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Ponies Roasting On An Open Fire is a My Little Pony/The Simpsons episode.

Transcript[]

Pinkie and Rarity drive to Ponyville Elementary, late for the school's
Christmas show. A class sings ``O Little Town of Bethlehem as Rarity
(carrying Pumpkin, all bundled up) and Pinkie try to reach their seats.
Next up is the second grade, presenting, ``Santas of many lands. After
the German and Japanese versions of Santa Claus comes Twilight as Towanga,
the Santa Claus of the South Seas. Twilight appears, wearing a witch doctor
mask and grass skirt, juggling flaming torches.
Chief Thunderhooves: Now the fourth grade will now favor us with a melody... uh... medley of holiday flavorites.
They sing Jingle Bells, but Spike chooses some
alternate lyrics. He's yanked off the stage. Time passes...
Chief Thunderhooves: The fifth grade will now favor us with a scene from Charles
uh.. Dickens' Christmas Carol.
Pinkie Pie: Ohhhh.... How many grades does this school have!

At home, Rarity writes the family Christmas letter, while Pinkie struggles
with the Christmas lights, and Spike and Twilight make out their Christmas
lists. Pumpkin practices walking.
Rarity: [writing] The magic of the season has touched us all.
Pinkie Pie: Rarity, haven't you finished that stupid letter yet?
Rarity: [writing] Pinkie sends her love.
Pinkie asks where the extension cord is, and Rarity tells her it's in the
utility drawer. Pinkie fishes it out, to find the cord a complete tangle.
Rarity asks the kids for their letters to Santa, and Spike scoffs, ``Oh
please, there's only one fat guy who brings us presents, and his name
ain't Santa. Twilight's list is, ``An owl. An owl. An owl. An owl.
Thank you, the same list as the past three years, and Rarity tries
to explain to Twilight that a pony won't fit in Santa's sleigh. Spike hands
his list.
Rarity: A tattoo?
Pinkie Pie: A what?
Spike: Yeah, they're cool, and they last the rest of your life.
Rarity: You will <not> be getting a tattoo for Christmas.
  Pinkie Pie: Yeah, if you want one, you'll have to pay for it out of your
         own allowance!
Sapphire calls.  While Rarity talks to her sister, Pinkie finishes installing
the lights atop the house (falling to the lawn from the roof).  Pinkie
tells Rarity to ``turn on the juice, and the lights light up, sort of.
Most of the bulbs have burnt out.  ``Nice try, Pinkie, says Twilight.
Mr. Cake plugs in his Christmas lights, and his house lights up in electronic
opulence, complete with a Santa on the roof that says, ``Ho ho ho.
At the breakfast table, Rarity tells the kids to get their money to go
Christmas shopping.  Pinkie Pie asks Rarity where she's been hiding the Christmas
money, and Rarity isn't telling.  While Pinkie's back is turned, she fishes
a huge jar of cash out of her mane.
At the mall, Spike spots ``The Happy Sailor Tattoo Parlor... He has a dream where Rarity is admiring his tattoo.
  Rarity: Oh, Spike, that's so sweet.  It's the best present a friend could get,
  and it makes you look so dangerous.
Spike heads inside.
  Spike:  One 'friend' please.
  Clerk: Wait a minute.  How old are you?
  Spike:  Twenty-one, sir.
  Clerk: Get in the chair.
Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie checks the dials on a row of machines.  An announcement
comes over the P.A. system.
  Greta: Attention all personnel.  Please keep working during the
            following announcement.  And now, our boss and friend, The Amazing Gilda the Griffon.
  Gilda:    Hello.  I'm proud to announce that we've been able to increase
            safety here at the plant without increasing the cost to the consumer
            or affecting management pay raises.  However, for you semi-skilled
            workers, there will be no Christmas bonuses.  Oh, and one more
            thing:  Merry Christmas!

Rarity finds Spike getting a tattoo and yanks him out of the shop.  Spike's
incomplete tattoo reads, ``Frie.  The doctor says that he can remove the
tattoo with lasers, but he insists on a cash payment up front.  Rarity
notes, ``Thank God for Pinkie Pie's Christmas bonus.  The laser does its work.
At home, Spike's arm is bandaged.
  Twilight:   [touches Spike's injured arm]
  Spike:   Ow!  Quit it.
  Twilight:   [touches Spike's injured arm]
  Spike:   Ow!  Quit it.
  Twilight:   [touches Spike's injured arm]
  Spike:   Ow!  Quit it.
  Pumpkin Cake: [touches Spike's injured arm]
  Spike:   Ow!  Quit it.
  Pinkie Pie:  [comes in]  Hey, what's with this?  [touches Spike's injured arm]
  Spike:   Ow!  Quit it.
Pinkie learns that Rarity had to spend the Christmas money on getting the
tattoo removed.  Pinkie cancels Christmas, but Rarity says, ``We'll just
have to stretch your Christmas bonus a little further this year.
Pinkie pretends he still has one then steps outside.  He watches
Mr. Cake's extravagant Christmas lights and hangs his head.
  Rarity: [in bed, reading the shopping list]
         I get the feeling there's something you haven't told me Pinkie.
  Pinkie Pie: Huh?  Oh, I like you Rarity.
  Rarity: Pinkie, you tell me that all the time.
  Pinkie Pie: Oh good, because I <do> like you.
         I don't deserve you as much as a guy with a fat wallet and a credit
         card that won't set off that horrible beeping.
  Rarity: Well, I think it does have something to do with your Christmas bonus.
         I keep asking for it, but...
  Pinkie Pie: Rarity...  Oh... Let me be honest with you...
  Rarity: Yes?
  Pinkie Pie: Well... I...
  Rarity: [rubs her [Pinkie's] hoof]
  Pinkie Pie: I want to do the Christmas shopping this year!
  Rarity: [hands over the list she was holding]  Well, sure.  Okay.
         [flicks bed-side light off. Pinkie's forced grin glows in the dark]
Pinkie pays a visit to the Circus of Values (nothing over $4.99).
She buys a six-pack of panty hose for Rarity, pads of paper for Spike,
and a squeak toy pork chop for Pumpkin.  (``It says it's for dogs, but
she can't read.)  On his way out, she bumps into Mr. Cake, laden with gifts.
Their respective armfuls of goodies fall into the snow.
  Pinkie Pie: [bumps into Mr. Cake.  Their respective backfuls of gifts fall into the snow]
  Mr. Cake:   Oh ho ho, Pie, it's you.
  Pinkie Pie: Hello, Mr. Cake.
  Mr. Cake:   Oh my, what a little mess we've got here.  Well, which ones are yours
         and which ones are mine?
  Pinkie Pie: Well, let's see.
  Mr. Cake:   [picking up gifts] Well, this one's mine, and this one's mine, heh heh,
         this one's mine, and...
  Pinkie Pie: They're <all> yours!
All except the squeeze toy for Pumpkin.  (Squink, squink.)
Pinkie is drinking at Applejack's, and Big Mac comes in dressed as Santa.
  Big Macintosh: I got me a part-time job working as a Santa down at the mall.
  Pinkie Pie:  Wow.  Can  do that?
  Big Macintosh: I dunno.  They're pretty selective.  [belch]

Pinkie applies.

  Manager: Do you like children?
  Pinkie Pie:   What do you mean?  All the time?  Even when they're nuts??

Pinkie attends Santa school.  They practice saying, ``Ho ho ho.  Pinkie
is asked to name Santa's reindeer...

  Pinkie Pie: Dasher...  Dancer...  Prancer...  Nixon... Comet... Cupid... Donadixon?

Pinkie practices talking to a boy on her lap.

Pinkie returns home and greets Sapphire and Photo.  They are their usual
non-cheery selves.  They note that there isn't a Christmas tree, and Pinkie
says she was on her way out to get one.  She drives past signs that read
``All trees $75, ``$60 and up, ``Christmas trees, slightly irregular,
$45, heading instead for a sign that says, ``No trespassing.  She
chainsaws a tree and carries it to the car one step ahead of the guard
dogs and gunfire.

The kids are impressed.  Photo inquires after the birdhouse in the tree.
``Do I smell gunpowder?

At the mall, Pinkie plays Santa to a young boy and tells the child that
he should be happy he has a good home and a loving mother.  Pinkie steals
a bite of the kid's donut.  Twist, Spike, and Fluttershy watch the pathetic
Santa down below.  Fluttershy dares Spike to yank her beard off.  Spike accepts
the challenge.

  Spike:  Hey Santa, what's shakin', man?
  Pinkie Pie: [as Santa]  What's your name, Spike...ner?  Uh, I mean little partner?
  Spike:  I'm Spike the Dragon, who the hell are you?
  -- Pinkie works as a department store Santa,

Spike yanks off Pinkie's beard, and Pinkie takes Spike aside.  She explains
that he didn't get a bonus, but she'd do anything to keep the family from
missing out on Christmas.

  Spike: You must really love us to sink so low.

Pinkie returns to work.

Pinkie reaches the head of the paycheck line, to find that she's earned
only $13.

  Pinkie Pie: Thirteen bucks?  Hey, wait a minute.
  Clerk: That's right.  $120 gross, less Social Security...
  Pinkie Pie: Yeah.
  Clerk: ... less unemployment insurance ...
  Pinkie Pie: But...
  Clerk: ... less Santa training...
  Pinkie Pie: Santa training?
  Clerk: ... less costume purchase...
  Pinkie Pie: Wait a minute...
  Clerk: ... less beard rental...
  Pinkie Pie: But...
  Clerk: ... less Christmas Club.
  Pinkie Pie: But...
  Clerk: See you next year.  [closes the window]

Big Mac is on his way to Ponyville Downs.  He's got a hot tip on a dog
in the fourth race.  Whirlwind, a 12--1 shot.  Pinkie isn't so sure.

  Spike:  Aw come on, Pinkie.  This could be the miracle that saves the ponies'
         Christmas.  If TV has taught me anything, it's that miracles always
         happen to poor kids at Christmas.  It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened
         to Charlie Brown, it happened to the Smurfs, and it's going to happen
         to us!
  Pinkie Pie: Well, okay, let's go.  Who's Tiny Tim?

Twilight watches `The Happy Little Elves'.

Pinkie, Spike, and Big Mac arrive at Ponyville Downs.  In the fourth race,
there's been a scratch.  The replacement is a dog named Winona.  Pinkie figures, with a name like that, it can't lose.  The odds are 99--1.  Spike isn't so sure that this is a great idea, but he reluctantly lends her support.

Back at home, the Happy Little Elves are happy again, and Twilight is pleased.
Sapphire bad-mouths Pinkie.

  Twilight:  What, Sapphire?
  Sapphire Shores: Oh, nothing, dear.  I'm just trashing your friend.
  Twilight:  Well, I wish you wouldn't because, aside from the fact that she has the
         same frailties as all ponies beings, she's the only best friend I have.
         Therefore, she is my model of womanhood, and my estimation of her will
         govern the prospects of my adult relationships.
         So I hope you bear in mind that any knock at her is a knock at me,
         and I am far too young to defend myself against such onslaughts.
  Sapphire Shores: Mm hm.  Go watch your cartoon show, dear.

The race is run, and Winona is dead last.  Way, way behind the rest of the pack.

  Spike: Don't worry, Pinkie.  Maybe this is just for suspense before the miracle happens.

Whirlwind wins.  Winona doesn't even make it to the finish line.

  Spike: It doesn't seem possible, but I guess TV has betrayed me.

Outside, Pinkie and Spike go through the discarded tickets in search of
a winner.  Big Mac skids past, brandishing his winnings (and his girlfriend).
Winona's owner tells the dog to scram, and Winona leaps into Pinkie's hooves.

  Spike:  Oh, Pinkie, can we keep her?
  Pinkie Pie: But she's a loser!  She's pathetic!  She's...
  Winona:   [licks Pinkie's face]
  Pinkie Pie: ... a friend.

Pinkie finally arrives home, and admits that she didn't get a bonus at all.
Spike shows the group Winona, and Twilight is ecstatic.  ``So love at first
sight <is> possible!  Adds Spike, ``And if she runs away, she'll be easy
to catch!  Rarity says it's the best gift of all, something to share
their love, and frighten prowlers.  The tender moment is captured forever
in a snapshot.

Over the closing credits, the group sings a Christmas carol.
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