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Quotes From Tiny Toon Adventures/Wacky Races

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A list of quotes from Tiny Toon Adventures/Wacky Races

See-Saw to Arkansas

Dr. ScratchNSniff & The ScrachNSniff Mob Imitate the Seven Dwarves

Furrball: "Hey, look, boss. There's a shack."

Dr. Otto ScratchNSniff: "Good. Dump the car behind it. It'll make a great hideout." (The ScratchNSniff Mob parks their car and goes inside the house) "Hey, What is this place? Seven hats and coats, seven chairs, even little beds? Hey, you lubs, do you know who lives here?"

Furrball: "The three bears?"

Dr. Otto ScratchNSniff: "No, you dum-dum. The seven dwarves. Pipe down. Somebody's coming. Into the outfits, quick."

(Babs parks her car)

Babs Bunny: "Oh, dear. I'm lost." (Knocks on the door) "Yoo-hoo in there, anybody to home?"

Dr. Otto ScratchNSniff: "There's nobody here but us seven dwarves."

Babs Bunny: "Oh, how cute. Are y'all really the seven dwarves?"

Dr. Otto ScratchNSniff: "Of course." (Whispers to his team) "Make like seven dwarves." (All walk around and laugh giddily) "Okay, now, what's your problem."

Babs Bunny: "Well, little old me got lost. Can y'all tell me where I can find the little old highway?

Dr. OttoScratchNSniff: "Sure. Little old You go straight a mile, then two miles left, then right, then left another mile, then another mile right, then left, then another left, and there you are."

Babs Bunny: "Oh, thanks, y'all. And say hi to the little old prince!"

Dr. Otto ScratchNSniff: "We'll do that little old thing."

(Babs leaves)

Dizzy Devil: "Hey, now she'll get ahead of us!"

Dr. Otto ScratchNSniff: "Oh yeah? If she follows my directions, she'll end up smack in the middle of the La Brea Tar Pits. Come on. Back into the race." (Leaves the House) "Another car is coming. Make like seven dwarves." (All walk around and laugh giddily, as the Money Machine approaches) "We're the seven little dwarves."

Montana Max: "Well, I'm Snow white, so tell me where the highway is."

Dr. Otto ScratchNSniff: "Sure, you just make a sharp turn left."

Montana Max: "Thanks, shorty." (Laughs evilly) "You get it, shorty? He he." (Starts the car)

Dr. Otto ScratchNSniff: "Yeah, you'll get it."

(Monty turns the money machine into a muddy pond, The ScratchNSniff Mob pull up alongside him)

Montana Max: "What will I do, I'm stuck in the mud?"

Dr. Otto ScratchNSniff: "Keep going. Maybe you'll strike oil."

(The ScratchNSniff Mob Laugh, Oogie laughs as Monty's car sinks.)

Trapped in the Freeway

King Acorn: "Back on our radar scope, we see it's still a pretty close race. Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute! Something's gone wrong, or the Wacky Racers have gone crazy? Oh, this looks like a real crisis, folks. The racers are hung up in a cloverleaf. They may NEVER get out!"

Montana Max: "Exactly as I planned it. Right, Oogie?

(Oogie Laughs)

King Acorn: "But how, you fiend?"

Montana Max: "Diabolically simple. I merely turned the exit sign around."

(He turns the sign around and the racers run over him. Oogie laughs, but as Monty reaches to punch him, Oogie bites him)

Montana Max (cont'd): "Yeouch!"

(Oogie laughs)

Monty's Photo Finish

King Acorn: "Here they all come, racing for the finish line. It's #2 in the lead, #10 second, #4 third, and here comes car  #00, Montana Max,  passing them all. Now it's neck to neck. Oh, it looks like a photo finish!"

Montana Max: "Did you say 'photo finish'?"

King Acorn: "It IS a photo finish! And in a few moments, we'll have the picture. And the winners are, #4 with Plucky Duck, Second, #2, the G.I. Jack Jeep, and third, Fowlmouth, and can you believe it--Montana Max stopped to pose for his picture? Oh-hoh, the big ham."

(Monty & Oogie giggle foolishly)

Mish Mash Missouri Dash

Monty Takes a Shortcut

Montana Max: "Hmm. Which way do we go? Let me have a look at that map." (Oogie hands him the map) "We're supposed to take the left road, but if we cheat and take the right road, we'll get there sooner. So we won't take the left road, which is the right road, we'll take the right road, which is the wrong road. Right?"

(Oogie Mumbles in Confusion)

(The Other Racers pass by, taking the left road)

Wade Pig: "Hard left, Ho!"

Hamton: "Did you say left, Dad?

Wade Pig: "Right."

Hamton: "Oh, right." (Turns right and leaves Wade behind)

Wade Pig: "No!

Hamton! (Stops and Runs After Hamton) Hamton, come back here!"

Monty Tricks Barky Marky

King Acorn: "While the rest of the Wacky Racers are racing along the right road, Montana Max has taken a sneaky side road."

Montana Max: (Laughs evilly) "Oogie, We've got this race in the bag! He he. Who says only good guys win?" (Oogie notices someone behind them) "Not now, Oogie. Stop bothering me, can't you see I'm driving? Oh, no. Don't tell me that someone else took the sneaky road, too!" (Notices Hamton and Wade in the Sausage Sedan behind them) "What is the matter with you? Why didn't you tell me?"

(Oogie Grumbles)

Montana Max: "Okay, okay. Ush, what a grouch."

(The Money Machine gets squashed by a boulder)

Montana Max: "Wow. What a king booby trap. Wish I'd thought of it."

Barky Marky: "You're trespassing on Barky Marky territory, stranger!"

Montana Max: "Stranger? "I'm no stranger!"

Barky Marky: "Well, you sure ain't no kinfolk of mine."

Montana Max: "I am so!" (Takes Barky Marky's Collar) "Don't you notice the family resemblance, cousin?" (Laughs evilly) "I've come to warn you, cousin, there's some strangers coming up the trail behind me!"

Barky Marky: "You mean there was some strangers!"

Montana Max: (Laughs evilly) "That takes care of those characters. Well, don't just sit there, Oogie. Start putting the car back together!"

Oogie: (Grumbles) "The side bolt connected to the front bolt, the front bolt connected to the back bolt, the back bolt connected to the neck bolt." (Growls)

Hot Race at Chillicothe

Babs is Out to Lunch

(The Compact jackrabbit is empty, there's a sign on the umbrella that says "Out to Lunch".)

King Acorn: "Hello, where's Babs Bunny? #5 is empty. Oh, ho, isn't that cute? She's out to lunch."

(Babs is in the Venison Volkswagen)

Vinnie: "Darling of you to, uh, prepare a picnic, Babs."

Babs: "And I have your favorite dessert; deep dish chuckleberry pie." (Drops the pie) "Oops! There goes your little old pie."

Calamity Coyote: "Concord Condor, I sure got me the hungries for a chunk of deep dish chuckleberry pie." (The pie lands in his face) "Mmm mmm. Why, I can almost taste it. Here, you can lick the dish." (Hands Concord the empty dish)

Fowlmouth, Hubie, and Bertie Play Ball With Monty

King Acorn: "And at the itty-bitty league..."

Dr. Otto ScratchNSniff: "All right, then, I'll put it right over the plate, so I can knock it out of the park!"

Montana Max: "Not this solid steel ball, he won't!"

(As Dr. OttoScratchNSniff hits the ball, he vibrates and Oogie laughs)

Monty: "You're out!"

Furrball: "Put it right down the old alley!"

Montana Max: "I'll put you right down the old alley, with this multiple bomb ball!"

(Monty throws the ball, which explodes and multiplies into many balls, none of which Furrball hits)

Montana Max: "One thing's for sure, he's having a ball!" (Laughs evilly)

(Oogie laughs

Fowlmouth: "I don't like the way that big guy is treating those itty-bitty leaguers. I'm gonna get into the game. "

Hubie and Bertie: (Grumble) "Us, too."

Fowlmouth: "Buster, get me a real sized bat!"

(Buster chops down a tree quickly. Fowlmouth uses the tree as a bat.)

"All right, Big Boy. Put it over the plate!"

(Monty tosses the ball, which Fowlmouth hits. The ball flies through Monty's mitt)

(Hubie and Bertie grumble, Monty tosses the ball, which Hubie and Bertie both hit at the same time, and the ball splits into two)

Montana Max: "I've got them! I've got them!" (Crashes into a pole)

(Oogie laughs)

Dr. Otto ScratchNSniff: "Give him all you got, Fowlmouth!"

Fowlmouth: "Here goes my double-trouble buzz-saw!" (Tosses a saw, which breaks Monty's bat in half)

Dr. Otto ScratchNSniff: "Hit him at first, Fowlmouth!"

(Monty runs to first base, only to find Ralph there. Monty then runs the other way)

Montana Max: "Oogie!"

Rhode Island Rhode Race

Hubie and Bertie Change a Wheel

King Acorn: "And while Monty plans more dastardly tricks, let's see how other racers are doing. The Carrotmobile, the Sausage Sedan, and the Acme Rocket are holding a steady pace, the mouse brothers in their Cheesemobile are trailing them..." (one of the Cheesemobile's wheels falls off) "Uh oh! The Mouse brothers have lost a wheel!"

Hubie: (Grumbles) "Wheel gone. Get new one."

Bertie: "Okay." (Grabs a piece of cheese and makes a wheel from it, then attaches the wheel to the Cheesemobile) "All set."

Hubie: "Okay, let's go." (The Cheesemobile bounces due to having one square wheel) "Ah, dummyhead! You make square wheel!"

Speeding for Smogland

Monty's Smashing Finish

King Acorn: "As the Wacky Races bare down on the finish line in Jollywood, the Acme Rocket is steaming along in the lead, with the G.I. Jack Jeep in second second spot, and Plucky Duck running third. While way, way, way back, we find everybody's friend, ha ha, Montana Max.

Montana Max: "We're last again, Oogie. This calls for some... Some drastically dirty trick like, rocket power! (Switches to Rocket Power)

King Acorn: "At the back of the pack, the Money Machine is passing cars like crazy. And Montana Max rockets into fifth place. But it looks like he's losing control!" (The Money Machine crashes into the Carrotmobile, which crashes into the Scarlet Seaplane, which Crashes into the G.I. Jack Jeep, which Crashes into the Acme Rocket) "Oh, what a crack-up! All the drivers were thrown from their cars..." (Monty and Oogie land in the Acme Rocket, Buster and Fowlmouth land in the G.I. Jack Jeep, Calamity and Concord land in the Scarlet Seaplane, Pinky and the Brain land in the Carrotmobile, and Plucky lands in the Money Machine) "And they're landing safely, but in the wrong vehicles!"

Montana Max: (Laughs evilly) "We're out in front, and there's the finish line!"

King Acorn: "Uh, Max, if you cross the finish line in the wrong vehicle, you'll be disqualified."

Montana Max: "I will?" (Stops the Acme Rocket. The other cars crash and return the drivers back to their right cars)

King Acorn: "Here we go again, folks. The Wacky Racers are back in their own cars, but no one's crossed the finish line yet. Here comes the Sausage Sedan, sizzling along with no room to pass, and it smacks right into Montana Max, who hits the Carrotmobile, which rams the Scarlet Seaplane, who slams into the G.I. Jack Jeep, which pushes the Acme Rocket across the finish line first! #2, the G.I. Jack Jeep is second, and #4, the Scarlet Seaplane is third. Oh, boy, what a smashing finish! Some of these cars are a real mess after this race. Uh, tough luck, Oogie. uh, Where's your---ha, ha, ha---master?"

Montana Max: "Double drat!"

(Oogie Laughs)

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