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Quotes from Wacky Races/TUGS

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A list of quotes from Wacky Races/TUGS.


Private Meekly

The Announcer's Big Announcement

Announcer (Narrating): "I remember the day we got our first big break, it started like most; at dawn."

Announcer: "Good morning, Wacky Racers. Today I charted a new man to help out with the extra work. He's from Arkansas. Sawtooth, he'll be working with you. Show him the ropes."

Sawtooth: "Right, Announcer. What's his name?"

Announcer: "Private Meekly."

Red Max: "Private Meekly? Only good for Army work, is he?"

Sawtooth: "Not bright in your upper bit, Red Max.

Red Max: "I resent that!"

Announcer: "Settle down. Give Meekly a chance. Now for the really good news; after a lot of hard bargaining, it looks like I've managed to land the contract for one of the most important trains around; Emily! When she arrives this afternoon, the Wacky Racers will bring her in for a visit, but first, we've got to prove ourselves. Professor Pat Pending, you're in charge."

Professor Pat Pending: "Aye aye, sir!"

Announcer: "Rufus."

Rufus Ruffcut: "Sir."

Announcer: "You're leading."

Rufus: "Right."

Announcer: "Red Max, Blubber, you're on the side push."

Red Max: "Not you, Sawtooth, this is no work for beavers."

Sawtooth: "Oh, all right."

Blubber Bear: "Yeah, that's right, big racers only, Sawtooth."

Sawtooth: "Make sure you don't bump into her, Blubber."

Announcer: "On your way, Sawtooth. Show Meekly how to get the work done, and fast."

Sawtooth: "Yeah, right, okay, then."

Announcer: "Now, the rest of you, I want you all finished early so you can make yourselves spic and span for Emily this afternoon."

Red Max: "Oh, no..."

The Vulture Squadron General's Big Announcement

Announcer (Narrating): "Our biggest rival in those days was the Vulture Squadron General. With his V-Stacks, he was always looking for ways to get further ahead.

Vulture Squadron General: "Now listen to me, and listen good! The Wacky Racers are about to get Emily's contract, and I'm not happy."

Dick Dastardly: "We're not smiling, General!"

Vulture Squadron General: "I'm glad you don't find it funny, Dick Dastardly. Now I want that contract, and you're going to get it for me!"

Zilly: "But how? I thought that..."

Vulture Squadron General: "I don't expect you to think! You're a team, the best, the better looking, more powerful, and dare I say, more devious."

Mad Scientist: "I like that bit about better looking!"

Zilly: "Yes, but what's devious?"

Vulture Squadron General: "What's devious is what's necessary to make an honest living in these days of corruption and bad business ethics! Now get the lead out and get Emily's contract, there's no time to lose!"

Dick Dastardly: "No problem, that bunch of claptrap soapbox cars are gonna find they missed Emily or my name's not Dick Dastardly!"

Zilly: "But it is Dick Dastardly, isn't it?"

Dick Dastardly and Mad Scientist meet Rug Bug Benny

Dick Dastardly: "Well, look what the mob dragged in, Rug Bug Benny. Ha!"

Rug Bug Benny: "Hey, you guys, I need a tow."

Mad Scientist: "We don't accept bananas as payment."

Rug Bug Benny: "Eh, big shots. You towing Emily or something?"

Dick Dastardly: "What do you know about it, you South American waste of space?"

Rug Bug Benny: "What I know, I sit around waiting for nobody to tow me. Emily, She come in this morning, suddenly, everybody busy."

Mad Scientist: "But Emily isn't due till this afternoon!"

Dick Dastardly: "Shut up, derby brain! Come on!"

Rug Bug Benny: "Hey, hey, what a day. I gotta get a tow and unload these bananas."

Vulture Squadron General: "You sure about this?"

Dick Dastardly: "Seen it with my own eyes."

Mad Scientist: "Yeah, we both seen it."

Vulture Squadron General: "Couldn't have better. Now I want that contract, and you are going to get it for me."

Dick Dastardly: "Yes, sir!"

More Coming Soon

Pirate

Sawtooth Hears a Noise

Sawtooth: "All right, you old tug of guts, you can settle here for the night.

Hello? Who's there?

Oi, is that you, Meekly? Rufus? Well, say something, whoever you are!"

(Private Meekly Whistles)

Sawtooth: "I'm hearing things."

Private Meekly: "Hello, Sawtooth."

Sawtooth: "Meekly, it was you! Now, why didn't you answer?"

Private Meekly: "Was me what?"

Sawtooth: "You were near the cove."

Private Meekly: "Eh, can't have heard you. Gettin' warm."

Sawooth: 'Oh, yeah, yeah, okay. Come on, I must be tired."

Lazy Luke: "Night, Sawtooth. Night, Meekly."

Sawtooth and Private Meekly: "Good night, Luke!"

The Announcer's Emergency Meeting

Announcer (Narrating): "Next morning, I told the Vulture Squadron General, Wacky Racers and V-Stacks had to get together on this!"

Red Max: "I say, what's this all about? Wacky Racers and Vulture Squadron together, whatever next?"

Dick Dastardly: "We're wasting time."

Announcer: "Silence!"

Dick Dastardly: "Sawtooth's cargo is the only ones gone."

Klunk: "Yeah, bet he knows what it's about!"

Zilly: "Him stealing cargo, that's what!"

Rufus Ruffcut: "Cut that out about Sawtooth!"

Blubber Bear: "Yeah, watch it, see?"

Klunk: "Well, we didn't mean it..."

Rufus Ruffcut: "Just careful what you say!"

Announcer: "I said Silence! The General and me have had a meeting. Missing cargo is serious. We're going to get to the bottom of this, understand? General?"

Vulture Squadron General: "I have a scheme to catch this pirate."

Red Max: "Ha. I expect that there are several!"

Rufus Ruffcut: "Aye, send a crook to catch a crook!"

Dick Dastardly: "What are you suggesting?"

Announcer: "Quiet! We've decided to set a trap!"

Vulture Squadron General: "Certain boxes are being rigged with flares that will trigger off if the box is even touched, never mind stolen!"

Announcer: "So, this is the plan. Tonight, you'll all be out in pairs, maintaining silence. Keep your eyes open. The General and i..."

Announcer (Narrating): "Unknown to us, Luke was searching where he lost the thief the night before."

Lazy Luke: "It's as far as here. What about this old warehouse? It's impossible; hasn't been used for years."

One Last Item

Bully Bros: "You've done very well, so far, Hillbilly, but we figure you still owe us."

Elmer: "You're going back on your word! You said that was the last item!"

Lazy Luke: "The thief!"

Bully Bros.: "Changed our mind, see? It's one more item. Get it tonight or it's goodbye to him! The great big outback in the sky!"

Lazy Luke: "I see the missing cargo!"

Bully Brother #2: "What's that? Hear anything?"

Bully Brother #1: "No."

Bully Brother #2: "Right."

Bully Brother #1: "Do as we say or else!

Elmer: "It's getting too risky!"

Bully Brother #1: "One more, I said, tonight!"

Sheriff: "Don't do it!"

Elmer: "I've got to, haven't I? You promise tonight will be the last?"

Bully Brothers: "Deliver or he dies."

Elmer: "You're right. Now then, are you..."

Sheriff: "I'm okay, but don't do it. It's wrong."

Elmer: "I can't leave you here with them, old man! Tonight will be the end of it."

Lazy Luke: "Oh dear. This is a sad state of affairs."

More Coming Soon

Trapped

Klunk Talks to Zilly and Mad Scientist

Announcer (Narrating): "There were times, believe it or not, when the Wacky Racers and V-Stacks took on a big job together. One of those times I'm remembering was when timber and tanning bark had to be brought down from the sawmills in Arkansas.

And this year, it was especially important that we work together, but Klunk was making heavy going of towing an old hulk on its last journey."

Zilly: "Hey, Klunk!"

Mad Scientist: "Hey, Zilly! Dastardly's going mad waiting for you! Where you been?"

Klunk: "The General told me to take this old rust bucket to the Breaker's Yard."

Mad Scientist: "You'll see Dastardly at the Race Track before you get there. He's not going to like it."

Klunk: "I'm only carrying out orders. Dastardly can't blame me."

Zilly: "Ha! Don't you believe it!"

Danny Meets Professor Pat Pending and Rufus Ruffcut

Announcer (Narrating: "An Anthill Mob Member named Danny worked in Arkansas, delivering essentials like gasoline, ropes, fuses, and dynamite from the Race Track to Arkansas. Why an Anthill Mob Member? Well, you can see he's just as short, and in Danny's case, just as dangerous."

Professor Pat Pending: "Oh, look who's here. It's Danny the Anthill Mob Member."

Danny: "Hey, Wacky Racers, don't you wish you carried something more exciting than wood?"

Rufus Ruffcut: "No thanks. Just get that stuff away from here. You're welcome to it."

Danny: "Dynamite's exciting stuff. Makes lovely big bangs. Fairly obvious if you know how to handle it, like I do."

Professor Pat Pending: "Hey, you're not unloaing next to us, are you?"

Danny: "Fraid' so, Professor. Don't worry, if it goes up, we all go up!" (Giggles)

Rufus Ruffcut: "Yeah?"

Danny: "No, it's safe. Only joking."

Rufus Ruffcut: "You'd better be."

More Coming Soon

Regatta/4th of July

No Garbage Today

Announcer (Narrating): "Whist the rescue of Penelope Pitstop was going on, Blubber was surprised to find Clyde, the leader of the Anthill Mob, basking in the sun, instead of working on the heaps of steaming garbage behind him.

Blubber Bear: "Morning, Clyde. Nice day for garbage."

Clyde: "There's no garbage today.

Blubber Bear: "What do you mean no garbage today? There's heaps behind you!"

Clyde: "No garbage today!"

Blubber Bear: "But I've got to have garbage. You know, I've got to have garbage. Willy here needs garbage. We all need garbage."

Clyde: "It's a festival day or something, so there's no garbage."

Whiff: "Is that you, Blubber?"

Blubber Bear: "Uh, yes, sir. It's me, sir."

Whiff: "Have you got Willy with you?"

Blubber Bear: "He's here, sir. Empty, and willing to work, sir."

Whiff: "There's no garbage today, right?"

Blubber Bear: "Well, I can see, heaps, uh, piles, stacks, uh, mountains of garbage."

Whiff: "You see no garbage! Blubber, Clyde will tell you there is no garbage, eh, Blubber?"

Clyde: "There's no garbage!"

Whiff: "Repeat after me, Blubber, 'There ain't no garbage'"

Blubber: "There ain't no garbage."

Whiff: "Good. That is settled. Instead, today is the Wacky Races Land Garbage Day, a festival of garbage!"

Blubber Bear: "Eh?"

Whiff: "The Wacky Races Land Garbage Day takes place on the same day as the Wacky Races Land festivial. So, to join in on the fun, we, the Garbage Corporation, are going to make our own parade float. No flowers or fancy bits, just prime, colorful garbage."

Blubber Bear: "I don't believe this."

Clyde: "This is going to take a very long time, so I'd get going if I was you. Must get going now, heaps to do."

Blubber Bear: "Things keep getting stranger and stranger round here, spose' it is Festival Day."

The Wargames General finds Luke

Announcer (Narrating): "Sawtooth was quick to find Rufus and told him all about Luke and Penelope as he went about his work. They were suddenly interrupted by a shrill blast from the Wargames General, the naval man."

Wargames General: "Ahoy there! Ahoy, you there!"

Rufus Ruffcut: "What do you want? We can't stop, I'm afraid. This load's urgent."

Wargames General: "I quite understand, old man, but we are looking for one of our men. He is called Luke."

Sawtooth: "I ain't seen him since we left the Repair Garage. He saved Penelope Pitstop from sinking. So he's probably taking a well-deserved break somewhere."

Wargames General: "Ah, that may be so, but he is one of us, you know. He is not a civilian plaything!"

Rufus Ruffcut: "Okay, General. That's enough. We haven't seen him, so make wake, okay, my work's important."

Wargames General: "Oh, your work's important? Ha ha ha! What's you need, laddie, is a lesson in naval discipline." (Luke appears) "Aha! What have we here?" (Luke squirts General) "Oh! What the?"

(Sawtooth and Rufus laugh)

Lazy Like: "They're going to blow me up today."

Sawtooth: "Huh?"

Wargames General: "That is correct."

Rufus Ruffcut: "What? But he's been a hero out there with Penelope, and you lot are going to blow him up? That's some kind of thanks."

Wargames General: "Ah, you civilian lot may not know this, but us naval types know when we are past it. Instead of rotting in some graveyard, we voluntly ask for gunnery practice; targets, you know!

Sawtooth: "But that's not fair! He's still a useful man; he does lots of things for us!"

Wargames General: "For you, maybe. For us, he's old, and out of date. Now I can't stand around here joying with you all day. My work's important. Rufus will understand that, won't you, Sir?"

Rufus Ruffcut: "Hmmph!"

Wargames General: "Come on, Luke, back to base. Target Practice at 1400 Hours!"

Sawtooth: "Luke! Luke, don't go! Dive and hide!"

Lazy Luke: "It's no use, they'd catch up with me again somewhere. Thanks for all the fun we had together. Bye, Sawtooth, bye!"

Sawtooth: "Bye."

Rufus Ruffcut: "Listen. We can't let this happen. I'll handle the floats, you go off and find Professor Pat Pending. Tell him about Luke. He'll know what to do. We'll save our wee Luke if it's the last thing we do!"

Sawtooth: "Right, Rufus!"

The Wacky Racers Rescue Luke

Wargames General: "Well, Luke, you've been a very good man. Ha ha, we're all sad to see you go. But as you know, the Navy's got no further use for such a small man."

Lazy Luke: "Proud to have been of service, sir. Thank you. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like some time to think."

Wargames General: "Oh ho ho, very well. And good luck, Laddie!"

Lazy Luke: "If the modern Navy's gonna be like him, I'd be better off down with the fishes."

(As the alarm sounds, Sawtooth, Red Max, Rufus Ruffcut, and Professor Pat Pending approach)

Lazy Luke: "Why are they parading up here? They're gonna be in the line of fire! Stay clear!"

Red Max: "It's a destroyer warning us, we're in the danger zone!"

Professor Pat Pending: "Ignore it!"

Red Max: "What do you mean? And get a direct hit? No, thank you very much, I think they're gonna fire!"

Rufus Ruffcut: "Keep going, Red Max. The more of us here, the safer we are!"

Lazy Luke: "Get clear! They're about to start firing!"

Red Max: "Yes sir!"

Professor Pat Pending: "Luke, just do as I say. Grab him, Sawtooth."

Sawtooth: "All right, Professor!"

Professor Pat Pending: "Rufus will leave the logs in your place. Let's hope all they see from that distance is the target flags, right, keep moving!"

Lazy Luke: "The navy's not going to like this. Just leave me here or you'll all get into trouble. Please, don't do it!"

(The destroyer starts firing and destroys the logs)

The Parade

Sheriff Sam: "Hello, eveyone! This is Sheriff Sam with Molly, welcoming you to the annual parade.

Thank you. Now, you know the drill. When the cannon fires, the parade will start. This year, Red Max from the Wacky Racers will lead off." (Cannon fires) "Enjoy yourselves.

There goes Red Max, followed by racers Professor Pat Pending, Rufus Ruffcut, and Blubber Bear, all with splendid floats.

They're followed by the Mad Scientist from the Vulture Squadron, with the corportation light float.

Here comes Zilly and Klunk, the Vulture Squadron agents, with a new Arkansas breakfast; wood and bananas! Ha ha!

Following them comes a colorful group. Sawtooth and Private Meekly, with Kurby, and the Female Alligator. Hello, Female Alligator! And Peter Perfect, just by himself. Never mind, Peter. Maybe next year, okay?

Coming from the famous Wacky Races Land Cafe is Dick Dastardly, with the loudest float of the day.

Nice music, guys. Very nice music.

Well done everyone, you all look splendid. Molly and I consider this to be the best year yet! This means, and hold it, yes, that you've all won a prize!

Okay, okay, thanks to you all. Now, enough parading, let's get this party going!"

More Coming Soon

Munitions

Wargames General Orders Vinnie

Announcer (Narrating): "To run a fleet of racers, you have to be prepared to take on any job. One of the most difficult and dangerous was handling the big naval muniions. On this day, I remember Peter Perfect had brought the naval agent, Bertha Blast in from the base up the coast. Usually, a familiar and safe routine. But, it had been a rough ourned, real rough, and as if that wasn't enough, he had to suffer the Wargames General, the officious naval man."

Wargames General: "Attention! Attention, you, Peter!"

Peter Perfect: "Attention, nothing. I'm finished here, old darling. Moving out."

Wargames General: "Oh no, you don't, not till' I check things out!"

Peter Perfect: "Check all you like, sweetheart. I'm needed elsewhere."

Wargames General: "You're under navy jurisdiction! Obey orders, and wait until I've made my inspection!"

Peter Perfect: "I am under jurisdiction, The Announcer's. A little weight-washer like you doesn't tell me what to do!"

Wargames General: "Aha! We'll see about that, laddie. Peter, here, wait! Stay right where you are, that is an order!"

Peter Perfect: "Toodle-oo."

Wargames General: "Upstart civilian! I'll get you in a Naval convoy one day and I'll teach you a lesson or two, and then you'll know what orders are all about!"

Peter Perfect: "Yuck. That Wargames General. He's orders-mad. Orders come before common sense in naval terms."

Professor Pat Pending: (Sighs) "I've had a barney with him, too, Peter. 'Keep those cones in line', he shouts, as if I haven't done this job every naval exercise. 'Report to me when you're finished', he says. Thinks I'm too old for this work, he does." (Notices cargo being loaded aboard Sargeant Bertha Blast's cargo boxes) "Hey, do you know what they're doing? They're loading munitions and taking fuel aboard the same boxes. Heh. Dangerous workmanship, that is."

Peter Perfect: "Well, Professor, me dear, I'm gonna have a bit of a rest at the race track. Been a hard day, and I feel a bit low."

Professor Pat Pending: "Uh oh."

Wargames General: "Keep them in line! Stay true to the Marines! I'll check them after I've done my inspection!"

Professor Pat Pending: "We should work together, not fight each other. Never fought when I was a young kid."

The Announcer's Naval Announcement

Announcer: "Right, Wacky Racers. We're on surfacing naval maneuvers again."

(The Wacky Racers groan)

Announcer: "Professor Pat Pending's laying Marker Cones in the old dock area. Remember; no shortcuts, use the official entry. You all know the Navy."

(The Wacky Racers Grumble)

Announcer: "Don't grumble, it's a good regular contract. Just get on with it. Your loads are munitions. You're lucky. V-Stacks Fleet have got the explosives, so give them a wide burst. Make myself clear, Blubber, no high wakes!"

Blubber Bear: "I don't make high wakes, Announcer. No sir."

Announcer: "Not much. Daily garbage detail for you."

Red Max: "Uhhh. This means we'll have The Wargames General flapping around us. I can't stand that man. What a terrible bore he is with his orders, isn't he?"

Blubber Bear: "You do the garbage detail, then."

(The rest of Wacky Racers laugh as Red Max is shocked)

Red Max: "ME? How can you suggest such a thing?"

Announcer: "I'll have less talk from you, Red Max, or you will find yourself on garbage!

(The rest of the Wacky Racers continue laughing)

Red Max: "That is not funny. It would ruin my image."

(The Wacky Racers continue laughing)

Announcer: Okay, crew, stow it! Red Max!"

Red Max: "Yes?"

Announcer: "Racetrack work for you, and don't argue! Just go!"

Red Max: "Do I have to earn a living with this muttley crew?"

Rufus Ruffcut: "Oi, you..."

Sawtooth: "Announcer, we've had just about enough of Red Max's insults."

Rufus Ruffcut: "Aye."

Sawtooth: "He's more trouble than he's worth."

Private Meekly: "Aye, and you said that wasn't very much, didn't you, Sawtooth?"

(Rufus laughs)

Announcer: "I said stow it! Sawtooth, go to the Repair Garage, pick up the brand-new Wacky Races line oil drum, get it filled, and take it to the Naval Yard!"

Sawtooth: "Right, Sir."

Private Meekly: "Well done, Sawtooth. He's a pain in the butt."

(Rufus laughs)

Sawtooth: "The way he moves his head about, I'd say he's a pain in the neck!"

Rufus Ruffcut: "That's right!"

Announcer: "Meekly, go to the alley, pic up Sargeant Blast. They finished the work on the bridge. Take him home."

Private Meekly: "All right, then. Good. I like my job."

Announcer: "Rufus, thanks for winning us the steel contract."

Rufus: "That's okay, sir."

Announcer: "You pick up the last girder, then back here."

Operation: Explosives

Announcer (Narrating): "The V-Stacks were in Arkansas at the Munitions Factory. They were there to collect explosives for the navy. It was a very dangerous operation, but worth a great deal of money to the General, who had put Dick Dastardly in charge."

Dick Dastardly: "Now listen, you two. Towing this lot's the tricky bit. Mad Scientist, move up first."

Mad Scientist: "Right."

Dick Dastardly: "Go slow and don't take any nonsense from the Wacky mob. Show them explosives don't scare us. If they come to close, just..."

Mad Scientist: "Blow them up!"

Dick Dastardly: "Yeah, but with your hooter, dummy. No silly games, okay:? You don't have to be that brave.

Mad Scientist: "Okay, Dick, sir."

Dick Dastardly: "And watch out for the naval twerp, the Wargames General. Your job is to deliver that cargo directly to naval agent, Bertha Blast. If the Wargames General gives you different orders, ignore him and refer him to me! Just keep it steady! Keep flying that danger flag!

Muttley, next!"

Muttley: "But the Wargames General told me he was in charge, and that I must obey orders!"

Dick Dastardly: "You are, mine, remember that!"

Muttley: "I'll remember that, Dastardly, sir."

Dick Dastardly: "Eat your heart out, Wacky Stacks!This trip's worth 20 garbage cans, passenger trips, or steel tows, he, if we don't get blown up. Right, easy does it."

Wargames General Orders Sawtooth

Wargames General: "Ahoy! Ahoy there! Ahoy! You, with the fuel drum, you're in my way and you're idle. I don't like idle beavers, so move and move fast, That is an order!"

Sawtooth: "Oi! Oi! You naval twit! You scraped a brand new drum, deliberately!"

Wargames General: "I gave an order to move out of my way, and its obviously most undisciplined I've ever walked in! If I order you to jump, you jump! and that drum is conscripted for a naval purpose, and if I want to scrape it, I will! I'll scrape you, too, if you don't get to your post on time!"

Sawtooth: "I'm always on time, and you know it!"

Wargames General: "Aye, you'd better be, or I'll have you jailed in prison! It's about time you fancy Wacky Racers started moving up to your name, now! And get some energy in your body and start moving your feet! Mobilization! That is what I want, Mobilization! "

Sawtooth: "O! Oi, Oi, you, come back here! Oi! You just scraped it again! Wait! (Sighs) "V-stacks are bad enough, but the Wargames General, he's something else."

Red Max Tells the Policeman He'll be Late

Gravel Slag: "Someone's having a dockside celebration!"

Red Max: "Oh no, if there was a party, I would have been invited!"

Rock Slag: "Perhaps they don't need a red-coated highbrow."

(Rock and Gravel laugh)

Red Max: "Very droll, certainly wouldn't want low-lifes like you there." (Siren blares) "Hey, what's that?"

Policeman: "Emergency! Emergency! Leave them and follow on, Red Max, might need all hands!"

Private Meekly: "Yeah, follow on, Red Max, fire at the old harbor!"

Red Max: "I'd love to join you, but these two are in a right state!"

Gravel Slag: "Always our fault, eh, Rock?"

Rock Slag: "Never is, eh, Gravel?"

Gravel Slag: "You could take us along. Love to see a fire."

Red Max: "The only fire you're going to see, I can tell you this for a fact, is the one I will set to your Bouldermobile if you don't get a move on!"

Rock and Gravel: "Oh..."

Red Max: "Now!"

Sawtooth Survives the Blast

Private Meekly (Sadly): "Sawtooth should've been back by now."

Professor Pat Pending: "We must all salute a very brave beaver, who saved us."

(Sawtooth whistles)

Private Meekly: "Hey, I know that whistle, it's, it's Sawtooth!"

(Sawtooth arrives, his fur damaged from the blast)

Private Meekly: "Sawtooth! What a mess! What happened?"

Sawtooth: "Well, just after I started backing up, it blew to smithereens! Nearly took me with it. Lights went out, low on breath. I didn't know if I could make it back. But thanks to Luke, I did."

Private Meekly: "Hey, you're the luckiest beaver around, lad."

Professor Pat Pending: "And probably the bravest, too!"

Lazy Luke: "Well, I've been used for a few strange jobs before, but never have I brought in a beaver and taken away a twitcher!" (Laughs)

(The Wargames General is still twitching from last night's fire)

Announcer (Narrating): "The accident was started by a few hasty words and bad temper. Orders may be orders, but they don't supercede common sense. The Wargames General was right in his way, as were Sawtooth and Professor right in theirs. But common sense from all three would have prevented the fire starting. Always respect fire, if you don't, it will destroy you, your surroundings, and your friends."

More Coming Soon

Blubber Bear

Rug Bug Benny Refuses Blubber's Offer for a Tow

Blubber Bear: "Hey, there's Rug Bug Benny! I'll get a bonus if I can tow him as well. Ahoy, Rug Bug Benny! Wake up!

Rug Bug Benny: "Si! What time is it? Oh, Blubber, it's you."

Blubber Bear: "Want a tow? Give you a good price."

Rug Bug Benny: "Aye aye aye, you wake me up to tell me funny jokes, eh?"

Blubber Bear: "It's no joke! I'll give you a special rate, say $100?"

Rug Bug Benny: "Not even for ten, Gringo. Now you wake me so early, I have all this daylight and the city very calm."

Blubber Bear: "What? You wouldn't think of going in on your own, would you?"

Rug Bug Benny: "Maybe I do, maybe I don't."

Blubber Bear: "You you are crazy Rug Bug Benny. Risking going in on your own for a measly hundred."

(Rug Bug Benny mumbles)

Blubber Bear: "Anyway, it's against the law."

(Blubber bumps into Rug Bug Benny)

Rug Bug Benny: "Aye aye aye!"

(Blubber whistles)

Blubber Bear: "I think she is less missed, then you tow me, eh, Blubber? Eh heh heh!"

Blubber talks to Private Meekly, Kurby, and Hilda

Announcer (Narrating): "Private Meekly, Kurby, and Hilda were out digging in the estuary. Now, this was a job Meekly usually enjoyed."

Blubber Bear: (Humming) "Making good time, all going well..."

Private Meekly: "Oh, do you hear that? Stop digging! Uh, I see Blubber!"

Blubber Bear: "Oh. Morning, fellas, and Hilda. It looks like it's gonna be a great day."

Private Meekly: "Hey, look out!" (Blubber's rock cargo hits him) "Oh hey, whoops. What you doing?"

Blubber: "Oh, you noticed. No more garbage for me, at least for now. The Announcer's put me on the rock contract for the new road. Just wants what's to be expected, really, me, such a powerful bear and all. Well, gotta go now. Bye!"

Private Meekly and Hilda: "Congratulations, Blubber!"

(Blubber's rock cargo bumps into Kurby)

Private Meekly: "Oh, dear me. Kurby, are you all right?"

Kurby: "Just a bit dizzy."

Private Meekly: "Hey, you got to laugh at this. Look, Hilda, he's gonna become the first Anthill Mob Gangster merry-go-round!"

Kurby: "Thanks a lot, Blubber!"

Blubber: "Can't stop! Bye!"

Blubber bumps into Cuckoo Clock Master

Blubber Bear: "It will be nice to prove to the Announcer that..." (yawns) "I can handle a lot more jobs on my own." (Yawns) "I made 14 trips today and no more mistakes since this morning. At least no more than I know of." (Yawns) "Getting tired now. Can hardly keep me eyes open."

(Blubber falls asleep and bumps into Cuckoo Clock Master)

Cuckoo Clock Master "Oh!"

Blubber Bear: "You stupid old geezer, why don't you look where you're going?"

Cuckoo Clock Master: "What do you mean 'where am I going?' Ha! I've been abandoned here for two years!"

Blubber Bear: "Oh, well, uh, yes. Sorry. It's been a long day. Must have dozed off."

Cuckoo Clock Master: (Laughs) "Oh, clumsy old bear, that Blubber. It wouldn't half be boring without him!" (Laughs)

Announcer (Narrating): "Blubber might have bumped into things, but I couldn't have done without him. He was a valuable member of my Wacky Racers team. Ha ha, a striker, you might call him!"

More Coming Soon

High Tide

Rufus and Blubber Confront Mad Scientist and Muttley

Mad Scientist: "Well well well, the Wacky Racers. Hey, what side you call this, eh? You needn't have bothered. There's no work for you. We've got it all sewn up."

Muttley: "Yeah. You said it, Mad Scientist."

Rufus Ruffcut: "We've as much right to go for this contract as you have!"

Mad Scientist: "Think you do a better job, Rufus? You ain't got no chance, three against one, you see, no chance!"

Blubber Bear: "What do you mean 'three against one'? There's only two of you."

Muttley: "Well, you don't do much, cept' get in the way, Blubber, so we count you on our side. He he he. Can't stop here all day, we've work to do!"

Mad Scientist: "So long, losers!"

Red Max and Willy Confront Mad Scientist and Muttley

Announcer (Narrating): "Several bridges spanned across the alley, the lowest one carrying the workers. The V-Stacks hadn't connected their load with the tide, the highest of the season.

Red Max was coming towards them from the opposite direction, with a wide load, as well as Willy. There was no way the Wacky Racers and V-Stacks could pass each other. When they did come face to face, someone was going to have to go bac the way they came. They first saw each other at the bend, leading to the bridge, with had the lowest arch over the alley. Red Max stopped when he saw the V-Stacks."

Red Max: "Back up, if you please. It's my territory."

(Mac whistles from above)

Red Max: "I repeat, it is MY territory!"

Mad Scientist: "We're heavier!"

Red Max: "My load is wider!"

Muttley: "You've five seconds to back up!"

Red Max: "What? Well, so have you, then!"

Mad Scientist: "Right! Five!"

Gravel Slag: "They mean it, Red Max."

Red Max: "I am coming through! Four!"

Muttley: "So am I! Three!"

Red Max: "We'll see! Two!"

Mad Scientist: "One!

Get under the bridge, fast, Muttley! You've got him!"

Muttley: "Watch my wake, that Wacky Racer's met his match!"

Announcer (Narrating): "Both Muttley and Red Max were at full speed, and surged forwards towards each other and the bridge."

Willy: "Red Max, look at his load."

Red Max: "He's going to hit! Hold on, I'm moving back!"

Muttley: "He's backing up, didn't I tell you, Mad Scientist?"

Mad Scientist: "Didn't even make a fight of it! Ha ha! Oh, no! It's going for the bridge, Mutt! Back up! Quick!"

Muttley: "Oh, no! I can't stop!"

(Muttley's steel rig hits the bridge)

Muttley: "Oh, no, help!"

Red Max: "That's real Vulture Squadron thinking, dummies."

Muttley: "Uh, suppose Mad Scientist and I better go and get some help."

(Mac whistles and approaches the bridge from above)

More Coming Soon

Quarantine

Sawtooth and Private Meekly are Late

Announcer: (Narrating) "Big Gruesome and Little Gruesome, the evil-minded Gruesome Twosome, were always on the lookout for old racers they could buy up cheap. Heh, they'd already made me an offer for old Professor Pat Pending."

Sawtooth: "Yeah, I suppose it's late, Meekly."

Private Meekly: "Ha, it's not our fault, though, is it. I mean, normally..."

Announcer: "6:30's briefing time!"

Sawtooth: "Sorry, Announcer. We've been at the Repair Garage."

Announcer: "You know, the Gruesome Twosome dealers are looking for useless racers, don't you? Now, next time you're late, I'll ask them what they'll offer for a beaver and an Army Private, understand?"

Sawtooth: "Yes, Announcer, but..."

Annnouncer: "Sawtooth, Professor Pat Pending's feeling ill. He's at the Fire Station picking up your equipment!"

Sawtooth: "Huh?"

Announcer: "Now, if he's all right, join the others waiting for people getting clearance from Quarantine."

Sawtooth: "Understand, Announcer."

Announcer: "One for you, Meekly, bring in The Dragon."

Meekly: "Old Dragon..."

Announcer: "No wisecracks! Just get moving!"

Meekly: "He wouldn't sell us to the Gruesome Twosome, would he?"

Sawtooth: "Not unless we're late very day. I hope we're not."

Big Gruesome and Little Gruesome Talk to the Announcer

Announcer (Narrating): "Big Gruesome and Little Gruesome had a second go at me. Oh, they never give up."

Little Gruesome: "Ah, Announcer."

Announcer: "What?"

Little Gruesome: "About Professor Pat Pending, that ancient body of his is finished, and so is he, isn't he, Big Gruesome?"

Big Gruesome: "We answered around our graveyard, watching our staff kill off old racers. Do we, Little Gruesome?"

Little Gruesome: "Always on the lookout for who's next to go. That's our business, and Professor's top of our list."

Yankee Doodle Pigeon Catches The Dragon With His Quarantine Flags Down

Yankee Doodle Pigeon: "Hey! Hey! Dragon! I left you with your quarantine flags up! Where are they, eh? Eh? You're breaking the law, you're under arrest. Get those flags up again, and fast!"

Dick Dastardly: "What's this? I didn't know he was quarantined, officer. No flags were flying at all, as you just saw."

Yankee Doodle Pigeon: "Well, that's pure bad luck, Dastardly. Whether you knew or not makes no difference. You're infected!"

Dick Dastardly: "But I'm innocent! I'm completely innocent!"

Yankee Doodle Pigeon: "Get quarantine flags up, right now, Dastardly!"

Dick Dastardly: "You're a real villain, Dragon, you know that?"

Dragon: "I wanted to get into the Race Track, didn't I?"

Dick Dastardly: "Yeah, and now I might get microbonic plague."

Little Gruesome: "Big Gruesome, I think there might be some spots on Dastardly."

Big Gruesome: "I think you're right, Little Gruesome. We'll come back and check for illness later."

Announcer (Narrating): "Sawtooth would have been in quarantine if it hadn't been for Professor Pat Pending, and Professor Pat Pending would have been killed if it hadn't been for Sawtooth. As for Dastardly, he saw out his full term."

More Coming Soon

Ghosts

Nobody Believes Rufus

Red Max: "Slow down! You know better that to travel in fog of that great of naughts."

Professor Pat Pending: "You're right, you look as if you've seen a ghost."

Rufus Ruffcut: "I, uh, well, I saw something, I, uh... No, I can't tell you, you'll only, laugh."

Red Max: "What? Oh, look, come on, we're worried a bit serious."

Rufus Ruffcut: "Well, I have seen ghosts."

Red Max: "What? You've seen what?"

Rufus Ruffcut: "Ghosts! You know Butch's story about those racers that died in the great storm of 1912?"

Blubber Bear: "And they'll come back to get you!"

Sawtooth: "Oh, Rufus, you're not taking Butch's story for real, are you?"

Rufus Ruffcut: "Aye, well, I'm not going out there again till' the fog lifts."

Red Max: "Ha! Well, I'd never thought I'd hear that from a lumberjack."

Private Meekly: "Well, he, he could have seen something, there could be ghosts, you never know."

Red Max: "Oh, don't be ridiculous, really."

Blubber Encounters the Ghost Fleet

Announcer (Narrating): "That evening, Blubber was maing his way back to Wacy Races Land. Some Alligators were following, using him as a guide through the fog."

Alligators: "Hey, Blubber, you sure you know your way?"

Blubber Bear: "Course' I do. Do you trust me or don't you? A bit of fog's nothing to worry about. I've got a natural sense of direction. If we were running into anything, I'd know... Good, where'd that come from? Phew. That was lucky. Better head out a bit."

Announcer (Narrating): "Blubber swerved violenly, just in time to miss the mud bank. But the Alligators were not so lucky."

Alligators: (Screaming) "Oh, Blubber!"

Blubber Bear: "Quiet! When you can't see... What the?" (Sees what look like ghosts) "What? Who the? I don't believe it! Yees, I do!" (Panting) "It's what Rufus saw! The Ghost Fleet! It's the Ghost Fleet!" (Backs up and runs away)

Rug Bug Benny and Dastardly Encounter the Ghost Fleet

Announcer (Narrating): "Rug Bug Benny, the old Anthill Mob Member, had failed all day to get a cheap tow into Wacky Races Land, so he decided to try and sneak in for free, with the help of the fog."

Dick Dastardly: "Hello, hello."

Rug Bug Benny: "Oh..."

Dick Dastardly: "Ha ha! You never learn, do you, Rug Bug Benny? Oh, crime doesn't pay, you know?"

Rug Bug Benny: "Oh, what you talk about?"

Dick Dastardly: "Slipping into Wacky Races Land on your own without a tow? Well, I hope you run aground. I'll be there, you'll be my salvage!"

Rug Bug Benny: "Hey, I no salvage! Okay, 50, most I give you for a tow."

Dick Dastardly: "Hey? Get lost! Not for 500! You'll be worth more dead!"

Rug Bug Benny: "Well, I did ask about a tow and I did not get a tow, so..."

Dick Dastardly: "That Rug bug Benny. I'll get him one day... Anyway, heh, with luc, there should be a few distress calls today, eh? Heh. Suckers always pay at least double to get them out of trouble.

Aha. This looks like money. Ahoy! You need a tow into Wacky Races Land? Eh? Eh? Ahoy? You there ahead of me? I'm hailing you! Give you a fair price, get you into port sa... safe?" (Sees what look like ghosts) "There's no sound. What's going on? It can't be! No! It's the ghosts! It's Rufus' ghost fleet! Oh, no! They're coming to get me! Oh, I'll leave you alone, lads, don't touch me!"

Rug Bug Benny: "It's very foggy. Boy, if I see nobody, nobody can see me. Hmmm. So I get into Wacky Races Land free. It's good. Eh, you watch where you're going. Why they don't answer? It's funny. " (Sees what looks like ghosts) "Aye Carumba! It's ghosts! Oh, don't take me! I got a tow already, it's on it's way, please don't take me!"

Announcer (Narrating): "The ghost racers slid silently into the fog. Dastardly was so shaken, he sailed round in a circle and met Rug Bug Benny again."

(Dastardly bumps into Rug Bug Benny)

Dick Dastardly: "Oh, uh, uh, oh, ah, oh, it's you. Uh, heh, not gotten far, have you?"

Rug Bug Benny: "Amigo, give me a tow, I pay what you want, any price you say."

Dick Dastardly: "Uh, no, Rug Bug Benny, My old friend, uh, I'll tow you in for free, I need some company getting back to Wacky Races Land. Heh heh."

More Coming Soon

Jinxed

Sawtooth and Private Meekly Meet Dum-Dum

Announcer (Narrating): "One night, out at a busy racetrack, Sawtooth and Private Meekly spotted a small man they'd never seen before. His name was Dum-Dum. He was just drifting. Realizing he could be in trouble, they approached him cautiously. He was low on stamina, and could not go on much further. A rope was alongside him. He had no address or dirver's license. It seemed, no one owned him."

Dum-Dum: "Keep away. Just leave me alone, please."

Sawtooth: "Look, we can't. You're drifting in a busy racetrack. That's dangerous."

Dum-Dum: "Even better."

Private Meekly: "Eh, we'll have to take you in."

Dum-Dum: "Just leave me be. I don't want any help."

Private Meekly: "Why? Why not?"

Dum-Dum: "Because, well, because I'm a jinx. I'm bad luck. Nobody wants a jinx."

Sawtooth: "Oh, rubbish. There's no such thing as a jinx."

Dum-Dum: "Oh, isn't there? You'll soon find out. Stand off me."

Sawtooth: "Look, jinx or not, we have to take you in. This racetrack has to be kept clear."

Private Meekly: "Aye, The Announcer will do something about it."

Dum-Dum: "No he won't. Nobody can. Jinxes just happen. I just shouldn't have been a small man."

Private Meekly: "Uh, have you always been like this?"

Dum-Dum: "My name used to be Ring-a-Ding. It was good then in those days. Then I was sold. Clyde gave us new names and called me Dum-Dum. Ever since then, nothing but trouble."

Announcer (Narrating): "Heh, Dum-Dum was right. Sawtooth had set off ahead, when to everyone's amazement, the tow rope unwound and fell behind him."

Sawtooth: "How did that happen? Oi, did you do that?"

Dum-Dum: "Can't have, can I? It's you that's lost your end of the rope. I'm still holding my end."

Private Meekly: "Ah, he's right, Sawtooth. That's the first sign of a jinx I've ever seen."

Sawtooth: "Yeah, well, it won't happen again. Look, come on, the sooner we get you to The Announcer, the better."

Dum-Dum + Explosives = Disaster

Announcer (Narrating): "No serious damage was done to the Wacky Racers. Dum-Dum was as good as new, and some days later was working for The Vulture Squadron General. He and the V-Stacks were on the munitions contract."

Sawtooth: (Whistles) "Good luck, Dum-Dum!"

(Dum-Dum's crate of explosives explodes)

Announcer (Narrating): "No sooner had Sawtooth tooted his greeting, when the munitions box exploded, much to the V-Stacks' bewilderment."

Dum-Dum: "See? You can't get rid of a jinx that easily, Sawtooth."

Private Meekly: "Aye."

Announcer (Narrating): "That was enough for The General, he got rid of the unhappy Dum-Dum, and I took him back, intending to use him for simple jobs where nothing could go wrong."

Mad Scientist: "See you, Dum-Dum. If you need any help dying, let me know."

Private Meekly's Jinx Theory

Private Meekly: "I've just been thinking..."

Sawtooth: "Yeah? Thinking what?"

Private Meekly: "I've just been thinking that you might jinx Dum-Dum."

Sawtooth: "No, I don't!"

Private Meekly: "You do."

Sawtooth: "How?"

Private Meekly: "Look, every time he's working, we've gone past, you've sounded your hooter."

Sawtooth: "So, it's called being friendly."

Private Meekly: "Not if it always causes an accident, and it always does. Just think, the ammunition box, Sargeant Blast, the rope, the coughing."

Sawtooth: "That's coincidence! Not jinx!

Private Meekly: "Call it anything you like, but it seems to 'coincidence' Dum-Dum when you do it."

Sawtooth: "Yeah? Well, I'm only going to speak to Dum-Dum about it. Look, you coming?"

More Coming Soon

High Winds

The Hooded Claw Meets Muttley

Announcer (Narrating): "The Hooded claw had stopped, waiting till' he wasn't seen."

Hooded Claw: "Nobody in sight. That's what I like. Time to slip in closer to Wacky Races Land, and, uh, heh heh, meet my business details. He he."

Announcer (Narrating): Uh, the Hooded Claw's idea of a, business partner, was like himself, a gangster."

Yankee Doodle Pigeon: "Ahoy there! Coming through! Customs inspection! You are within track limits! I'm coming aboard! Hey! Watch out, what you doing? You better..." (Hooded Claw slams Yankee) "Oh! Ow!"

Hooded Claw: "Eh, sorry mate, the wind must have blown me off course!" (Laughs evilly)

Announcer (Narrating): "Muttley was out, as he'd been told, looking for racers that might need help. Anything that might please the General."

Muttley: "Ah, the Hooded Claw. Oh, dear."

Hooded Claw: "Well, well, well. The Vulture Squadron General's little Muttley."

Muttley: "Hello, Hooded, I mean, uh, Mr. Claw."

Hooded Claw: "Eh, good day. Nice to see you. Listen, uh, do something for me."

Muttley: "Do, uh..."

Hooded Claw: "Slip me into Wacky Races Land so I'm not breaking the law, all right? I'll see, all right?"

Muttley: "I'd love to, sir. Honest, I would, but..."

Hooded Claw: "No ifs, no buts, Muttley. I need a tow right now. The wind's making me angry. Upsetting me plans."

Muttley: "Sorry, sir, b-b-b-but you see, the General's given me other orders."

Hooded Claw: "Listen to me, kid. The General owes me, you understand, so don't get funny or you'll be in deep trouble, and I do mean deep!"

Announcer (Narrating): "The Gangster told Muttley to tow him to the old alleys that hadn't been used for years, where he arranged to meet his criminal friends."

Muttley: "I don't like it here. It's out of bounds for shipping."

Hooded Claw: "Too bad. Now I need food right away, and be quick about it, or I'll break your arms!"

Muttley: "You mean steal it?"

Hooded Claw: "Did I say 'steal'? Just get it when nobody's looking."

Muttley: "Yes sir, right away, sir."

Hooded Claw: "And don't try anything fancy, or you'll find yourself at the bottom of the lake with cement in your feet!" (Laughs evilly)

Muttley to the Rescue

Announcer: (Narrating): "Docking an engine can be a hazardous business for racers, especially with cross-currents and the danger of this high wind. Usually ,the engine can assist, but Molly couldn't do much due to her damaged boiler and low supply of coal. With all their expertise and experience, the Wacky Racers team were finding her very difficult to keep under her control."

Peter Perfect: "What's happening back there? Come on, Wacky Racers!"

Rufus Ruffcut: "She's not responding, Peter! The wind's too strong!"

Sawtooth: "I can't hold her much longer!"

Peter Perfect: "Work harder, everybody!"

Blubber Bear: "I've put in full strength, can't do no more!"

Professor Pat Pending: "We need another racer! Just one more will do it!"

Policeman: "Sorry I can't help. I'm needed in case of fire."

Professor Pat Pending: "Come on, lads, hold it!"

Private Meekly: "Oohhh... Look out, I'm in trouble!"

Professor Pat Pending: "Come on, somebody!"

Sawtooth: "We're losing it! We'll be crushed between Molly and keyside!"

Muttley: "This is two you owe me, Wacky Racers!"

Sawtooth: "Muttley! Oh, thanks, just in time, you're a lifesaver!"

Professor Pat Pending: "Thank you, Muttley. She's under control again."

Blubber Bear: "Got her, Professor!"

Private Meekly: "Oh, hey, thanks, Muttley."

Muttley: "The General will have my head for this..."

Private Meekly: "All right, thank you, Muttley."

Peter Perfect: "Thank you, Muttley."

Professor Pat Pending: "Thank you, Muttley."

Sawtooth: "Thanks, Muttley."

Dick Dastardly: "Is Muttley going soft in the head or something? Oh, the idiot!"

Announcer (Narrating): "Dastardly couldn't understand Muttley. The V's were out to beat the Wacky Racers, not to help them beat the V-Stacks!

Muttley and Peter Perfect Turn the Hooded Claw in

Muttley: "Hello, Mr. Claw, sir."

Hooded Claw: "Well, well, well, it's Muttley, back again. Keep doing as the Hooded Claw tells you, and you'll come to no harm, you with me?"

Muttley: "Uh, yes, Mr. Claw. The wind's stopping..."

Hooded Claw: "Right, there's a few other little things I want you to do for me before we go. Now listen, this is what..."

Muttley: "Oh, oh, it's Peter!"

Peter Perfect: "Hello, what's going on here? Oh, yes, Muttley, and where are you taking our friend, the well-known Hooded Claw, eh?"

Muttley: "Oh, well, I, uh, um..."

Hooded Claw: "What's it to you, Wacky Racer?"

Peter Perfect: "We know you, Hooded Claw, up to no good. We'll hand him over to the authorities, Muttley. They may like to have a word with him."

Hooded Claw: "No, you don't!"

Muttley: "Oh, wait a minute!"

Announcer (Narrating): "The gangster tried to back up, but collided with Muttley."

Muttley: "You're not going anywhere!"

Announcer (Narrating): "Just to be sure, Muttley rammed into the Hooded Claw, trapping him against the keyside."

Peter Perfect: "Well done, Muttley. Come on, let's take him in."

Hooded Claw: "I'll break your arms for this one! They can't hold the Hooded Claw!"

Announcer (Narrating): "The authorities did hold the Hooded Claw, and gave official thanks to Muttley and Peter."

More Coming Soon

Up River

Rufus Asks Mac For Help

Announcer (Narrating): "At that moment, Mac arrived to collect wood planks from a camp sawmill. He was a great friend of my Wacky Racers."

Rufus Ruffcut: "Hey, Mac!"

Mac: "Hi there, Rufus! How's it going?"

Rufus Ruffcut: "Meekly's trapped in the log jam, go get help, quick as you can!"

Mac: "Right, will do, yes, I'm on me way, right now, ta-ta!"

Rufus Ruffcut: "Thanks, Mac! I owe you one!

Mac'll get back to Wacky Races Land quicker than I could. With a bit of luck he'll see Sawtooth or someone. You all right?"

Private Meekly: "Oh, I'm okay. I'll just have to sit it out, no choice."

Rufus Ruffcut: "That's right. Oh, I was afraid of that. Heat's beginning to build up."

Private Meekly: "I didn't like to say it, but I thought..."

Rufus Ruffcut: "Don't, don't worry, Meekly, we'll get you out of there in no time."

(Heat begins to build up in the wet logs)

Meekly: "I do hope Mac gets help soon."

Sawtooth: "Oi, Mac, you in trouble?"

Mac: "No, you are, Sawtooth! Meekly's trapped in a log jam!"

Sawtooth: "Oh! Where?"

Mac: "Well, he's just up the lake!"

Sawtooth: "Oh, right, I'm on my way, thanks!"

Mac: "Good luck out there, you'll need it!"

More Coming Soon

Big Freeze

Coming Soon

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