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Scholarly sociology

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"The only difference between friends and lovers is about four minutes." (Scott Roeben)


Lovers And Friends

I'm sad to say there's only a thin line between friendship and a relationship, and sometimes if you're not careful you could end up on the wrong side. The stories are common. You know how it goes. People start hanging out and getting along. You like the same food. They dig on the same obscure and random Rock band from the seventies that you love but no one else ever gets. You guys can do anything together. What a great friend. Everything seems all good, but there's a catch. Its usually your own fault for trying to ignore the obvious the whole time, but that friend, that person you thought was safe is becoming increasingly more attractive. Each time you hang out your fantasies, or I mean, the thoughts that go through your head as you contemplate the awkward silence as you two watch the love scene in Mr. and Mrs. Smith , start getting more and more elaborate. Now this is where the line comes into play because the line has intricate dynamics. One party is surely becoming attracted to the other. There are four potential scenarios that could play out , which are each in turn associated with an emotional response, some good, some bad, which could in part if not wholly determine the fate of your "friendship".

Where do we go from here?

As you two sit there awkward, with a feeling of not knowing what to do as the people on the TV screen indulge in sado-masochistic eroticism, inner will is manifest physically and the moment of truth comes and you attempt to make a move on the other person. This is where the line comes in. Its right there and yes you have just crossed the point of no return. As you advance and wait for a response, you've laid it all out. You've taken that chance. What if they reject you? What if they don't think of you like that? What if you end up being "nice"? Or worst of all what if they end up wanting a, dare I say It?? RELATIONSHIP???? Or the shoe could be on the other foot. What if you're not feeling them like that, and they tried to make a move on you? Have you ever had a friend that liked you and you knew it but they weren't sure if you knew it, so you acted like you didn't know so that you didn't have to be the bad guy and crush their dreams. The best and worst fate I feel can come when you both develop a mutual attraction and act on it. Its all bad when you do act then you can't agree what side of the line you two now reside. Are you still just Friends? Now only with benefits? It has been 90 days? But in all reality It's more than that. Maybe you weren't looking for a relationship and now its weird when you hang out. Now you've lost a good friend. Just to clarify I'm not knocking relationships that develop from relationships I'm merely attempting to be aware of the intricacies which effect a relationship. Mutual attraction developed within the framework of a good friendship can lead to the most fulfilling of relationships, but we've all heard Aaliyah's one in a million. A lot of people maintain all kinds of relationships, but the factor that remains consistent is the line. How people navigate the line and situate themselves accordingly there upon is key to a healthy relationship. You have to know where you stand in the big scheme of things, and where ever you stand, make sure you communicate. Make your demands known. Be clear in your objective, And most of all be honest with yourself and others.

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