Schemer Goes Buzz Buzz and Other RS Mr. Conductor Stories is a TV/Thomas parody of the Thomas and Friends US video, James Goes Buzz Buzz and Other Thomas Stories. It features two second season episodes, and five third season episodes of RS Mr. Conductor the Conductor and Friends narrated by George Carlin.


  • RS Mr. Conductor (from Shining Time Station) as Thomas
  • Edd (from Ed, Edd n Eddy) as Edward
  • Garfield (from Garfield and Friends) as Gordon
  • Schemer (from Shining Time Station) as James
  • Bart (from The Simpsons) as Percy
  • Spike (from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic) as Duck
  • GC Mr. Conductor (from Shining Time Station) as Oliver
  • Tex (from Shining Time Station) as Bill
  • Rex (from Shining Time Station) as Ben
  • Roger Baxter (from Littlest Pet Shop (2012)) as BoCo
  • Ten Cents (from TUGS) as Bertie
  • Sunshine (from TUGS) as Trevor
  • Fuzzy Lumpkins (from The Powerpuff Girls) as Bulgy
  • Patty (from The Simpsons) as Annie
  • Selma (from The Simpsons) as Clarabel
  • Flowers (from Alice in Wonderland) as the Coaches
  • Goombas (from Mario) as the Troublesome Trucks
  • Mayor Adam West (from Family Guy) as Sir Topham Hatt
  • Reverend Lovejoy (from The Simpsons) as The Vicar of Wellsworth
  • Quarry Manager (from TUGS) as The Quarrymaster
  • Homer (from The Simpsons) as Henry (cameo)
  • Carol Pewterschimdt (from Family Guy) as Lady Hatt (cameo)
  • Phil (from Rugrats) as Stephen Hatt (cameo)
  • Lil (from Rugrats) as Bridget Hatt (cameo)
  • Eustace (from Courage the Cowardly Dog) as Jeremiah Jobling (cameo)
  • Mrs. Twombly (from Littlest Pet Shop (2012)) as Mrs. Kyndley (cameo)
  • Lazy Luke (from Wacky Races) as Jem Cole (cameo)
  • Sedusa (from The Powerpuff Girls) as The Stationmaster's Wife (cameo)
  • Orson (from Garfield/US Acres) as Farmer Trotter (cameo)
  • Everyone else as Themselves


  1. Schemer Goes Buzz Buzz
  2. One Good Turn
  3. Ten Cents' Chase
  4. Heroes
  5. Fuzzy Lumpkins
  6. Wrong Road
  7. Bart, Schemer and the Fruitful Day


Schemer Goes Buzz Buzz

Narrator: "Sunshine the Star Tug was enjoying his work in the vicarage orchard. Birds were singing, and apples were ripening on the trees. It was a lovely day."

Schemer: "Hello, Sunshine."

Narrator: "Said Schemer.

Schemer: "You look as bright and cheerful as my clothes."

Sunshine: "Oh, I am."

Narrator: "Replied Sunshine."

Schemer: "What's that noise?"

Sunshine: "It's the bees."

Narrator: "Laughed Sunshine."

Sunshine: "They're all in these boxy things called beehives. I'm taking them to the station. Reverend Lovejoy says his bees make good honey, and he's giving some of them to his friends."

Narrator: "Just then, Roger Baxter hummed in."

Roger Baxter: "Take care, you two. Don't make the bees angry. They might sting you."

Narrator: "Schemer didn't like being told what to do by a Baxter, and he buzzed away."

Roger Baxter: "Goodbye, Sunshine."

Narrator: "Called Roger, and set off to see Spike at the next station.

Tex and Rex, the cowboy twins, were busy arranging goombas, but they scampered off when they saw Roger."

Roger Baxter: "I remember the first time I met those two."

Narrator: "Laughed Roger."

Roger Baxter: "They nearly made my eyes pop out. Edd soon put a stop to their games."

Spike: "Edd is the only one who can keep Tex and Rex in order."

Narrator: "Chuckled Spike."

Spike: "I sometimes call them 'The Bees'."

Roger Baxter: "A good name."

Narrator: "Replied Roger."

Roger Baxter: "They're terrors when they start buzzing around."

Narrator: "Schemer bustled in."

Schemer: "What's that, Spike? Are you afraid of bees? They're only insects, after all, so don't let that buzzbox man tell you different."

Spike: "His name is Roger Baxter, and he didn't. We..."

Schemer: "I wouldn't care if hundreds were swarming around. I'd just blow at them and make them buzz off."

Spike: "Buzz buzz buzz."

Narrator: "Retorted Spike.

The next morning, Schemer arrived at the station to collect his flowers. The passengers were excited, and keen to get on board. The platform was crowded, and the porter was in a hurry."

Porter: "Mind your backs."

Narrator: "He shouted.

Then, there was trouble. The beehive fell and broke open.

The station cleared like magic.

Schemer heard a familiar buzzing. The bees were too cold to be cross, so they buzzed around the fireman, hoping he'd mend their hive, but he didn't understand, nor did his driver, so the bees turned to Schemer. His body was nice and warm."

Schemer: "Buzz off! Buzz off!"

Narrator: "Hissed Schemer.

One bee burnt his foot."

Bee: "Ooh, aah, ooh! ooh!"

Narrator: "The bee thought Schemer burnt him on purpose.

So it stung Schemer right back on the nose."

Schemer: "EEEE!"

Narrator: "Whistled Schemer. He had had enough. So had his fireman and driver.

They didn't notice till too late that they had left all of their flowers behind. They tried everything to get rid of the bees.

First, they spun around on the turntable, but to no avail.

They tried washing them off, but the bees clung harder to Schemer's warm body.

Then they tried smoking them off by going through a long tunnel, but still, the bees wouldn't go away.

Schemer's Driver: "It's no good, Schemer."

Narrator: "Said his driver."

Schemer's Driver: "We'll just have to go back to the orchard, and fetch another hive."

Narrator: "Schemer's reply was drowned by the sound of buzzing.

Reverend Lovejoy was waiting anxiously for Schemer.

When he arrived, the bees swarmed straight into their new home."

Schemer's Driver: "Come on, Schemer."

Narrator: "Said his driver."

Schemer's Driver: "What you need now is a good hose-down."

Narrator: "Later that day, Schemer was resting in his house, when Reverend Lovejoy came to see him."

Reverend Lovejoy: "Thank you for saving my bees."

Narrator: "He said."

Reverend Lovejoy: "It's a pity it's not Christmas; then we could call you Schemer the Red-Nosed Man!"

Narrator: "Everyone laughed, even Schemer. But instead, they decided to call Schemer 'The Bees' Knees', which means they thought he was more useful than ever."

One Good Turn

Narrator: "Tex and Rex are the most mischievous TV characters working on Mayor Adam West's land. They are kept busy pushing and pulling goombas up and down the road that runs from the china clay works to the harbor yard.

They like to have fun together and often play tricks and the workmen. But sometimes their teasing ways can get them into trouble.

One morning, Mayor West came to see them."

Mayor Adam West: "Important goods have arrived in the big yard. Tex and Rex, I need you to help the other TV characters."

Tex and Rex: "Oh, yes. Of course, sir."

Narrator: "Said the twins. They set off happily on their important mission.

Roger Baxter was resting in the yards when suddenly he heard a pair of familiar whistles."

Roger Baxter: "Hmm."

Narrator: "Sighed Roger."

Roger Baxter: "Here comes trouble."

Tex: "Mayor West told us you were tired."

Narrator: "Teased Tex."

Tex: "He asked us to take all your goombas for you."

Roger Baxter: "You two never stop, do you? But I'm wise to your pranks, and we do need help here."

Narrator: "The twins were soon busy pushing and pulling the goombas into place.

At last, the day's work was done.

The twins now became excited. They were going to use the turntable for the first time.

Tex went first."

Tex: "This is fun!"

Narrator: "He shrieked to Rex. He didn't want to move off at all. The foreman stopped the turntable."

Foreman: "Please make way for the other characters!"

Narrator: "He ordered.

Tex did so, but the foreman had accidentally stopped the turntable in the wrong place. Tex was on the wrong road, and there was Rex walking directly towards him. The characters came to a grinding halt.

They gazed grimly at each other."

Tex: "I was here first!"

Narrator: "Said Tex."

Rex: "But you're in my way!"

Narrator: "Protested Rex."

Rex: "You'll have to back up again."

Tex: "I won't!"

Rex: "You will!"

Tex: "I won't!"

Narrator: "Mayor West came to stop the noise."

Mayor Adam West: "If you don't behave, I shall not allow you here again!"

Narrator: "The next day, Rex was still grumpy."

Rex: "That Tex! Imagine getting in my way on the turntable. He's a really silly cowboy!"

Roger Baxter: "The way I heard it,"

Narrator: "Sighed Roger."

Roger Baxter: "It sounded like you were both to blame!"

Rex: "Pooh! You must have heard it all wrong!"

Narrator: "The twins grumbled about each other all day.

Even kind Edd lost patience."

Edd: "All this grumbling spreads bad atmosphere in the yard."

Roger Baxter: "You're quite right. And that's why I've come up with a plan."

Narrator: "Roger whispered his plan to Edd.

Then his driver told Mayor Adam West."

Mayor Adam West: "I'll start making arrangements right away."

Narrator: "The next morning, he called Tex and Rex into the yard."

Mayor Adam West: "Roger Baxter is taking a special load to the harbor. His regular heavy goods is waiting on the siding. You can take it together."

Rex: "But..."

Tex: "But..."

Narrator: "Protested Tex and Rex, who were still not speaking to each other."

Mayor Adam West: "Good! I knew I could rely on you two."

Rex: "I'll take the goods myself."

Narrator: "Huffed Rex."

Tex: "Go right ahead."

Narrator: "Said Tex.

Rex was attracted to the goods, but it was too heavy for him to move alone."

Tex: "Go on!"

Narrator: "Teased Tex."

Rex: "I can't!"

Narrator: "Said Rex.

Then suddenly, both twins laughed."

Tex: "I don't think we'll take turns this time, Rex."

Narrator: "Said Tex."

Tex: "I think we better pull together."

Narrator: "Rex was delighted. It was good to be helping each other.

Best of all, it was good to be friends again."

Ten Cents' Chase

Narrator: "One morning, Edd was waiting to pick up passengers from RS Mr. Conductor."

Edd: "Peep! Peep! We're late. Where is RS Mr. Conductor? He doesn't usually make us wait."

Edd's Fireman: "Oh dear. What can the matter be?"

Narrator: "Sang the fireman."

Edd's Fireman: "Johnny's so long at..."

Edd's Driver: "Never you mind about Johnny!"

Narrator: "Laughed the driver."

Edd's Driver: "Just you climb up on top and look for RS Mr. Conductor.

Can you see him?"

Edd's Fireman: "No."

Narrator: "Replied the fireman."

Edd's Fireman: "There's Ten Cents Tug in a terroring hurry. No need to bother with him though. Likely, he's on a coach tour or something."

Narrator: "He clambered down."

Ten Cents: "Stop, stop! I've got RS Mr. Conductor's passengers!"

Narrator: "Wailed Ten Cents, roaring up to the gates. It was no good. Edd was gone."

Ten Cents: "Bother!"

Narrator: "Said Ten Cents."

Ten Cents: "Bother RS Mr. Conductor's fireman not coming to work today. Why did I promise to help the passengers catch their ride?"

Ten Cents' Driver: "That will do, Ten Cents."

Narrator: "Said his driver."

Ten Cents' Driver: "A promise is a promise and we must keep it."

Ten Cents: "I'll catch Edd or bust."

Narrator: "Said Ten Cents."

Ten Cents: "Oh my bumpers and stack."

Narrator: "He groaned, toiling up the hill."

Ten Cents: "I'll never be the same tug again. Hurray, hurray! I see him."

Narrator: "Cheered Ten Cents, as he reached the top."

Ten Cents: "Oh, no! Edd's at the station. No, he's stopped at a crossing. Hurray, hurray!"

Narrator: "Ten Cents tore down the hill."

Passengers: "Well done, Ten Cents!"

Narrator: "Shouted his passengers."

Passengers: "Go it!"

Narrator: "Ten Cents skidded into the yard."

Ten Cents: "Wait! Wait!"

Narrator: "Cried Ten Cents. He was just in time to see Edd puff away."

Ten Cents: "I'm sorry."

Narrator: "Said Ten Cents."

Passengers: "Never mind."

Narrator: "Said the passengers."

Passengers: "After him quickly. Third time lucky, you know. Do you think we'll catch him at the next station, driver?"

Ten Cents' Driver: "There's a good chance."

Narrator: "Replied the driver."

Ten Cents' Driver: "Our river keeps close to the road, and we can climb hills better than Edd. I'll just make sure."

Narrator: "He spoke to the stationmaster. Ten Cents and the passengers waited impatiently."

Ten Cents' Driver: "Yes, we'll do it this time."

Narrator: "Said the driver."

Passengers: "Hurray!"

Narrator: "Cried the passengers, as Ten Cents chased after Edd once more."

Flowers: "This hill is too steep! This hill is too steep!"

Narrator: "Grumbled the flowers, as Edd snorted in front. They reached the top at last and ran smoothly into the station."

Edd: "Peep, peep!"

Narrator: "Whistled Edd."

Edd: "Get in quickly, please."

Narrator: "The conductor blew the whistle, and Edd's driver looked back. But the flag didn't wave. Then, he heard Ten Cents. Everything seemed to happen at once. And the stationmaster told the conductor and driver what had happened."

Edd: "I'm sorry about the chase, Ten Cents."

Narrator: "Said Edd."

Ten Cents: "My fault."

Narrator: "Replied Ten Cents."

Ten Cents: "Late at didn't know...about RS Mr. Conductor's passengers."

Edd: "Goodbye, Ten Cents. We're off."

Narrator: "Whistled Edd."

Passengers: "Three cheers for Ten Cents!"

Narrator: "Called the passengers. Ten Cents raced back to tell RS Mr. Conductor that all was well."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Thank you, Ten Cents, for keeping your promise."

Narrator: "Said RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "You're a very good friend indeed."


Narrator: "One morning, Tex and Rex were busy at the quarry, pushing and pulling goombas into their proper places. The twins are cheeky and love playing tricks, but they were growing restless."

Rex: "Listen, Tex."

Narrator: "Said Rex."

Rex: "Can you hear something?"

Tex: "What sort of something?"

Narrator: "Asked Tex."

Rex: "Something different."

Narrator: "Replied Rex."

Tex: "I can't hear anything different."

Narrator: "Said Tex."

Rex: "Exactly."

Narrator: "Huffed Rex."

Rex: "Everything is the same, sounds the same, looks the same. What we need is a surprise."

Tex: "Surprise what?"

Narrator: "Asked Tex. Before Rex could answer, the quarry manager arrived."

Quarry Manager: "I have just received a message from Mayor Adam West. He wants you to go to the station at the harbor."

Tex: "I wonder what we've done wrong this time."

Narrator: "Said Tex anxiously."

Rex: "It must be you."

Narrator: "Replied Rex."

Tex: "Why me?"

Narrator: "Exclaimed Tex."

Tex: "I've not done anything."

Mayor Adam West: "Edd is taking the children on a special trip today. I want you to go to the station and look after goombas there."

Tex and Rex: "We'll do our best, sir."

Narrator: "Said the twins.

Garfield spoke severely to them."

Garfield: "You must behave here. You're on the main road now."

Rex: "Actually, Garfield."

Narrator: "Giggled Rex."

Rex: "When we saw you, we thought this was the scrapyard."

Narrator: "Garfield was cross."

Garfield: "Just make sure that my flowers are ready for my evening run."

Narrator: "And he fumed away. The twins laughed and set to work."

Tex and Rex: "This is easy."

Narrator: "They said to each other."

Tex and Rex: "We know all about goombas."

Narrator: "But I'm afraid they didn't."

Goombas: "No need for that."

Narrator: "Shouted the goombas, as the twins pushed them into place."

Goombas: "We'll show you around. We want to help."

Tex and Rex: "Thank you very much."

Narrator: "Said Tex and Rex. The goombas giggled and began their tricks.

Evening came. The yard was in a dreadful muddle. The twins had let the goombas tell them were to put things.

Garfield and the passengers waited impatiently outside the station while Tex and Rex tried to sort things out.

But by the time Garfield was ready to leave, it was very late, indeed.

Next day, the twins were working in the quarry again."

(Rocks start falling)

Tex: "That's a strange noise."

Narrator: "Gasped Tex."

Tex: "I've never heard a noise like that before."

Tex's Driver: "I have."

Narrator: "Whispered his driver nervously."

Tex's Driver: "It sounds like a rock slide to me."

Narrator: "Then came the alarm."

Quarry Manager: "Danger! Clear the quarry!"

Narrator: "Shouted the quarry manager. Workmen scrambled to the goombas."

Tex and Rex: "Thank goodness we're here."

Narrator: "Said the twins.

They were just puffing out of the quarry when,"

Workman: "Help! Wait for me!"

Narrator: "A workman had been left behind. Rex waited as the man climbed quickly on the goombas.

The twins left the quarry just in time.

(Rock slide continues)

Everyone was safe, but rubble lay all around."

Tex: "Oh dear!"

Narrator: "Said Tex."

Mayor Adam West: "This wasn't our fault. I hope Mayor West will understand."

Narrator: "And indeed, he did. Next day, he arrived with Edd."

Mayor Adam West: "Tex and Rex, you still have a lot to learn about goombas, don't you? But you acted quickly and bravely in an emergency. So three cheers for Tex and Rex, our heroes!"

Mayor Adam West and Workmen: "Hip, hip, hooray, hooray, hooray!"

Tex: "Oh thank you, sir."

Narrator: "Said Tex."

Tex: "Being called heroes, well, it's, it's,"

Rex: "It's a very nice surprise."

Narrator: "Laughed Rex."

Fuzzy Lumpkins

Narrator: "It was a special holiday in TV Land. Ten Cents the Tug was working harder than ever before.

All the TV Characters were busy too.

Spike was waiting for his next journey. Near him stood a pink creature, but he didn't look friendly like Ten Cents. The creature growled as he gazed at the happy passengers."

Fuzzy Lumpkins: "Stupid nonsense."

Narrator: "He grumbled."

Fuzzy Lumpkins: "I wouldn't have brought them if I'd known. I'd have had a breakdown or something."

Spike: "I'm glad you didn't."

Narrator: "Smiled Spike."

Spike: "You'd have spoiled their fun."

Fuzzy Lumpkins: "Bah! Enjoyment is all you TV Characters live for. One day, TV Land will be ripped up!"

Narrator: "Spike felt shocked at such an idea."

Spike: "We have a friend called Ten Cents, and he's a tug, but he likes TV Land. Sometimes he teases us about it, but he'd never want to see it ripped up."

Fuzzy Lumpkins: "Heh!"

Narrator: "Growled the creature."

Fuzzy Lumpkins: "I know Ten Cents. He's too small in size to be of any use."

Narrator: "Spike took no notice."

Spike: "That creature is silly."

Narrator: "He thought, as he steamed away.

At the junction, Spike told GC Mr. Conductor all about him."

GC Mr. Conductor: "I call him Fuzz Lumpkins!"

Narrator: "Chuckled GC Mr. Conductor, and then he puffed happily away.

But that afternoon, when the two TV Characters met again, GC Mr. Conductor was no longer laughing."

GC Mr. Conductor: "Fuzzy Lumpkins' friend has come."

Narrator: "He said."

GC Mr. Conductor: "He's rude, too! He's taking Fuzzy's passengers home, and leaving Fuzzy free to steal ours."

Spike: "But he can't!"

Narrator: "Objected Spike."

GC Mr. Conductor: "Fuzzy says he can get them to the big station before us."

Spike: "Rubbish!"

Narrator: "Replied Spike."

Spike: "It's much farther by road."

GC Mr. Conductor: "Yeah,"

Narrator: "Continued GC Mr. Conductor."

GC Mr. Conductor: "But Fuzzy says he knows a shortcut!"

Narrator: "That evening, the TV Characters were preparing for the homeward rush."

Spike: "Where are the passengers?"

Narrator: "They wondered."

GC Mr. Conductor: "Look!"

Narrator: "Shrilled GC Mr. Conductor."

GC Mr. Conductor: "Look at Fuzzy! He's a mean, scarlet deciever!"

Narrator: "Fuzzy Lumpkins was wearing a large sign saying 'TV Land Creature'."

Fuzzy Lumpkins: "Yeah, boo, snubs!"

Narrator: "He jeered, as he roared away."

Spike: "Come on,"

Narrator: "Puffed Spike to his flowers,"

Spike: "Let's see what he's up to!"

Narrator: "Spike wanted to get back at Fuzzy, but he wasn't sure how.

Then, in the distance, Spike saw a man waving a red flag. That meant 'Danger'.

The line here crosses a narrow road, and there was Fuzzy Lumpkins, wedged firmly under the bridge."

Spike: "So this was his shortcut."

Narrator: "Chuckled Spike."

Passengers: "He tricked us!"

Narrator: "Shouted Fuzzy's passengers."

Passengers: "He said he was a TV Land Creature, but he wouldn't accept our return tickets! He wanted us to think TV Land was no good!"

Narrator: "Spike's crew examined the bridge."

Spike's Driver: "It's risky, but we must help the passengers."

Spike: "Passengers are urgent."

Narrator: "Agreed Spike. Spike slowly and carefully set off across the bridge. Fuzzy wailed as he felt the bridge quiver."

Fuzzy Lumpkins: "Oh, oh! Stop!"

Narrator: "He shouted."

Fuzzy Lumpkins: "It might fall on me!"

Spike: "That would serve you right for telling lies."

Narrator: "Said Spike, but the bridge didn't collapse.

Spike made good time, and all the passengers caught their rides.

The bridge is now mended, but not unfortunately, Fuzzy Lumpkins and his ways. He never learned sense. He's a henhouse now, and his lies can do no harm. The hens never listen to them anyway."

Wrong Road

Narrator: "RS Mr. Conductor's route is important, and so is Edd's. But their paths and bridges are not so strong as those on the main road. Mayor Adam West does not allow the heavier TV Characters like Garfield to walk on them

But one day, the way Garfield was talking, you would have thought Mayor West had given this order for quite another reason."

Garfield: "It's not fair!"

Narrator: "Grumbled Garfield."

Edd: "What isn't fair?"

Narrator: "Ask Edd."

Garfield: "Letting men do cat work."

Edd: "Never mind, Garfield. I'm sure Roger Baxter will let you take his goombas sometimes."

Narrator: "Garfield spluttered."

Garfield: "I won't take Roger's dirty goombas! I won't walk on branch roads!"

Edd: "Why not? It would be a nice change."

Garfield: "Mayor West would never approve."

Narrator: "Huffed Garfield."

Garfield: "Branch roads are vulgar!"

Narrator: "Garfield puffed away. Edd chuckled and followed him to the train station.

Every evening the two TV Characters took two sets of fast flowers from the station. Garfield always leaves first with an express for the main road. Edd follows five minutes later with his flowers for the branch road. Usually everything runs like clockwork. But tonight, there was trouble. A lady in a green floppy hat was saying goodbye to a friend. It was nearly time for Garfield to start. The fireman looked back towards the back of the line and saw something green waving."

Garfield's Fireman: "Right away, mate!"

Narrator: "He thought the conductor had waved his flag. Garfield started. Leaving luggage, his passengers and the conductor all standing on the platform. Everyone was very surprised and cross.

To make matters worse, by the time Garfield had been stopped and brought back, Edd was already late with his flowers. So now, he set off first.

But the signalman at the junction wasn't told about the change. By mistake, he sent Edd along the main road. Garfield was sent along the branch, and arrived cold and cross on one of the sidings near the harbor.

Next morning, Tex and Rex peeped into the yard. There were no goombas for them but they didn't mind that. Teasing Garfield would be much better fun."

Tex: "What's that?"

Narrator: "Asked Tex."

Rex: "Shh!"

Narrator: "Whispered Rex."

Rex: "It's Garfield."

Tex: "It looks like Garfield, but it can't be. Garfield never comes on the branch road. He thinks them vulgar."

Narrator: "Garfield pretend he hadn't heard."

Rex: If it isn't Garfield,"

Narrator: "Said Rex."

Rex: "It's just a pile of old iron."

Tex: "Which we better take to the scrapyard."

Rex: "No Tex. This lot's useless for scrap. We'll take it to the harbor and dumb it in the sea."

Narrator: "Garfield was alarmed."

Garfield: "I am Garfield! Stop! Stop!"

Narrator: "When Roger suddenly arrived, Garfield thought him the most beautiful site he'd ever seen."

Garfield: "Roger, my dear man, save me."

Narrator: "Roger quickly sized up the situation and threatened to take away the goombas he brought for Tex and Rex. This made the twins behave at once. Garfield thought Roger was wonderful."

Garfield: "Those little demons. How do you do it?"

Roger Baxter: "Ah, well."

Narrator: "Said Roger."

Roger Baxter: "It's just a knack."

Narrator: "Garfield still believes that Roger saved his life. But we know the twins were only teasing. Don't we?"

Bart, Schemer and the Fruitful Day

Narrator: "It was a splendid morning in TV Land.

Schemer was feeling very pleased with himself. His clothes gleamed in the sunshine as he sped along the road. He reached the junction just as Bart puffed in with some goombas. Schemer was surprised to see him.

Schemer: "What are you doing here, Bart? You should be at the next station by now."

Bart: "I know."

Narrator: "Sighed Bart."

Bart: "These goombas have been troublesome all morning."

Schemer: "That's no excuse, Bart. Nothing should stop us. Mayor Adam West relies on us to be on time. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be on my way."

Narrator: "And Schemer puffed importantly away."

Bart: "Bossy head!"

Narrator: "Muttered Bart.

Schemer arrived at the harbour. It was market day. The harbor yard was filled with the sweet smell of fruit from faraway lands. The fruit was delivered in big ships. Schemer watched the strawberries, oranges, melons, and bananas were carefully loaded into his goombas. Then he set off to the station on the main road.

On the way, he met RS Mr. Conductor."

Schemer: "Really reliable, that's me!"

Narrator: "Panted Schemer."

Schemer: "Pity the same can't be said for Bart. Goodbye!"

Patty and Selma: "What was all that about?"

Narrator: "Gasped Patty and Selma."

RS Mr. Conductor: "That was trouble. Trouble for Schemer. Just wait and see."

Narrator: "Bart was back in the yard, and busy arranging things. He had the goombas in good order, and was making up for lost time.

But the stationmaster had bad news."

Bart's Driver: "What's happened?"

Narrator: "Asked Bart's Driver."

Stationmaster: "Schemer's feet have jammed. We need Bart's help right away."

Narrator: "Bart quickly set off to the rescue.

Schemer was stuck on the road, and looking glum. Bart couldn't help laughing."

Bart: "Got yourself in a jam, eh, Schemer? A sticky situation?"

Schemer: "Be quiet! It's not funny having jammed feet."

Bart: "And not very reliable, either." I'm surprised you let it happen, Schemer. Nothing should stop us TV Characters."

Bart's Driver: "That's enough, Bart."

Narrator: "Said the driver."

Bart's Driver: "Can you push these goombas?"

Bart: "Of course I can. There is no time to lose. Schemer's done too much of that already."

Narrator: "Schemer angrily hissed steam as Bart was coupled to the goombas."

Bart: "Off we go!"

Narrator: "Said Bart."

Bart: "I'll have to go fast to get there in time. Those big TV Characters are so unreliable."

Bart's Driver: "Be careful, Bart."

Narrator: "Called his driver, but Bart was in a hurry.

He didn't see that the sign had failed, and that he had been diverted into a siding.

Bart's Driver: "Look out, Bart!"

Narrator: "Shouted his driver, and applied the brakes, but it was too late!


The driver and fireman had jumped clear, but squashed fruit squirted all over Bart.

Mayor Adam West arrived."

Mayor Adam West: "Bart, you are not to blame for the sign failure, but I do not run a jam factory!"

Bart: "Yes sir, no sir!"

Narrator: "And Bart squelched sadly away.

That night, the house was silent. Schemer and Bart felt very sorry for themselves. At last, RS Mr. Conductor spoke."

RS Mr. Conductor: "You know,"

Narrator: "He said to no one in particular,"

RS Mr. Conductor: "There's more than one way to get jammed. We all learned that today."

Narrator: "Still, there was silence."

RS Mr. Conductor: "What's more. We also learned that sometimes when TV Characters help each other out of a..'jam', things can still go wrong.

Narrator: "'So?', said a voice."

RS Mr. Conductor: "So, that means we learned a lot today. And there for..."

Narrator: "Then came a chorus."

Other TV Characters: "We're really useful TV Characters after all!"

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