A list of quotes from Animaniacs/South Park.

Studio Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut

Did you say the f word

Dr. Otto ScratchNSniff: Okay, maniac, let's start the day with a few new math problems. What is five times two? Come on children, don't be shy. Just give it your best shot. [Clyde raises his hand] Yes, Clyde?

Hamton J. Pig: Twelve?

Dr. Otto ScratchNSniff: Okay. Now let's try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard. Anyone? Come on, don't be shy.

Wakko: I think I know the answer, Dr. Otto.

Pesto: [mocking Kyle in high-pitched, gibberish voice]

Wakko: Shut up, fat bird!

Pesto: Hey! Don't call me fat, ya fucking Jew!

Dr. Otto ScratchNSniff: Pesto! Did you just say the F-word?

Pesto: Jew?

Wakko: No, he's talking about "fuck." You can't say "fuck" in school, you fucking fat ass.

Dr. Otto ScratchNSniff: Wakko!

Pesto: Why the fuck not?

Dr. Otto ScratchNSniff: Pesto!

Yakko: Dude, you just said fuck again!

Dr. Otto ScratchNSniff: Yakko!

Buttons: [muffled] Fuck.

Dr. Otto ScratchNSniff: Buttons!

Pesto: What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody! Fuck, fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck!

Dr. Otto ScratchNSniff: How would you like to go the principal's office?

Pesto: How would you like to suck my balls?

[everyone gasps]

Dr. Otto ScratchNSniff: [enraged] WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!

Pesto: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Actually, what I said was: [picks up a megaphone] "How would you like to suck my balls, Dr. Otto?"

[Dr. Otto ScratchNSniff stands rooted to the spot, frozen with fury]

Yakko: Holy shit, dude.

Daffy Has Aides

Pesto Covers For Skippy

Pesto: [the phone rings; he answers] Well hello?

The Brain: [at an office full of cubicles] I'm just checking in on you, Butters. [a woman walks down the aisle behind him] Heh- Do I hear the television? We told you no television while you're grounded!

Pesto: Oh, gee whiz, I'm not.. uh watchin' television, Dad, I'm just... layin' around jackin' it.

The Brain: Jacking it? Jacking what?

Pesto: Well my hot spicy boner, of course, Dad.

The Brain: What?! Are you trying to get yourself in more trouble with that kind of language?!

Pesto: Well ah, loosen up, you bloody vaginal belch.

The Brain: Oh! You are gonna get it, mister! You just wait till I get home!

Pesto: Bring it on, queer bait. [hangs up]


Pesto: [answering] Hello?

Slappy Squirrel: [calling in from her office] Skippy, your father called and said you made him very upset!

Pesto: Yeah, well, Dad's being a little pussy, Mom.

Slappy Squirrel: [stunned, then] Skippy, where did you get that kind of smart mouth?!

Pesto: Uh not from you dumbasses, that's for sure.

Slappy Squirrel: Oh, you just wait till I get home, mister!

Pesto: Oh, I'll be waiting with horse bells on, you old... horse-bangin' skank. [hangs up]


Pesto: There you are, Skippy!

Skippy Squirrel: nervous] Wuh-are my... mom and dad back home yet?

Pesto: No, but they're due home any minute. Come on, you're just in time!

Skippy Squirrel: Hoh boy! Mom and Dad didn't... find out I... left the house, did they?

Pesto: No, I totally covered for you. They completely believed I was you on the phone!

Skippy Squirrel: Hu-oh! Goody!

Pesto: Here you go. [hands Skippy some drawings] I drew some pictures with crayons so it looks like you were here all day. And I ate a little food so it looks like you ate, and I fed your cat.

Skippy Squirrel: Uh- perfect.

Pesto: Alright I'd better get out of here before they get back. [makes his way to the door]

Skippy Squirrel: Uh hey, uh Pesto? [Cartman turns around] Uh- thanks for coverin' for me. You're a real pal.

Pesto: Skippy, it was my pleasure. [pulls out his mittens and opens the door, then puts them on. He heads for the sidewalk humming a late night theme song, then turns around to frame the house with his fingers, then walks away]

Skippy Squirrel: Hi, Mom and Dad!

The Brain: Don't you "Hi, Mom and Dad!" us, you little punk! [punch]

Skippy Squirrel: Ow! Dad?

Slappy Squirrel: You don't even know the trouble you're in, mister!! [punch]

Skippy Squirrel: Ah! What did I do?! What did I do?!

The Brain: You think you're tough now? Answer me!! [a belt is heard coming off and whipping Butters]

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