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RS Mr. Conductor, Bart and the Coal and Other Stories, later renamed Bart and the Signal and Other Stories, is a TV/Thomas parody of the Thomas and Friends UK/AUS video, Thomas, Percy and the Coal and Other Stories/Percy and the Signal and Other Stories. It features eight second season episodes of RS Mr. Conductor the Conductor and Friends narrated by Ringo Starr.

Cast

  • RS Mr. Conductor (from Shining Time Station) as Thomas
  • Edd (from Ed, Edd n Eddy) as Edward
  • Homer (from The Simpsons) as Henry
  • Garfield (from Garfield and Friends) as Gordon
  • Schemer (from Shining Time Station) as James
  • Bart (from The Simpsons) as Percy
  • Grandpa Dave (from Arthur) as Toby
  • Spike (from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic) as Duck
  • Patty (from The Simpsons) as Annie
  • Selma (from The Simpsons) as Clarabel
  • Goombas (from Mario) as The Troublesome Trucks
  • Flowers (from Alice in Wonderland) as The Coaches
  • Ten Cents (from TUGS) as Bertie
  • Sunshine (from TUGS) as Trevor
  • Mayor Adam West as Sir Topham Hatt
  • Lazy Luke (from Wacky Races) as Jem Cole
  • Reverend Lovejoy (from The Simpsons) as The Vicar of Wellsworth
  • Mr. Ratburn (from Arthur) as The Inspector
  • Phil (from Rugrats) as Stephen Hatt (cameo)
  • Eustace (from Courage the Cowardly Dog) as Jeremiah Jobling (cameo)
  • Mrs. Twombly (from Littlest Pet Shop (2012)) as Mrs. Kyndley (cameo)
  • Everyone else as Themselves

Episodes

  1. RS Mr. Conductor, Bart and the Coal
  2. Cows
  3. Ten Cents' Chase
  4. Saved from Scrap
  5. Old Iron
  6. RS Mr. Conductor and Sunshine
  7. Bart and the Signal
  8. Spike Takes Charge

Transcript

RS Mr. Conductor, Bart and the Coal

Narrator: "It was a beautiful morning in TV Land. RS Mr. Conductor's blue conductor outfit sparkled in the sunshine as he walked happily along his route with Patty and Selma.

He was feeling very pleased with himself."

Bart: "Hello, RS Mr. Conductor."

Narrator: "Whistled Bart."

Bart: "You look splendid."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Yes, indeed."

Narrator: "Boasted RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Blue is the only proper color for a TV Character."

Grandpa Dave: "Oh, I don't know. I like my white shirt."

Narrator: "Said Grandpa Dave."

Bart: "I've always worn red. I wouldn't want to wear any other color either."

Narrator: "Added Bart."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Well, well, anyway,"

Narrator: "Huffed RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Blue is the only color for a - for a really useful TV character. Everyone knows that!"

Narrator: "Bart said no more. He just grinned at Grandpa Dave.

Later, RS Mr. Conductor was resting when Bart arrived. A large hopper was giving his goombas coal. RS Mr. Conductor was still being cheeky."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Careful."

Narrator: "He warned."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Watch out with those silly goombas."

Goombas: "Go on, go on!"

Narrator: "Muttered the goombas."

RS Mr. Conductor: "And by the way,"

Narrator: "Went on RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Those buffers don't look very safe to me."

Narrator: "The last load poured down."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Help! I'm choking!"

Narrator: "Cried RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Get me out!"

Narrator: "Bart was worried, but he couldn't help laughing. RS Mr. Conductor's smart new conductor outfit was covered in coal dust from head to toe."

Bart: "Ha, ha!"

Narrator: "Chuckled Bart."

Bart: "You don't look really useful now, RS Mr. Conductor. You look very disgraceful."

RS Mr. Conductor: "I'm not disgraceful!"

Narrator: "Choked RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "You did that on purpose. Get me out!"

Narrator: "It took so long to clean RS Mr. Conductor that he wasn't ready in time for his next walk. Grandpa Dave had to take Patty and Selma."

Patty: "Poor RS Mr. Conductor."

Narrator: "Whispered Patty to Selma. They were most upset.

RS Mr. Conductor was grumpy in the house that night. Grandpa Dave thought it a great joke, but Bart was cross with RS Mr. Conductor for thinking he had made his conductor outfit dirty on purpose."

Bart: "Fancy a really useful blue TV character like RS Mr. Conductor becoming a disgrace to Mayor Adam West's land."

Narrator: "Next day RS Mr. Conductor was feeling more cheerful as he watched Bart bring his goombas from the junction. The goombas were heavy and Bart was tired."

Bart's Driver: "Have a drink."

Narrator: "Said his driver."

Bart's Driver: "Then you'll feel better."

Narrator: "The water fountain stood at the end of the siding with the unsafe buffers.

Suddenly, Bart found he couldn't stop. The buffers didn't stop him either."

Bart: "Ooh!"

Narrator: "Wailed Bart."

Bart: "Help!"

Narrator: "The buffers were broken and Bart was leg deep in coal. It was time for RS Mr. Conductor to leave. He had seen everything."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Now Bart has learned his lesson too."

Narrator: "He chuckled to himself.

That night, the two TV Characters made up their quarrel."

Bart: "I didn't cause your accident on purpose, RS Mr. Conductor."

Narrator: "Whispered Bart."

Bart: "You do know that, don't you?"

RS Mr. Conductor: "Of course."

Narrator: "Replied RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "And I'm sorry I was cheeky. Your red shirt looks splendid again too. In future, we'll both be more careful of coal."

Cows

Narrator: "Edd was getting old. His body was worn and he clanked as he walked along. He was taking empty goombas to a market town. The sun shone, birds sang, but Edd was heading for trouble."

Edd: "Come on, come on."

Narrator: "He puffed."

Goombas: "Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!"

Narrator: "Screamed the goombas."

Narrator: "Edd puffed and clanked. The goombas rattled and screamed.

Some cows were grazing nearby. They were not used to TV Characters. The noise disturbed them.

As Edd clanked by, they broke through the fence and ran across the road. A goomba let go and some were left behind.

Edd felt a jerk but didn't take much notice. He was used to goombas."

Edd: "Bother those goombas!"

Narrator: "He thought."

Edd: "Why can't they come quietly?"

Narrator: "He was at the next station before either he or his driver realized what had happened.

When Garfield and Homer heard about the accident, they laughed and boasted.

Garfield and Homer: "Fancy allowing cows to break his load. They wouldn't dare do that to us. We'd show them."

Narrator: "Grandpa Dave was cross."

Grandpa Dave: "You couldn't help it, Edd. They've never met cows. I have, and I know the trouble they are."

Narrator: "Some days later, Garfield rushed through Edd's station."

Garfield: "Mind the cows! Hurry, hurry, hurry!"

Narrator: "Puffed Garfield."

Flowers: "Don't make such a fuss. Don't make such a fuss."

Narrator: "Grumbled his flowers. A long path was ahead. In the distance was a bridge. It seemed to Garfield that there was something on the bridge. His driver thought so too."

Garfield's Driver: "Whoa, Garfield."

Narrator: "He said."

Garfield: "Pooh!"

Narrator: "Said Garfield."

Garfield: "It's only a cow. Shoo! Shoo!"

Narrator: "He moved slowly onto the bridge, but the cow would shoo. She had lost her calf and felt lonely."

Bluebell: "Moo!"

Narrator: "She said sadly. Everyone tried to send her away, but she wouldn't go. Homer arrived."

Homer: "What's this? A cow. I'll soon settle her. Be off! Be off!"

Bluebell: "Moo!"

Narrator: "Said the cow. Homer backed away nervously."

Homer: "I don't want to hurt her."

Narrator: "At the next station, Homer's guard told them about the cow and warned the signalman that the line was blocked."

The Porter: "That must be Bluebell."

Narrator: "Said the porter."

The Porter: "Her calf is here, ready to go to market. Bart will take her along."

Narrator: "At the bridge, Bluebell was very pleased to see her calf again, and the porter led them away."

Homer and Garfield: "Not a word. Keep it dark."

Narrator: "Whispered Garfield and Homer to each other. They felt rather silly. But the story soon spread."

Edd: "Well, well, well."

Narrator: "Chuckled Edd."

Edd: "Two big TV Characters afraid of a cow."

Garfield: "Afraid? Rubbish!"

Narrator: "Said Garfield."

Garfield: "We didn't want to poor thing to hurt herself by running up against us. We stopped so as not to excite her. You see what I mean, my dear Edd."

Edd: "Yes, Garfield."

Narrator: "Said Edd. Garfield felt somehow that Edd saw only too well."

Ten Cents' Chase

Narrator: "One morning, Edd was waiting to pick up passengers from RS Mr. Conductor."

Edd: "Peep! Peep! We're late. Where is RS Mr. Conductor? He doesn't usually make us wait."

Edd's Fireman: "Oh dear. What can the matter be?"

Narrator: "Sang the fireman."

Edd's Fireman: "Johnny's so long at..."

Edd's Driver: "Never you mind about Johnny!"

Narrator: "Laughed the driver."

Edd's Driver: "Just you climb up on top and look for RS Mr. Conductor.

Can you see him?"

Edd's Fireman: "No."

Narrator: "Replied the fireman."

Edd's Fireman: "There's Ten Cents Tug in a terroring hurry. No need to bother with him though. Likely, he's on a coach tour or something."

Narrator: "He clambered down."

Ten Cents: "Stop, stop! I've got RS Mr. Conductor's passengers!"

Narrator: "Wailed Ten Cents, roaring up to the gates. It was no good. Edd was gone."

Ten Cents: "Bother!"

Narrator: "Said Ten Cents."

Ten Cents: "Bother RS Mr. Conductor's fireman not coming to work today. Why did I promise to help the passengers catch their ride?"

Ten Cents' Driver: "That will do, Ten Cents."

Narrator: "Said his driver."

Ten Cents' Driver: "A promise is a promise and we must keep it."

Ten Cents: "I'll catch Edd or bust."

Narrator: "Said Ten Cents."

Ten Cents: "Oh my bumpers and stack."

Narrator: "He groaned, toiling up the hill."

Ten Cents: "I'll never be the same tug again. Hurray, hurray! I see him."

Narrator: "Cheered Ten Cents, as he reached the top."

Ten Cents: "Oh, no! Edd's at the station. No, he's stopped at a crossing. Hurray, hurray!"

Narrator: "Ten Cents tore down the hill."

Passengers: "Well done, Ten Cents!"

Narrator: "Shouted his passengers."

Passengers: "Go it!"

Narrator: "Ten Cents skidded into the yard."

Ten Cents: "Wait! Wait!"

Narrator: "Cried Ten Cents. He was just in time to see Edd puff away."

Ten Cents: "I'm sorry."

Narrator: "Said Ten Cents."

Passengers: "Never mind."

Narrator: "Said the passengers."

Passengers: "After him quickly. Third time lucky, you know. Do you think we'll catch him at the next station, driver?"

Ten Cents' Driver: "There's a good chance."

Narrator: "Replied the driver."

Ten Cents' Driver: "Our river keeps close to the road, and we can climb hills better than Edd. I'll just make sure."

Narrator: "He spoke to the stationmaster. Ten Cents and the passengers waited impatiently."

Ten Cents' Driver: "Yes, we'll do it this time."

Narrator: "Said the driver."

Passengers: "Hurray!"

Narrator: "Cried the passengers, as Ten Cents chased after Edd once more."

Flowers: "This hill is too steep! This hill is too steep!"

Narrator: "Grumbled the flowers, as Edd snorted in front. They reached the top at last and ran smoothly into the station."

Edd: "Peep, peep!"

Narrator: "Whistled Edd."

Edd: "Get in quickly, please."

Narrator: "The guard blew the whistle, and Edd's driver looked back. But the flag didn't wave. Then, he heard Ten Cents. Everything seemed to happen at once. And the stationmaster told the guard and driver what had happened."

Edd: "I'm sorry about the chase, Ten Cents."

Narrator: "Said Edd."

Ten Cents: "My fault."

Narrator: "Replied Ten Cents."

Ten Cents: "Late at junction...you didn't know...about RS Mr. Conductor's passengers."

Edd: "Goodbye, Ten Cents. We're off."

Narrator: "Whistled Edd."

Passengers: "Three cheers for Ten Cents!"

Narrator: "Called the passengers. Ten Cents raced back to tell RS Mr. Conductor that all was well."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Thank you, Ten Cents, for keeping your promise."

Narrator: "Said RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "You're a very good friend indeed."

Saved from Scrap

Narrator: "Mayor Adam West works his TV Characters hard, but they are very proud when he calls them 'really useful'."

Edd: "I'm going to the scrapyard today."

Narrator: "Edd called to RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "What? Already? You're not that old!"

Narrator: "Replied RS Mr. Conductor cheekily. RS Mr. Conductor was only teasing.

The scrapyard is full of rusty old cars and machinery. They are broken into pieces, given to goombas, and Edd takes them to the steelworks where they are melted down and used again.

Today, there was a surprise waiting for Edd in the yard. It was a tug."

Edd: "Hello."

Narrator: "Said Edd."

Edd: "You're not broken and rusty. What are you doing here?"

Sunshine: "I'm Sunshine. They're going to break me up next week."

Edd: "What a shame."

Narrator: "Said Edd."

Sunshine: "My driver says I only need some paint, polish and oil to be as good as new, but my master says I'm old-fashion."

Narrator: "Edd snorted."

Edd: "People say I'm old-fashion, but I don't care. Mayor West says I'm a useful kid. What work did you do?"

Sunshine: "My master would send us from farm to farm. We threshed corn, hauled logs and did lots of other work. The children loved to see us."

Narrator: "Sunshine shut his eyes, remembering."

Sunshine: "Oh, yes. I like children."

Narrator: "Edd set off for the station."

Edd: "Broken up, what a shame. Broken up, what a shame. I must help Sunshine, I must!"

Narrator: "He thought of all his friends who like tugs. But strangely, none of them would have room for a young tug at home."

Edd: "It's a shame, it's a shame."

Narrator: "He hissed.

Then,"

Edd: "Peep, peep! Why didn't I think of him before?"

Narrator: "There, on the platform was the very person."

Reverend Lovejoy: "Hello, Edd. You look upset. What's the matter, Charlie?"

Narrator: "He asked the driver."

Edd's Driver: "There's a tug in the scrapyard, Reverend. He'll be broken up next week. Lazy Luke says he never drove a better tug."

Edd: "Do save him, sir. He saws wood and gives children rides."

Reverend Lovejoy: "We'll see."

Narrator: "Replied Reverend Lovejoy.

Lazy Luke came on Saturday."

Lazy Luke: "The reverend's coming to see you, Sunshine. Maybe he'll buy you."

Sunshine: "Do you think he will?"

Narrator: "Asked Sunshine hopefully."

Lazy Luke: "He will when I lit your fire and clean you up."

Narrator: "Reverend Lovejoy and his two boys arrived that evening. Sunshine hadn't felt so happy in months. He chuffered about the yard."

Reverend Lovejoy: "Show you paces, Sunshine."

Narrator: "Said Reverend Lovejoy.

Later, he came out of the office smiling."

Reverend Lovejoy: "I've got him cheap, Luke! Cheap!"

Lazy Luke: "Did you hear that, Sunshine?"

Narrator: "Cried Luke."

Lazy Luke: "The reverend saved you, and you'll live at the vicarage now."

Sunshine: "Peep, peep!"

Narrator: "Whistled Sunshine.

Now, Sunshine's home is in the vicarage orchard, and he sees Edd everyday. His paint is spotless, and his stack shines like gold. Sunshine likes his work, but his happiest day is the church fete.

With a wooden seat bolted to his back end, he chuffers around the orchard, giving rides to children.

Long afterwards, you will see him shut his eyes, remembering."

Sunshine: "I like children."

Narrator: "He whispers happily."

Old Iron

Narrator: "One day, Schemer had to wait at the station till Edd and his flowers came in. This made him cross."

Schemer: "Late again!"

Narrator: "Edd laughed, and Schemer fumed away.

After Schemer had finished his work, he went back to the yard and puffed onto the turntable. He was still feeling very bad tempered."

Schemer: "Edd is impossible."

Narrator: "He grumbled to the others."

Schemer: "He clanks about like a lot of old iron, and he is so slow he makes us wait!"

Narrator: "RS Mr. Conductor and Bart were indignant."

Bart: "Old iron? Slow?"

RS Mr. Conductor: "Why, Edd could beat you in a race any day!"

Schemer: "Really?"

Narrator: "Said Schemer."

Schemer: "I should like to see him do it!"

Narrator: "Next morning, Schemer's driver was suddenly taken ill. He could hardly stand, so the fireman unhooked Schemer ready for shunting. Schemer was impatient."

Suddenly, the signalman shouted. There was Schemer running away down the road."

Signalman: "All traffic halted!"

Narrator: "He announced at last. Then he told the fireman what had happened."

Signalman: "Two boys were standing nearby Schemer fiddling with him."

Schemer's Fireman: "Phew!"

Signalman: "They ran off when Schemer started."

(Phone rings)

Narrator: "The signalman answered the telephone."

Signalman: "Yes. He's here. Right. I'll tell him.

The inspector's coming at once. He wants a shunter's pole and a coil of wire rope."

Schemer's Fireman: "What for?"

Narrator: "Wondered the fireman."

Signalman: "Search me! But you'd better get them quickly."

Narrator: "The fireman was ready when Edd arrived. The inspector saw the pole and the rope."

Inspector: "Good man. Jump on."

Edd: "We'll catch him, we'll catch him."

Narrator: "Said Edd. Schemer was laughing."

Schemer: "What a lark! What a lark!"

Narrator: "He chuckled to himself.

Suddenly he was going faster and faster. He realized that he had no driver."

Schemer: "What shall I do? I can't stop! Help! Help!"

Edd: "We're coming! We're coming!"

Narrator: "Called Edd.

Edd was panting up behind with every once of strength he had. At last he caught up with Schemer."

Edd's Driver: "Steady, Edd!"

Narrator: "Called his driver. The inspector stood in front of Edd, holding a noose of rope in the crook of the shunter's pole. He was trying to slip it over Schemer. The TV Characters swayed and lurched.

At last!"

Inspector: "Got him!"

Narrator: "He shouted. He pulled the noose tight. Gently braking, Edd's driver checked the kid's speed, and Schemer's fireman scrambled across and took control."

Edd: "So the old iron caught you after all."

Narrator: "Chuckled Edd."

Schemer: "I'm sorry."

Narrator: "Whispered Schemer."

Schemer: "Thank you for saving me. You were splendid, Edd."

Edd: "That's all right."

Narrator: "Replied Edd. The TV Characters arrived at the station side by side. Mayor Adam West was waiting."

Mayor Adam West: "A fine piece of work."

Narrator: "He said."

Mayor Adam West: "Schemer, you can rest and then take your load. I'm proud of you, Edd. You shall go to the hospital and have your worn parts healed."

Edd: "Oh, thank you, sir."

Narrator: "Said Edd."

Edd: "It'll be lovely not to clank."

RS Mr. Conductor and Sunshine

Narrator: "Sunshine the Star Tug enjoyed living in the vicarage orchard. Edd came to see him everyday, but sometimes, Sunshine didn't have enough work to do."

Sunshine: "I do like to like to keep busy all the time."

Narrator: "He sighed one day."

Sunshine: "And I do like company, especially children's company."

Edd: "Cheer up."

Narrator: "Smiled Edd."

Edd: "Mayor Adam West has work for you at his new harbor. I'm to take you to meet RS Mr. Conductor today."

Sunshine: "Oh!"

Narrator: "Exclaimed Sunshine happily."

Sunshine: "A harbor! The seaside! Children! That will be lovely!"

Narrator: "RS Mr. Conductor was on his way to the harbor with a load of metal pilings. There were needed to make the harbor wall firm and safe."

Edd: "Hello, RS Mr. Conductor."

Narrator: "Said Edd."

Edd: "This is Sunshine, a friend of mine. He's a young star tug."

Narrator: "RS Mr. Conductor eyed the newcomer doubtfully."

RS Mr. Conductor: "A what tug?"

Narrator: "He asked."

Sunshine: "A young star tug."

Narrator: "Exclaimed Sunshine."

Sunshine: "I travel in water instead of roads. Can you take me to the harbor, please? Mayor West has a job for me."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Yes, of course."

Narrator: "Replied RS Mr. Conductor. But he was still puzzled.

Workmen gave Sunshine's cart to RS Mr. Conductor, and soon, they were ready to start their journey."

Sunshine: "I'm glad Mayor West needs me."

Narrator: "Called Sunshine."

Sunshine: "I don't have enough to do sometimes, you know, Although, I can work anywhere. In orchards, on farms, in scrapyards, even at harbors."

RS Mr. Conductor: "But you don't run on the roads."

Narrator: "Puffed RS Mr. Conductor."

Sunshine: "I'm a star tug. I don't need roads to be useful."

Narrator: "Replied Sunshine."

Sunshine: "You wait and see."

Narrator: "When they reached the harbor, they found everything in confusion. Goombas were blocking the roads, and stone slabs lay everywhere."

RS Mr. Conductor's Driver: "We must get these pilings past."

Narrator: "Said RS Mr. Conductor's driver."

RS Mr. Conductor's Driver: "They are essential. Sunshine, we need you to drag them around this mess."

Sunshine: "Just the sort of job I like."

Narrator: "Replied Sunshine."

Sunshine: "Now you'll see, RS Mr. Conductor. I'll soon show you what young tugs can do."

Narrator: "Sunshine was as good as his word. He dragged the pilings clear with chains, and towed them into position."

Sunshine: "Who needs roads?"

Narrator: "He muttered cheerfully to himself.

Later, RS Mr. Conductor brought Patty and Selma to meet him. RS Mr. Conductor was most impressed."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Now I understand how useful a young tug can be."

Narrator: "The sisters-in-law had lots of children. Sunshine gave them rides along the harbor. He liked this best of all."

Patty: "He's very kind."

Narrator: "Said Patty."

Selma: "He reminds me of RS Mr. Conductor."

Narrator: "Added Selma.

Everyone was sorry when it was time for Sunshine to go. RS Mr. Conductor took him to the junction.

A small tear came into Sunshine's eye. RS Mr. Conductor pretended not to see. He whistled gaily to make Sunshine happy."

RS Mr. Conductor: "I'll come and see you if I can."

Narrator: "He promised."

RS Mr. Conductor: "The vicar will look after you, and there's plenty of work for you now at the orchard. But we may need you again at the harbor someday."

Sunshine: "That will be wonderful."

Narrator: "Said Sunshine.

That evening, Sunshine stood remembering his new friend, RS Mr. Conductor, the harbor and most of all, the children. Then he went happily to sleep at the dock at the bottom of the orchard."

Bart and the Signal

Narrator: "Bart works in the yard at the big station.

He loves playing jokes, but they can get him into trouble.

One morning, he was very cheeky indeed."

Bart: "Hurry up, Garfield, the flowers are ready!"

Narrator: "Garfield thought he was late."

Bart: "Ha ha ha!"

Narrator: "Laughed Bart, and showed him a line of dirty goombas.

Garfield thought how to pay Bart out.

Next, it was Schemer's turn."

Bart: "Stay in the house today, Schemer. Mayor Adam West will come and see you."

Schemer: "Ah,"

Narrator: "Thought Schemer."

Schemer: "Mayor West knows I'm a fine man. He wants me to deliver a special."

Narrator: "Schemer's driver and fireman could not make him move. The other TV Characters grumbled dreadfully. They had to do Schemer's work as well as their own.

At last, Mr. Ratburn arrived."

Mr. Ratburn: "Show a leg, Schemer. You can't stay here all day."

Schemer: "Mayor West told me to stay here. He sent a message this morning."

Mr. Ratburn: "He did not. How could he? He's away for a week."

Schemer: "Oh!"

Narrator: "Said Schemer."

Schemer: "Oh! Where's Bart?"

Narrator: "Bart had wisely disappeared.

When Mayor West came back, he did see Schemer, and Bart too. Both TV Characters wished he hadn't.

One morning, Bart was careless."

Bart: "I say, you TV Characters, I'm to take some goombas to RS Mr. Conductor's junction. Mayor West chose me especially. He must know I'm a really useful boy."

Schemer: "More likely, he wants you out the way."

Narrator: "Grunted Schemer.

Garfield looked across to Schemer. They were making a plan."

Garfield: "Schemer and I were just speaking about signals at the junction. We can't be too careful about signals, but then, I needn't say that to a really useful boy like you, Bart."

Narrator: "Bart felt flattered."

Schemer: "We have spoken of backing signals."

Narrator: "Put in Schemer."

Schemer: "They need extra special care, you know. Would you like me to explain?"

Bart: "No thank you, Schemer."

Narrator: "Said Bart."

Bart: "I know all about signals."

Narrator: "Bart was a little worried."

Bart: "I wonder what backing signals are."

Narrator: "He thought."

Bart: "Never mind, I'll manage."

Narrator: "He puffed crossly to his goombas, and felt better.

He came to a signal."

Bart: "Bother! It's at 'Danger'."

Narrator: "The signal moved to show 'Line Clear'. Its arm moved up, instead of down. Bart had never seen that sort of signal before."

Bart: "Down means 'Go', and up means 'Stop', so upper still must mean 'Go Back'. I know! It's one of those backing signals."

Bart's Driver: "Come on, Bart!"

Narrator: "Said his driver."

Bart's Driver: "Off we go. Stop! You're going the wrong way!"

Bart: "But it's a backing signal!"

Narrator: "Bart protested, and told him about Garfield and Schemer. The driver laughed, and explained."

Bart: "Oh, dear."

Narrator: "Said Bart."

Bart: "Let's start quickly before they see us."

Narrator: "He was too late. Garfield saw everything.

That night, the big TV Characters talked about signals.

They thought the subject was funny. Bart thought they were being very silly."

Spike Takes Charge

Bart: "Do you know what?"

Narrator: "Asked Bart."

Garfield: "What?"

Narrator: "Grunted Garfield."

Bart: "Do you know what?"

Garfield: "Silly!"

Narrator: "Said Garfield."

Garfield: "Of course I don't know what if you don't tell me what what is!"

Bart: "Mayor Adam West says that the work in the yard is too heavy for me. He's getting stronger TV Character to help me."

Schemer: "Rubbish!"

Narrator: "Said Schemer."

Schemer: "Any TV Character can do it! If you work more and chatter less, this yard would be a sweeter, a better and a happier place!"

Narrator: "Bart went off to fetch some flowers."

Bart: "That stupid old signal!"

Narrator: "He thought. He was remembering the time he missed understood a signal and gone backwards instead of forwards."

Bart: "No one listens to me now. They think I'm a silly little boy and order me about. I'll show them, I'll show them."

Narrator: "But he didn't know how.

But the end of the afternoon, he felt tired and unhappy. He brought some flowers to the station."

Mayor Adam West: "Hello, Bart."

Narrator: "Said Mayor West."

Mayor Adam West: "You look tired."

Bart: "Yes, sir. I am sir. I don't know if I'm standing on my head or my feet."

Mayor Adam West: "You look the right way up to me."

Narrator: "Laughed Mayor West."

Mayor Adam West: "Cheer up. The new TV Character is stronger than you and can properly do the work alone. Would you like to help build my new harbor? RS Mr. Conductor and Grandpa Dave will help too."

Bart: "Oh yes, sir. Thank you, sir."

Narrator: "The new TV Character arrived."

Mayor Adam West: "What's your name?"

Narrator: "Asked Mayor West."

Spike: "Montague, sir, but I'm usually called Spike. They say I waddle. I don't really, sir, but I like Spike better than Montague."

Mayor Adam West: "Good. Spike it shall be.

Here, Bart, show Spike around."

Narrator: "The two TV Characters went off together. Soon, they were very busy.

Schemer, Garfield and Homer watched Spike quietly doing his work."

Homer: "He seems a simple sort of dragon."

Schemer: "We'll have some fun and order him about."

Homer, Garfield and Schemer: (Quacking noises) "Wheesh!"

Narrator: "Smoke billowed everywhere.

Bart was cross, but Spike took no notice."

Spike: "They'll get tired of it soon. Do they tell you to do things, Bart?"

Bart: "Yes, they do!"

Narrator: "Answered Bart."

Spike: "Right!"

Narrator: "Said Spike."

Spike: "We'll soon stop that nonsense."

Narrator: "He whispered something."

Spike: "We'll do it later."

Narrator: "Mayor West was look forward to hot buttered toast for tea at home. Suddenly, he heard an extraordinary noise."

Homer, Garfield and Schemer: "Wheesh!" (Snorting noises)

Mayor Adam West: "Bother!"

Narrator: "He said, and hurried to the yard.

Spike and Bart sat outside the house refusing to let the TV Characters in, Garfield, Schemer and Homer were furious."

(Garfield, Schemer and Homer shout and call out loudly)

Mayor Adam West: "Stop that noise!"

Narrator: "Bellowed Mayor West."

Garfield: "They won't let us in!"

Narrator: "Hissed Garfield."

Mayor Adam West: "Spike, explain this behavior."

Spike: "Beg pardon, sir, but I'm a baby dragon. We do our work without fuss, but begging your pardon, sir. Bart and I would be glad if you would inform these, um, TV Characters that we only take orders from you."

(Schemer and Garfield call out loudly)

Mayor Adam West: "Silence!"

Narrator: "Snapped Mayor West."

Mayor Adam West: "Bart and Spike, I am please with your work today, but not with your behavior tonight. You have caused a disturbance!"

Narrator: "Garfield, Homer and Schemer sniggered."

Mayor Adam West: "As for you!"

Narrator: "Thundered Mayor West."

Mayor Adam West: "You've been worse! You made the disturbance! Spike is quite right. This is my town, and I give the orders."

Narrator: "After Bart went away, Spike was left to manage alone. He did so, easily."

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