They're not respectable. I never boast, but I'd say that 100 miles an hour would be easy for me. Goodbye.
  • George Carlin: Duck took some freight cars to Edward's station.
  • Edward: Hello.
  • George Carlin: Called Edward.
  • Edward: That famous engine came through this morning. He whistled to me. Wasn't he kind?
  • Duck: He's the finest engine in the world.
  • George Carlin: Replied Duck, then he told Edward what Gordon had said.
  • Edward: Take no notice.
  • George Carlin: Soothed Edward.
  • Edward: He's just jealous. He thinks no engine should be famous but him. Look, he's coming now.
  • George Carlin: Gordon was running very fast. His wheels pounded the rails.
  • Gordon: He did it, I'll do it. He did it, I'll do it!
  • George Carlin: Gordon's train rocketed past, and was gone.
  • Duck: He'll knock himself to bits!
  • George Carlin: Chuckled Duck. Gordon's driver eased him off.
  • Gordon's Driver: Steady, Gordon. We aren't running a race.
  • Gordon: We are, then.
  • George Carlin: Said Gordon, but he said it to himself. Suddenly, Gordon began to feel a little strange.
  • Gordon: The top of my boiler seems funny.
  • George Carlin: He thought.
  • Gordon: It feels as if something is loose! I'd better go slower.
  • George Carlin: But it was too late. On the viaduct, they met the wind. It was a teasing wind that blew suddenly at hard puffs. Gordon thought it wanted to push him off the bridge.
  • Gordon: No, you don't!
  • George Carlin: He said firmly. But the wind had other ideas. It curled round his boiler, crept under his loose dome, and lifted off and away into the valley below.
  • (The dome falls into the water)
  • George Carlin: Gordon was most uncomfortable. The cold wind was whistling through his hole where his dome should be and he felt silly without it. At the big station, the Freight Cars laughed at him.
  • (Freight Cars laugh)
  • George Carlin: Gordon tried to wheesh them away.
  • (Freight Cars continue laughing)
  • George Carlin: But they crowded round', no matter what he did. On the way back home, he wanted his driver to stop and fetch his dome.
  • Gordon's Driver: We'll never find it now.
  • George Carlin: Said his driver.
  • Gordon's Driver: You'll have to go to the works for a new one.
  • George Carlin: Gordon was very cross.
  • Gordon: I hope the shed is empty tonight.
  • George Carlin: He huffed to himself. But all the engines were there waiting.
  • A Voice: Never trust domeless engines.
  • George Carlin: Said a voice from somewhere behind him.
  • A Voice: They aren't respectable.
  • (Another passing by sequence occurs and we begin Don't Judge A Book By Its Cover)
  • Children: (singing) Thomas first saw Terence the Tractor plowing in a field one day and he said, "My oh my, you do look funny. Where are your wheels, are your wheels, are your wheels? How ever do you move along? You really do look funny." "Don't be so rude", said Terence the Tractor "I don't have wheels like you Because my caterpillar tracks are so much better. And I can go anywhere, anywhere, anywhere I don't need rails like you. One day I will prove it, show you how I do it Then you will understand... That you don't judge a book by its cover Don't make your mind up too soon Things aren't necessarily Always what they appear to be Don't judge a book by its cover Don't make your mind up too soon Never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never Never judge a book by its cover Sure enough, one winter's day When the snow lay deep and hard Thomas got stuck, he was in trouble And who do you think came along, came along And rescued him that day The snow didn't matter to Terence the Tractor Now Thomas understands... That you don't judge a book by its cover Don't make your mind up too soon Things aren't necessarily Always what they appear to be Don't judge a book by its cover Don't make your mind up too soon Never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never Never judge a book by its cover. Don't judge a book by its cover Don't make your mind up too soon Things aren't necessarily Always what they appear to be. Don't judge a book by its cover Just remember the rule Never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never Never judge a book.... By its cover!
  • (Another passing by sequence occurs and we begin Edward, Trevor and The Really Useful Party)
  • George Carlin: Trevor the Traction Engine was old-fashioned but he doesn't care. He knows that he is really useful, like his friend Edward the Blue Engine. Early one morning, Trevor was chuffing about the Vicarage Orchard. He had important news for Edward.
  • Trevor: The Vicar says that not all children are able to have holidays by the sea, so he's having a garden party to raise money for his seaside trip. I'm going to be the star attraction.
  • George Carlin: Chattered Trevor.
  • Trevor: Giving rides to all the visitors. The Vicar is putting up posters all about it.
  • Edward: I'd like to help too.
  • George Carlin: Sighed Edward.
  • Edward: But without my rails, I wouldn't be much good at the garden party.
  • George Carlin: It was a beautiful day but Edward was worried.
  • Edward: I wish there was something I can do for a party.
  • George Carlin: He said.
  • Edward: I'd like to be helpful like Trevor.
  • George Carlin: Edward's driver laughed.
  • Driver: You're helpful in your own way, and that's on the railway.
  • George Carlin: Next day, it was Trevor's turn to look disappointed. He had bad news.
  • Trevor: The Vicar's been so busy that he forgot to put up the posters. Now no one will know about the party.
  • George Carlin: But Edward had an idea.
  • Edward: Don't worry.
  • George Carlin: He said.
  • Edward: Everything is going to be all right.
  • George Carlin: Then he explained to his driver.
  • Edward: The Vicar can paste his posters on my cab and coaches, so wherever I go, they'll go too.
  • Driver: Well done, Edward.
  • George Carlin: Said his driver.
  • Driver: I'm sure Sir Topham Hatt would agree.
  • George Carlin: As indeed he did. Edward steamed happily to the stations collecting his passengers.
  • Passengers: Look!
  • George Carlin: They said.
  • Passengers: The Vicar is holding a party. We must go do that.
  • George Carlin: Later Trevor was resting in the orchard shed when Bertie rolled by.
  • Bertie: Hello, Trevor. Why are you dozing there like an old stick-in-the-mud?
  • Trevor: I'm not dozing, I'm resting.
  • George Carlin: Replied Trevor. Then he told Bertie about the Vicar's party.
  • Bertie: I'll be there too.
  • George Carlin: Boasted Bertie.
  • Bertie: I'm not sure people would wanna ride on an old traction engine after traveling in the smart red bus like me.
  • George Carlin: The party day arrived. It had rained heavenly during the night and the orchard grove was soaked.
  • Trevor: Rain and mud won't spoil my day.
  • George Carlin: Said Trevor.
  • Driver: No indeed.
  • George Carlin: Agreed his driver.
  • Driver: We'll stay on the road then we won't get bogged down.
  • George Carlin: Trevor was soon busy trending up and down the quiet country lane, carrying lots of laughing children. He was just turning the corner when he heard Bertie.
  • Bertie: Hello, old timer. I'm taking everyone to the party. People had come from all other the island.
  • George Carlin: Trevor gave Bertie a cheerful whistle, and turned backed toward the orchard. Then there was trouble.
  • Bertie: Help, I'm stuck!
  • George Carlin: Shouted Bertie. His wheels had sunk deep in the orchard mud. Terence the Tractor arrived just in time.
  • Terence: I'm the one who has to plough fields.
  • George Carlin: Laughed Terence.
  • Terence: We better get you out of here.
  • George Carlin: Using strong ropes, Terence and Trevor pulled Bertie cleared the mud.
  • Trevor: This will teach Bertie a thing or two.
  • George Carlin: Trevor chuffered to himself. At last, Bertie was on the road again.
  • Bertie: Thank you, Trevor. You're not a stick-in-the-mud at all.
  • Trevor: No.
  • George Carlin: Smiled Trevor.
  • Trevor: But you were. Just for a little while.
  • George Carlin: That evening, the Vicar arrived to see Edward and his driver.
  • Vicar: Thanks to your good idea about the posters. Hundreds of people payed to come to the party. We've raised lots of money for the children.
  • George Carlin: Edward was very pleased and Trevor fell happily asleep thinking of all the children who would now get to the seaside at last.
  • (Another passing by sequence occurs and we begin Never Never Never Give Up)
  • Children: (singing) If you climb the highest mountain, Cross the river deep, Maybe you'll find it's never as easy As it first appears.
  • Men: (singing) As it first appears.
  • Children: (singing) Just remember not to worry, Or get down at heart Never lose faith in positive thinking You'll be amazed when you achieve All the things you start.
  • Men: (singing) All the things you start.
  • Children: (singing) So, Never, never, never give up even though the going's tough Don't stop trying, when you're tiring, and you're out of puff No, never, never, never give up even though you're feeling rough If at first you don't succeed, never, never, never give up If at first you don't succeed, Then try and try again Nothing in life is ever as easy But you get there in the end
  • Men: (singing) Get there in the end.
  • Children: (singing) So blow your cares and woes behind you Start a brand new day Nothing can stop you reaching your goal If you're determined, you can do it You will find a way.
  • Men: (singing) You will find a way.
  • Children: (singing) So, Never, never, never give up even though the going's tough Don't stop trying, when you're tiring, and you're out of puff No, never, never, never give up even though you're feeling rough If at first you don't succeed, never, never, never give up Some things seem impossible, answers hard to find No matter how improbable, you won't know until you try You can do whatever you choose it just takes a little luck So remember never, never, never give up Never, never, never give up even though the going's tough Don't stop trying, when you're tiring, and you're out of puff No, never, never, never give up even though you're feeling rough If at first you don't succeed, never, never, never give up So, Never, never, never give up even though the going's tough Don't stop trying, when you're tiring, and you're out of puff No, never, never, never give up even though you're feeling rough If at first you don't succeed, never, never, never give up! Never, never, never give up, Never, never, never give up!
  • (Following the last song, we find the end credits with Thomas looking at us)
  • (While they roll, the Thomas end theme plays)
  • (After that, the HiT Entertainment and Nick Jr. logo appears)

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