Drew embarrases his wife, Charlotte, about a iPad.


  • Drew Pickles as Eric Cartman
  • Charlotte Pickles as Liane Cartman
  • Chuckie Finster as Kyle Broflovski (mentioned)


Drew: Okay, wifi plus 3G, 64 gigs. This one, this one!
Charlotte: Oh, honey, $900?
Drew: I can't wait to see the look on Chuckie's stupid face when he sees my iPad has more memory than his!
Charlotte: Drew, we can't afford that one.
Drew: Well you don't expect me to get the wifi-only 16-gig version, do you?
Charlotte: I think we need to get you a different brand, hon. They're a little cheaper.
Drew: Charlotte, everyone knows that everything but Apple is stupid!
Charlotte: [sees something interesting] Here, look at this one. A Toshiba Handibook.
Drew: Toshiba Handibook??
Charlotte: This says it does everything the iPad does, at half the price.
Drew: My dear, do not mess me over again! If I take that thing to my nephew Tommy's house, everyone is gonna think I'm a poverty-stricken snort!
Charlotte Drew, stop acting like a spoiled brat! You can either have the Toshiba Handibook or you can hae nothing at all!
Drew: [looks at her for a second] Oh, I've got a better idea! Why don't you go across the street and buy some condoms?! Because we should at least be safe if you're gonna pay me, Charlotte!
Charlotte: Drew!
Drew: You might as well go buy some cigarettes too, because I like to have a smoke after I get good and payed! Do you wanna pay me my dear?! [everyone is now staring at the two of them] Just say so! Go ahead! Here! [pulls down his pants to moon his wife, who puts her hands over her mouth] Huh?! Go ahead, Charlotte! Pay me! Pay me right here in the Best Buy! You wanna pay your husband so bad?! Go on Charlotte! Pay me! Pay me!
[Liane's car, night. Charlotte is driving and Drew is crying]
Charlotte: Stop crying, Drew! I told you if you kept acting up, you weren't getting anything!
Drew: But I told you I was sorry.
Charlotte: You made me look like some sort of husband molester in front of all those people!
Drew: I wasn't trying to get you in trouble.
Charlotte: Then why did you go outside to a police officer and say "Help! Help! My dear is trying to pay me!"?
Drew: [looks around for something to come back with] Oh wait, I get it now! The P-word is a no-no word, and I shouldn't say it around other people. I'm sorry Momma.
Charlotte: If you're really sorry, then you'll understand why you aren't getting anything!
Drew: Well, now that doesn't really have any logical sense, Dear, because I'm already being punished by not getting the iPad. My dear. Please, can we just go back and get the Toshiba Handibook?
Charlotte: No!
Drew: Well then can we at least pull up here and get some dinner? 'Cause I like to be wined and dined after I've been PAYED! [bangs at the dashboard with his fists]

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