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Science - Grade 9 Stuff

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Chemistry

There were many chemists. Many of them had interesting beards that are the root of most envy.

Democritus

This guy was Greek. So he spent a lot of time going to a spa. To sound less efeminate they said that they went to the baths but really it was a spa. He was sitting there thinking about, after having an argument with his wife, how small you divide things into. Then it hit him: you can't divide anything smaller than an atom. Really what had hit him was a club directed by his wife.

Aristotle

This was the Earth, Air, Fire, Water guy. He said that Democritus was wrong and laughed at him. He got all of Greece to laugh at him just so that they would believe in his stupid Earth, Air, Fire, Water thing. Poor Democritus

Boyle

This guy had a gas obsession. He brought back Democritus's idea. He sent him a letter to tell him the good news. Unfortunately Democritus was dead or in exile. Nobody knows.

Lavoisier

This guy had a fancy name and standardized chemistry. I don't see what the big deal is. He basically recorded chemistry. If you are bored enough to do that then I guess you deserved credit. He died when his head was no longer part of his body.

Marie Lavoisier

We learn that this lady was the brains behind it all. Silly Lavoisier. He thought he could take all the credit. Well he lost his head. HA!

John Dalton

This guy played too many games of billiards because it was all he could think of when he wrote his model. He said that atoms were spheres and looked like billiard balls. SQUARE BILLIARD BALLS WOULDN'T WORK VERY WELL WOULD THEY DALTON? He was right but lacking detail.

JJ Thompson

This guy was obese....on the inside. All he could think about was food. He came up with the Plum Pudding Model. If he wasn't feeling like plum pudding he would call it the Raisin Bun Model. His model said that an atom was a positive sphere with little negative raisins. Obviously when you try to apply pudding to chemistry you are WRONG!

Hantaro Nagoaka

When this guy was born he was more amused by saying his name over and over again than with chemistry. Never the less, he learned about chemistry and said that JJ Thompson was WRONG! He said that electrons orbit the protron.

Rutherford

This person completed the Gold Foil experiment. He later pocketed the gold used in this experiment and bribed everybody. Never the less he was right. He said that Hantaro Nagoaka was right and that atoms are very spacious, very roomy.

Bohr

This person did not have boarish features but he was a bore when explaining that electrons orbit in shells. He said that electrons orbit, which was already stated before, in predictable paths, which is really really insightful.

Chadwick

This guy was a bit of a loner. He spent long periods of time sitting in his house measuring atoms. He discovered neutrons.

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