Paul "CMG" Kuliniewicz
From Scratchpad
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[edit] Origins
Paul "CMG" Kuliniewicz joined the Ship of Fools on whatever date the Fools first formed. "CMG" is short for Code Master General, a nickname conferred during one of many post-improv nights spent at the local Applebee's. Being a computer scientist gets you that sort of nickname, apparently. Since "Paul" is a lot faster to say than "CMG," usage of the nickname isn't terribly common. He is one of the founding members.
[edit] First Show
Paul's first show was probably the first Swing Show, wherein the nascent Ship of Fools performed for weary swing dancers from far and wide in an obscure room in the Union. Detailed records are spotty at best, as this all happened before the invention of writing, let alone an official website.
Further research shows that the first show for the Ship of Fools was in fact a performance at Vienna Espresso Bar & Bakery.
[edit] Beer Rocket Fuel
Paul has been known to take ridiculous positions in arguments for his own amusement, especially when he out-argues opponents armed with logic, reason, and/or facts. Notable achievements include proving that Benji is a black vampire. He nevertheless maintains that there is no such thing as a beer-powered rocket.
[edit] Rejection Letters
At one point, the Ship of Fools received an invitation to perform for an on-campus group (who shall remain anonymous). The morning before the performance, however, they decided that the conditions had changed: instead of a normal 40 minute set, the Fools were now to perform in three 15 minute breaks, while bands were setting up behind them on stage. Paul was upset that the group was being treated in such a manner (understandably so), and canceled the performance.
Mere days later, the Fools then received another request to perform for a different on-campus group (who shall remain anonymous as well) that same week. The group refused to divulge any further details about their proposal despite repeated inquiries, instead demanding that the Fools immediately commit to doing the show. Moderately peeved at being thusly yanked around for the second time in as many weeks, Paul sent a response email that sent shock waves through the Internet.
The Rejection Letter, as it is now known, was professionally and appropriately worded, but crafted with such force, malice, and latent condescension that the young woman who had initially contacted us ended up crying. Seriously. The letter essentially let the world know not to mess around with the Ship of Fools in any business, lest they receive a letter from the Captain of the Ship of Fools.
Compare with: The Black Spot.
[edit] Else/If/For
A common means of taunting Paul is to grossly misuse computer-related terminology, as the above section heading does. After all, everyone knows that "if" has to come before "else". Enumerating all the errors in the section heading would exceed the size limit on this page, however, so finding the others is left as an exercise for the reader.
In rare cases, continued abuse of computer terminology has driven Paul to make a comic about the halting problem or to invent the heretofore loop.
[edit] The Yogate Scandal
During his own Administration, Treasurer Benji was implicated in the scandal around Naked Yogurt Time- accused of consuming yogurt naked. Benji denied the accusations and maintains that he was simply eating the yogurt in his work-out shorts.
At a later date, Paul was accused of similar actions by Benji.
[edit] Officer Positions
Paul served as Captain of the Ship of Fools and President of the Purdue Improv Club from spring of 2005 to spring of 2006, after a term as Treasurer during which no evidence of embezzlement was found. Paul also concurrently served as the Webmaster, mainly because he was the only one remotely interested in doing it. His legacy as Webmaster continues to amaze and baffle his successors, mere mortals playing with the former toys of a Master of Computer Science.
[edit] Accomplishments
- Winner of the Most Valuable Fool Award (2006).
- Graduating Senior Award: The Just Five Words Award (2006).
- Has hosted the most workshops (to date).
[edit] Improv Strengths and Weaknesses
- Favorite games: 2 Person Story, Sideline Sermon, Press Conference (improv game)
- Strengths: Word Rations
- Weaknesses: emoting
[edit] Personal Life
Paul was driven out of Purdue by angry regents tired of having to keep giving him degrees. Paul continued running until he reached the ocean, and thus now resides in Maryland. He maintains his CMGhood by occasionally trying to teach his computer to play Nintendo using a genetic algorithm. He is also the proud developer of Kulinibox, a Linux based music applet whose real name is Music Applet.
