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Pieism

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Pieism at Wikia

Welcome to the Pieism mini wiki at Wikia.

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Pieism is a satirical religion which was created and adopted by a number of individuals inbetween 2002 and 2008.

Pieism is based around the worship of one or many Pie Gods. There are four true groups of Pieism which are mostly independant and usually are quite different, There are huge size differences between them. Each group has its own Holy Book, Commandments and variety of Minor Gods. Most Pieism's promote the eating of Pie and often other food as well but most are more based on the humour of the Pie rather than the eating of the Pie itself.

There are currently around six different groups of Pieism which are:

  • The Great Religion of Pieism:(Which contains)
  • The Pieist Church of JoJo Pieism
  • The New Followers of the Holy Pie
  • The JoJo's Cult of Pie


There is also five less active and smaller groups:

  • The Church of Pie
  • The Holy Church of Pie
  • The Sacred Text a la Mode
  • The International Church of Pie
  • The Pieism of Connor-Craig

There is also another "multi-sect" organisations covering several groups which is "The Council of Pie".


Contents

[edit] Origins

Pieism has no one true originator , as five people who have never met at all created the religion from 2002 to 2008 at different dates, in different parts of the world, by coincidence. The International Church of Pie was the first Pieism sect to be founded, closely followed by the Holy Church of Pie. The groups formed "sects", however the sect definition collapsed in September 2007. This shows what happened to the sects/sections. The sections and multi sect organisations (MSO) have their own founding dates.

Key

  • GRP: Now part of the Great Religion of Pieism
  • INA: Now Inactive
  • MSO: A Multi Sect Organisation, not a group.
  • UKN: Unknown, likely to be inactive

Pieist Groups (Sects, Sections and others)

  • INA: The International Church of Pie = 10th December 2002 (could have been founded earlier)
  • INA: The Holy Church of Pie = 4th March 2003
  • UKN: The Sacred Text a la Mode = 10th December 2003
  • INA: The Church of Pie = 5th May 2005
  • GRP: The Church of JoJo Pieism = 10th March 2006
  • INA: The Amigos Union of Pie = 29th May 2006
  • GRP: The New Followers of the Holy Pie = 1st June 2007
  • GRP: The JoJo's Cult of Pie = 16th July 2007
  • MSO: Council of Pie = 8th June 2007
  • MSO: The Great Religion of Pieism (GRP) = 10th September 2007
  • UKN: Connor-Craig Pieism = 23rd March 2008 (could have been founded earlier)

(The three members of the GRP now claim to be one huge group of Pieists, not sects or sections. The GRP is also known as the Union)

[edit] Churchs of the Great Religion of Pieism

The Union of Pieism is the largest group of Pieists in existence and consists of three "churchs":

  • The Pieist Church of JoJo Pieism
  • The New Followers of the Holy Pie
  • The JoJo's Cult of Pie


There are standard beliefs as listed under JoJo Pieism (Being the beliefs of JoJo Pieism and the Cult of Pie) but the other church, the New Followers of the Holy Pie, has some of its own beliefs. The Great Religion of Pieism is special is that it covers a great deal of Pieism, much more than the rest put together. The Union of Pieism has blurred what was once distinct boundaries between a group or sect.

The JoJo's Book of Pie

The Book of the Beginning

In the beginning there was nothing but the ingredients. Pure nothingness floating in the void. Then came the Baker, a being from an known future, who baked the Pie with mysterious energy. However to make the Pie he was forced to make another being, the Anti Pie, the Being of Anti Matter. When Pie and Anti Pie came into contact they would destroy each other so it seemed both were doomed. However the Baker tricked fate by bringing just a little Pie, incased in himself, from the future. This meant Pie outnumbered Anti Pie and the Anti Pie ran away, almost defeated. The two wouldn't meet again till the Final Battle. 

After the Baker had left and the Pie had won its first war with the Anti Pie, the Pie split itself into three parts or dominions. These were today's Dominion Gods, the Lobster, the Tabby Fat and the  Genghis Khan. The Dominions then made two servants each, these were to become the other minor gods. The Lobster made the Shark and the Pacman, the Tabby Fat made the Cheese and the Sally Squid and the Genghis Khan made the Sumo and the Bodyguard. Each of these were mostly of their creator and a little of another Dominion.  These creatures then slowly made our universe over billions of years under the command of the Pie until the present day.

Every object in our Universe is part of the Pie, excluding Anti Matter which is of the Anti Pie. Objects without a consciness, such as rocks or trees, are part of just one Dominion; depending on its features. Beings with a conscieness, such as Lobsters, Humans and Cheese, are belonging to two Dominions. Nothing yet was part of all three Dominons, despite the fact a being of Pure Pie was needed to defeat the Anti Pie

The Book of the JoJo

In the holy year of 2006 on the March the 10th in the green land of England who was to become the JoJo made with his friend, the future Bodyguard, a new religion to be known as JoJoism or Pieism (although later it became JoJo Pieism, then finally just Pieism).

Within a few days most of its main beliefs and points were laid down and soon the Pie was being worshipped. The JoJo, despite being the Pie Incarnate, refused to be claimed as a god, to have powers or even worshipped. Instead he taught people to respect him as a prophet and to worship the Pie and no other. The JoJo found out he was prophesied to be the one to lead a revolution in Pie, whatever that meant. He laid down the eleven commandments as listed below and extra beliefs for all Pieists to follow:


The 11 Commandments of Pieism

  • Thou shall worship the Pie only
  • Thou shall follow all the JoJo's teachings
  • Thou shall not steal from your neighbors
  • Thou shall not kill any person
  • Thou shall not dishonor Pie in any way, shape, or form
  • Thou shall be considerate to all people
  • Thou shall enjoy every minute of your life
  • Thou shall eat a Pie at least once a month
  • Thou shall spread the holy name of Pie
  • Thou shall honour all Pieism
  • Thou shall not bear false witness against any person

Other Beliefs

(not mentioned in commandments)


  • The JoJo is Pie in a human body.
  • The Pie is Everything and Everything is the Pie.
  • All food is sacred.
  • Mars is inhabited by blue sprouts known as spankies.
  • The Book of Pie and the Sacred Scrolls of Wisdom are very holy.
  • Other Pieism holy books are good.
  • Evolution is real but was controlled by the Pie (take that, ID)
  • Star Trek is Heathen and Evil!
  • All animals are sacred and should only by killed for food.
  • Cake is definitely not holy.
  • All members should wash their socks at least once a month.
  • The holiest number is pi ( 3.14159265358979323846…etc).
  • The JoJo loves you.
  • You only go to Hell for a certain time depending how bad you are.
  • There's Intermediate for good non-Pieists
  • Pie Heaven's the reward for devout Pie worshippers ( are you one?)Very holy people get to become Pieits, a Pie saint.


He also laid down the holy days for Pieists to celebrate and the number has increased over the years:


  • 1st January : New Pie day : Celebrates the beginning of the Universe and the Pie.
  • 28th February : Lobster day : Celebrates the Great Lobster.
  • 10th March : JoJo Pieism day : Celebrates the founding of Pieism.
  • 16th April : New Life day : Celebrates the Pie making the first life.
  • 3rd May : All Foods day : Celebrates food in general.
  • 14th June : Genghis Khan day : Celebrates the birth of Genghis Khan.
  • 25th July : Technology day : Celebrates all the tech we have now.
  • 9th August : Bodyguard day : Celebrates the birth of the Bodyguard.
  • 30th August : JoJo day : Celebrates the birth of JoJo.
  • 10th September : Reformation day: The founding of the Union and the reformation of Pieism.
  • 21st September : Pokemon day : Celebrates the miracle of Pokemon.
  • 11th October : Tabby Fat day : Celebrates Tabby Fat.
  • 5th November : Anti-Traitor day : Celebrates the failure of traitors like Judas, Guy Falkes and JoJo Missiswoki
  • 25th December : Piesmas day : Celebrates all of Pieism.

Later the JoJo started working with the last other types of Pieisms to create a union, to which many Pieists said this was the great revolution he was prophised to cause. On the 10th of September 2007, a year and a half after the founding of this Pieism, the Federation of Pie and the Great Organisation of Pieism were founded. The New Followers of the Sacred Text a la Mode, and the JoJo's Cult of Pie (before the Cult of Pie) all became part of Pieism. The Pieism Official Site was changed and the JoJo's Book of Pie was reformed with the writing of 1.0. A couple of weeks later the Holy Book was changed with the release of Version 2.0, a great improvement on the original.


The Book of the End

By the End of Time the JoJo and the Bodyguard has appeared across the universe appeared in millions of different forms on millions of different planets. Soon there were trillions of followers of the Pie and finally the day of the Final Battle came. On each side the army’s of the Pie and the Anti Pie lined up ready to do battle. And thus on the 31st December at 12:00AM the battle started. Tabby Fat fought Anti Tabby Fat, Lobster fought Anti Lobster and all the Minions fought the Anti Minions.


The JoJo searched around for the Anti JoJo while twirling his two great Samurai Swords of Honour and Justice. He saw the Arch Enemy at last and stepped forwards. The Anti JoJo saw his opponent and brought out the Samurai Swords of Dishonour and Prejustice. Together they clashed for hours on end, Pie vs. Anti Pie. As time was running out the JoJo did a daring manoeuvre that should have worked but by a minute chance he missed and the Anti JoJo disarmed him. The JoJo walked back with no weapon knowing something must happen. The Bodyguard saw the JoJo in this state and he threw the third great sword of the Pie , the Samurai Sword of Swordliness to the JoJo. The unsuspecting Anti JoJo was laughing, walking towards the JoJo spinning his swords over his head. The JoJo caught the Bodyguard’s sword and threw it right through the Anti JoJo’s middle. He looked down to see the Samurai Sword sticking through him and screamed in rage as he realised he had been defeated. The Anti JoJo fell down and as he did the minions of Anti Pie dissolved into nothing. 

The Anti Pie had been defeated forever but at great cost. The material universe was now collapsing  and as the Pieists went into the spiritual universe the JoJo did one last great task. He took the matter from the material universe and he went back in time, so far that not even the Pie had been baked. And then, he, the JoJo, baked the Pie and therefore the JoJo, who was the Pie, was the Baker, so it turned out that the Pie baked himself. The JoJo then went forwards in time to the time after the battle from when he had left, abait without his power, and he departed off to the spiritual universe forever.



[edit] The JoJo's Cult of Pie

The JoJo's Cult of Pie is a small and new section , only founded on the 16th July, 2007. Although it started as an independant sect it soon becme part of JoJo Pieism and then the Great Religion of Pieism. It has a special membership for the Federation and Council of Pie as well as being joined through JoJo Pieism. Its places less importantence on the JoJo than mainstream JoJo Pieism.


[edit] The New Followers of the Holy Pie

The New Followers of the Holy Pie were originallu part of the old Sacred Text a la Mode sect and were known as the " New Followers of the Sacred Text a la Mode". When Captain Spankin Crackers left the sect it was refounded by the leader of the New Followers, an indiviual known as Captain Pie Master and a new blog for it called New Pieism Blog on the 1st June 2007. They then made close relations with JoJo Pieism.

On the 10th September this sect joined the Union and Great Religion of Pieism, making it now the biggest part of the Great Religion of Pieism excluding original JoJo Pieism itself. On 12th February 2008 they left the Sacred Text a la Mode completely, changed their name to the New Followers of the Holy Pie, meaning the final active part of STALM became nonexistant.

[edit] Independant Sects and Sections of Pieism

Aside from the massive organsation that is the Union of Pieism, the rest of Pieism is very different. It comprises of many small groups of Pieists, all mostly independant but now inactive. Independant Pieism consists of the Church of Pie, the Holy Church of Pie, the Sacred Text a la Mode, the Amigos Union of Pie and the True Religion of Pie.


[edit] The Pieism of Connor-Craig

The Pieism of Connor-Craig was probably founded on the 23rd March 2008, as far as anyone knows although there are implications that it is much older. It is also implied that it was founded by James Connor Craig although the site is unfortunatly lacking in detail.

From the Holy Book "The Pieble" the Commandments are as follows

The 13 commandments

  • 1. Eat Pie
  • 2. Worship James Connor Craig And pie
  • 3. You Cannot Be Called Steven Morris
  • 4. You cannot Be Called Kearin Ogg
  • 5. You must like Pie
  • 6. You must only Worship Pieism
  • 7. The 13 Commandments Must Have 13 commands otherwise the 13 commandments only have 12 or less commandments therefore there is not 13 commandments.
  • 8. Read above
  • 9. This must be the 9th commandment
  • 10. You must not believe in God, only pie
  • 11. you must not believe in the bible as it was probably made by some random teenager Wanting to have some fun.
  • 12. This is the only Truly Holy Book
  • 13. All content is © 2002-2003BC. All rights reserved.



[edit] The International Church of Pie

The International Church of Pie was the first type of Pieism ever to be founded. It is known for being similar to the Holy Church of Pie and has pretty much the same beliefs. Its commandments give you an idea on what is was like.

  • THE FIRST PIEMANDMENT: THOU SHALT NOT PARTAKE OF ANY DESSERTS BESIDES ME.

I am the Almighty Pie, who saved you from the over-sweet, frosty entrapment of Cake, and even from his evil spawn, the Daemon Cupcake. Thou shalt not partake in any tasty sweet besides Me, and, above all, shun the Cake and his consorts. Those who do this successfully, and find themselves craving naught but My fruity, syrupy goodness and graham cracker crust, will be admitted to the Paradise lost by thy forbears, the Great Pie in the Sky. However, if at any moment you refuse to snuff any desire for any dessert besides Me, and deny Me My rightful place of honor as your personal favorite, thou shalt be damned into the steamy depths of the realm of Cake, where thou shalt be tormented by overheated frosting. Thy children, on down through the fourth generation, shall partake of this dark fate themselves because of their father's rampant sweet tooth.

  • THE SECOND PIEMANDMENT: TAKE NOT MY NAME IN VAIN.

My name, the Good and Benevolent Pie, should be used freely by those who do Me well by speaking of it; of course, being my faithful children, thou shalt never speak ill of me, lest ye suffer the fate of the Daemon Cupcake and his unholy kin. However, any homophones similar to my name shalt not be spoken by any of my followers! The mathematical symbol shalt be shunned, as taking My name in vain, as well as any other such blasphemy. Articulation of this evil character shall be guilt upon thy conscience.

  • THE THIRD PIEMANDMENT: KEEP HOLY THE DAY OF DESSERT.

Six days shalt thou labor in My name, not only doing the work that thou art created and meant to do, but partaking of Me freely; but remember the Seventh Day, when I rested after creating the Great Pie in the Sky, and tasted it. Not thy beasts, nor thy servants, nor any other person in thy care or sight not taste a bit of My sweet goodness on that day.

  • THE FOURTH PIEMANDMENT: HONOR THY BAKER.

Keep holy thy Baker, as he is one of the few of your kindred permitted to so connect the Great Pie with thy mortal world; allow him to create food in My image, for you to partake of, as it is indeed my own body and blood in every gooey bite.

  • THE FIFTH PIEMANDMENT: THOU SHALT NOT KILL WITHOUT NECESSITY.

Thou shalt not take the life of any living creature, unless I have shown you need. If thou desirest to partake of a Minced-Meat Pie, which indeed is part of My body and blood, thou art free to slaughter as necessary. If thou discover that any man, be he thy father, thy brother, thy servant, or thy king, freely partakes of the Cake or his daemon Cupcake, and ignores My word and delicious insides, thou art free to take his cursed life and use his meat to make the aforementioned Minced-Meat Pie. Also, in times of need, I may appear to My Pie Convent to alert them to a Holy Cause that would require much war and slaughter as well.

  • THE SIXTH PIEMANDMENT: THOU SHALT ONLY COMMIT ADULTERY IN MY NAME.

Adultery, without my blessings, shalt be a mark of guilt upon thy conscience. However, any adultery committed while anointed in My name, with the blessings of My pie filling, be it homemade, canned, or otherwise, may be freely allowed. Any child conceived by the adulterers while thusly anointed shall be considered holy and shalt live a pious life in my Pie Convent.

  • THE SEVENTH PIEMANDMENT: THOU SHALT NOT STEAL.

This piemandment shall be heeded utterly, in the exception of absolute poverty; if thou art poor and starving, thou art free to steal the pie of your choice from any grocery store.

  • THE EIGTH PIEMANDMENT: THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS AGAINST THY NEIGHBOR.

Unless thy neighbor is a minion of the unholy Cake and his many fudgy consorts, thou shalt treat him with all due respect. If thy neighbor does partake of his fluffy, oversweet decadency, thou shalt not respect him in the least, however thou shalt still keep thy honesty, as his actions incriminate him enough.

  • THE NINTH PIEMANDMENT: THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S PIE.

Unless, as aforementioned, thou art a victim of intense poverty and ill luck, thou shalt not be jealous of thy neighbor's pastry. Instead, thou shalt either create a pie yourself, or thou shalt ask for a pie from thy neighbor. Assuming thy neighbor is a goodly and Pie-fearing worshipper, they should gladly allow you some.

  • THE TENTH PIEMANDMENT: SPREAD THE WORD OF PIE.

Being a Pieist, thou art one of the greatest few of thy kin; thou shalt be favored with eternal life atop the Great Pie in the Sky whilst others boil in the overheated pudding of the lair of the Cake. Thusly, spread the word of Pie, so that others may be saved. Also, encourage all converts to contribute alms, which shalt, of course, be put toward further creation of Pies.


[edit] The Holy Church of Pie

The Holy Church of Pie is one of the oldest sects of Pieism although the oldest, the International Church of Pie claims that in fact the Holy Church of Pie is a copy of it which may well be true as the two sects are remarkebaly similar. All the beliefs of The Holy Church of Pie were created by the moderator of the church’s official website, www.pieism.tk. In Summary,

  • The purpose of Pieism is to bring the holy word of Pie to all who do not follow Pieists.
  • The Savior is The Pie Almighty, maker of delicious desserts, of all that is tasty and unfrosted.
  • When you die, you go to Piehalla if you accepted Pie as your savior.
  • You go to The Lake of Eternal Cake if you deny pie and break the ten Piemandments, where you are forced to eat cake for all eternity.
  • The 10 Piemandments:
    1. You shall love Pie and all its fillings.
    2. You shall not steal thy neighbors Pie.
    3. You shall not worship any other gods other than the almighty Pie Gods.
    4. You shall not mutilate any Pie.
    5. You shall not disrespect Pie.
    6. You shall set aside 3 days a week in devotion to Pie
    7. You shall eat a Pie at least once a month.
    8. You shall spread the holy name of Pie.
    9. You shall not dishonor Pie in any way, shape, or form.
    10. You shall not bear false witness against any person who follows Pieism.


[edit] The Sacred Text a la Mode

The Sacred Text a la Mode was once one of the greatest sects ever, now it has sunk low. The sect was been damaged by the New Followers of the STALM (now the New Followers of the Holy Pie), which claim to part of the sect but not a section. This caused STALM to end up divided in two, one half in the Great Religion of Pieism and the other independant. The original STALM is was basically dead and when the New Followers left the sect, it became offically inactive.

The original Sacred Text A La Mode retrieved from the Captain Cynic forum:

The Sacred Text A La Mode

At first there was nothing. And then there was pie. Pie is all around us. The Pie God created us. Our world baked for four days, and on the fifth day, the Pie God had a beer. The Pie God flies around us in Billions of pie parts, observing our every move. He doesn’t watch us to enforce his morals, because he has none. He just likes to laugh at us. The Pie God loves all humans because we make him laugh so. The world was created in the image of the pie. It has an outer crust and a warm juicy filling in the middle. Pie has existed since the beginning of time. Actually, it was before that. The Pie God inspired the pies we eat today. People who were divinely inspired by his essence created pies. The Greeks were the first to make pie, but it was the settlers of the new America who got pie the way it should be.

If we do something “bad” we know it’s bad. Killing your fellow humans is bad. The Pie God and the other minor Gods in “The After World” deal with whatever we do in our life. We don’t talk about “The After World.” No one knows what happens there, but it’s where the Gods reside. When we die, we go there. If we are bad enough, The Gods will decide, and Fatty Mc Butterpants may eat us, where we will be gnawed on for two millenniums. Sometimes it is said we will be digested into the core of the earth. But we all agree that we are connected in Piedom. In the end, the Pie God decides our fate.

Every Wednesday is when we pray to the Pie God, the day the religion was knownst to humans. To pray, connect your pinkies, ring fingers, and middle fingers together by their tips, pull your palms away from each other, outstretch your index fingers, and bend your thumbs. Acknowledge the Pie God, and you’re done. The Pie God does not mind if you have another religion. You are free to practice it and believe what you want. There is one thing he asks though, and that is to believe in pie. Pieism is all about…believing in pie.

One day every one million years, on March 26th, the Swarming of the Pies takes place. Inadvertently, One million years in “The After World” is one year in our time. So every March 26th is The Swarming of the Pies. This is when the Pie God groups back together all the pie parts flying around the world to become whole again. On this day he cannot see what you do, so one can get away with certain things. On this holiest of days, no pie is to be eaten, because the Pie God cannot form back together with the consumption of pie-based foods. One must wear cool-looking sunglasses on this day in the possibly event of the sun exploding. Which could happen any day now for reasons no one knows. In the case of the sun exploding, whoever is wearing sunglasses will not become blind and would be saved by The Pie God. Plus, they look cool.

The founding day of Pieism is December 10th. It is The Day of Pie. When saying “The Day of Pie.” One must repeat the word “PIE” at least four times after in an echo-like effect. This is to dramatize this day, and make all know that pie is holy. On this day, and with all other Pieism holidays, everyone must be referred to by their Pie Name, which is given to them on the day of initiation. There is a ceremonial pie eaten of choice. Before the feat everyone must say the Pie Hymn. “Oooooh Pie. Mmmmmm.”

On the days before and after every major holiday, pie is to be eaten. Mind you, you may only eat the pie if you celebrate the holiday. The holidays of pie eating are:

  • The days before and after Christmas
  • The day before New Year's Day and on New Year's Day
  • The days before and after Halloween
  • The days before and after Thanksgiving
  • The days of Hanukkah
  • Any Religious Holiday
  • The day of April Fools Day|April Fools (The Pie God has a sense of Humor)
  • Your birthday

These are “Pieism Days” where one rejoices with pie. Everyone must say the Pie Hymn before feasting on a pie of choice. A pie of choice could be any pie. There are many kinds of pies in this Pie-world of ours. Apple Pie, Pecan Pie, Pumpkin Pie, Cherry Pie, Cobbler (food)|Cobbler, Quiche, Pot Pie, Pizza Pie, Crème-filled Doughnuts, Cupcakes, Cake, Crème-filled Danish pastry|Danishes, Shepherd’s Pie, and many more. Everyone is to be referred to by his or her Pie Names on these days.

When someone joins the Pie religion, they eat some form of pie, and have a current member initiate them. The current member says “In Pie We Trust,” and the one joining responds, “I have my finger stuck in the Pie.” They are then given a Pie Name of their choice. It can be anything. If the new member cannot think of a name, a Pie Preacher will give them one, or approve one for them. They are now a fellow Pieist.

Pie Preachers are divine Pieists who spread the religion of Pieism. There are two as of The Day of Pie. Iron Banana and Captain Spakin’ Crackers. But there is no Church for pies. Pies have no house, they are to be shared by everyone. And the Preachers do not try and convert people away from their believed religions, but rather enlighten them about pie.

Some may ask why we eat pies when they are Holy. It is because The Pie God wants to share the pie-goodness of pies. He is pleased when pies are eaten. They were created in his image, and pay respect to him.

There are Minor Gods in “The After World.” These are the offspring of The Pie God. However, they are only minor Gods, and are not as powerful as The Pie God or as cool.

These are the known Gods:

  • The Pie God- Baker of the World.
  • The God of Cupcakes- Was created to give Humans companies such as Hostess.
  • The God of Pumpkin Pie- His self image is eaten at Thanksgiving to make up for missing him on the day of Halloween, a holy day of candy and monsters.
  • The God of Doughnuts- Created to give Humans companies such as Krispy Kreme.
  • The God of Useless Crap- Provided the world with all the stupid things that serve no purpose.
  • The Cake God- Ruler of cakes. Eating cake for a pie is okay, but not as preferred as an actual pie. Cake is the least liked of pies, because it really isn’t a pie. The Cake God gets angry because everyone likes pie so much and he does one bad thing every year. The most cataclysmic event at the time is caused by his temper.
  • Fatty McButterpants- The God who eats.
  • Jumbo, the Guard of The End of the Universe- A giant sperm whale with a top hat and monocle who patrols the End of the Universe so no one gets through. The End of The Universe is filled with scary things we could not possibly comprehend, like Microsoft systems that actually work.
  • The God of Pointy-Things- Ruler of all pointy things in the world. People who love pointy things usually pray to him as well as The Pie God.
  • The Cheese God- Cheese is a divine substance inspired by the Gods. The Cheese God is queen of all dairy products and is feared by those who are lactose intolerant.

There is one thing all Pieists should fear. Clowns. It was Spanky the Clown, a powerful clown entity who once challenged The Pie God. He was slain and sent to the center of Mars for a million eternities. Clowns are evil. People who dress up as clowns are like Satanism|Satanic worshipers. They are worshiping Spanky and his evilness and are minions under his will. If a clown tries to eat you, you can prevent it by clapping your hands and saying, “Blahghiddybloo.”

While we all disagree on certain things, Pieists all believe in one thing…Pie. We all believe in pie. Pie is good. Pie is great. Anyone who hates pie cannot be a Pieist. If someone hates all pies and means it, they are guaranteed to be eaten by Fatty McButterpants when they die.


[edit] The Amigos Union of Pie

Also know as TAUOP this section has some independant belief mixed with some STALMist beleifs and parts of other Piesim's. It is very inactive now. It has many of its own beliefs as listed below:

  • never harm a living animal or human (ergo, dont eat meat or fish)
  • never harm any pie, savoury or sweet (ergo, refrain fom eating pie)
  • always try to be kind to both fellow pieists, and non-pieists
  • respect the pie god, the holy oven, and the other gods
  • if you have two of something, give one to your neighbour. sharing is a core ideal to this religion
  • try not to show jealousy towards ohers, and refrain from using methods of revenge
  • wars can always be avoided by showing kindness and love
  • friday is our holy day. greet people by proclaiming "happy friday!"
  • we do not oppose the use of any drugs, as every narcotic has the potential to be safe if used appropriately. always keep an open mind!
  • show love to everyone. hate only makes the world sour!

This section doesn't eat Pie despite the fact that all the groups it is based on do.

[edit] The Church of Pie

This Pieism is one of the two types in which the eating of Pie is forbidden. According to the Fred Fred Book of Pie, Pie is sacred and not to be harmed.

This sect also believes that long ago, a man called Fred Fred Burger was the 'Prophet of Pie' who spread the word of Pie all over untill he was killed by mooses, who are considered evil by Followers of the Book of Pie. Mooses are led by ronald McDonald, the evil one. These people also believe that the middle schooler who founded this sect is another Prophet, possibly a reincarnation of Fred Fred Burger.

Hippos, llamas, cheese, and pickles are all considered sacred by followers of the Book of Pie. Hippos are believed to be messengers of the Great Pie. Friday (the Day of Pie) is the day of worship under this sect. Followers must give the Pie offering of Cheese on Friday.

It is believed that once you die, the 'pieful' shall go to join the great Pie in the Land of Pastries, while the 'unpieful' will be tortured by the mooses forever.


[edit] Multi Sect Organisations

There are two MSO's, the Council of Pie and the Union of Pieism (was known as the Federation, now known as the Great Religion of Pieism). COP is not very powerful, it being for commmunication between groups of Pieists and now pretty much inactive. The Union of Pieism is a more personal union of Pieism and one which may lead to the eventual complete union of Pieism. However argually the Great Religion of Pieism may not technically count as a MSO as all its members claim to be members of the same group of Pieists.

[edit] External Links and References

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