Pirate is the second episode of ANIMALS. It is a parody of the TUGS episode of the same name.


  • Hoity Toity as Captain Star
  • Spike as Ten Cents
  • Big Macintosh as Big Mac
  • Cranky Doodle Donkey as Top Hat
  • Soarin as Warrior
  • Shining Armor as Hercules
  • Pipsqueak as Sunshine
  • Featherweight as Grampus
  • Wind Rider as Captain Zero
  • Discord as Zorran
  • Garble as Zebedee
  • Hoops as Zak
  • Dumb-Bell as Zug
  • Score as Zip
  • Flash Sentry as Sea Rogue
  • Mr. Cake as Scuttlebutt Pete
  • Fancy Pants as Sea Rogue's Uncle
  • The Diamond Dogs as The Green-Eyed Pirates
  • The Smooze as The Bell Buoy
  • Cranky (from TTTE) as Big Mickey (cameo)
  • Bulk Biceps as Mighty Mo (cameo)
  • Gummy as Little Ditcher (cameo)
  • Snips or Snails as Frank or Eddie (cameo)
  • Rarity as Lillie Lightship (cameo)
  • Chief Thunderhooves as The Fire Tug (cameo)


Hoity Toity (Narrating): "I remember a time we all had a long hard day, but there was still one more job to do. And, as Spike was the first animal home, he got it. Sweet supplies were needed to go to Mr. Cake, so they could start work first thing in the morning. I knew Spike was too happy. Not because it was late, but because the D-Stacks were on the same job."

Dumb-Bell: "Hey look, Score. Look what the wind's blown in; goody-two shoes."

Spike: "Ahoy, Dumb-Bell. Where do you want these supplies for the bakers."

Dumb-Bell: "Too late for today, mate."

Spike: "Too late? You don't need this till morning."

Score: "We might have."

Dumb-Bell: "No point now. It'll be dark soon."

Spike: "Don't bug me. I've had a busy day. Now where do you want it?"

Dumb-Bell: "He's been busy, Score, hasn't he?"

Score: "Well, got a reputation to live up to, Dumb-Bell. One of the best animals in Ponyville."

Dumb-Bell: "Yawn. Yawn. All work and no play makes Spike a dull dragon."

Spike: "Look, do you want this, or I'll take it back?"

Dumb-Bell: "Leave it by the old key, if you're not too warned out."

Dumb-Bell and Score: (Laugh)

Spike: "All right, you old tub of guts, you can settle here for the night.

Hello? Who's there?

Oi, is that you, Pipsqueak? Big Macintosh? Say something, whoever you are!"

(Pipsqueak Whistles)

Spike: "I'm hearing things."

Pipsqueak: "Hello, Spike."

Spike: "Pipsqueak, it was you! Now, why didn't you answer?"

Pipsqueak: "Was me what?"

Spike: "You were near the cove."

Pipsqueak: "Eh, can't have heard you. Gettin' warm."

Spike: "Oh, yeah, yeah, okay. Come on, I must be tired."

Featherweight: "Night, Spike. Night, Pipsqueak."

Spike and Pipsqueak: "Good night, Featherweight!"

Hoity Toity (Narrating): "That night, a shadowy pegasus slid into the town."

Flash Sentry: "Ah, ha. This must be what I'm after; sweet supplies."

Hoity Toity (Narrating): "Unseen, unheard, the dark stranger grabbed Spike's cargo, and slid silently into the mist.

Score and Dumb-Bell were in for a surprise the very next morning."

Dumb-Bell: "Hey. Where is it? I told Spike to leave that here, Score."

Score: "Round by the old key, Score. Your very words."

Dumb-Bell: "I always said Ponyville animals couldn't be relied on."

Score: "Oh, he'll catch it from Hoity Toity."

Dumb-Bell: (Chuckles) "He will when I tell him. Land him right in it.

Hey, you."

Spike: "What do you want?"

Dumb-Bell: "A word."

Spike: "Hoity Toity wants to see me."

Dumb-Bell: "We want to see him as well. You didn't deliver our cargo."

Spike: "Of course I did."

Score: "It's not where it should be, is it?"

Dumb-Bell: "And we get the blame."

Spike: "But I delivered it. Yeah, I delivered it by the old key. You saw me."

Dumb-Bell: "Not there now."

Spike: "You moved it to warm me up."

Score: "You have double crossed us."

Spike: "I have not. You take that back!"

Score: "Hang on, I was only..."

Hoity Toity: "What's going on out there?"

Dumb-Bell: "Oh, Hoity Toity, sir, Spike didn't deliver our cargo."

Spike: "I did! You know I did."

Dumb-Bell: "You did not! It's not there! It's not, it's not there."

Hoity Toity: "All right, that's enough! I've already had a complaint from Sugar Cube Corner. On your way now."

Score: "Right, sir."

Dumb-Bell: "Have a nice day, Spike."

Dumb-Bell and Score: (Chuckle)

Hoity Toity: "I don't expect slip-ups like this from you, Spike. The owners claim their cargo is missing, never delivered."

Spike: "That's not true, sir. It was my last delivery of the day. It was."

Hoity Toity: "Spike, I have to take Sugar Cube Corner's words."

Spike: "Sir, please, at least let me..."

Hoity Toity: "No! I'm putting you on carrot cake work with Mr. Cake."

Spike: "Oh no, sir. Not that."

Hoity Toity: "Spike, go!"

Spike: "Oh, hi, Mr. Cake."

Mr. Cake: "You look gloomy this morning, Spike. What's wrong?"

Spike: "Ah, nothing."

Mr. Cake: "I heard you lost the cargo."

Spike: "Oh, you would be the first to know, would you?"

Mr. Cake: "There's no secret. Talk to the hammer."

Spike: "Expanse about you know."

Featherweight: "I've heard the rumor."

Spike: "Featherweight, what do you know about it?"

Featherweight: "That you lost the cargo."

Spike: "You don't waste time, do you, Mr. Cake?"

Mr. Cake: "Hmm."

Pipsqueak: "Aye, rumors that there's a speciality."

Mr. Cake: "Only side of helm. The more on it, the sooner you'll get inter clear."

Spike: "I am inter clear! Get that clear!"

Garble: "Naughty, naughty, temper, temper!"

Hoops: "Lose his ears if they weren't attached to his head!"

Spike "Oh, one of these days!"

Pipsqueak: "Oh, leave em', Spike. Hoity Toity's got another job for you."

Spike: "Yeah? What is it?"

Pipsqueak: "I don't think you're gonna like it; More work with the D-Stacks."

Spike: "Aw, that's all I need!"

Garble: "Now, you do know what to do with that lot, don't you?"

Hoops: "He takes it somewhere, then it disappears."

Garble: "You could make a fortune selling box loads on the side."

Spike: "Are you saying I'm a crook?"

Hoops: "We wasn't talking about you! Was we, Garble?"

Garble: "Didn't mention his name, Hoops!"

Hoops: "Strange how ordinary people can suddenly turn criminal, Garble."

Garble: "It's the evil inside them, suddenly comes out, Hoops."

Spike: "Yeah, you two'd know all about that, wouldn't you, Hoops?"

Garble: "And they can't take a joke, neither, you notice that, Garble?"

Garble and Hoops: (Laugh)

Spike: "It's no joke. Get that straight!"

Hoity Toity (Narrating): "I was worried. It wasn't like Spike. But what else could it be? Unfortunately for him, the famous bridge cafe band was giving Featherweight one of his restless nights. So he decided to walk around the town. He was worrying about Spike too, and hoping he could find someway to help him clear his name. He didn't realize how soon that was to be."

Featherweight: "Boy, it's creepy around here at night.

There's something moving over there. Better check it out."

Flash Sentry: "Hey you, get out of here!"

Featherweight: "Fly, fly, fly!

Phew! That was too close. Hey, that looks like another one of Spike's cargo. Where's the thief taking it?"

Hoity Toity (Narrating): "Featherweight lost the cargo snatcher in the mist, and spent the rest of the night worrying who it could be. And all that time, the thief was busy, and other cargo was disappearing.

Next morning, I told Wind Rider, Ponyville animals and D-Stacks had to get together on this!"

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "I say, what's this all about? Ponyville Fleet and D-Fleet together, whatever next?"

Discord: "We're wasting time."

Hoity Toity: "Silence!"

Discord: "Spike's cargo is the only one gone."

Dumb-Bell: "Yeah, bet he knows what it's about."

Score: "Him stealing cargo, that's what!"

Big Macintosh: "Cut that out about Spike!"

Soarin: "Yeah, watch it, see?"

Dumb-Bell: "Well, we didn't mean it..."

Big Macintosh: "Just careful what you say!"

Hoity Toity: "I said Silence! Wind Rider and me have had a meeting. Missing cargo is serious. We're going to get to the bottom of it, understand? Wind Rider?"

Wind Rider: "I have a scheme to catch this pirate."

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "Ha, I expect that there are several!"

Big Macintosh: "Aye, send a crook to catch a crook."

Discord: "What are you suggesting?"

Hoity Toity: "Quiet! We've decided to set a trap!"

Wind Rider: "Certain boxes are being rigged with flares that will trigger off if the box is even touched, never mind stolen!"

Hoity Toity: "So, this is the plan. Tonight, you'll all be out in pairs, maintaining silence. Keep your eyes open. Wind Rider and I..."

Hoity Toity (Narrating): "Unknown to us, Featherweight was searching where he'd lost the thief the night before."

Featherweight: "It's as far as here. What about this old warehouse? It's impossible; hasn't been used for years."

Diamond Dogs: "You've done very well, so far, Flashy, but we figure you still owe us."

Flash Sentry: "You're going back on your word! You said that was the last item!"

Featherweight (Whispering): "The thief!"

Diamond Dogs: "Changed our mind, see. It's one more item. Get it tonight, or it's goodbye to him! The great big backyard in the sky!"

Featherweight (Whispering): "I see the missing cargo!"

Diamond Dog #2: "What's that? Hear anything?"

Diamond Dog #1: "No."

Diamond Dog #2: "Right."

Diamond Dog #1: "Do as we say or else!"

Flash Sentry: "It's getting too risky!"

Diamond Dog #1: "One more, I said, tonight!"

Fancy Pants: "Don't do it!"

Flash Sentry: "I've got to, haven't I? You promise tonight will be the last?"

Diamond Dogs: "Deliver or he dies."

Flash Sentry: "You're right. Now then, are you..."

Fancy Pants: "I'm okay, but don't do it. It's wrong."

Flash Sentry: "I can't leave you here with them, old man! Tonight will be the end of it."

Featherweight: "Oh dear. This is a sad state of affairs."

Hoity Toity (Narrating): "That night, the plan to catch the pirate was put into action."

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "Box in place, flare set to go off. Now I thought we were going to be in pairs. Oh no, not Soarin!"

Soarin: "This is our post, Cranky. Oops. Sorry little fella."

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "Of all the animals, I get the clumsiest."

Soarin: "It'd be great if you and I catch him."

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "Hmm, how thrilling. How absolutely thrilling. Now pay attention, Soarin. This is a war-time situation. I've brushed up my cunning and my sense of tactical advantage. Now back there..."

Soarin: "What's that mean, tactical?"

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "It means thinking skillfully."

Soarin: "What's that then? Skillfully or what you said."

Cranky Doodle Donkey: (Sighs) "Tactical, you dummy!"

Soarin: "Tactical. Shtactical."

Cranky Doodle Donkey (To himself): "Get this straight."

(To Soarin) "Pisitions, Soarin. At the double!"

Soarin: "This is a nice tactical spot. What shtactin... what good, eh?"

Pipsqueak: "Hey, cheer up, Spike. I know you didn't have anything to do with the missing cargo. Score and Dumb-Bell are trying to make something of it, that's all."

Spike: "Thanks, Pipsqueak. But it makes me angry. You know, not being able to prove it."

Pipsqueak: "I'm sure Hoity Toity believes you. And don't pay any attention to the D-Stacks. They're troublemakers rubbing up the wrong way."

Spike: "I don't care about that. It's our game, but they can't be sure it's not me."

Pipsqueak: "Well, we'll catch the thief tonight. With any luck."

Spike: "Yeah, we might. We might not. But if we do, I'll get that pirate."

Pipsqueak: "Hey, what's that?"

Spike: "What's Featherweight doing here? He'll give us away. Featherweight, get out of here. You're in the way."

Pipsqueak: "We're laying a trap for the thief."

Featherweight: "That's why I've come to see you. I've been trying to find you for ages."

Spike: "What do you know? Where the stolen cargo is?"

Featherweight: "I've been there. Seen them."

Spike: "Well, let's get the pirate. He'll be sorry he crossed me off, I'll tell ya."

Featherweight: "Just a minute, Spike. It's a bit complicated."

Spike: "I want him now to prove it's not me!"

Featherweight: "Will you listen a minute? Your pirate is a pegasus pony called Flash Sentry."

Spike: "Pegasus pony?"

Dumb-Bell: "Tied off my end. Right, Score, I'll stay back here out of sight. You keep a look out up front."

Score: "Why do I have to be up front? It's scary. I feel nervous. You come here, I'll come there."

Dumb-Bell: "Oh no. It would be much worse up here, better there, believe me."

Score: "Is it really bad over there?"

Dumb-Bell: "Honestly, Score, would I lie to you? Now would I?

Oh! Please Mr. Pirate! I mean no harm! I..."

Score: "No, Dumb-Bell. It's me, Score."

Dumb-Bell: "Stupid! Wind Rider said we're not to move. You nearly scared me!"

Score: "If that's only nearly, I'd hate to see you really scared."

Dumb-Bell: "Get to your post!"

Score: "I only wanted to see if it is better back there."

Dumb-Bell: "Well, it isn't! Stay there and shut up!"

Featherweight: "And Flash is being forced against his will. The real villains have got the old unicorn, and they're threatening to kill him if Flash doesn't steal cargo for them."

Pipsqueak: "Oh. What do we do?"

Spike: "Get to the pony, Flash Sentry before the others. No time to explain to them."

Featherweight: "You're right. Follow me."

Score: "Dumb-Bell."

Dumb-Bell: "Quiet! You'll give us away."

Score: "Spike and Pipsqueak are leaving their post."

Dumb-Bell: "What?"

Score: "Look."

Dumb-Bell: "You're right. That Spike must be up to something. I knew he shouldn't be trusted. Come on.

I can't see them through the mist. Stay close or I leave you behind."

Score: "Thanks, pal. Thanks very much indeed."

Hoity Toity (Narrating): "The villains were carefully laying plans for their escape. They were covering up unicorns, putting out lights in lighthouses and muffling creatures so they wouldn't be seen or heard when they walked away with their stuff.

The Smooze: "Hello mates. How are you?" (Gets covered up) "Oh."

Hoity Toity (Narrating): "What they'd do to the old unicorn wasn't known. Spike, Pipsqueak and Featherweight were waiting by the old warehouse. They had seen the villains re-enter, and were now waiting to spring their trap on the pirate."

Flash Sentry: "Not much around tonight. I've got to find what they want. Time is running out."

Spike: "Oh, it's too spooky for my liking."

Pipsqueak: "I wish I was back up river."

Spike: "Sh, sh. I think I here something."

Flash Sentry: "I'm not going to make it. Nothing in sight. The diamond dog fleet has rumbled me."

Spike: "Take two, Flash Sentry!"

Flash Sentry: "What? Hey!"

Spike: "You're caught! You can't escape!"

Flash Sentry: "I'm not trying to."

Pipsqueak: "Well done, Spike! He's the pirate alright."

Flash Sentry: "No, I'm not a real pirate."

Featherweight: "We know you're not."

Pipsqueak: "Featherweight told us everything."

Spike: "He saw you with those two dog creatures."

Flash Sentry: "Did you see the old pony there too?"

Spike: "Everything."

Flash Sentry: "He must save him. He's my uncle. They're holding him to death, to make me steal cargo. Even if I get one more, they might still kill him."

Spike: "All of us will help you, and we'll get them."

Flash Sentry: "Anything you say.

Who's that?"

Spike: "Quick! Let's hide."

Flash Sentry: "This way."

Dumb-Bell: "Spike can't be far. He must be around here somewhere, Score."

Score: "So could that pirate, Dumb-Bell. Maybe we should get back. I don't like this, Dumb-Bell."

Dumb-Bell: "Quiet!"

Spike: "Score and Dumb-Bell. They're stupid enough to go in the warehouse."

Flash Sentry: "They'll get no quieter if they do."

Pipsqueak: "Ah serve them rights!"

Spike: "That gives me an idea. Featherweight, go to the warehouse entrance. If the villains leave the shed, save the old unicorn. Now let's see what's going on."

Dumb-Bell: "Just a quick look."

Score: "No, Dumb-Bell. Let's go back, please!"

Dumb-Bell: "Come on, and stay close."

Score: "Oh, don't worry, I will."

Dumb-Bell: "Oh. How'd you know it was so dark inside?"

Score: "It means there's no one there. Hey, the stolen cargo! Great! We've cracked it, we're heroes!"

Dumb-Bell: "Eat your heart out, Spike!"

Diamond Dogs: "Hey, what are you doing here!"

Dumb-Bell: "Aaah! The pirates!"

Score: "Oh no, two of them!"

Diamond Dogs: "Get them quick!"

(Dumb-Bell and Score run away, screaming)

Spike: "Right, now get ready to spring the trap when I say."

Pipsqueak: "Okay."

Spike: "Oh, let's hope Featherweight's got a clear path."

Fancy Pants: "Oh dear. Hope everything's okay." (Featherweight appears) "What the? Who the?"

Featherweight: "Easy, old man. I've come to set you free."

Dumb-Bell and Score: (screaming, while being chased by the diamond dogs)

Spike: "Here they come. Don't move yet."

Flash Sentry: "Right!"

Spike: "Wait till they're on our side."

Flash Sentry: "They're getting close."

Spike: "Okay. Not yet.

3, 2, 1, charge!"

(Spike, Pipsqueak and Flash Sentry charge at the diamond dogs and catch them)

Spike: "Got ya!"

Flash Sentry: "The game's up. There's no escape!"

Soarin: "Hey, Cranky, something's going on over there. I'll take a look."

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "Ah, Soarin, Soarin, watch that..."

(Soarin hits the flare)

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "Flare! You bright spark, Soarin!"

Soarin: "Some flare!"

Hoity Toity (Narrating): In the morning, a slightly singed Cranky and Soarin led the villains away."

Spike: "Don't bump em' too hard, Soarin. They might send up a flare, too!"

(Spike, Pipsqueak, Featherweight, Flash Sentry and Fancy Pants laugh)

Spike "Oh, well that's what I call a good night's work. You heading to Canterlot, Flash Sentry?"

Flash Sentry: "Yeah, thanks, Spike."

Spike: "Ah, that's all right. Least I could do."

Flash Sentry: "Right. We'd better move. Pirates are not welcome here."

Featherweight: "Nonsense. You're no pirate."

Flash Sentry: "Thank you all for your help."

Fancy Pants: "Yes. Thanks for everything."

Flash Sentry: "Come on, old man, let's get you home."

Fancy Pants: "Oh ho ho. That'll be nice."

Spike: "I'm really sad to see them go." (Shining Armor whistles) "Oh, hi, Shining Armor."

Shining Armor: "Spike, are those the two you rescued last night?"

Spike: "Yeah. They helped us find the stolen cargo."

Shining Armor: "Hoity Toity says you've done a great job, Spike."

Spiike: "Oh, couldn't have done it without Featherweight and Pipsqueak."

Shining Armor: "Well, good work, my dears."

Spike: "Thanks, Shining Armor."

Featherweight: "Thanks, Shining Armor. Well, I'm off to get some rest."

Spike: "Thanks, Featherweight." (Looks at Score and Dumb-Bell) "Score and Dumb-Bell, I want a word with them. Yeah, I don't know what we'd have done without your help."

Dumb-Bell: "Well, somebody had to flush them out, so, uh, we did."

Score: "We never really thought you stole the cargo."

Spike: "Oh, no. You'd have fooled me."

Pipsqueak: "Weren't you just a little bit scared?"

Dumb-Bell: "No. Nothing scares us, does it, Score?"

Score: "No." (Notices Dumb-Bell backing up toward a box, still rigged with a flare) "Look out for the box!"

(The box explodes, Score and Dumb-Bell run away, screaming)

Pipsqueak: "They move pretty fast when they're 'not scared'!"

Spike: "They certainly do!"

(Spike and Pipsqueak laugh)

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