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Rosie the Jet Turbine Steam-Powered Locomotive is a Friturtoons story yadda dadda dadda.


El Storio

Rosie is a very proud pink ex-US Army tank engine, and a first-class arsehole. She's the most patriotic engine (at least in her own mind) on the Frituritown Railroad Service and loves speeding across the line with the toxic fumes from the local toxic waste disposal blowing across her face.

Actually, she doesn't love that part. That's just me. Tee hee.

"You've broken the record again!" said her Driver one morning, as Rosie pulled into Nelson Mandela Memorial Station. "Thirty lawsuits for destruction of corporate/non-profit vehicles on one trip! I told you not to go 'turbo' again!"

"As if we have anything worth suing over!" chortled Rosie. "Face it, Americans are no.1! Germans should be on the streets! Black people are to be sold as pieces of meat! I really hate all people who are not white men!"

Not all the Friturtoons were impressed, and by all, I mean everyone who has ever lived.

"Fuck you bitch, that be racist," said Fatz sensibly.

"And being a SJW and anti-male and super-special is awesome," said CSX 8888 rebuilt into a number-less EMD SD40-3.

"You non-aryan people will never understand," snorted Rosie, "because you'll never have the sheer oceans of American water flowing through your tanks like me."

"Please fuck off." said Fatz.

Before Fatzo could break her smokestack, Ash Ketchum arrived with news of an especially special special for Rosie.

"I want you to collect the Ptichka space shuttle I won from the Kazakhstani ambassador on poker night and take it as far away from the airfield as possible," he said. "The air and space museum are offering twenty old Greek 20 Drachma coins and a copy of the 2016 two-volume annotated edition of Mein Kampf for a safe delivery, and I don't want Wikia's filters thinking we're trying to write a racist Moon Man song article or something."

"What's a Communist?" asked Mitzi, bashing her head against the wall due to her sexual frustration.

"How should I know?" said Ash. "Do I look like I can grow a beard? What I do know is that that rocket is a piece of junk and more volatile than Helen on burger night! It's bloody powerful! So move it, slutty bitch!"

Rosie didn't like doing especially special specials for Ash. It makes her feel like spouting out huge instances of the word "Jap", but secretly she was devising a plan to have a good time with Mitzi. She found her cute for some reason. Pure extremist Christian bait.

Rosie arrived at the docks, disgusted to see the Soviet space shuttle. It was rusty and ancient, and Rosie had never seen anything like it, though the chicken feed silo Helen Henny lived in came close.

Rosie just couldn't wait to kick off her master plan, but Big Mickey was taking his time. The dock workers' 96% Vodka filled capsule supply had run out and his operator was having to work completely sober for the first time in weeks.

"Hurry up!" huffed Rosie, as the shuttle was lowered onto her flatbed. "This is an especially special special!"

Big Mickey's operator did not like being told what to do, especially when he had a hangover. He became so crazy that he was careless with his hook, just as Rosie had planned.

As Big Mickey swung his arm around to shoo Rosie off, she jerked backwards while screaming "AMERICA FOR LIFE!!! ARYAN MASTER RACE FOREVER!!!". The hook smashed through the window of the shuttle and hit the shuttle's startup button, and the rocketship began to rumble. The rumbling got louder and louder and louder.

"Oh crap!" said Big Mickey's operator.

Before he could say anything else, the shuttle was rocketing Rosie up the track.

Backwards.

"U! S! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" said Rosie.

The Driver would have tried to put on the brakes, had he and the Fireman not been sent hurtling into a lamppost by the shuttle's launch.

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